today is not a day to complain about my customers or co-workers. instead i invite you to read the beautiful tributes written by my fellow bloggers.
cup of coffee - dinah webster
it's a pug's life - leah e. oliver
the wandering author - firefighter francis esposito
the record room - katie mcgarry noack
the girl with moxie - benjamin suarez
9.11.2006
9.10.2006
kill da wabbit
i've had customers get mad at me for a variety of reasons. whether it's because we are out of product, because we take too long making drinks or because we pronounce words differently, customers have NO problem giving us an earfull when they are displeased. my many hours at bux have well conditioned me for the barrage of insults and offences hurled my way. tonight, however, i was not prepared to have my intelligence, compassion and humanity questioned by disgruntled customers.
"what did barista brat do to upset these customers so?" you might ask yourselves.
"did she finally snap and tell someone where they could put their stirrer stick?" you might wonder.
if a fellow partner of mine was called "uncultured, unkind and cruel-hearted" by a customer, i too would be curious as to what they might have done to merit such harsh words. believe it or not, i was called all those things because i have never *gasp!* read 'the velveteen rabbit'.
in case you haven't been in for a frappuccino lately, bux is now selling the audiobook of 'the velveteen rabbit'. i'm guessing this book is a classic of sorts because many middle-aged women immediately regress decades when they see the compact version of their childhood favorite.
"this was the best book when i was little!" they squeal in sentimental voices.
"my grammie would read this to me every night!" they recall with misty eyes.
then (and possibly because they feel a little silly reminiscing while ordering their latte) they'll ask me if i've already bought a copy of the audiobook for myself. when i inform them that a) i haven't b) i won't and c) i've never read the book, their dreamy eyes harden into cold stares.
"where did you spend your childhood?" a customer barked at me. "in a barnyard with the farm animals?"
"i can't believe you're not embarrassed to admit you've never read it!" another customer cried out.
when finding out i had no plans to read (or listen to) the book, a woman in glasses and a headscarf glared at me and asked, "have you no soul? what are you - a cold blooded reptile?"
i think i will start lying and just nodding my head "yes" when i'm asked if i've read the book. goodness knows telling the truth didn't help my tips at all tonight.
partner rant: why is it i have to grind decaf coffee on every closing shift? why can't you openers do your duty and grind enough coffee to get me through the night? don't you realize i have enough to do on my shift? not only am i making drinks, i have to break down and clean the entire store for your shift the next day. i have to make sure you have enough prep to carry you through the afternoon. so why the hell can't you grind enough coffee for me? quit being lazy and complete your morning tasks!
"what did barista brat do to upset these customers so?" you might ask yourselves.
"did she finally snap and tell someone where they could put their stirrer stick?" you might wonder.
if a fellow partner of mine was called "uncultured, unkind and cruel-hearted" by a customer, i too would be curious as to what they might have done to merit such harsh words. believe it or not, i was called all those things because i have never *gasp!* read 'the velveteen rabbit'.
in case you haven't been in for a frappuccino lately, bux is now selling the audiobook of 'the velveteen rabbit'. i'm guessing this book is a classic of sorts because many middle-aged women immediately regress decades when they see the compact version of their childhood favorite.
"this was the best book when i was little!" they squeal in sentimental voices.
"my grammie would read this to me every night!" they recall with misty eyes.
then (and possibly because they feel a little silly reminiscing while ordering their latte) they'll ask me if i've already bought a copy of the audiobook for myself. when i inform them that a) i haven't b) i won't and c) i've never read the book, their dreamy eyes harden into cold stares.
"where did you spend your childhood?" a customer barked at me. "in a barnyard with the farm animals?"
"i can't believe you're not embarrassed to admit you've never read it!" another customer cried out.
when finding out i had no plans to read (or listen to) the book, a woman in glasses and a headscarf glared at me and asked, "have you no soul? what are you - a cold blooded reptile?"
i think i will start lying and just nodding my head "yes" when i'm asked if i've read the book. goodness knows telling the truth didn't help my tips at all tonight.
partner rant: why is it i have to grind decaf coffee on every closing shift? why can't you openers do your duty and grind enough coffee to get me through the night? don't you realize i have enough to do on my shift? not only am i making drinks, i have to break down and clean the entire store for your shift the next day. i have to make sure you have enough prep to carry you through the afternoon. so why the hell can't you grind enough coffee for me? quit being lazy and complete your morning tasks!
9.08.2006
mr. paranoid
at my old bux we had several regulars who would work on their laptops for hours on end. we didn't mind that they took up our tables because they were always polite, always quiet and always tipped each time they'd order another drink. one of these regular laptop customers was a screenwriter - at least he aspired to become a screenwriter.
larry was very nice but VERY paranoid. he didn't have just one laptop - he had TWO!
when curiosity got the best of me and i asked him about it he informed me that one was his internet laptop and the other was for his scripts.
"are you afraid of getting a virus?" i asked, curious as to why he was so emphatic about traversing the web with only one of them.
"viruses aren't the problem," he told me in a hushed tone. "thievery is the problem!"
"thievery?" i was confused.
"i never go on the internet with my script laptop. that's just inviting someone to steal my film ideas!"
"um, can't you use a firewall or something?" i asked him.
he responded by laughing in my face.
"firewalls are useless! once you log on you're totally exposed! it doesn't matter if you hide your files or encrypt them - the thieves will find them! no one is safe. that's why i won't even show someone my script unless they sign a two page contract!"
larry didn't talk much with me after that. i think he was afraid i would steal his precious script ideas. apparently i wasn't the only person he was suspicious of because he quit going to my old bux shortly after that episode. last week i ran into him at a bux in my area. i said hello when i saw him but he pretended like he didn't see me. instead he quickly shut his two laptops down and exited the cafe. i have a feeling he won't be returning there any time soon, either.
barista rant: why do you call my bux asking for the phone number of a bux in a totally different district? when i tell you that i have no idea of the phone number since it's in a different city, you get huffy with me and suggest i go on the internet to look up the number for you. hey - i have a number for you: FOUR-ONE-ONE! that's right, dial 411 and they will be happy to give you all the phone numbers you need. so quit being cheap, pay the damn 411 fee and quit bugging me while i'm trying to make drinks!
larry was very nice but VERY paranoid. he didn't have just one laptop - he had TWO!
when curiosity got the best of me and i asked him about it he informed me that one was his internet laptop and the other was for his scripts.
"are you afraid of getting a virus?" i asked, curious as to why he was so emphatic about traversing the web with only one of them.
"viruses aren't the problem," he told me in a hushed tone. "thievery is the problem!"
"thievery?" i was confused.
"i never go on the internet with my script laptop. that's just inviting someone to steal my film ideas!"
"um, can't you use a firewall or something?" i asked him.
he responded by laughing in my face.
"firewalls are useless! once you log on you're totally exposed! it doesn't matter if you hide your files or encrypt them - the thieves will find them! no one is safe. that's why i won't even show someone my script unless they sign a two page contract!"
larry didn't talk much with me after that. i think he was afraid i would steal his precious script ideas. apparently i wasn't the only person he was suspicious of because he quit going to my old bux shortly after that episode. last week i ran into him at a bux in my area. i said hello when i saw him but he pretended like he didn't see me. instead he quickly shut his two laptops down and exited the cafe. i have a feeling he won't be returning there any time soon, either.
barista rant: why do you call my bux asking for the phone number of a bux in a totally different district? when i tell you that i have no idea of the phone number since it's in a different city, you get huffy with me and suggest i go on the internet to look up the number for you. hey - i have a number for you: FOUR-ONE-ONE! that's right, dial 411 and they will be happy to give you all the phone numbers you need. so quit being cheap, pay the damn 411 fee and quit bugging me while i'm trying to make drinks!
9.06.2006
freshly brewed attitude
we have a customer who comes in every morning and orders a venti drip and a venti decaf drip. he is very particular - always insisting we brew a fresh batch of coffee just for him.
"how long has it been sitting?" he'll ask as soon as he walks up to the register. "half an hour!" he'll exclaim even though he knows bux policy is to rebrew every hour. "that's too old. it always tastes funny once it's been sitting longer than twenty minutes."
we go through this EVERY morning. i guess the guy is retired because he has no problem sitting around for however long it takes for a fresh batch of coffee.
the other day he was upset because the regular coffee was fresh but the decaf coffee was forty minutes old.
"can't you just rebrew it now?" he asked. "you're going to have to brew it again in twenty minutes anyway!" he whined. "it tastes awful once it's been sitting there too long," he said as if he'd never told us that priceless bit of information before.
"can you really tell the difference between coffee that has been there for twenty minutes verses coffee that has been there for forty minutes?" i asked him, not believing for a second that his taste buds were that discerning.
"of course!" he threw his hands up. "coffee tastes sour and burnt after it's been sitting around. i don't want funny tasting decaf!"
my assistant manager decided she'd brew fresh decaf just for him. seeing that he'd already nearly finished the regular coffee we'd poured for him, she asked who the decaf was for.
"oh, it's for me," he answered her.
"wow, you drink the decaf right after you drink the regular coffee?" she was shocked someone would consume forty ounces of coffee in one sitting.
"no!" he rolled his eyes as if she'd asked the stupidest question in the world. "i don't drink it NOW! i save it for the evening. after dinner the last think i want to do is leave the house so i buy my decaf in the morning."
uh, are you kidding me? this is the guy that complains about coffee sitting around for twenty minutes and he doesn't even consume it until twelve hours later! how in the world does he wrap his head around that logic? i swear - next time i'm tempted to give him REALLY old coffee just to prove the point that he can't tell the difference, especially since it will be stone cold by the time he drinks it (ew, just realized he probably nukes it in the microwave every night).
customer rant: please stock your bathroom. it's obvious you haven't checked it in hours so please don't blame desperate customers when they use paper towels to wipe their backsides because there was no toilet paper. keeping on top of the bathroom will help reduce the amount of clogged toilets - i promise.
"how long has it been sitting?" he'll ask as soon as he walks up to the register. "half an hour!" he'll exclaim even though he knows bux policy is to rebrew every hour. "that's too old. it always tastes funny once it's been sitting longer than twenty minutes."
we go through this EVERY morning. i guess the guy is retired because he has no problem sitting around for however long it takes for a fresh batch of coffee.
the other day he was upset because the regular coffee was fresh but the decaf coffee was forty minutes old.
"can't you just rebrew it now?" he asked. "you're going to have to brew it again in twenty minutes anyway!" he whined. "it tastes awful once it's been sitting there too long," he said as if he'd never told us that priceless bit of information before.
"can you really tell the difference between coffee that has been there for twenty minutes verses coffee that has been there for forty minutes?" i asked him, not believing for a second that his taste buds were that discerning.
"of course!" he threw his hands up. "coffee tastes sour and burnt after it's been sitting around. i don't want funny tasting decaf!"
my assistant manager decided she'd brew fresh decaf just for him. seeing that he'd already nearly finished the regular coffee we'd poured for him, she asked who the decaf was for.
"oh, it's for me," he answered her.
"wow, you drink the decaf right after you drink the regular coffee?" she was shocked someone would consume forty ounces of coffee in one sitting.
"no!" he rolled his eyes as if she'd asked the stupidest question in the world. "i don't drink it NOW! i save it for the evening. after dinner the last think i want to do is leave the house so i buy my decaf in the morning."
uh, are you kidding me? this is the guy that complains about coffee sitting around for twenty minutes and he doesn't even consume it until twelve hours later! how in the world does he wrap his head around that logic? i swear - next time i'm tempted to give him REALLY old coffee just to prove the point that he can't tell the difference, especially since it will be stone cold by the time he drinks it (ew, just realized he probably nukes it in the microwave every night).
customer rant: please stock your bathroom. it's obvious you haven't checked it in hours so please don't blame desperate customers when they use paper towels to wipe their backsides because there was no toilet paper. keeping on top of the bathroom will help reduce the amount of clogged toilets - i promise.
9.04.2006
labor pains
although this morning was slower than most monday mornings (because of the holiday) we still had our share of jerk customers.
pain #1
- apparently i resemble a six foot 200 pound guy because a customer started yelling at me when i called out his americano.
"does this have the extra shot?" he asked, but it sounded much more like an accusation.
"yes, i put the extra shot in your americano," i informed him and continued making drinks.
"there's not enough room in it!" he yelled after taking the lid off the cup. "i distinctly told you to leave enough room!"
"uh sir, i didn't take your order. i just make the drinks as they're written." i explained and tried to keep an even tone.
"well, you better redo it because i distinctly told you to leave room!" he repeated.
"sir, i didn't take your order," i was getting pissy. "the GUY on register took your order - not me." i reminded him.
"whatever, just quit wasting time and remake my drink." he snapped.
it's been a long time since i've lost my cool at bux and today this guy pushed all the right buttons.
"i'm soooo sorry," i feigned sincerity. "you're right, i've just been wasting time making drinks for people who have the ability to order correctly. how thoughtless of me to keep you waiting!"
after i remade his drink i said, "here's your americano. i made sure to leave enough room because you DISTINCTLY told me to do so. thank you so much for your patience!"
i'm sure acting manager will get a phone call complaining about my attitude tomorrow but i really don't care.
pain #2
- i had three frappuccinos in a row: one caramel frappuccino, one coffee frappuccino and one mocha frappuccino all with no whipped cream. as i placed the caramel frappuccino on the bar a woman sighed and said, "you guys always mess my drink up!"
"excuse me?" i asked not understanding why she was complaining.
"forget it. it's nothing. i don't mind drinking it like this." she unwrapped the straw and stuck it in the caramel frappuccino.
"did you order the caramel frappuccino? i have two others over here as well." i informed her.
"this is mine. it's just made wrong as usual - but whatever. i'm used to it." she said as she walked away with the drink.
after a few minutes i noticed a girl waiting for her drink and a coffee frappuccino left untouched on the bar.
"did you order the coffee frappuccino?" i asked her pointing to the lonely drink waiting for its owner.
"no, i ordered a caramel one." she informed me.
lovely. the bitching customer took the wrong drink. she's probably taken the wrong drink every time she's been in our bux.
pain #3
- an older woman insisted we give her a grande espresso. the problem? there's no such thing! no matter how we tried to explain it to her, she could not get it through her head that espresso is sold in shots - not in sizes. she said she understood what espresso shots were and she wanted a grande one. finally we gave up and made her a grande americano instead. i'm sure we'll go through the very same thing next time she comes in.
partner rant: why are you so opposed to keeping a clean bar? why do you feel a dirty steam wand is superior to a clean one? and why do you find it offensive if i rinse out the milk pitchers? you may like your lattes made with resteamed milk and old shots but i guarantee our customers don't! quit being lazy and start making drinks to standard - including keeping your bar clean!
pain #1
- apparently i resemble a six foot 200 pound guy because a customer started yelling at me when i called out his americano.
"does this have the extra shot?" he asked, but it sounded much more like an accusation.
"yes, i put the extra shot in your americano," i informed him and continued making drinks.
"there's not enough room in it!" he yelled after taking the lid off the cup. "i distinctly told you to leave enough room!"
"uh sir, i didn't take your order. i just make the drinks as they're written." i explained and tried to keep an even tone.
"well, you better redo it because i distinctly told you to leave room!" he repeated.
"sir, i didn't take your order," i was getting pissy. "the GUY on register took your order - not me." i reminded him.
"whatever, just quit wasting time and remake my drink." he snapped.
it's been a long time since i've lost my cool at bux and today this guy pushed all the right buttons.
"i'm soooo sorry," i feigned sincerity. "you're right, i've just been wasting time making drinks for people who have the ability to order correctly. how thoughtless of me to keep you waiting!"
after i remade his drink i said, "here's your americano. i made sure to leave enough room because you DISTINCTLY told me to do so. thank you so much for your patience!"
i'm sure acting manager will get a phone call complaining about my attitude tomorrow but i really don't care.
pain #2
- i had three frappuccinos in a row: one caramel frappuccino, one coffee frappuccino and one mocha frappuccino all with no whipped cream. as i placed the caramel frappuccino on the bar a woman sighed and said, "you guys always mess my drink up!"
"excuse me?" i asked not understanding why she was complaining.
"forget it. it's nothing. i don't mind drinking it like this." she unwrapped the straw and stuck it in the caramel frappuccino.
"did you order the caramel frappuccino? i have two others over here as well." i informed her.
"this is mine. it's just made wrong as usual - but whatever. i'm used to it." she said as she walked away with the drink.
after a few minutes i noticed a girl waiting for her drink and a coffee frappuccino left untouched on the bar.
"did you order the coffee frappuccino?" i asked her pointing to the lonely drink waiting for its owner.
"no, i ordered a caramel one." she informed me.
lovely. the bitching customer took the wrong drink. she's probably taken the wrong drink every time she's been in our bux.
pain #3
- an older woman insisted we give her a grande espresso. the problem? there's no such thing! no matter how we tried to explain it to her, she could not get it through her head that espresso is sold in shots - not in sizes. she said she understood what espresso shots were and she wanted a grande one. finally we gave up and made her a grande americano instead. i'm sure we'll go through the very same thing next time she comes in.
partner rant: why are you so opposed to keeping a clean bar? why do you feel a dirty steam wand is superior to a clean one? and why do you find it offensive if i rinse out the milk pitchers? you may like your lattes made with resteamed milk and old shots but i guarantee our customers don't! quit being lazy and start making drinks to standard - including keeping your bar clean!
9.03.2006
daily grinds
yesterday was pretty dull at my new bux - most people have either left town for the holiday weekend, or they're staying at home hoping everyone will think they had enough money to take a mini-break. the few customers we did have were mostly laid-back regulars. there were, however, a couple of real "smarties" that stopped by as well.
smartie #1
an older woman came in and asked for a pound of french roast to be ground. my fellow barista brat ground the beans while i finished ringing the customer up. when my fellow barista brat gave her the pound of ground coffee the woman stared at her and said, "i think you forgot something."
"what did i forget?" fellow barista brat asked.
"think about it...you forgot something!" the woman repeated.
"did you need a bag?" fellow barista brat took a wild guess.
the woman sighed and shifted her weight.
"thank you? have a nice day?" fellow barista brat was still guessing at what she'd missed.
"you know, i'm not going to remind you. if you can't do your job properly then maybe i'll just quite coming here!" the lady huffed and left the store (also leaving her ground coffee on the counter).
my fellow barista brat was about to run after the woman and give her the ground coffee but i stopped her.
"when she comes back for it we'll just say 'i think you forgot something'!" i suggested.
too bad for us the woman never came back in for our amusement.
smartie #2
a man came in and ordered a grande drip. when i rang him up he exclaimed, "oh jesus! you want how much for a cup of coffee?"
now smartie #2 is a semi-regular at this bux and he's ordered a grande drip many times before.
"you know, when i was your age coffee wasn't so overpriced!" he informed me (but he still hadn't handed any money over yet).
"yeah, i hear that all the time." i responded and waited for the cash.
"think about it - it's just hot water that was run over crushed beans! you know, i have a coffee maker at home and i never use it. i should probably make my own coffee so i don't waste my money here." he said and started to walk away.
"sir, you still owe me for the coffee." i stopped him.
"didn't i pay you already?"
"no, you didn't."
"i could have sworn i did. we had a great conversation and everything!" he said but still wasn't making the move to pull his money out of his pocket.
"dollar seventy," i held out my hand even though he offered no money.
after a pause he finally reached into his pocket and gave me two crumpled singles.
"and give me back my change!" he barked. "i'm not tipping you for pouring a cup of coffee. especially when you were so rude about it!" he called out over his shoulder - oblivious to the fact i hadn't handed him his change yet.
partner rant: it's your first day on the job and already you're slacking? i know there's a lot to learn and i know it takes time to learn it, but can't you at least fake your interest? if only for one day? when i show you how to properly mark cups don't yawn and say, "ugh, this is SO boring!". when i ask you to check the lobby don't exhale heavily and say "again? i just did it half an hour ago." and when my fellow barista brat informs you that you can't drink while at register don't respond with a "well, that's stupid!". you want to know what's stupid? stupid is thinking you're behaviour is acceptable.
smartie #1
an older woman came in and asked for a pound of french roast to be ground. my fellow barista brat ground the beans while i finished ringing the customer up. when my fellow barista brat gave her the pound of ground coffee the woman stared at her and said, "i think you forgot something."
"what did i forget?" fellow barista brat asked.
"think about it...you forgot something!" the woman repeated.
"did you need a bag?" fellow barista brat took a wild guess.
the woman sighed and shifted her weight.
"thank you? have a nice day?" fellow barista brat was still guessing at what she'd missed.
"you know, i'm not going to remind you. if you can't do your job properly then maybe i'll just quite coming here!" the lady huffed and left the store (also leaving her ground coffee on the counter).
my fellow barista brat was about to run after the woman and give her the ground coffee but i stopped her.
"when she comes back for it we'll just say 'i think you forgot something'!" i suggested.
too bad for us the woman never came back in for our amusement.
smartie #2
a man came in and ordered a grande drip. when i rang him up he exclaimed, "oh jesus! you want how much for a cup of coffee?"
now smartie #2 is a semi-regular at this bux and he's ordered a grande drip many times before.
"you know, when i was your age coffee wasn't so overpriced!" he informed me (but he still hadn't handed any money over yet).
"yeah, i hear that all the time." i responded and waited for the cash.
"think about it - it's just hot water that was run over crushed beans! you know, i have a coffee maker at home and i never use it. i should probably make my own coffee so i don't waste my money here." he said and started to walk away.
"sir, you still owe me for the coffee." i stopped him.
"didn't i pay you already?"
"no, you didn't."
"i could have sworn i did. we had a great conversation and everything!" he said but still wasn't making the move to pull his money out of his pocket.
"dollar seventy," i held out my hand even though he offered no money.
after a pause he finally reached into his pocket and gave me two crumpled singles.
"and give me back my change!" he barked. "i'm not tipping you for pouring a cup of coffee. especially when you were so rude about it!" he called out over his shoulder - oblivious to the fact i hadn't handed him his change yet.
partner rant: it's your first day on the job and already you're slacking? i know there's a lot to learn and i know it takes time to learn it, but can't you at least fake your interest? if only for one day? when i show you how to properly mark cups don't yawn and say, "ugh, this is SO boring!". when i ask you to check the lobby don't exhale heavily and say "again? i just did it half an hour ago." and when my fellow barista brat informs you that you can't drink while at register don't respond with a "well, that's stupid!". you want to know what's stupid? stupid is thinking you're behaviour is acceptable.
8.31.2006
bux love
bux partners can't keep secrets. they just can't. it's in our genetic make-up to pass along any juicy bit of info that might find its way into our ears. "everybody talks" is the pat answer whenever someone asks "where did you hear that?" and it's true. everyone does talk.
that's why it's so funny when partners who start dating think they can keep it a secret from everyone else in the store. as if the rest of us are oblivious to the "discreet" caresses and furtive whispers in between taking orders and making drinks. they expect us to believe it's just "coincidence" when they walk into the store together and when they give each other rides home. and they think denying what is fact will somehow make us ignore all the obvious signs before us.
bux has a policy about dating. basically, you're not supposed to do it. really, management doesn't usually care if baristas date each other so long as they don't bring their love drama to work, but no one is allowed to date outside their rank within the store. so if a lead gets it on with a barista then a transfer is in order for one of them. that's why partners try so hard to keep their amour private even though that's about as easy as pulling a great shot from a verismo.
all around the district you'll hear stories about managers sticking their biscotti where it doesn't belong, leads leading baristas astray, and the odd ménage à trois (i'm serious. i remember one that involved a barista, her manager and his pregnant wife). it doesn't matter if the drama happened in a different district - in a matter of days the gossip will travel by way of the green apron express and everyone within a twenty mile radius will know your business because "everybody talks".
barista rant: you are not a bux customer, yet everyday you come in to get a glass of water to go with the bagel you bought at the sandwich shop next door. if you don't want to pay for a drink, that's fine. but why don't you ask the the sandwich shop for a glass of water when you shell out your money for the bagel? if they don't have water (which i know for a fact they do) then at least save the damn cup we give you!
that's why it's so funny when partners who start dating think they can keep it a secret from everyone else in the store. as if the rest of us are oblivious to the "discreet" caresses and furtive whispers in between taking orders and making drinks. they expect us to believe it's just "coincidence" when they walk into the store together and when they give each other rides home. and they think denying what is fact will somehow make us ignore all the obvious signs before us.
bux has a policy about dating. basically, you're not supposed to do it. really, management doesn't usually care if baristas date each other so long as they don't bring their love drama to work, but no one is allowed to date outside their rank within the store. so if a lead gets it on with a barista then a transfer is in order for one of them. that's why partners try so hard to keep their amour private even though that's about as easy as pulling a great shot from a verismo.
all around the district you'll hear stories about managers sticking their biscotti where it doesn't belong, leads leading baristas astray, and the odd ménage à trois (i'm serious. i remember one that involved a barista, her manager and his pregnant wife). it doesn't matter if the drama happened in a different district - in a matter of days the gossip will travel by way of the green apron express and everyone within a twenty mile radius will know your business because "everybody talks".
barista rant: you are not a bux customer, yet everyday you come in to get a glass of water to go with the bagel you bought at the sandwich shop next door. if you don't want to pay for a drink, that's fine. but why don't you ask the the sandwich shop for a glass of water when you shell out your money for the bagel? if they don't have water (which i know for a fact they do) then at least save the damn cup we give you!
8.30.2006
soy what?
we have some stubborn customers at my new bux - especially when it comes to soy milk.
i don't know if it's the area my new bux is located in but we go through multiple cases of soy a day.
i'm not complaining, and i certainly don't mind steaming soy for lattes, mistos or caramel macchiatos (but i do hate soy cappuccinos! the soy we use doesn't steam as well as some other soy milks do) nor do i mind putting soy in iced mochas or adding it to iced cafe con leches. what i do dislike, however, are the customers that will waste ten minutes of my time trying to convince me to go against policy and blend them a soy frappuccino.
i've posted before of the whispers that we will be making a soy frappuccino in the near future, but if i don't have a recipe card for it - i'm not making it! these customers who want the soy frappuccino will often settle for an iced white mocha WITH whipped cream. so apparently their aversion to dairy frappuccinos isn't because they're lactose intolerant.
after growing tired of iced soy drinks, they will again try and coerce us into blending soy for them.
"please! i'll tip you a dollar!"
"come on, just this once - for me?"
"i know you're supposed to say yes to anything i ask! i heard an interview with howard schultz and he said so!"
these are just a sample of the different ways customers beg for soy frappuccinos in my new bux. but you want to know the best part? after ten minutes of whining and pleading they end up saying, "fine! just give me the damned caramel frappuccino with extra whipped cream."
customer rant: i have a suggestion. if you are a new barista and you don't know the drink recipes - don't go on bar. if you are put there, then don't fight with the customers about how the drinks are made. i ordered an 'old school' iced americano and you put water in it. when i informed you that 'old school' meant no water - just ice and espresso - you rolled your eyes and said, "ma'am, ALL americanos come with water." 1) i'm not old enough to be a ma'am, all right? 2) don't try and school customers that know more than you (especially if they are partners). 3) learn the damn drink recipes!
i don't know if it's the area my new bux is located in but we go through multiple cases of soy a day.
i'm not complaining, and i certainly don't mind steaming soy for lattes, mistos or caramel macchiatos (but i do hate soy cappuccinos! the soy we use doesn't steam as well as some other soy milks do) nor do i mind putting soy in iced mochas or adding it to iced cafe con leches. what i do dislike, however, are the customers that will waste ten minutes of my time trying to convince me to go against policy and blend them a soy frappuccino.
i've posted before of the whispers that we will be making a soy frappuccino in the near future, but if i don't have a recipe card for it - i'm not making it! these customers who want the soy frappuccino will often settle for an iced white mocha WITH whipped cream. so apparently their aversion to dairy frappuccinos isn't because they're lactose intolerant.
after growing tired of iced soy drinks, they will again try and coerce us into blending soy for them.
"please! i'll tip you a dollar!"
"come on, just this once - for me?"
"i know you're supposed to say yes to anything i ask! i heard an interview with howard schultz and he said so!"
these are just a sample of the different ways customers beg for soy frappuccinos in my new bux. but you want to know the best part? after ten minutes of whining and pleading they end up saying, "fine! just give me the damned caramel frappuccino with extra whipped cream."
customer rant: i have a suggestion. if you are a new barista and you don't know the drink recipes - don't go on bar. if you are put there, then don't fight with the customers about how the drinks are made. i ordered an 'old school' iced americano and you put water in it. when i informed you that 'old school' meant no water - just ice and espresso - you rolled your eyes and said, "ma'am, ALL americanos come with water." 1) i'm not old enough to be a ma'am, all right? 2) don't try and school customers that know more than you (especially if they are partners). 3) learn the damn drink recipes!
8.29.2006
there's no crying in starbucks
a couple weeks back i mentioned the 'management shuffle' that was occurring at my new bux. the manager that transferred me over to this store was sent to a different store and an assistant manager from yet another bux was sent here to be "acting manager".
can i just say the gal can't act?
when she first came to my store i could tell she was a type-a personality. it didn't really bother me because our schedules almost never overlapped, but believe me i heard more than enough stories from my fellow partners to know my first instincts were correct. over the course of a few weeks "acting manager" has become increasingly annoying with her nitpicking and sucking up to the district manager.
one day "acting manager" overheard two of the partners talking about clubbing in the backroom. one of them called the other a "horny whore" as a joke and "acting manager" freaked out. not only did she chew the two partners out for their "off-color and potentially insulting humor" she took it upon herself to have private meetings with each one of us employees to reiterate how important it is that none of us have a sense of humor.
ok, she didn't use those words but that was indeed the message.
she also said our bux has a reputation for having bad morale, unhappy customers and partners that smack talk 24/7. i personally haven't really seen any bad attitudes except for bitter old dude, but of course i'm not an "acting manager" and therefore i'm probably not as savvy as her (please note extreme sarcasm). so this whole week has been spent watching our every moves (and words) around "acting manager" and the assistant manager (who just happens to be close friends with "acting manager").
now if i got on twelve different partners' cases about being negative and talking crap i certainly wouldn't be caught doing those very same things if had any brains, now would i?
apparently "acting manager" has a short memory. either that or she thinks she doesn't need to follow the rules she's been trying so hard to enforce. why else would she be making raunchy jokes and complaining about my fellow baristas right in front of me?
but the icing on the cake this morning was seeing her lose it in the backroom. i'm talking a full blown cry fest - complete with the "but this job is so haaaaard!" and the "why is this happening to meeeeeeee?".
apparently "acting manager" is in over her head and can't complete the tasks assigned to her. apparently "acting manager" likes to pretend she's tough but doesn't have the beans to back it up. apparently there will be yet another management shuffle in the near future.
partner rant: did you not just see me clean the drains? were you blind to the fact that i was on my hands and knees scrubbing for the better part of an hour? so why the hell did you just dump coffee grinds down the sink when i specifically asked you to dump them in the trash so they wouldn't dirty the drains? are you inconsiderate, dumb or a combination of the two?
can i just say the gal can't act?
when she first came to my store i could tell she was a type-a personality. it didn't really bother me because our schedules almost never overlapped, but believe me i heard more than enough stories from my fellow partners to know my first instincts were correct. over the course of a few weeks "acting manager" has become increasingly annoying with her nitpicking and sucking up to the district manager.
one day "acting manager" overheard two of the partners talking about clubbing in the backroom. one of them called the other a "horny whore" as a joke and "acting manager" freaked out. not only did she chew the two partners out for their "off-color and potentially insulting humor" she took it upon herself to have private meetings with each one of us employees to reiterate how important it is that none of us have a sense of humor.
ok, she didn't use those words but that was indeed the message.
she also said our bux has a reputation for having bad morale, unhappy customers and partners that smack talk 24/7. i personally haven't really seen any bad attitudes except for bitter old dude, but of course i'm not an "acting manager" and therefore i'm probably not as savvy as her (please note extreme sarcasm). so this whole week has been spent watching our every moves (and words) around "acting manager" and the assistant manager (who just happens to be close friends with "acting manager").
now if i got on twelve different partners' cases about being negative and talking crap i certainly wouldn't be caught doing those very same things if had any brains, now would i?
apparently "acting manager" has a short memory. either that or she thinks she doesn't need to follow the rules she's been trying so hard to enforce. why else would she be making raunchy jokes and complaining about my fellow baristas right in front of me?
but the icing on the cake this morning was seeing her lose it in the backroom. i'm talking a full blown cry fest - complete with the "but this job is so haaaaard!" and the "why is this happening to meeeeeeee?".
apparently "acting manager" is in over her head and can't complete the tasks assigned to her. apparently "acting manager" likes to pretend she's tough but doesn't have the beans to back it up. apparently there will be yet another management shuffle in the near future.
partner rant: did you not just see me clean the drains? were you blind to the fact that i was on my hands and knees scrubbing for the better part of an hour? so why the hell did you just dump coffee grinds down the sink when i specifically asked you to dump them in the trash so they wouldn't dirty the drains? are you inconsiderate, dumb or a combination of the two?
8.28.2006
i don't KARE-uh-mel
this is by far the dumbest exchange i've ever had with a customer:
barista brat: "hi, what drink can i get for you today?"
idiot customer: "gimme one of those caramel (KARE-uh-mel) blended thingies."
bb: "sure, what size would you like that caramel (khar-mul) frappuccino?"
ic: "what?"
bb: "what size would you like?"
ic: "yeah, i heard you."
bb: "um, ok. did you want me to pick a size for you?"
ic: "you know, i don't appreciate you making fun of me."
bb: "i wasn't making fun of you."
ic: "well, you were making fun of the way i said 'caramel'."
bb: "no i didn't."
ic: "then why did you feel the need to correct my pronunciation?"
bb: "i never corrected your pronunciation."
ic: "yes you did! you said it like this - CARmel."
bb: "ma'am, that's how i say that word."
ic: "so! i say it like this - KARE-uh-mel."
bb: "ok...."
ic: "i just came here to get a drink. i didn't think i'd be judged for how i say things."
bb: "believe me ma'am, i not judging you for that reason."
after her drink was made my fellow barista buddy put it on the hand-off counter for her.
barista buddy: "grande caramel frappuccino on the bar!"
idiot customer: "is that the same thing as a KARE-uh-mel frappuccino?"
barista rant: when it's closing time you have to leave the store, ok? don't sit there expecting to hang out all night. and when i walk over to where you're sitting and nicely inform you that it's ten minutes past closing, don't try and shoo me away because you're on the phone. guess what? your cell phone is portable - meaning you can still talk on it as you exit my store. don't huff and point to the phone attached to your head as if i'm supposed to slowly back away and leave you alone. if you don't want me to bug you during your phone calls then why don't you make them somewhere else.
barista brat: "hi, what drink can i get for you today?"
idiot customer: "gimme one of those caramel (KARE-uh-mel) blended thingies."
bb: "sure, what size would you like that caramel (khar-mul) frappuccino?"
ic: "what?"
bb: "what size would you like?"
ic: "yeah, i heard you."
bb: "um, ok. did you want me to pick a size for you?"
ic: "you know, i don't appreciate you making fun of me."
bb: "i wasn't making fun of you."
ic: "well, you were making fun of the way i said 'caramel'."
bb: "no i didn't."
ic: "then why did you feel the need to correct my pronunciation?"
bb: "i never corrected your pronunciation."
ic: "yes you did! you said it like this - CARmel."
bb: "ma'am, that's how i say that word."
ic: "so! i say it like this - KARE-uh-mel."
bb: "ok...."
ic: "i just came here to get a drink. i didn't think i'd be judged for how i say things."
bb: "believe me ma'am, i not judging you for that reason."
after her drink was made my fellow barista buddy put it on the hand-off counter for her.
barista buddy: "grande caramel frappuccino on the bar!"
idiot customer: "is that the same thing as a KARE-uh-mel frappuccino?"
barista rant: when it's closing time you have to leave the store, ok? don't sit there expecting to hang out all night. and when i walk over to where you're sitting and nicely inform you that it's ten minutes past closing, don't try and shoo me away because you're on the phone. guess what? your cell phone is portable - meaning you can still talk on it as you exit my store. don't huff and point to the phone attached to your head as if i'm supposed to slowly back away and leave you alone. if you don't want me to bug you during your phone calls then why don't you make them somewhere else.
8.26.2006
a tale of two mommies
mothers come in all the time with their kids. at my previous bux my biggest rant about mommies was that they let their kids run wild in our store while they sat and drank their coffee. i didn't think a mommy rant could get worse but i have been proven wrong.
the first mommy actually deserves a rave.
as she walked into the store with her two young children i heard her say "now remember, we are only here to get coffee beans. no drinks and no treats, ok?"
she picked out the pound of beans she wanted and handed them to me. meanwhile her kids started to get squirmy and began to whine for some madeleines.
"i already told you, we are just here for beans." she reminded them.
the kids started to whine louder.
"no sweethearts," she continued in her same gentle tone. "mommy already said no treats."
the kids started to cry and pout. "but we want them!" they whined in unison.
"i know you want them but mommy already told you that we weren't going to get them." she remained firm yet even-toned.
"wow," i commented as i handed her back her change. "you're a good mother. most parents would just give in as soon as their kids started making a scene."
"thank you," she smiled. "when they cry it tears at my heart but how else will they learn? if you give in you're just teaching them the wrong lesson."
i swear, i think i'll buy her a coffee the next time she comes in the store.
the second mommy earned this rant.
she and her daughter headed straight to the bathroom when they entered the store. finding it locked, the mom walked to the register and ordered her coffee.
"mommy!" her six year-old called out. "i need a bathroom."
"we have to wait for the person to get out before we can use it." the mom responded.
it was at this time i noticed the girl had very noticeable (and recent) stains on the seat of her pants. it was obvious she'd had an accident and needed to change her clothes - at the very least clean the mess inside her undies.
"mommy, it feels yucky."
"well that's your fault." the mom chided her in front of everyone in the store. "i told you to go poopie before we left the house. next time listen to me and then you won't have to walk around with messy underpants."
"uh, there's a bathroom at the restaurant next door and at the donut shop two doors down." i informed her as i uncomfortably watched her daughter squirming.
"no, she just has to learn to listen to me when i tell her to go to the john before we leave the house." she retorted. "the worse it feels the easier it will be for her to remember next time."
at this point her daughter started to cry softly to herself, clearly embarrassed.
"will this teach you to listen to me next time?" the mother asked as she picked up her drink. "or do you need to poop in your pants a second time?"
i swear, it's tempting to poison her coffee the next time she comes into the store.
partner rant: i know you're not my permanent manager, but will it kill you to listen to your partners when it comes to the schedule? not only do you keep scheduling people against their availability, you're forgetting to make sure there's manager coverage each day. now the rest of us have to scramble to fix your mistakes. please, listen to us when we tell you the schedule needs to be fixed instead of waiting until the last minute.
the first mommy actually deserves a rave.
as she walked into the store with her two young children i heard her say "now remember, we are only here to get coffee beans. no drinks and no treats, ok?"
she picked out the pound of beans she wanted and handed them to me. meanwhile her kids started to get squirmy and began to whine for some madeleines.
"i already told you, we are just here for beans." she reminded them.
the kids started to whine louder.
"no sweethearts," she continued in her same gentle tone. "mommy already said no treats."
the kids started to cry and pout. "but we want them!" they whined in unison.
"i know you want them but mommy already told you that we weren't going to get them." she remained firm yet even-toned.
"wow," i commented as i handed her back her change. "you're a good mother. most parents would just give in as soon as their kids started making a scene."
"thank you," she smiled. "when they cry it tears at my heart but how else will they learn? if you give in you're just teaching them the wrong lesson."
i swear, i think i'll buy her a coffee the next time she comes in the store.
the second mommy earned this rant.
she and her daughter headed straight to the bathroom when they entered the store. finding it locked, the mom walked to the register and ordered her coffee.
"mommy!" her six year-old called out. "i need a bathroom."
"we have to wait for the person to get out before we can use it." the mom responded.
it was at this time i noticed the girl had very noticeable (and recent) stains on the seat of her pants. it was obvious she'd had an accident and needed to change her clothes - at the very least clean the mess inside her undies.
"mommy, it feels yucky."
"well that's your fault." the mom chided her in front of everyone in the store. "i told you to go poopie before we left the house. next time listen to me and then you won't have to walk around with messy underpants."
"uh, there's a bathroom at the restaurant next door and at the donut shop two doors down." i informed her as i uncomfortably watched her daughter squirming.
"no, she just has to learn to listen to me when i tell her to go to the john before we leave the house." she retorted. "the worse it feels the easier it will be for her to remember next time."
at this point her daughter started to cry softly to herself, clearly embarrassed.
"will this teach you to listen to me next time?" the mother asked as she picked up her drink. "or do you need to poop in your pants a second time?"
i swear, it's tempting to poison her coffee the next time she comes into the store.
partner rant: i know you're not my permanent manager, but will it kill you to listen to your partners when it comes to the schedule? not only do you keep scheduling people against their availability, you're forgetting to make sure there's manager coverage each day. now the rest of us have to scramble to fix your mistakes. please, listen to us when we tell you the schedule needs to be fixed instead of waiting until the last minute.
8.24.2006
i want a golden goose and i want it now!
last night a woman and her teenage daughter came into bux. they weren't looking for coffee, they were looking for a job.
the mother was one of those "pressure sale" avon lady types. you know, the kind that won't take "i'm really not interested so get that damn booklet out of my face" as a "no".
so last night when she and her daughter asked for an application, i happily handed one over and explained that in a week there will be a hiring fair at a nearby bux.
"well, why can't she go to a hiring fair at this store?" mom asked.
"there actually isn't one scheduled for this store," i explained while thinking "is going an extra mile really going to put you out?"
"can she just fill this out and have an interview tonight?" mom asked while her daughter looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
"i can take the application but i have no idea when a manager will get around to calling you. that's why it's a much better idea to go to the hiring fair. it's an on the spot interview."
"why don't you just put a note on her application for the manager to call and set up an interview?" mom was getting testy with me.
"i could stick a twenty dollar bill on it, it still doesn't mean a manager is going to call to set up an interview." i was getting very bratty.
"well, this is a ridiculous way to conduct business." she looked down her nose at me. "if the employees don't even know how an applicant can set up an interview, how is anyone supposed to get a job here?"
"i'm sorry," i smiled sweetly. "did i neglect to tell you about the hiring fair?"
"we're not interested in that!" she huffed. "all we want is for a date and time to see a manager - that's all!"
so you know what i did? i gave her the date and time of the hiring fair AGAIN.
partner rant: please don't come into the backroom while i'm on my break and tell me about your intestinal problems. especially while i am eating lunch. don't describe how much it hurts to go to the bathroom and how you'll never eat goat cheese again. and don't tell me that the reason you're telling me all this is because you didn't want me to get "bored" during my break.
the mother was one of those "pressure sale" avon lady types. you know, the kind that won't take "i'm really not interested so get that damn booklet out of my face" as a "no".
so last night when she and her daughter asked for an application, i happily handed one over and explained that in a week there will be a hiring fair at a nearby bux.
"well, why can't she go to a hiring fair at this store?" mom asked.
"there actually isn't one scheduled for this store," i explained while thinking "is going an extra mile really going to put you out?"
"can she just fill this out and have an interview tonight?" mom asked while her daughter looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
"i can take the application but i have no idea when a manager will get around to calling you. that's why it's a much better idea to go to the hiring fair. it's an on the spot interview."
"why don't you just put a note on her application for the manager to call and set up an interview?" mom was getting testy with me.
"i could stick a twenty dollar bill on it, it still doesn't mean a manager is going to call to set up an interview." i was getting very bratty.
"well, this is a ridiculous way to conduct business." she looked down her nose at me. "if the employees don't even know how an applicant can set up an interview, how is anyone supposed to get a job here?"
"i'm sorry," i smiled sweetly. "did i neglect to tell you about the hiring fair?"
"we're not interested in that!" she huffed. "all we want is for a date and time to see a manager - that's all!"
so you know what i did? i gave her the date and time of the hiring fair AGAIN.
partner rant: please don't come into the backroom while i'm on my break and tell me about your intestinal problems. especially while i am eating lunch. don't describe how much it hurts to go to the bathroom and how you'll never eat goat cheese again. and don't tell me that the reason you're telling me all this is because you didn't want me to get "bored" during my break.
8.22.2006
one plus one equals four
if you know anything about this barista brat, you know she's not a complete subscriber to the "just say yes" school of thought.
yesterday a woman in chanel sunglasses came in carrying two drinks which were clearly more than 24 hours old. one cup held the melted remnants of a tangerine frappuccino juice blend and the other was marked as a venti mocha.
"these were both made very wrong," the lady said in her heavy accent. "can you please to remake them?"
sensing a scam i asked what was wrong with the drinks.
"my friend said 'white mocha' but they gave her mocha and this other one doesn't taste so good."
"ok, i can remake them for you," i offered and started to mark two new cups.
"no!" she stopped me. "please, because of mistake i would like this to be small white mocha and small latte." she pointed to one of the cups. "and this to be small of tangerine drink and small caramel frappuccino."
"you just said you didn't like the taste of the tangerine frappuccino." i responded, realizing she had probably gotten away with this a million times before.
"well, maybe this time it will be tasting good." she shrugged her shoulders. "please, just giving me new drinks for these."
"i'm not going to give you four new drinks." i informed her. "I'll remake them for you, but that's it."
she tried to bargain with me, telling me that two small drinks for one large one was fair, but i remained inflexible.
"i have no problem remaking them for you, but i'm not going to give you four drinks, one of which you said you didn't like in the first place."
"fine!" she threw her hands up in the air. "just giving me new ones."
before handing her the newly made drinks i wrote in big bold letters "NO REMAKE, NO REFUND" on the cups. bet she won't be trying this again anytime soon at my bux.
barista rant: yes, i know the bathroom door was propped open after we mopped. yes, i know you asked me if it was ok to use the bathroom. but what i meant was you could CLOSE THE DOOR and use the bathroom! what gave you the idea that our other customers wanted to hear you pee while they waited for their drinks? were you really in such a hurry to go that you couldn't take the 2.7 seconds to shut the door behind you? please, some things are meant to remain private affairs.
yesterday a woman in chanel sunglasses came in carrying two drinks which were clearly more than 24 hours old. one cup held the melted remnants of a tangerine frappuccino juice blend and the other was marked as a venti mocha.
"these were both made very wrong," the lady said in her heavy accent. "can you please to remake them?"
sensing a scam i asked what was wrong with the drinks.
"my friend said 'white mocha' but they gave her mocha and this other one doesn't taste so good."
"ok, i can remake them for you," i offered and started to mark two new cups.
"no!" she stopped me. "please, because of mistake i would like this to be small white mocha and small latte." she pointed to one of the cups. "and this to be small of tangerine drink and small caramel frappuccino."
"you just said you didn't like the taste of the tangerine frappuccino." i responded, realizing she had probably gotten away with this a million times before.
"well, maybe this time it will be tasting good." she shrugged her shoulders. "please, just giving me new drinks for these."
"i'm not going to give you four new drinks." i informed her. "I'll remake them for you, but that's it."
she tried to bargain with me, telling me that two small drinks for one large one was fair, but i remained inflexible.
"i have no problem remaking them for you, but i'm not going to give you four drinks, one of which you said you didn't like in the first place."
"fine!" she threw her hands up in the air. "just giving me new ones."
before handing her the newly made drinks i wrote in big bold letters "NO REMAKE, NO REFUND" on the cups. bet she won't be trying this again anytime soon at my bux.
barista rant: yes, i know the bathroom door was propped open after we mopped. yes, i know you asked me if it was ok to use the bathroom. but what i meant was you could CLOSE THE DOOR and use the bathroom! what gave you the idea that our other customers wanted to hear you pee while they waited for their drinks? were you really in such a hurry to go that you couldn't take the 2.7 seconds to shut the door behind you? please, some things are meant to remain private affairs.
8.20.2006
how NOT to ask out your barista
1. "the stalker"
do NOT sit at the table directly across from the hand off counter and stare at your barista each time she calls out a drink.
do NOT pretend you were 'just spacing out' when she makes eye contact.
do NOT make it evident you're just trying to muster the nerve to talk to her.
once nerve is located, do NOT ask a stupid question such as "hey, what exactly is a frappuccino anyway?"
do NOT inform your barista that drinking coffee makes you pee a lot.
do NOT mutter a "good-bye" and leave, only to come back thirty seconds later to ask your barista if she is working the next day.
do NOT walk out the door only to return a second time to make sure your barista heard you when you said "good-bye".
do NOT call bux half an hour after leaving to ask the barista out over the telephone.
2. "the flashy dealer"
do NOT ignore your barista when she asks "what can i get for you today" and continue talking into your telephone.
do NOT make your barista wait while you finish telling the person on the other end of your phone that you just got kicked out of your baby mamma's house.
do NOT toss money at your barista while still talking on the phone.
do NOT continue to talk into the phone loud, informing the whole store that you have a grand worth of weed in your belongings.
do NOT give your "business" card to your barista, letting her know that the strip club you're managing has a pole with her name on it.
do NOT offer your barista ten bucks to give you a ride to your buddy's house so you don't have to call a cab.
do NOT ask your barista if she wants to "have some fun" later on.
do NOT tell your barista that you don't care if she has a boyfriend, you just "wanna flow and shit".
3. "the creepy ghost"
do NOT write a poem about your barista on a bux napkin with your phone number on it and leave it on the table for her to find.
just don't.
barista rant: do you really think i have the power to make bux lower their prices? do you think i was the one who decided all bux's nationwide should hike up the price of your pastry an additional five pennies? if you realize i'm not the one who makes those kind of calls - then don't gripe to me about it! there's nothing i can do to change it, so just accept the higher price and move on. or better yet - save yourself the calories and skip the snack, ok?
do NOT sit at the table directly across from the hand off counter and stare at your barista each time she calls out a drink.
do NOT pretend you were 'just spacing out' when she makes eye contact.
do NOT make it evident you're just trying to muster the nerve to talk to her.
once nerve is located, do NOT ask a stupid question such as "hey, what exactly is a frappuccino anyway?"
do NOT inform your barista that drinking coffee makes you pee a lot.
do NOT mutter a "good-bye" and leave, only to come back thirty seconds later to ask your barista if she is working the next day.
do NOT walk out the door only to return a second time to make sure your barista heard you when you said "good-bye".
do NOT call bux half an hour after leaving to ask the barista out over the telephone.
2. "the flashy dealer"
do NOT ignore your barista when she asks "what can i get for you today" and continue talking into your telephone.
do NOT make your barista wait while you finish telling the person on the other end of your phone that you just got kicked out of your baby mamma's house.
do NOT toss money at your barista while still talking on the phone.
do NOT continue to talk into the phone loud, informing the whole store that you have a grand worth of weed in your belongings.
do NOT give your "business" card to your barista, letting her know that the strip club you're managing has a pole with her name on it.
do NOT offer your barista ten bucks to give you a ride to your buddy's house so you don't have to call a cab.
do NOT ask your barista if she wants to "have some fun" later on.
do NOT tell your barista that you don't care if she has a boyfriend, you just "wanna flow and shit".
3. "the creepy ghost"
do NOT write a poem about your barista on a bux napkin with your phone number on it and leave it on the table for her to find.
just don't.
barista rant: do you really think i have the power to make bux lower their prices? do you think i was the one who decided all bux's nationwide should hike up the price of your pastry an additional five pennies? if you realize i'm not the one who makes those kind of calls - then don't gripe to me about it! there's nothing i can do to change it, so just accept the higher price and move on. or better yet - save yourself the calories and skip the snack, ok?
8.19.2006
partner for life
this week i didn't work with the talker. i worked with 'bitter old dude' instead.
he's not really that old, but he is the oldest among us. he's not a manager, he's not a lead - he's your run of the mill barista. hence the bitterness.
'bod' spends his time complaining about bux, about taking orders from people almost half his age, and of course he hates customers. the only people he seems to like are effeminate man-boys. only for them does he deign to crack a smile.
he's been at this bux since it opened it's doors and will probably stay here until he reaches retirement age. because of this he believes he should get special treatment from everybody. that means newbies must bow down to him, managers should never write him up and starbucks should pay him more for his plentiful years of "service".
but the most annoying thing about 'bod' is how his he smack talks like a thirteen year-old girl.
the first day i worked with him he gave me the run down of all the people he had "issues" with in our bux. let's just say i spent my whole shift listening to this guy bitch. and let me tell you - no transgression is too minute for him.
"yeah, our first manager was ok but one day i told her i had trouble getting to sleep the night before and she put me on register anyway. i know she did it just to annoy me. i totally looked at her different after that."
and
"you know that customer that was just here? one day she shorted me a nickel and promised to bring it the next day. she NEVER did. you just can't trust people."
and
"have you met jenny who works in the morning? i totally thought she was pregnant, but turns out she's just getting really fat. serves her right for drinking frappuccinos all day long."
when 'bod' was leaving for the day he said, "i'm really glad you came to this store. you seem really laid back. i like that."
which i'm sure will be translated to "that new girl has the personality of a dinner roll" when he bitches to the next partner he works with.
barista rant: please don't use "fancy" barista terms if you don't know what they mean. you thought it "a double tall wet cappuccino" sounded really cool when you heard it on tv, so you decided that would be your new signature drink. when i made your double tall wet cappuccino you picked up the cup and told me there wasn't enough foam. "a cappuccino is supposed to be half foam and half steamed milk!" you whined. "yes, but you ordered it 'wet', which meant you wanted more milk and less foam." you really didn't have much to say except, "well, just put more foam in it!" and after your first sip you complained that it was too strong. "um, that's because you asked for a 'double'" i informed you. "well i didn't think it would be this strong." you muttered as i remade your drink. please, lay of the barista talk, ok?
he's not really that old, but he is the oldest among us. he's not a manager, he's not a lead - he's your run of the mill barista. hence the bitterness.
'bod' spends his time complaining about bux, about taking orders from people almost half his age, and of course he hates customers. the only people he seems to like are effeminate man-boys. only for them does he deign to crack a smile.
he's been at this bux since it opened it's doors and will probably stay here until he reaches retirement age. because of this he believes he should get special treatment from everybody. that means newbies must bow down to him, managers should never write him up and starbucks should pay him more for his plentiful years of "service".
but the most annoying thing about 'bod' is how his he smack talks like a thirteen year-old girl.
the first day i worked with him he gave me the run down of all the people he had "issues" with in our bux. let's just say i spent my whole shift listening to this guy bitch. and let me tell you - no transgression is too minute for him.
"yeah, our first manager was ok but one day i told her i had trouble getting to sleep the night before and she put me on register anyway. i know she did it just to annoy me. i totally looked at her different after that."
and
"you know that customer that was just here? one day she shorted me a nickel and promised to bring it the next day. she NEVER did. you just can't trust people."
and
"have you met jenny who works in the morning? i totally thought she was pregnant, but turns out she's just getting really fat. serves her right for drinking frappuccinos all day long."
when 'bod' was leaving for the day he said, "i'm really glad you came to this store. you seem really laid back. i like that."
which i'm sure will be translated to "that new girl has the personality of a dinner roll" when he bitches to the next partner he works with.
barista rant: please don't use "fancy" barista terms if you don't know what they mean. you thought it "a double tall wet cappuccino" sounded really cool when you heard it on tv, so you decided that would be your new signature drink. when i made your double tall wet cappuccino you picked up the cup and told me there wasn't enough foam. "a cappuccino is supposed to be half foam and half steamed milk!" you whined. "yes, but you ordered it 'wet', which meant you wanted more milk and less foam." you really didn't have much to say except, "well, just put more foam in it!" and after your first sip you complained that it was too strong. "um, that's because you asked for a 'double'" i informed you. "well i didn't think it would be this strong." you muttered as i remade your drink. please, lay of the barista talk, ok?
8.16.2006
not tuesday - "sue"sday!
this morning a guy came in an ordered a grande tea with some added steamed soy. a little time consuming, but pretty easy to prepare nonetheless. he wasn't too friendly, but he wasn't an outright dick, either. at least not until ten minutes after leaving the store.
"dude!" one of our regulars exclaimed as he walked in the store. "there was, like, a total car accident outside."
we weren't surprised that we couldn't hear it because all partners suffer from 'blender deafness'.
"what happened?" we asked.
"some random dude was pulling out of his parking space and backed into a car that was driving by."
my fellow barista buddy went outside to see if anyone was hurt. when he came back into the store ten minutes later he was followed by 'grande tea with steamed soy' who was soaking wet. barista buddy handed him some clean towels to dry off.
"are you ok?" i asked, genuinely concerned.
"i'm pissed!" he growls. "look at this!" he spread his arms out so i could get an even better look at his wet clothes. "this car came out of nowhere when i was backing out of my space and my tea spilled everywhere!"
"do you need ice?" i didn't think he was burned, but i offered anyway.
"no, but are you guys going to pay to get my car cleaned and to replace my d&g shirt?"
i kid you not, the guy said 'd&g shirt'.
"i'd be happy to give you some towels to soak up the tea," i told him. "but we don't pay for car detailing or designer shirts."
can you tell i was losing my cool?
"well, this is all starbucks' fault! why shouldn't you guys pay?"
"how is this our fault? i saw the two cars, you clearly backed into the other guy." barista buddy piped up.
"yeah, but the accident happened because you didn't put the lid on my tea properly!" the customer lied.
"um, you said that you spilled the tea because of the accident. and also," i reminded him, "you put the lid on your tea after you added honey and tossed the tea bags."
don't mess with THIS barista brat!
"i should sue you guys, i really should!" he mistakenly thought the threat of a lawsuit would make us shake in our little non-slip work shoes. "that way you'd have to pay for the damage to both cars!"
"ok, i'll get the incident report form and we can fill it out together." i wasn't playing this game anymore.
"no, i'm not gonna stand around here and fill out some report!" he bellowed. "you'll be hearing from my lawyer!" he said before walking out the store with our towels.
to quote catherine tate: "am i bovvered?"
partner rant: how lazy can you get?!? you knew your shift included mopping the floors. did you really think using dirty mop water from the morning was going to be acceptable? did you not notice that rank and foul odor following you about as you lethargically dragged the mop on the floor? don't get pissed at me because i told you to redo it with fresh water. if your job was done properly the first time you wouldn't have to do it again, now would you?
"dude!" one of our regulars exclaimed as he walked in the store. "there was, like, a total car accident outside."
we weren't surprised that we couldn't hear it because all partners suffer from 'blender deafness'.
"what happened?" we asked.
"some random dude was pulling out of his parking space and backed into a car that was driving by."
my fellow barista buddy went outside to see if anyone was hurt. when he came back into the store ten minutes later he was followed by 'grande tea with steamed soy' who was soaking wet. barista buddy handed him some clean towels to dry off.
"are you ok?" i asked, genuinely concerned.
"i'm pissed!" he growls. "look at this!" he spread his arms out so i could get an even better look at his wet clothes. "this car came out of nowhere when i was backing out of my space and my tea spilled everywhere!"
"do you need ice?" i didn't think he was burned, but i offered anyway.
"no, but are you guys going to pay to get my car cleaned and to replace my d&g shirt?"
i kid you not, the guy said 'd&g shirt'.
"i'd be happy to give you some towels to soak up the tea," i told him. "but we don't pay for car detailing or designer shirts."
can you tell i was losing my cool?
"well, this is all starbucks' fault! why shouldn't you guys pay?"
"how is this our fault? i saw the two cars, you clearly backed into the other guy." barista buddy piped up.
"yeah, but the accident happened because you didn't put the lid on my tea properly!" the customer lied.
"um, you said that you spilled the tea because of the accident. and also," i reminded him, "you put the lid on your tea after you added honey and tossed the tea bags."
don't mess with THIS barista brat!
"i should sue you guys, i really should!" he mistakenly thought the threat of a lawsuit would make us shake in our little non-slip work shoes. "that way you'd have to pay for the damage to both cars!"
"ok, i'll get the incident report form and we can fill it out together." i wasn't playing this game anymore.
"no, i'm not gonna stand around here and fill out some report!" he bellowed. "you'll be hearing from my lawyer!" he said before walking out the store with our towels.
to quote catherine tate: "am i bovvered?"
partner rant: how lazy can you get?!? you knew your shift included mopping the floors. did you really think using dirty mop water from the morning was going to be acceptable? did you not notice that rank and foul odor following you about as you lethargically dragged the mop on the floor? don't get pissed at me because i told you to redo it with fresh water. if your job was done properly the first time you wouldn't have to do it again, now would you?
8.15.2006
you're not hired
a company like bux that grows at an insanely fast pace (it's been said a new bux opens somewhere in the world everyday) needs to hire a lot of partners. in food service there will always be turnover, and bux is no exception.
so what is a huge corporation supposed to do when they need workers?
well, they invent a stupid name to elicit interest in working for bux.
that's right. at bux we don't have 'open interviews'. we have 'hiring fairs'!
i wonder what marketing genius came up with that term. was s/he sitting down to a steaming cup of coffee and thought, "gee, we need loads and loads of employees. how can we ensure the maximum amount of applicants will show up? i know - we'll call it a 'hiring fair'. that way they'll be excited about getting a job AND they'll think working for starbucks is like being at a fair! oh, what fun!"
well, it is like a fair - just not with the rides and the snow cones. it's more like the judging of a prized sow. you know, you parade past the managers and they write down their individual assesments before huddling together and picking the winners. and then those that ribbon are taken away and slaughtered for barbecue.
ok, it's not quite that bad.
but it is true that one will have a much higher chance of becoming a bux partner if they attended a hiring fair instead of just randomly turning in their application to the bux of their choice. the cool thing is you have the chance to talk with more than just one manager and if you've said all the right things and your availability is good, then most likely you will get the coveted phone call informing you that you've been hired.
the bad thing is you don't necessarily have a choice as to what store you go to. say you want work at the bux near the local library (the same bux that advertised the hiring fair). you interview well, you dazzle the managers and you even get a phone call the next day. unfortunately for you - it's to work at the bux three blocks away. you know, the one that stays open late and is next to all the restaurants and movie theatres.
can you say "i'd really rather work at that other bux" when they call you?
of course you can. but they're more likely to appoint you CEO than let you change bux after the busy store has already claimed you.
sad, but true.
does the hiring fair work? well, if by "work" you mean getting bodies into green aprons, then yes. but if you've read any of my past rants about "newbies" then you can pretty much guess what my thoughts are about this process (or the results thereof).
barista rant: so you were polite and hung up the phone when you placed your order. that was decent of you. but as soon as you'd paid, you got right back on the phone and started chatting away. who am i to complain? well, i'm the person that had to remake two drinks! because you were so consumed in your conversation about your gyno visit, you grabbed the wrong drink - twice! it didn't matter that they were hot drinks and you'd ordered an iced one. no - you just sipped it a couple times and then realized 'hey, this isn't what i ordered!'. it might have been excusable if it happened once, but no...you did it yet another time. here's a suggestion. why don't you wait to talk on the phone until you're done with the bux experience. or better yet, why don't you just stick with landlines. i'm sure you're driving sucks as well.
so what is a huge corporation supposed to do when they need workers?
well, they invent a stupid name to elicit interest in working for bux.
that's right. at bux we don't have 'open interviews'. we have 'hiring fairs'!
i wonder what marketing genius came up with that term. was s/he sitting down to a steaming cup of coffee and thought, "gee, we need loads and loads of employees. how can we ensure the maximum amount of applicants will show up? i know - we'll call it a 'hiring fair'. that way they'll be excited about getting a job AND they'll think working for starbucks is like being at a fair! oh, what fun!"
well, it is like a fair - just not with the rides and the snow cones. it's more like the judging of a prized sow. you know, you parade past the managers and they write down their individual assesments before huddling together and picking the winners. and then those that ribbon are taken away and slaughtered for barbecue.
ok, it's not quite that bad.
but it is true that one will have a much higher chance of becoming a bux partner if they attended a hiring fair instead of just randomly turning in their application to the bux of their choice. the cool thing is you have the chance to talk with more than just one manager and if you've said all the right things and your availability is good, then most likely you will get the coveted phone call informing you that you've been hired.
the bad thing is you don't necessarily have a choice as to what store you go to. say you want work at the bux near the local library (the same bux that advertised the hiring fair). you interview well, you dazzle the managers and you even get a phone call the next day. unfortunately for you - it's to work at the bux three blocks away. you know, the one that stays open late and is next to all the restaurants and movie theatres.
can you say "i'd really rather work at that other bux" when they call you?
of course you can. but they're more likely to appoint you CEO than let you change bux after the busy store has already claimed you.
sad, but true.
does the hiring fair work? well, if by "work" you mean getting bodies into green aprons, then yes. but if you've read any of my past rants about "newbies" then you can pretty much guess what my thoughts are about this process (or the results thereof).
barista rant: so you were polite and hung up the phone when you placed your order. that was decent of you. but as soon as you'd paid, you got right back on the phone and started chatting away. who am i to complain? well, i'm the person that had to remake two drinks! because you were so consumed in your conversation about your gyno visit, you grabbed the wrong drink - twice! it didn't matter that they were hot drinks and you'd ordered an iced one. no - you just sipped it a couple times and then realized 'hey, this isn't what i ordered!'. it might have been excusable if it happened once, but no...you did it yet another time. here's a suggestion. why don't you wait to talk on the phone until you're done with the bux experience. or better yet, why don't you just stick with landlines. i'm sure you're driving sucks as well.
8.13.2006
sunday, freaky sunday
sundays seem to bring the most random collection of customers to bux.
in the 'too much information' department, we had two customers who shared much more than they needed to.
first there was the lady who was (seemingly) overly concerned about the moisture level of our crumble coffee cakes.
"are they really dry or are they pretty soft?" she asked us.
"well, the top is crumbly - so that might be a little dry, but the bottom part is moist like a cake." we told her.
"is the top really, really dry?"
we kind of shrugged our shoulders. seriously, i'm not sure if the crumbly bits are 'really dry' or 'really, really dry'. i wasn't taught that at barista school.
"you can always get a refund or exchange it for something else if you don't like it." i suggested.
"well, ok. i just hope it's not super dry." she said before paying and finding an empty table.
about five minutes later she walks back up to the register with something wrapped in a napkin.
"you see?" she said through a barely open mouth. "it's too dry!"
then she opened the napkin to reveal her false teeth - as if it were somehow proof that the crumbly bits actually were 'really, really dry'.
the second customer was a guy who spent ten minutes at the register telling us how he hasn't had a date in six months. that information in itself wasn't over the top. the disclosure that he was having frequent herpes outbreaks was indeed much, too much info.
in the 'i'm soooo friggen' high maintenance' category we have three freaks with too much time on their hands.
the first was the lady who wanted a doppio macchiato (that's just foam with two shots poured over the top). this lady, however, didn't just want the foam. no - she wanted the creamy layer that hid just BENEATH the foam.
"you know, that stuff that's not quite foam and not quite steamed milk!" she said with a smile, as if that would make me think she was any less of a high maintenance barbie doll.
second was the guy that wanted his shaken iced tea to have fresh ice when it was poured into the cup. that meant we had to shake it with the ice, then strain the liquid into a glass, and add fresh ice that was not previously used in the making of his drink.
and third was the kid - that's right, an eight year-old KID, that wanted a chocolate milk.
"but only two pumps of chocolate. give me an extra pump of vanilla and use milk from a container that hasn't been opened yet - i like fresh milk - and then just put about five ice cubes in it, but make sure all the syrup is completely mixed in, and then i want whipped cream with caramel on top. but just one swirl of caramel, not a whole bunch, ok?"
can you imagine what this kid is going to be like in ten years?
barista rant: we have gone over this so many friggen' times! when you ask for a venti drip, and i then ask you if you'd like room, just say yes! if you just say yes, then you won't feel the need to pour hot, steaming coffee in the trash can to make room for the milk you're about to put in your drink. if you continue to say "no, no room" then i won't leave any! so please, just say yes! that way when i empty the trash it won't weigh ten extra pounds from the coffee that you and all the other idiot customers dump in it to make room!
in the 'too much information' department, we had two customers who shared much more than they needed to.
first there was the lady who was (seemingly) overly concerned about the moisture level of our crumble coffee cakes.
"are they really dry or are they pretty soft?" she asked us.
"well, the top is crumbly - so that might be a little dry, but the bottom part is moist like a cake." we told her.
"is the top really, really dry?"
we kind of shrugged our shoulders. seriously, i'm not sure if the crumbly bits are 'really dry' or 'really, really dry'. i wasn't taught that at barista school.
"you can always get a refund or exchange it for something else if you don't like it." i suggested.
"well, ok. i just hope it's not super dry." she said before paying and finding an empty table.
about five minutes later she walks back up to the register with something wrapped in a napkin.
"you see?" she said through a barely open mouth. "it's too dry!"
then she opened the napkin to reveal her false teeth - as if it were somehow proof that the crumbly bits actually were 'really, really dry'.
the second customer was a guy who spent ten minutes at the register telling us how he hasn't had a date in six months. that information in itself wasn't over the top. the disclosure that he was having frequent herpes outbreaks was indeed much, too much info.
in the 'i'm soooo friggen' high maintenance' category we have three freaks with too much time on their hands.
the first was the lady who wanted a doppio macchiato (that's just foam with two shots poured over the top). this lady, however, didn't just want the foam. no - she wanted the creamy layer that hid just BENEATH the foam.
"you know, that stuff that's not quite foam and not quite steamed milk!" she said with a smile, as if that would make me think she was any less of a high maintenance barbie doll.
second was the guy that wanted his shaken iced tea to have fresh ice when it was poured into the cup. that meant we had to shake it with the ice, then strain the liquid into a glass, and add fresh ice that was not previously used in the making of his drink.
and third was the kid - that's right, an eight year-old KID, that wanted a chocolate milk.
"but only two pumps of chocolate. give me an extra pump of vanilla and use milk from a container that hasn't been opened yet - i like fresh milk - and then just put about five ice cubes in it, but make sure all the syrup is completely mixed in, and then i want whipped cream with caramel on top. but just one swirl of caramel, not a whole bunch, ok?"
can you imagine what this kid is going to be like in ten years?
barista rant: we have gone over this so many friggen' times! when you ask for a venti drip, and i then ask you if you'd like room, just say yes! if you just say yes, then you won't feel the need to pour hot, steaming coffee in the trash can to make room for the milk you're about to put in your drink. if you continue to say "no, no room" then i won't leave any! so please, just say yes! that way when i empty the trash it won't weigh ten extra pounds from the coffee that you and all the other idiot customers dump in it to make room!
8.12.2006
annoying regular and regular annoyance
so, miss "look at me!" came in again tonight.
of course she scanned the store upon entering and when spotting me behind the bar, marched right over to me and started to gab.
"brat! how are you?" she asked before launching into a tirade about the gym.
"I went there bright and early to get the machine i wanted and you know what? there was someone on it! i know there's about ten other machines just like it, but i don't like them."
"oh, really?" i asked in between calling out the drinks i was making. i really don't know why she has latched herself on to me.
"honey, i've signed up with a trainer and i bought a zone diet book!"
"oh, really?" was my standard response as i continued to make drinks.
"yeah, but i don't think it's working that well. when i was younger i would have dropped five pounds by now - but look at me!" she lifted her shirt to reveal the same folds she showed me last time.
i'm frightened she's going to flash me every time she comes in.
but the most annoying customer of the night goes to miss "cappuccino".
she properly asked for a frappuccino with whipped cream. but then she wanted to add two more drinks.
"cappuccinos - two of them." she informed the register partner.
"cappuccinos? you mean the hot ones, yeah?" she verified.
"yes, two cappuccinos with whipped cream." the customer answered.
"alright, one frappuccino and two hot cappuccinos with whipped cream?" the register partner again verified because whipped cream on top of cappuccinos is almost unheard of.
"yes!" the customer was getting testy. "that's what i want!"
so, after making her frappuccino, i made two cappuccinos and topped them with whipped cream. yeah, it was an odd drink but i'd heard my register partner verify it twice so i just figured the lady had odd tastes.
"no! not these! i want them like this one!" she pointed to the frappuccino after i'd set her drinks on the bar.
"didn't you ask for hot cappuccinos?' i asked although i already knew the answer.
"i asked for cappuccinos but not hot ones." she tried to backtrack.
"well, cappuccinos are hot." i informed her - upset because i knew i was going to have to redo the drinks.
"oh, i was confused," she lied with a smile plastered on her face. "can i get them cold?"
i so wanted to say 'no', but of course i just sighed deeply and dumped the made to order cappuccinos and instead prepared the ice blended drinks for her.
barista rant: why can't you ask for everything you want at one time? why do you wait until i've made your iced coffee to ask me to put extra syrup in it. and when i've added the extra syrup, why do you then ask me to put it in a bigger cup and add extra ice. and when i've added the ice and given you a larger cup, you then ask me to add a touch of half and half to it. and when i've done that you then ask me to put a dome lid on top and fill it with whipped cream. is this how your ocd manifests itself? if so - please get help.
of course she scanned the store upon entering and when spotting me behind the bar, marched right over to me and started to gab.
"brat! how are you?" she asked before launching into a tirade about the gym.
"I went there bright and early to get the machine i wanted and you know what? there was someone on it! i know there's about ten other machines just like it, but i don't like them."
"oh, really?" i asked in between calling out the drinks i was making. i really don't know why she has latched herself on to me.
"honey, i've signed up with a trainer and i bought a zone diet book!"
"oh, really?" was my standard response as i continued to make drinks.
"yeah, but i don't think it's working that well. when i was younger i would have dropped five pounds by now - but look at me!" she lifted her shirt to reveal the same folds she showed me last time.
i'm frightened she's going to flash me every time she comes in.
but the most annoying customer of the night goes to miss "cappuccino".
she properly asked for a frappuccino with whipped cream. but then she wanted to add two more drinks.
"cappuccinos - two of them." she informed the register partner.
"cappuccinos? you mean the hot ones, yeah?" she verified.
"yes, two cappuccinos with whipped cream." the customer answered.
"alright, one frappuccino and two hot cappuccinos with whipped cream?" the register partner again verified because whipped cream on top of cappuccinos is almost unheard of.
"yes!" the customer was getting testy. "that's what i want!"
so, after making her frappuccino, i made two cappuccinos and topped them with whipped cream. yeah, it was an odd drink but i'd heard my register partner verify it twice so i just figured the lady had odd tastes.
"no! not these! i want them like this one!" she pointed to the frappuccino after i'd set her drinks on the bar.
"didn't you ask for hot cappuccinos?' i asked although i already knew the answer.
"i asked for cappuccinos but not hot ones." she tried to backtrack.
"well, cappuccinos are hot." i informed her - upset because i knew i was going to have to redo the drinks.
"oh, i was confused," she lied with a smile plastered on her face. "can i get them cold?"
i so wanted to say 'no', but of course i just sighed deeply and dumped the made to order cappuccinos and instead prepared the ice blended drinks for her.
barista rant: why can't you ask for everything you want at one time? why do you wait until i've made your iced coffee to ask me to put extra syrup in it. and when i've added the extra syrup, why do you then ask me to put it in a bigger cup and add extra ice. and when i've added the ice and given you a larger cup, you then ask me to add a touch of half and half to it. and when i've done that you then ask me to put a dome lid on top and fill it with whipped cream. is this how your ocd manifests itself? if so - please get help.
8.10.2006
details? who needs details?
this story comes way of a fellow barista buddy at a different bux.
often bux will get phone orders from customers that want their drinks ready as soon as they walk in the door. other phone in orders are from movie sets, corporations, business meetings, cheerleaders, etc.
when a large phone order comes in, any barista worth their salt will verify the location with the customer because more than once an order has been placed at one bux, only to have the customer arrive at a bux three blocks away. also, an experienced barista will jot down the customer's phone number.
i actually know a partner that received a phone order for twenty bone dry soy cappuccinos. figuring it was someone's idea of a joke, the barista asked for a phone number. at first the customer on the telephone balked and tried to refuse giving out their number. when realizing the barista wouldn't start making the drinks unless he gave her his phone number, he relented. not two seconds after the barista hung up, she called the number the customer gave her only to be greeted with a "dominos, can you hold please?".
but i digress...
yesterday my fellow barista buddy was the leading the shift at his bux. the phone rang while they were in the middle of a rush and when he picked it up he found it was a customer wanting to order over thirty drinks for a commercial shoot. he handed the phone over to a newbie who's shift was just about over to write down the drinks so he could finish helping the customers that were actually in his store.
well, not only did newbie neglect to verify the location, she forgot to get a phone number. she just handed the list over to my buddy and punched out for the day.
the drinks were made and placed in boxes - waiting for the person who ordered them to come pay and pick them up. twenty minutes pass and no one came to claim the drinks. thirty minutes pass and no one came to claim the drinks. mind you, the frappuccinos were liquefied and the lattes were tepid by this point. my fellow barista buddy figured the phone order was meant for a different store and dumped all the drinks.
cue to this morning: bright and early a customer walks in and informs my fellow barista buddy that he's there to pick up the order.
"um, what order?" my buddy asked the customer.
"the large order for the commercial shoot. there was like over thirty drinks! i called yesterday and specifically told the girl they needed to be ready first thing this morning!"
that's right, folks.
newbie neglected to tell my buddy that the order was for the NEXT DAY!
let's just say she'll be cleaning the drains for the next week or so.
customer rant: dude! you close at midnight! i know it sucks to be at work so late but those are your hours of operation. so why the hell are you flicking the lights on and off at 11:30?!? a full half hour before you lock your doors and your trying to chase the customers out of the store! if you really hate closing that much - change your availability, but don't make your customers experience suck for the last half hour.
often bux will get phone orders from customers that want their drinks ready as soon as they walk in the door. other phone in orders are from movie sets, corporations, business meetings, cheerleaders, etc.
when a large phone order comes in, any barista worth their salt will verify the location with the customer because more than once an order has been placed at one bux, only to have the customer arrive at a bux three blocks away. also, an experienced barista will jot down the customer's phone number.
i actually know a partner that received a phone order for twenty bone dry soy cappuccinos. figuring it was someone's idea of a joke, the barista asked for a phone number. at first the customer on the telephone balked and tried to refuse giving out their number. when realizing the barista wouldn't start making the drinks unless he gave her his phone number, he relented. not two seconds after the barista hung up, she called the number the customer gave her only to be greeted with a "dominos, can you hold please?".
but i digress...
yesterday my fellow barista buddy was the leading the shift at his bux. the phone rang while they were in the middle of a rush and when he picked it up he found it was a customer wanting to order over thirty drinks for a commercial shoot. he handed the phone over to a newbie who's shift was just about over to write down the drinks so he could finish helping the customers that were actually in his store.
well, not only did newbie neglect to verify the location, she forgot to get a phone number. she just handed the list over to my buddy and punched out for the day.
the drinks were made and placed in boxes - waiting for the person who ordered them to come pay and pick them up. twenty minutes pass and no one came to claim the drinks. thirty minutes pass and no one came to claim the drinks. mind you, the frappuccinos were liquefied and the lattes were tepid by this point. my fellow barista buddy figured the phone order was meant for a different store and dumped all the drinks.
cue to this morning: bright and early a customer walks in and informs my fellow barista buddy that he's there to pick up the order.
"um, what order?" my buddy asked the customer.
"the large order for the commercial shoot. there was like over thirty drinks! i called yesterday and specifically told the girl they needed to be ready first thing this morning!"
that's right, folks.
newbie neglected to tell my buddy that the order was for the NEXT DAY!
let's just say she'll be cleaning the drains for the next week or so.
customer rant: dude! you close at midnight! i know it sucks to be at work so late but those are your hours of operation. so why the hell are you flicking the lights on and off at 11:30?!? a full half hour before you lock your doors and your trying to chase the customers out of the store! if you really hate closing that much - change your availability, but don't make your customers experience suck for the last half hour.
8.08.2006
look at me!
short morning shift today (hooray!) but filled with very odd characters.
oddball #1 - a man ordered two completely different drinks: a frappuccino and a sugar-free hazelnut nonfat latte.
"i'm sorry but we're out of sugar-free hazelnut. would you like to try sugar-free vanilla instead?" i asked him.
"oh no!" he exclaimed, showing me just how upset he was over it. "my husband won't let me drink anything else!"
honestly, i thought the guy was kidding, but he wasn't.
"he's going to spank me when he finds out it's not sugar-free hazelnut," he informed me, and i giggled thinking he was making a joke.
"no," he leaned over the register and looked me straight in the eye. "he's REALLY going to spank me," he whispered in a haley joel osment 'sixth sense' kind of voice.
my mind is still reeling from that one.
oddball #2 - i was on bar making drinks and for some reason a woman waiting for her drink decided i was her new best friend.
"honey, i'm going to the gym right after this," she told me.
"uh, yeah?" i responded, not quite sure why she was giving me a rundown of her day.
"yeah, i've gotta lose about twenty pounds."
"oh, really?" i mean, what was i supposed to say? i couldn't be honest and reply, "looks more like thirty to me" could i?
"you should have seen me ten years ago!" she continues. "i could eat whatever i wanted and not gain a pound!"
"wow," was all i could muster.
"look at me!" she nearly shouted and lifted her shirt to expose a few rolls of fat. "look at me!" she shouted again, her shirt still up in the air.
"ugh, er...um" was my only response.
"and my legs! i used to have legs to die for, but look at me!" she turns around and hikes up her shorts to reveal her dimply flesh. "look at them!"
i expedited her drink just so she could leave, but no - she stood there sipping on her raspberry hazelnut mocha between flashing spells - what a kook.
oddball #3 & #4 - a woman came in with her daughter (who was only about seven or eight).
"um, what do i want?" she asked, as if i would know the answer. "honey," she addressed her daughter, "what is it that mommy always gets?"
"a car-a-mel mac-chi-a-tto!" she replied in her cute sing-song little kid voice.
"ok," the woman told me. "i want that."
"what size?" i asked and pointed to the different sized cups.
"honey," she addressed her daughter again, "what size does mommy get?"
"you get a gran-de." the little girl replied.
"that size." the woman told me.
"uh, anything else?" i asked the woman, realizing i should have just asked the daughter to save time.
"honey," the woman asked the little girl, "does mommy get anything else?"
"why you al-ways as-king me?" the daughter responded. "i don't like it when you drink coff-ee!"
"oh!" the woman replied to her daughter, then turned back to me. "i guess i'm going to cancel that order today. sorry!"
and off the two of them went.
so...friggen'...strange.
customer rant: i know your store is busy and i know your partners are stressed out, but that doesn't mean you can yell at them and call them names. you don't even care that you called your register partner a "dumbass" in front of customers! what makes you think this is ok behaviour? what makes you think you can treat your partners any damn way you feel like? and what makes you think your customers won't be complaining about it? my advice? start looking for another job pronto.
oddball #1 - a man ordered two completely different drinks: a frappuccino and a sugar-free hazelnut nonfat latte.
"i'm sorry but we're out of sugar-free hazelnut. would you like to try sugar-free vanilla instead?" i asked him.
"oh no!" he exclaimed, showing me just how upset he was over it. "my husband won't let me drink anything else!"
honestly, i thought the guy was kidding, but he wasn't.
"he's going to spank me when he finds out it's not sugar-free hazelnut," he informed me, and i giggled thinking he was making a joke.
"no," he leaned over the register and looked me straight in the eye. "he's REALLY going to spank me," he whispered in a haley joel osment 'sixth sense' kind of voice.
my mind is still reeling from that one.
oddball #2 - i was on bar making drinks and for some reason a woman waiting for her drink decided i was her new best friend.
"honey, i'm going to the gym right after this," she told me.
"uh, yeah?" i responded, not quite sure why she was giving me a rundown of her day.
"yeah, i've gotta lose about twenty pounds."
"oh, really?" i mean, what was i supposed to say? i couldn't be honest and reply, "looks more like thirty to me" could i?
"you should have seen me ten years ago!" she continues. "i could eat whatever i wanted and not gain a pound!"
"wow," was all i could muster.
"look at me!" she nearly shouted and lifted her shirt to expose a few rolls of fat. "look at me!" she shouted again, her shirt still up in the air.
"ugh, er...um" was my only response.
"and my legs! i used to have legs to die for, but look at me!" she turns around and hikes up her shorts to reveal her dimply flesh. "look at them!"
i expedited her drink just so she could leave, but no - she stood there sipping on her raspberry hazelnut mocha between flashing spells - what a kook.
oddball #3 & #4 - a woman came in with her daughter (who was only about seven or eight).
"um, what do i want?" she asked, as if i would know the answer. "honey," she addressed her daughter, "what is it that mommy always gets?"
"a car-a-mel mac-chi-a-tto!" she replied in her cute sing-song little kid voice.
"ok," the woman told me. "i want that."
"what size?" i asked and pointed to the different sized cups.
"honey," she addressed her daughter again, "what size does mommy get?"
"you get a gran-de." the little girl replied.
"that size." the woman told me.
"uh, anything else?" i asked the woman, realizing i should have just asked the daughter to save time.
"honey," the woman asked the little girl, "does mommy get anything else?"
"why you al-ways as-king me?" the daughter responded. "i don't like it when you drink coff-ee!"
"oh!" the woman replied to her daughter, then turned back to me. "i guess i'm going to cancel that order today. sorry!"
and off the two of them went.
so...friggen'...strange.
customer rant: i know your store is busy and i know your partners are stressed out, but that doesn't mean you can yell at them and call them names. you don't even care that you called your register partner a "dumbass" in front of customers! what makes you think this is ok behaviour? what makes you think you can treat your partners any damn way you feel like? and what makes you think your customers won't be complaining about it? my advice? start looking for another job pronto.
8.06.2006
blah, blah, blah
so, although quite bratty, i can also be a chatty barista.
but i'm not a 'i'm going to talk your ear off and you're going to want kill yourself to escape my voice' barista.
uh, yeah - worked with one of those today.
he is very nice and seems to be a decent worker, except for the fact that he never shuts his mouth. mind you - it's not that i hate conversing with people, i just hate being talked to non-stop for my entire shift. you can't get a word in edgewise, and if you walk away or start cleaning something, this guy will follow you around with his mouth running the whole time.
his favorite subject is himself.
every sentence must commence with an "i really hate...", "i'm allergic to...", "someday i want to...", "i believe that...", "i'm an avid...", "i'm really talented at...", "i can't stand people who..." only to end his tirade with a "but i'm a really humble person".
let me tell you, you can only nod your head and say "uh-huh" and "yeah" so many times.
it got to the point that i was outwardly ignoring him just to stay sane. he noticed and changed tactics by saying, "do you know what i like best about..." to try and manipulate me into asking "what?" therefore forcing me to listen to his endless list of likes and dislikes.
honestly, i probably wouldn't have minded so much if he kept busy while he gabbed. but he didn't. he just continually wiped the same square foot of counterspace with a rag while telling me the exciting tale of how he chose his shampoo.
i work with him twice more next week and i'm not looking forward to it. especially since we're in a slow store and i can't even count on customers as a distraction.
barista rant: did you not see our posted hours of operation? it very clearly states what time we close and yet half an hour after we've locked our doors you appear like a stray puppy. "please can we get a drink? just a small one!" you beg. when i give you the universal hand sign for "we're closed - go home!" you press your palms together and plead some more, "i just really need a coffee. pleeeeeeeeeease?". again, i let you know we have closed for the night. your response? you stomp your foot and threaten to never come to my bux again. honestly, do you think i care?
but i'm not a 'i'm going to talk your ear off and you're going to want kill yourself to escape my voice' barista.
uh, yeah - worked with one of those today.
he is very nice and seems to be a decent worker, except for the fact that he never shuts his mouth. mind you - it's not that i hate conversing with people, i just hate being talked to non-stop for my entire shift. you can't get a word in edgewise, and if you walk away or start cleaning something, this guy will follow you around with his mouth running the whole time.
his favorite subject is himself.
every sentence must commence with an "i really hate...", "i'm allergic to...", "someday i want to...", "i believe that...", "i'm an avid...", "i'm really talented at...", "i can't stand people who..." only to end his tirade with a "but i'm a really humble person".
let me tell you, you can only nod your head and say "uh-huh" and "yeah" so many times.
it got to the point that i was outwardly ignoring him just to stay sane. he noticed and changed tactics by saying, "do you know what i like best about..." to try and manipulate me into asking "what?" therefore forcing me to listen to his endless list of likes and dislikes.
honestly, i probably wouldn't have minded so much if he kept busy while he gabbed. but he didn't. he just continually wiped the same square foot of counterspace with a rag while telling me the exciting tale of how he chose his shampoo.
i work with him twice more next week and i'm not looking forward to it. especially since we're in a slow store and i can't even count on customers as a distraction.
barista rant: did you not see our posted hours of operation? it very clearly states what time we close and yet half an hour after we've locked our doors you appear like a stray puppy. "please can we get a drink? just a small one!" you beg. when i give you the universal hand sign for "we're closed - go home!" you press your palms together and plead some more, "i just really need a coffee. pleeeeeeeeeease?". again, i let you know we have closed for the night. your response? you stomp your foot and threaten to never come to my bux again. honestly, do you think i care?
8.05.2006
move the left...move to the right
another "soy blended drink" lady came in tonight. of course i was quick to inform her that "blended" and "soy" are diametrically opposed in my bux. she sighed and pouted, but she did NOT walk away with a blended soy drink.
score one for the brat!
so, i alluded to some drama on the horizon. guess this new district is doing a "management shuffle". of course, there are many reasons to do the shuffle. sometimes it's because a certain manager isn't cutting it. other times it's because they're da bomb diggity and they are moving to a store that really needs their skills. and other times i think it's because a district manager gets a bug up the bootie and wants to disturb any sense of familiarity a store might have.
which reason applies in my new district? really, i have no idea. i haven't been here long enough to know the dirt. heck, i haven't even met all the partners in my new bux yet. but whatever manager ends up in my bux - i'm ready. the other partners seem a bit jaded and just shrug their shoulders when talking about the shuffle. it's almost as if they don't even care - and maybe they don't. the current manager hardly seems bothersome, but neither is she endearing. none of the partners seem sad at all that she will be leaving and i've barely worked with her so i'm not sad either.
so, hopefully a nice laid back and chill manager will be picked to join our bux, although from what i've heard of our district manager, i guess i should prepare for the worst.
partner rant: you've been here HOW long? over a month? and still you're not sure how many shots go into a grande latte or how to mark a cup for an extra foamy caramel macchiatto. even five minutes after i gave you the recipe for a tall mocha you forgot it. how is that possible? it was one stinkin' drink! was it truly a struggle to keep '3 pumps mocha, one shot espresso, steamed milk, whipped cream' in your memory banks five minutes later? i guess so because when i asked you to repeat the recipe you gave me a dumb look and giggled, "i forgot! tee hee!". you better start remembering if you want to keep your job.
score one for the brat!
so, i alluded to some drama on the horizon. guess this new district is doing a "management shuffle". of course, there are many reasons to do the shuffle. sometimes it's because a certain manager isn't cutting it. other times it's because they're da bomb diggity and they are moving to a store that really needs their skills. and other times i think it's because a district manager gets a bug up the bootie and wants to disturb any sense of familiarity a store might have.
which reason applies in my new district? really, i have no idea. i haven't been here long enough to know the dirt. heck, i haven't even met all the partners in my new bux yet. but whatever manager ends up in my bux - i'm ready. the other partners seem a bit jaded and just shrug their shoulders when talking about the shuffle. it's almost as if they don't even care - and maybe they don't. the current manager hardly seems bothersome, but neither is she endearing. none of the partners seem sad at all that she will be leaving and i've barely worked with her so i'm not sad either.
so, hopefully a nice laid back and chill manager will be picked to join our bux, although from what i've heard of our district manager, i guess i should prepare for the worst.
partner rant: you've been here HOW long? over a month? and still you're not sure how many shots go into a grande latte or how to mark a cup for an extra foamy caramel macchiatto. even five minutes after i gave you the recipe for a tall mocha you forgot it. how is that possible? it was one stinkin' drink! was it truly a struggle to keep '3 pumps mocha, one shot espresso, steamed milk, whipped cream' in your memory banks five minutes later? i guess so because when i asked you to repeat the recipe you gave me a dumb look and giggled, "i forgot! tee hee!". you better start remembering if you want to keep your job.
8.02.2006
just say "yes" to saying "no"
so, i encountered my first high maintenance customer at the new bux.
you may remember my rants about bux customers that want us to make drinks that aren't on the menu. i'm not talking about adding a couple pumps of syrup here, or using organic milk there. i'm talking completely made up beverages that are pains to make, just to satisfy some person's bizarre need to feel special.
not only are the drinks annoying to make but the customers watch our every move, squawking if an extra granule of sugar makes its way into the cup or if the milk is at 166 degrees instead of 165.
an oft requested non-menu drink is a frappuccino made with soy milk. there are rumors that bux will actually start making a soy frappuccino, but as of now we don't do them. when customers would ask for a soy blended drink, i would let them know we didn't have any such drink but i could make them a soy drink on the rocks. that usually appeased them, but even if they bitched and moaned, i didn't comply.
so, today when a woman came in requesting a drink that was ice blended and made with soy,i was prepared to give her my usual "we can't do that" speech. unfortunately another partner piped up and asked, "well, what is it you want? i'm sure i could make something for you even though it's not on the menu".
i cringed inwardly knowing that she had set herself up for the nightmare of a lifetime.
sure enough, the lady wanted a soy blended drink, but made with tea instead of coffee or espresso. now, we have three different iced teas every day. one herbal, one green and one black. are you really shocked to learn that none of these teas would do for miss "blended soy"? no, she wanted a MIX of mint tea and chai tea (NOT the sweetened concentrate - just the plain stuff) which meant we had to special brew the combination just for her. that meant waiting four minutes for it to steep. then she wanted sugar free syrup added to the tea and then soy and then blended.
my fellow barista did all this for the lady, and guess what?
"um, this just doesn't taste that good at all. can i just have a caramel frappuccino instead?"
see? that's why i just say no when it comes to freaky specialty drinks.
barista rant: i'm sorry we ran out of plastic forks. i know it's an inconvenience, but really your reaction was pretty pathetic. "can you check?" you whined, and when i informed you that i was positive there were no plastic forks in our store, you got agitated. and when i told you that the sandwich shop next door was sure to have them - you squinted your eyes and sneered, "then why don't you go ask them for some, so the next time a customer wants a fork you will have them?" sure, i'll have plenty of forks on hand next time you come around. the better to stab you with, my pretty.
you may remember my rants about bux customers that want us to make drinks that aren't on the menu. i'm not talking about adding a couple pumps of syrup here, or using organic milk there. i'm talking completely made up beverages that are pains to make, just to satisfy some person's bizarre need to feel special.
not only are the drinks annoying to make but the customers watch our every move, squawking if an extra granule of sugar makes its way into the cup or if the milk is at 166 degrees instead of 165.
an oft requested non-menu drink is a frappuccino made with soy milk. there are rumors that bux will actually start making a soy frappuccino, but as of now we don't do them. when customers would ask for a soy blended drink, i would let them know we didn't have any such drink but i could make them a soy drink on the rocks. that usually appeased them, but even if they bitched and moaned, i didn't comply.
so, today when a woman came in requesting a drink that was ice blended and made with soy,i was prepared to give her my usual "we can't do that" speech. unfortunately another partner piped up and asked, "well, what is it you want? i'm sure i could make something for you even though it's not on the menu".
i cringed inwardly knowing that she had set herself up for the nightmare of a lifetime.
sure enough, the lady wanted a soy blended drink, but made with tea instead of coffee or espresso. now, we have three different iced teas every day. one herbal, one green and one black. are you really shocked to learn that none of these teas would do for miss "blended soy"? no, she wanted a MIX of mint tea and chai tea (NOT the sweetened concentrate - just the plain stuff) which meant we had to special brew the combination just for her. that meant waiting four minutes for it to steep. then she wanted sugar free syrup added to the tea and then soy and then blended.
my fellow barista did all this for the lady, and guess what?
"um, this just doesn't taste that good at all. can i just have a caramel frappuccino instead?"
see? that's why i just say no when it comes to freaky specialty drinks.
barista rant: i'm sorry we ran out of plastic forks. i know it's an inconvenience, but really your reaction was pretty pathetic. "can you check?" you whined, and when i informed you that i was positive there were no plastic forks in our store, you got agitated. and when i told you that the sandwich shop next door was sure to have them - you squinted your eyes and sneered, "then why don't you go ask them for some, so the next time a customer wants a fork you will have them?" sure, i'll have plenty of forks on hand next time you come around. the better to stab you with, my pretty.
7.30.2006
still adjusting
so, only a week at my new bux and already things are going to change.
from what i hear the district manager can be affectionately described as a "nightmare" and there has been a lot of management movement within the district. so long as it doesn't directly affect my schedule, i'm not sweating it.
today i experienced my first rush at the new bux - well, what passes for a rush in this store. my fellow baristas are good, but they aren't as fast as the partners at my old bux. they aren't slow, but they're not fast. the set up of the store is completely different, so i'm not at my usual quick pace, but i'm still a superstar.
i haven't met any partners that i dislike or rub me the wrong way, and that pleases me much. the customers are still really laid back and i've made only a fraction of the frappuccinos i'm used to making during the summer. so nice!
there are a ton of regulars at this bux who come in multiple times within the day which makes me wonder - do they have jobs? they bypass me when i asked them if i can start their drink and instead go directly to the partners they know and love. i find that funny. especially since they've seen me all week and it's finally dawning on them that i'm here to stay.
so, final assessment of new bux: good with good people.
hopefully next week doesn't hold too many surprises.
customer rant: don't try to "school" me when i come into your store. don't say "oh, you must be new" and treat me as if i have a lot to learn. guess what, smartie - not only have i been around the bean block a few times, the "information" you're doling out is incorrect! why don't you crack open those manuals in the backroom and spend your time getting your bux facts straight instead of trying to show up another (better informed) barista.
from what i hear the district manager can be affectionately described as a "nightmare" and there has been a lot of management movement within the district. so long as it doesn't directly affect my schedule, i'm not sweating it.
today i experienced my first rush at the new bux - well, what passes for a rush in this store. my fellow baristas are good, but they aren't as fast as the partners at my old bux. they aren't slow, but they're not fast. the set up of the store is completely different, so i'm not at my usual quick pace, but i'm still a superstar.
i haven't met any partners that i dislike or rub me the wrong way, and that pleases me much. the customers are still really laid back and i've made only a fraction of the frappuccinos i'm used to making during the summer. so nice!
there are a ton of regulars at this bux who come in multiple times within the day which makes me wonder - do they have jobs? they bypass me when i asked them if i can start their drink and instead go directly to the partners they know and love. i find that funny. especially since they've seen me all week and it's finally dawning on them that i'm here to stay.
so, final assessment of new bux: good with good people.
hopefully next week doesn't hold too many surprises.
customer rant: don't try to "school" me when i come into your store. don't say "oh, you must be new" and treat me as if i have a lot to learn. guess what, smartie - not only have i been around the bean block a few times, the "information" you're doling out is incorrect! why don't you crack open those manuals in the backroom and spend your time getting your bux facts straight instead of trying to show up another (better informed) barista.
7.29.2006
"we gonna slow things down now"
so i'm getting more of a feel for the customers that frequent my new bux. they are mostly well-to-do, artsy and young. they have money from their work as actors, dot-commers, and online trading. the slide in with their chanel sun-glasses and their louis vuitton wallets. of course they're driving jettas and audis, but still they have some cash to spare.
i've definitely noticed the difference in the tip jar. my new bux has shorter business hours than my previous bux, as well as far fewer customers, but somehow my new bux RAKES in the dough. believe me, i'm loving it.
strangely, i'm finding it hard to connect with the customers in my new bux. they are soooo laid back it's difficult to even engage them in conversation. i felt as if i were imposing on them when i asked how their day was because the responses were usually just a half smile and a "hmmmmm". i had one guy slip me a dollar bill after i took his order. slipped it to me! slid it right in the palm of my hand instead of dropping it in the tip jar. it felt akin to p.diddy pointing at me and saying "whassup" from a balcony at the chateau marmont.
so, as week one comes to a close i'm finding that although not entirely in my element, it's an element i don't mind being in because of the extra money in my pocket.
wow, i just realized something.
i'm a bux sell-out.
partner rant: we ran out of vanilla syrup twice this week. um, that's about it for my rant. this store is just too easy going - it's hard to be mad about it.
i've definitely noticed the difference in the tip jar. my new bux has shorter business hours than my previous bux, as well as far fewer customers, but somehow my new bux RAKES in the dough. believe me, i'm loving it.
strangely, i'm finding it hard to connect with the customers in my new bux. they are soooo laid back it's difficult to even engage them in conversation. i felt as if i were imposing on them when i asked how their day was because the responses were usually just a half smile and a "hmmmmm". i had one guy slip me a dollar bill after i took his order. slipped it to me! slid it right in the palm of my hand instead of dropping it in the tip jar. it felt akin to p.diddy pointing at me and saying "whassup" from a balcony at the chateau marmont.
so, as week one comes to a close i'm finding that although not entirely in my element, it's an element i don't mind being in because of the extra money in my pocket.
wow, i just realized something.
i'm a bux sell-out.
partner rant: we ran out of vanilla syrup twice this week. um, that's about it for my rant. this store is just too easy going - it's hard to be mad about it.
7.27.2006
medicinal water
so i got to meet the local crazy today.
she wasn't polished, manicured or even clean so it was pretty easy to tell she wasn't part of our "normal" customer base, but that didn't stop me from being my usually upbeat bratty self.
"hi, what can i get started for you today?" i asked in my usual 'customer voice'.
"i can't drinks the coffees," she replied, showing all three of her teeth while she spoke.
"well, would you like tea? or one of our non-coffee frappuccinos?" i asked, still polite as ever.
"i can't drinks the teas. i needs the waters," she informed me.
"ok, i can get you some water." i grabbed one of our tall cups and she stopped me.
"no, i needs a big waters. it's for my bladders."
"uh, ok," i was surprised she had more than one. "sure, i can give you a venti water. did you want ice?"
"yeah, i needs ice in my waters. it's for my bladders. the doctor says i drinks too much soders."
it took me a couple seconds to realize 'soders' was supposed to be plural for 'soda'.
"ok, well good luck with that," i was trying to bid her good-bye.
"yeah, my doctor says i drinks too much soders." she repeated.
"so sorry to hear that. good luck!" i was still trying to bid her good-bye.
"pray for me! pray for my bladders!" she asked me.
"sure will!" i told her.
you think i'm going to hell because i didn't pray for her bladders?
the upside is a customer tipped us an extra two bucks because i was so nice to the local crazy.
karma, eh?
customer/partner/barista rant: so i wasn't even in your bux today but i can tell how much you suck as a partner. not only did you interrupt the customers in the sandwich shop to place your order, you were unruly, obnoxious and - quite frankly - a prick. then when it was time to pay, you made a big show of how you worked for the bux next door and that you got the "hook-up" deal: a sandwich for a buck. then you were loud as hell as you left the sandwich shop to go back over to bux. you are the reason people think baristas are jerks, in and out of the green apron.
she wasn't polished, manicured or even clean so it was pretty easy to tell she wasn't part of our "normal" customer base, but that didn't stop me from being my usually upbeat bratty self.
"hi, what can i get started for you today?" i asked in my usual 'customer voice'.
"i can't drinks the coffees," she replied, showing all three of her teeth while she spoke.
"well, would you like tea? or one of our non-coffee frappuccinos?" i asked, still polite as ever.
"i can't drinks the teas. i needs the waters," she informed me.
"ok, i can get you some water." i grabbed one of our tall cups and she stopped me.
"no, i needs a big waters. it's for my bladders."
"uh, ok," i was surprised she had more than one. "sure, i can give you a venti water. did you want ice?"
"yeah, i needs ice in my waters. it's for my bladders. the doctor says i drinks too much soders."
it took me a couple seconds to realize 'soders' was supposed to be plural for 'soda'.
"ok, well good luck with that," i was trying to bid her good-bye.
"yeah, my doctor says i drinks too much soders." she repeated.
"so sorry to hear that. good luck!" i was still trying to bid her good-bye.
"pray for me! pray for my bladders!" she asked me.
"sure will!" i told her.
you think i'm going to hell because i didn't pray for her bladders?
the upside is a customer tipped us an extra two bucks because i was so nice to the local crazy.
karma, eh?
customer/partner/barista rant: so i wasn't even in your bux today but i can tell how much you suck as a partner. not only did you interrupt the customers in the sandwich shop to place your order, you were unruly, obnoxious and - quite frankly - a prick. then when it was time to pay, you made a big show of how you worked for the bux next door and that you got the "hook-up" deal: a sandwich for a buck. then you were loud as hell as you left the sandwich shop to go back over to bux. you are the reason people think baristas are jerks, in and out of the green apron.
7.25.2006
nothing to write home about
so tonight was my first shift at my new bux.
i have learned that a harmonious work environment and polite customers make for a boring post on blogger.
so far the partners at this new store seem pretty laid back but wiling to do their job. they were all very welcoming and even a couple of the regular customers introduced themselves to me.
this bux is nowhere near a movie theatre, shopping center or ice cream parlor. that means it's very, very sllloooooowwwww.
do i mind?
hardly. it's nice to have enough time during your shift actually clean and prep everything necessary without going into overtime or working off the clock (which of course this brat will NEVER do). it's nice to have customers that aren't freaking out because their frappuccino is taking .004 seconds longer than usual. and it's really, really nice to have teenagers that are well behaved rather than unruly.
of course it will take time for me to get to know all the customers, get used to where all the product is stored and find out which partners are the bad apples.
but so you don't completely feel cheated - there was one thing of interest that happened at my new bux: i trapped then killed a fly that was in the pastry case.
customer rant: was it really necessary to throw a tantrum today? i know it was annoying that the customer in front of me ordered her drink incorrectly and then wanted you to remake it but really, did you have to huff and puff about it? as i stood before you - waiting to tell you my order - you continued to rant about the customer. when you finally calmed down and turned your attention to me, you were unfriendly and muttered "what do you want?" instead of a cheery "hi, what can i get started for you today?" if your shift is ruined by one incorrectly ordered drink, then i suggest you find another line of work. bux just seems to be too much for you.
i have learned that a harmonious work environment and polite customers make for a boring post on blogger.
so far the partners at this new store seem pretty laid back but wiling to do their job. they were all very welcoming and even a couple of the regular customers introduced themselves to me.
this bux is nowhere near a movie theatre, shopping center or ice cream parlor. that means it's very, very sllloooooowwwww.
do i mind?
hardly. it's nice to have enough time during your shift actually clean and prep everything necessary without going into overtime or working off the clock (which of course this brat will NEVER do). it's nice to have customers that aren't freaking out because their frappuccino is taking .004 seconds longer than usual. and it's really, really nice to have teenagers that are well behaved rather than unruly.
of course it will take time for me to get to know all the customers, get used to where all the product is stored and find out which partners are the bad apples.
but so you don't completely feel cheated - there was one thing of interest that happened at my new bux: i trapped then killed a fly that was in the pastry case.
customer rant: was it really necessary to throw a tantrum today? i know it was annoying that the customer in front of me ordered her drink incorrectly and then wanted you to remake it but really, did you have to huff and puff about it? as i stood before you - waiting to tell you my order - you continued to rant about the customer. when you finally calmed down and turned your attention to me, you were unfriendly and muttered "what do you want?" instead of a cheery "hi, what can i get started for you today?" if your shift is ruined by one incorrectly ordered drink, then i suggest you find another line of work. bux just seems to be too much for you.
7.24.2006
t minus 1
tomorrow i start at the new bux. i'm not excited, i'm not dreading it, i'm not shivering with antici---pation.
no, it's just going to be another day, albeit another bux. i'm sure some of the drama will be the same and i'm sure i'll hear many of the same customer complaints. but who knows, it's in a slightly more affluent area so maybe my tips will be higher.
of course, my last shift at my old bux had to have a memorable incident.
while working on bar i noticed a woman kind of hanging about the lobby. at one point she even got in line, only to jump back out once she made it to the register. a couple times she made eye contact with me, then would continue to just hang about the store. honestly, i thought she might have been impaired in some manner because she did not look all together "there".
so after about ten frappuccinos i forgot all about her. i was too busy in that blended beverage corner we so affectionately call "hell" to think any more about her. when the register partner called me over because a customer needed "assistance" i wasn't all that surprised to see it was the afore mentioned lady.
"hi, what can i help you with?" i started in my usual 'treat the guest nicely' manner.
"yeah, i have a bone to pick with you!"
"with me?" i was genuinely curious. was she mad i didn't wave hello when she made eye contact with me?
"well, not you but with your workers last night."
"really, what happened?"
"well, i come her all the time," she started to explain and already i knew she was just some scammer looking for a freebie. "and last night i came here with my whole family and everything was wrong!"
"i'm sorry to hear that," i continued in my bux 'just say yes' voice.
"yeah, everything was wrong!" she repeated. "all the coffees, all the sizes, even the pastries!"
now, just for some insight - a good scammer has a general, yet specific story. "oh, that girl with the longish hair was rude to me and gave me the incorrect change." or "that tall guy made two tall frappuccinos instead of two ventis." this lady's story was just too general to be true. it struck me very odd that my fellow baristas were incapable of getting ONE item correct for this lady and her "family".
"yeah, i just got out of the hospital yesterday and everything was wrong!" she was trying to tug at my heartstrings, but it just wasn't working.
"i'm really sorry to hear that. how about a coffee for your trouble?" i offered, knowing full well she wanted some free drink coupons.
"uh, well they were all wrong!" she repeated again.
"oh, is your family here with you?" i asked. "i'd be happy to give them a free drip coffee as well."
"uh, no they were so mad they didn't want to come back here."
i asked the register partner to fill a grande cup with drip coffee, gave it to the lady and apologized for her experience. realizing she wasn't going to get anything else from me, she took the coffee and ran.
are you surprised?
barista rant: i know it's hot. i know you want water. so if a group of four of you walk into my bux, ask for the water all at the same friggen' time! don't ask one at a time. it is more annoying than you can possibly imagine for me to put a cup of water in front of one of you, only to have another one of you ask for a *surprise* cup of water. and then to repeat this same process two more times is not only time consuming, it's incredibly rude. just ask for four cups of water at one time, all right?
no, it's just going to be another day, albeit another bux. i'm sure some of the drama will be the same and i'm sure i'll hear many of the same customer complaints. but who knows, it's in a slightly more affluent area so maybe my tips will be higher.
of course, my last shift at my old bux had to have a memorable incident.
while working on bar i noticed a woman kind of hanging about the lobby. at one point she even got in line, only to jump back out once she made it to the register. a couple times she made eye contact with me, then would continue to just hang about the store. honestly, i thought she might have been impaired in some manner because she did not look all together "there".
so after about ten frappuccinos i forgot all about her. i was too busy in that blended beverage corner we so affectionately call "hell" to think any more about her. when the register partner called me over because a customer needed "assistance" i wasn't all that surprised to see it was the afore mentioned lady.
"hi, what can i help you with?" i started in my usual 'treat the guest nicely' manner.
"yeah, i have a bone to pick with you!"
"with me?" i was genuinely curious. was she mad i didn't wave hello when she made eye contact with me?
"well, not you but with your workers last night."
"really, what happened?"
"well, i come her all the time," she started to explain and already i knew she was just some scammer looking for a freebie. "and last night i came here with my whole family and everything was wrong!"
"i'm sorry to hear that," i continued in my bux 'just say yes' voice.
"yeah, everything was wrong!" she repeated. "all the coffees, all the sizes, even the pastries!"
now, just for some insight - a good scammer has a general, yet specific story. "oh, that girl with the longish hair was rude to me and gave me the incorrect change." or "that tall guy made two tall frappuccinos instead of two ventis." this lady's story was just too general to be true. it struck me very odd that my fellow baristas were incapable of getting ONE item correct for this lady and her "family".
"yeah, i just got out of the hospital yesterday and everything was wrong!" she was trying to tug at my heartstrings, but it just wasn't working.
"i'm really sorry to hear that. how about a coffee for your trouble?" i offered, knowing full well she wanted some free drink coupons.
"uh, well they were all wrong!" she repeated again.
"oh, is your family here with you?" i asked. "i'd be happy to give them a free drip coffee as well."
"uh, no they were so mad they didn't want to come back here."
i asked the register partner to fill a grande cup with drip coffee, gave it to the lady and apologized for her experience. realizing she wasn't going to get anything else from me, she took the coffee and ran.
are you surprised?
barista rant: i know it's hot. i know you want water. so if a group of four of you walk into my bux, ask for the water all at the same friggen' time! don't ask one at a time. it is more annoying than you can possibly imagine for me to put a cup of water in front of one of you, only to have another one of you ask for a *surprise* cup of water. and then to repeat this same process two more times is not only time consuming, it's incredibly rude. just ask for four cups of water at one time, all right?
7.21.2006
tell you what you want to hear
"but the other bux does it!" is a phrase all baristas hate to hear.
it's annoying for a variety of reasons. the first one being that customers feel if they bitch enough they'll get whatever it is their little hearts desire, whether it's a free drink or a heated up pastry. another reason is the customer's high maintenance drink is usually so time consuming, it breaks with the natural flow and our bar ends up being backed up because some individual felt we were morally obligated to humor them.
and then there's this reason: the customer doesn't realize the other bux just told them a big fat lie get them out of their store and now we are the ones left to educate annoying customer.
case in point - this morning a customer came in and ordered a chocolate brownie frappuccino, a drink that has been of the menu for a matter of YEARS. when we explained that the frappuccino most similar to the chocolate brownie is a java chip frappuccino, the customer vigorously shook her head and said "no!, i don't want the java chip, that's a totally different drink! i want the chocolate brownie!"
so, thinking that she wanted the coffee-free version of a java chip (which is called a double chocolate chip frappuccino) we asked the specifics of what she wanted in her blended mess.
"i want a frappuccino... with mocha... and chocolate brownie bits... and coffee!" she says super slow so us brain-dead baristas can understand.
"ma'am" i informed her, "we no longer carry brownie bits. what we have now are java chips."
"well the other store makes it for me!" she interrupts me by whining.
that's when the lightbulb finally clicks in my mind.
this customer is such a pain at the other bux that they felt it easier to make her a java chip and tell her it was a chocolate brownie frappuccino.
and you know what? i can feel for them, i really can. however, the problem that they attempted to eradicate has now become my problem. so, a drink order that should have taken seconds has turned into a drawn-out ordeal.
it's happened with other bux's making "blended caramel macchiatos" for customers when they are really making caramel frappuccinos. with "sugar-free frappuccinos" when they are actually making frappuccino light (that still includes sugar, mind you) and when they pretend that they've brewed a less caffeinated coffee when they really just put filled a cup halfway with decaf and halfway with regular.
education is key. i just wish the baristas at other bux's would be willing to do their part.
barista rant: how many times did i suggest you register your gift card that had over 100 dollars on it? i explained that losing the card was like losing cash, however if you registered it and it was lost, you would be sent a new card with the remaining balance. each and everytime you told me "ah, i won't lose it" and yet, what happened? yup, you lost your gift card. so, why the hell are YOU giving ME attitude? and how dare you act like you misunderstood me and thought you could register it AFTER it was lost. sorry, but you get no sympathy from me. you get no free drink for your pain, either.
it's annoying for a variety of reasons. the first one being that customers feel if they bitch enough they'll get whatever it is their little hearts desire, whether it's a free drink or a heated up pastry. another reason is the customer's high maintenance drink is usually so time consuming, it breaks with the natural flow and our bar ends up being backed up because some individual felt we were morally obligated to humor them.
and then there's this reason: the customer doesn't realize the other bux just told them a big fat lie get them out of their store and now we are the ones left to educate annoying customer.
case in point - this morning a customer came in and ordered a chocolate brownie frappuccino, a drink that has been of the menu for a matter of YEARS. when we explained that the frappuccino most similar to the chocolate brownie is a java chip frappuccino, the customer vigorously shook her head and said "no!, i don't want the java chip, that's a totally different drink! i want the chocolate brownie!"
so, thinking that she wanted the coffee-free version of a java chip (which is called a double chocolate chip frappuccino) we asked the specifics of what she wanted in her blended mess.
"i want a frappuccino... with mocha... and chocolate brownie bits... and coffee!" she says super slow so us brain-dead baristas can understand.
"ma'am" i informed her, "we no longer carry brownie bits. what we have now are java chips."
"well the other store makes it for me!" she interrupts me by whining.
that's when the lightbulb finally clicks in my mind.
this customer is such a pain at the other bux that they felt it easier to make her a java chip and tell her it was a chocolate brownie frappuccino.
and you know what? i can feel for them, i really can. however, the problem that they attempted to eradicate has now become my problem. so, a drink order that should have taken seconds has turned into a drawn-out ordeal.
it's happened with other bux's making "blended caramel macchiatos" for customers when they are really making caramel frappuccinos. with "sugar-free frappuccinos" when they are actually making frappuccino light (that still includes sugar, mind you) and when they pretend that they've brewed a less caffeinated coffee when they really just put filled a cup halfway with decaf and halfway with regular.
education is key. i just wish the baristas at other bux's would be willing to do their part.
barista rant: how many times did i suggest you register your gift card that had over 100 dollars on it? i explained that losing the card was like losing cash, however if you registered it and it was lost, you would be sent a new card with the remaining balance. each and everytime you told me "ah, i won't lose it" and yet, what happened? yup, you lost your gift card. so, why the hell are YOU giving ME attitude? and how dare you act like you misunderstood me and thought you could register it AFTER it was lost. sorry, but you get no sympathy from me. you get no free drink for your pain, either.
7.19.2006
the end is near...
so, as my last week in my current bux winds down, i've thought a lot about my different experiences here. i've learned a lot, i've laughed a lot, and i've wanted to throw hot coffee on people - a lot.
and just because i've loved all this reminiscing, i will share my most memorable moments with you.
my top favorite moment was when our loyal customer came to our rescue. not only did he defend us baristas against a crazy complaining customer, he picked the guy up in a bear hug and physically removed him from our premises. yeah, that loyal customer is golden!
my least favorite cleaning moment was when a kid got sick in our bathroom. instead of throwing up in the toilet, he thought the sink would suit him better. when he realized his chunks were too large for the sink drain, he ran hot water over his mess trying to melt the chunks. so by the time he called a barista over to help him, the bathroom stank of hot puke. ugh. the sink was full of hot water and chunks so i had to get a fork to extract the chunks from the drain. of course i had to take many breaks just to clear my lungs. by far the most disgusting experience i've had at bux.
my least favorite moment on bar wasn't when we were understaffed and had a line out the door (this sort of thing happens at least twice weekly), nor was it the time we were out of espresso beans, soy milk and vanilla syrup. no, my least favorite time on bar was when i steamed a large pitcher of extra hot nonfat milk and one of my fellow baristas knocked it over, drenching me with the scalding liquid. oh - and we had a line out the door at the time.
my favorite holiday moment was the first christmas my bux was open for business (previously christmas was the only day we were closed). not only did our regular customers bring us gifts, muffins, cookies and gingerbread men, but business was so slow that it felt more like a bunch of friends hanging out rather than a bunch a baristas working during a holiday.
my favorite manager karma moment was when a particularly horrendous manager was fired. yeah, he only lasted a matter of weeks in my store, and really - he should have known better.
my favorite customer karma moment was when a bitchy customer (who made our lives hell while she was ordering and re-ordering her drinks) put her frappuccino on the top of her car while she strapped her kid in the childseat. of course the drink slid of the roof and fell onto her, drenching her in the process. i admit - i loved it.
my favorite tipping moment was when a guy called and asked if i could order gift cards over the phone and have them ready for pick-up. normally we don't do that, but the guy was buying 50 gift cards and i realized it would take forever if we did them while he was in the store. the guy was so happy that they were ready by the time he got to the store, he put ten bucks in the tip jar and tipped me an additional twenty bucks. of course i shared the twenty bucks with my fellow baristas, but it was cool the guy was so appreciative.
thankfully the good memories out number the bad ones.
barista rant: how many times do we have to go over this? hang up the damn telephone when you order your drink! if you refuse to hang it up, at least tell the person on the phone to hang on while you talk to the barista. don't continue your phone conversation, then mouth something totally indiscernible to me, expecting that i'll know whatever the hell it is you want to drink. don't get pissed at me when i try and clarify your order. don't toss your money at me because you can't be bothered to hand it to me like a civilized person. excuse me if i didn't hear you whisper "make it decaf" while you talked about your manicure to your phone friend. if you put down the phone, i'm sure i'll better understand you next time.
and just because i've loved all this reminiscing, i will share my most memorable moments with you.
my top favorite moment was when our loyal customer came to our rescue. not only did he defend us baristas against a crazy complaining customer, he picked the guy up in a bear hug and physically removed him from our premises. yeah, that loyal customer is golden!
my least favorite cleaning moment was when a kid got sick in our bathroom. instead of throwing up in the toilet, he thought the sink would suit him better. when he realized his chunks were too large for the sink drain, he ran hot water over his mess trying to melt the chunks. so by the time he called a barista over to help him, the bathroom stank of hot puke. ugh. the sink was full of hot water and chunks so i had to get a fork to extract the chunks from the drain. of course i had to take many breaks just to clear my lungs. by far the most disgusting experience i've had at bux.
my least favorite moment on bar wasn't when we were understaffed and had a line out the door (this sort of thing happens at least twice weekly), nor was it the time we were out of espresso beans, soy milk and vanilla syrup. no, my least favorite time on bar was when i steamed a large pitcher of extra hot nonfat milk and one of my fellow baristas knocked it over, drenching me with the scalding liquid. oh - and we had a line out the door at the time.
my favorite holiday moment was the first christmas my bux was open for business (previously christmas was the only day we were closed). not only did our regular customers bring us gifts, muffins, cookies and gingerbread men, but business was so slow that it felt more like a bunch of friends hanging out rather than a bunch a baristas working during a holiday.
my favorite manager karma moment was when a particularly horrendous manager was fired. yeah, he only lasted a matter of weeks in my store, and really - he should have known better.
my favorite customer karma moment was when a bitchy customer (who made our lives hell while she was ordering and re-ordering her drinks) put her frappuccino on the top of her car while she strapped her kid in the childseat. of course the drink slid of the roof and fell onto her, drenching her in the process. i admit - i loved it.
my favorite tipping moment was when a guy called and asked if i could order gift cards over the phone and have them ready for pick-up. normally we don't do that, but the guy was buying 50 gift cards and i realized it would take forever if we did them while he was in the store. the guy was so happy that they were ready by the time he got to the store, he put ten bucks in the tip jar and tipped me an additional twenty bucks. of course i shared the twenty bucks with my fellow baristas, but it was cool the guy was so appreciative.
thankfully the good memories out number the bad ones.
barista rant: how many times do we have to go over this? hang up the damn telephone when you order your drink! if you refuse to hang it up, at least tell the person on the phone to hang on while you talk to the barista. don't continue your phone conversation, then mouth something totally indiscernible to me, expecting that i'll know whatever the hell it is you want to drink. don't get pissed at me when i try and clarify your order. don't toss your money at me because you can't be bothered to hand it to me like a civilized person. excuse me if i didn't hear you whisper "make it decaf" while you talked about your manicure to your phone friend. if you put down the phone, i'm sure i'll better understand you next time.
7.16.2006
newbies do the dumbest things
as promised: the nominees for dumbest newbie mistakes. some of these may involve some backstory.
- newbie who made the mistake of asking the assistant manager (not realizing, of course that she was speaking to the assistant manager) if she wanted a smoothie from the store next door because she'd already hooked-up the smoothie place "a bunch a times" and they owed her.
- newbie who had her mother call in sick for her, only to show up to get a drink before she went to the beach.
- newbie who made all drinks with regular espresso, even when there were supposed to be made decaf. his excuse: "so what? it still tastes the same."
- bux makes our own whipped cream and we use these special gas chargers to do it. it's easy: put charger in cap, twist until you hear gas released into container, toss charger. so, when we kept coming across "dead" chargers we thought the charger company was gypping us, sending us empty cartridges instead of full ones. well, we soon figured out newbie was putting used chargers back into the drawer to be used again. see, she thought there was an unlimited amount of gas in each charger, and once the cartridge was punctured it would re-seal itself. are you surprised she lasted less than a month?
- newbie who made every frappuccino a size too big so he could drink the excess. of course he was ready to puke by the end of the night.
- bux has many baristas that work more than one job. just so happens one newbie also had a job at the bagel place two doors down. well, newbie called to say that there was a death in the family and she couldn't come in for work. imagine the lead's surprise when he went to buy a bagel and newbie was the one to take his order?
- newbie who was being trained on how to make frappuccinos and how to top them properly with whipped cream. when he was told to clean the excess whipped cream off the lid of the frappuccino, he scooped it off with his finger and then licked his finger clean. right in front of the customer AND the manager.
- newbie who was covering a shift at a different bux and thought she could get away with breaking the rules at a store that wasn't her own. too bad for her the district manager who came if for a coffee saw her eating and drinking while she rang up customers.
- newbie who asked "um, just out of curiosity, what would happen if they found out you lied on your application and found out you didn't really quit your last job but got fired for stealing?"
i'd love to hear any newbies stories you might have. i know it's super easy to tell when your barista is new.
barista rant: are you kidding me? please - let me know what was going through your mind when you pulled every single toilet seat liner out of the holder and placed them on top of the trashcan. not IN the trashcan but ON it. was it supposed to be modern art? was it supposed to be some statement about bathroom waste? or are you just an idiot who felt it was necessary to do something to prove that you'd been in the bux bathroom?
- newbie who made the mistake of asking the assistant manager (not realizing, of course that she was speaking to the assistant manager) if she wanted a smoothie from the store next door because she'd already hooked-up the smoothie place "a bunch a times" and they owed her.
- newbie who had her mother call in sick for her, only to show up to get a drink before she went to the beach.
- newbie who made all drinks with regular espresso, even when there were supposed to be made decaf. his excuse: "so what? it still tastes the same."
- bux makes our own whipped cream and we use these special gas chargers to do it. it's easy: put charger in cap, twist until you hear gas released into container, toss charger. so, when we kept coming across "dead" chargers we thought the charger company was gypping us, sending us empty cartridges instead of full ones. well, we soon figured out newbie was putting used chargers back into the drawer to be used again. see, she thought there was an unlimited amount of gas in each charger, and once the cartridge was punctured it would re-seal itself. are you surprised she lasted less than a month?
- newbie who made every frappuccino a size too big so he could drink the excess. of course he was ready to puke by the end of the night.
- bux has many baristas that work more than one job. just so happens one newbie also had a job at the bagel place two doors down. well, newbie called to say that there was a death in the family and she couldn't come in for work. imagine the lead's surprise when he went to buy a bagel and newbie was the one to take his order?
- newbie who was being trained on how to make frappuccinos and how to top them properly with whipped cream. when he was told to clean the excess whipped cream off the lid of the frappuccino, he scooped it off with his finger and then licked his finger clean. right in front of the customer AND the manager.
- newbie who was covering a shift at a different bux and thought she could get away with breaking the rules at a store that wasn't her own. too bad for her the district manager who came if for a coffee saw her eating and drinking while she rang up customers.
- newbie who asked "um, just out of curiosity, what would happen if they found out you lied on your application and found out you didn't really quit your last job but got fired for stealing?"
i'd love to hear any newbies stories you might have. i know it's super easy to tell when your barista is new.
barista rant: are you kidding me? please - let me know what was going through your mind when you pulled every single toilet seat liner out of the holder and placed them on top of the trashcan. not IN the trashcan but ON it. was it supposed to be modern art? was it supposed to be some statement about bathroom waste? or are you just an idiot who felt it was necessary to do something to prove that you'd been in the bux bathroom?
7.15.2006
memories...
so, with just over a week left in my store, i've been fondly (or not so fondly as the case may be) reminiscing over past barista, customer and partner experiences.
the nominees in the "stupidest customer category" are:
- the lady who refused to call a frappuccino by it's name, instead insisting it's called a 'CRAPuccino'. it would be funny if she hated the things, but no - she actually drank them all the time.
- the lady who drank the blackberry green tea frappuccino even though she's deathly allergic to blackberries and ended up in the hospital each time she drank one.
- the man who waited ten minutes for his 'espresso brownie' drink, not realizing an espresso brownie is a pastry and that he had been clutching it the whole ten minutes he waited.
- the teen who asked if we carded for caffeine.
- the teen who argued with my awesome assistant manager that a white chocolate coffee based frappuccino was a totally different than drink than a white mocha frappuccino.
- the customer who asked me if we sold cigarettes.
- the customer who asked for a totally sugarless and syrupless latte, then complained that it wasn't sweet.
- the lady who argued with me that tea doesn't have caffeine since they are made from leaves and herbs.
- the lady who complained because our coffee cake didn't have coffee in it.
- the man who tried to get me to add his smuggled kahlua into his frappuccino.
- the teen who asked if i would give him a free drink because his friend worked at the coffee bean up the street.
- the customer who got pissed because there was milk in his kid's cocoa. he though we made instant hot chocolate with hot water.
- the man who insisted on an 18 second shot, even though we explained 20 times that our machines are now automatic.
- the lady who wanted to drink her latte from a ceramic mug, so she pulled one of the display case. when i explained that it was merchandise and she would have to purchase the mug if she wanted her drink in it, she replied "well, can't you just rinse it out when i've finished with it? i'm sure the person who buys it will never know."
- the teen who tried to get a free drink by flirting.
- the teen who wanted a discount because he was a christian.
i'm sure i've left quite a few off the list, but these are the most memorable in my mind. tomorrow will be the nominees for stupidest newbie mistakes.
barista rant: so yeah, you're upset that i'm leaving this bux. but don't yell out "i hate you! how can you do this to me?". i'm sorry if this feels like a divorce to you. i'm sorry that you're not happy with how my fellow baristas make your drink. just remember: it's not you - it's me.
the nominees in the "stupidest customer category" are:
- the lady who refused to call a frappuccino by it's name, instead insisting it's called a 'CRAPuccino'. it would be funny if she hated the things, but no - she actually drank them all the time.
- the lady who drank the blackberry green tea frappuccino even though she's deathly allergic to blackberries and ended up in the hospital each time she drank one.
- the man who waited ten minutes for his 'espresso brownie' drink, not realizing an espresso brownie is a pastry and that he had been clutching it the whole ten minutes he waited.
- the teen who asked if we carded for caffeine.
- the teen who argued with my awesome assistant manager that a white chocolate coffee based frappuccino was a totally different than drink than a white mocha frappuccino.
- the customer who asked me if we sold cigarettes.
- the customer who asked for a totally sugarless and syrupless latte, then complained that it wasn't sweet.
- the lady who argued with me that tea doesn't have caffeine since they are made from leaves and herbs.
- the lady who complained because our coffee cake didn't have coffee in it.
- the man who tried to get me to add his smuggled kahlua into his frappuccino.
- the teen who asked if i would give him a free drink because his friend worked at the coffee bean up the street.
- the customer who got pissed because there was milk in his kid's cocoa. he though we made instant hot chocolate with hot water.
- the man who insisted on an 18 second shot, even though we explained 20 times that our machines are now automatic.
- the lady who wanted to drink her latte from a ceramic mug, so she pulled one of the display case. when i explained that it was merchandise and she would have to purchase the mug if she wanted her drink in it, she replied "well, can't you just rinse it out when i've finished with it? i'm sure the person who buys it will never know."
- the teen who tried to get a free drink by flirting.
- the teen who wanted a discount because he was a christian.
i'm sure i've left quite a few off the list, but these are the most memorable in my mind. tomorrow will be the nominees for stupidest newbie mistakes.
barista rant: so yeah, you're upset that i'm leaving this bux. but don't yell out "i hate you! how can you do this to me?". i'm sorry if this feels like a divorce to you. i'm sorry that you're not happy with how my fellow baristas make your drink. just remember: it's not you - it's me.
7.12.2006
sucky bux
i love working for bux, i really do. i can't think of any other part-time job that gives you benefits, grants you stock and gives paid time off for vacation.
so, when my friend was hired at a bux near me i was happy for him. but that all changed very quickly. you see, not all bux are created equal.
my friend had the unfortunate experience of going to a sucky bux. the kind where the employees are cranky, the manager is clueless and ethics don't exist.
not only did they improperly train him (and mind you, bux has spent a lot of money developing and creating training manuals and techniques that ALL stores are to use), his assistant manager tried to get him to sign a piece of paper stating he will not be a barista but a janitor.
oh yeah, you read that right.
they want him to do floor runs, take the trash out, clean drains and scrub the toilets. and they want him to sign his name agreeing to it!
for anyone who might not know - there is NO such janitor position in bux. everyone is a barista and every barista should do floor runs, take the trash out, clean drains and scrub the toilets. i do it, managers worth their salt do it, newbies do it - basically, everyone in a green apron does it.
not only do baristas clean, they prep, they make drinks and they serve customers. because my friend's bux is a sucky bux, they've decided to make up their own rules and regulations. because my friend is new and not part of their particular clique, they are trying to get him to do all the grunt work.
apparenlty he's got a meeting with the store manager next week. it could be a sit down discussion in which his progress is discussed, or it could be just a formality for when they hand him his final paycheck. if it's the latter, i've already well informed him that what he's experience is NOT standard and i've given him a course of action to follow in case they try to fire him.
the tragedy is this guy was really keen to work for bux. now, of course, he's sour on the experience. but the real loser is bux. not only do they have idiots running one of their stores, their reputation as a great employer is being ruined by the likes of these idiots.
customer rant: i know working with friends is fun. i know joking around is fun. but please remember that customers don't come to bux to hear you shout, shriek or scream. we are here to relax and chat with friends over a cup of coffee. we do not want our conversations, our book reading, our paper writing to be interrupted multiple times by the baristas shouting dumb jokes to one another. this is the customers' third place, not your house party - ok?
so, when my friend was hired at a bux near me i was happy for him. but that all changed very quickly. you see, not all bux are created equal.
my friend had the unfortunate experience of going to a sucky bux. the kind where the employees are cranky, the manager is clueless and ethics don't exist.
not only did they improperly train him (and mind you, bux has spent a lot of money developing and creating training manuals and techniques that ALL stores are to use), his assistant manager tried to get him to sign a piece of paper stating he will not be a barista but a janitor.
oh yeah, you read that right.
they want him to do floor runs, take the trash out, clean drains and scrub the toilets. and they want him to sign his name agreeing to it!
for anyone who might not know - there is NO such janitor position in bux. everyone is a barista and every barista should do floor runs, take the trash out, clean drains and scrub the toilets. i do it, managers worth their salt do it, newbies do it - basically, everyone in a green apron does it.
not only do baristas clean, they prep, they make drinks and they serve customers. because my friend's bux is a sucky bux, they've decided to make up their own rules and regulations. because my friend is new and not part of their particular clique, they are trying to get him to do all the grunt work.
apparenlty he's got a meeting with the store manager next week. it could be a sit down discussion in which his progress is discussed, or it could be just a formality for when they hand him his final paycheck. if it's the latter, i've already well informed him that what he's experience is NOT standard and i've given him a course of action to follow in case they try to fire him.
the tragedy is this guy was really keen to work for bux. now, of course, he's sour on the experience. but the real loser is bux. not only do they have idiots running one of their stores, their reputation as a great employer is being ruined by the likes of these idiots.
customer rant: i know working with friends is fun. i know joking around is fun. but please remember that customers don't come to bux to hear you shout, shriek or scream. we are here to relax and chat with friends over a cup of coffee. we do not want our conversations, our book reading, our paper writing to be interrupted multiple times by the baristas shouting dumb jokes to one another. this is the customers' third place, not your house party - ok?
7.10.2006
brat moves bux!
today i won't rant about my bux.
nope.
you won't hear me complaining about the fact that my store is literally falling apart, how the schedule STILL is in desperate need of a skillful eye, how the newbies seem to be floundering instead of flourishing, how our orders still are inadequate, how we don't have enough management staff, how the best managements staff are gone/leaving, how all around the backroom there are stupid little notes left from my manager to "inspire" us baristas to work harder and sell more.
no, i will not be complaining about my bux because in just a matter of weeks i will have a new bux to complain about - uh, i mean discuss.
that is correct! barista brat has found a new bux to hang her apron at.
you might wonder if it was the manager, crappy ordering, poorly designed store, or lazy newbies that prompted the move - and yes, you would be correct.
but, oh, it's so much deeper than that!
my bux was once so wonderful to work at. even though a team of chimpanzees could have designed a better floorplan, it was hardly bothersome because we had a crew that all got along and ran like clockwork, a manager that really knew how to manage, and great loyal customers.
it's not as if all that is gone now, but a lot of it is. and the parts that aren't missing only happen about 40% of the time. i found myself loathing the hour i'd have to begin my shift, and that's never happened to me before at bux. i realized it was just time for me to move on because it was so depressing to come to work everyday and see what a mess it had become when once it was so grand.
so, it will be fun to embark on a new bux adventure with all of you. i know my new bux isn't perfect (part of the reason why they're sending me there - because i'm a bomb ass barista!) and i'm sure i will have plenty to rant about. i still have a couple weeks left at my current bux, but already i'm not hating going to work everyday because i know i will soon be out of there.
i just hope it doesn't turn out to be worse than my current bux!
customer rant: your pastry case was leaking water. i figured i'd just let you know since it wouldn't be pretty if a customer slipped and fell in the large puddle that had formed. so why the attitude when i pointed the leak out to you? why the heavy sigh followed by a "we know ALREADY!". if you knew ALREADY, why didn't you mop up the water? why didn't you put towels down to stop the leak? why wasn't your 'wet floor' sign out? excuse me for trying to be helpful. it's obvious that you ALREADY don't care.
nope.
you won't hear me complaining about the fact that my store is literally falling apart, how the schedule STILL is in desperate need of a skillful eye, how the newbies seem to be floundering instead of flourishing, how our orders still are inadequate, how we don't have enough management staff, how the best managements staff are gone/leaving, how all around the backroom there are stupid little notes left from my manager to "inspire" us baristas to work harder and sell more.
no, i will not be complaining about my bux because in just a matter of weeks i will have a new bux to complain about - uh, i mean discuss.
that is correct! barista brat has found a new bux to hang her apron at.
you might wonder if it was the manager, crappy ordering, poorly designed store, or lazy newbies that prompted the move - and yes, you would be correct.
but, oh, it's so much deeper than that!
my bux was once so wonderful to work at. even though a team of chimpanzees could have designed a better floorplan, it was hardly bothersome because we had a crew that all got along and ran like clockwork, a manager that really knew how to manage, and great loyal customers.
it's not as if all that is gone now, but a lot of it is. and the parts that aren't missing only happen about 40% of the time. i found myself loathing the hour i'd have to begin my shift, and that's never happened to me before at bux. i realized it was just time for me to move on because it was so depressing to come to work everyday and see what a mess it had become when once it was so grand.
so, it will be fun to embark on a new bux adventure with all of you. i know my new bux isn't perfect (part of the reason why they're sending me there - because i'm a bomb ass barista!) and i'm sure i will have plenty to rant about. i still have a couple weeks left at my current bux, but already i'm not hating going to work everyday because i know i will soon be out of there.
i just hope it doesn't turn out to be worse than my current bux!
customer rant: your pastry case was leaking water. i figured i'd just let you know since it wouldn't be pretty if a customer slipped and fell in the large puddle that had formed. so why the attitude when i pointed the leak out to you? why the heavy sigh followed by a "we know ALREADY!". if you knew ALREADY, why didn't you mop up the water? why didn't you put towels down to stop the leak? why wasn't your 'wet floor' sign out? excuse me for trying to be helpful. it's obvious that you ALREADY don't care.
7.05.2006
the scam stops here
today i had a newbie on register. right in the middle of a huge rush an older man plops a bag right on the counter and tells newbie he needs a refund.
having never done a return before, newbie asks me for help.
i can see the older man shift uncomfortably when he sees he'll be dealing with me, and not the newbie.
"i want to return these two mugs," he informs me and hands me the receipt.
now, the first thing i do when handling a return is check the date on the receipt. if the items were purchased more than 30 days before, i can only issue store credit.
so, looking at the receipt i noticed it was dated 7/05/06.
that's right. he purchased the mugs earlier in the day.
well, not exactly 'purchased'. upon closer inspection, i saw he had brought back a more expensive mug and exchanged it for the two mugs he was trying to return in my bux.
"ok," i tell newbie. "you push 'return', enter the sku for the two mugs and then total it out. now you hit the button for store credit - "
"no!" the man interrupted me. "i paid cash for them! i want cash back, not store credit! store credit is useless to me!"
"oh, i'm sorry sir, but i can only give you store credit - "
"no!" he interrupts me again. "i paid cash!"
"i'm sorry, but the receipt doesn't reflect that you paid cash. it only shows that you returned a mug and exchanged them for these two."
"well, what happened was my wife wanted a mug, so i bought one of those big ones, and then she said she wanted one with a handle, so i got her these two but i guess these are the wrong kind and she wants me to return them."
"i understand, and i would give you cash back if i could," i totally lied, but since i knew he was lying to me i didn't feel the slightest bit guilty. "but the computer system won't allow me to do that since the receipt doesn't show a cash transaction."
"well, they took my original receipt that showed i paid cash!"
"oh, well you should go back to that store. they probably still have the receipt and you can get cash back from them." i told him, knowing full well no such receipt existed.
scammer man left unhappy, and without cash in his pocket.
i then explained to newbie that a common scam is to steal a mug, take it to a bux and and exchange it for something different - then go to ANOTHER bux and try to either fool or intimidate the register partner into giving back cash.
the very sad thing is it works more often than it should, which is why the scam will continue.
customer rant: your condiment bar is right across from the registers. that means every time you ring someone up, you are facing the condiment bar. i know you're not visually impaired, so i can only assume you are failing to do your duty. why the hell is your condiment bar such a mess?!? how can you stand directly across from it and not be bothered by the trash overflowing, the granules of sugar spilled across the top, and the containers with dried milk on the side? please, do your job or quit.
having never done a return before, newbie asks me for help.
i can see the older man shift uncomfortably when he sees he'll be dealing with me, and not the newbie.
"i want to return these two mugs," he informs me and hands me the receipt.
now, the first thing i do when handling a return is check the date on the receipt. if the items were purchased more than 30 days before, i can only issue store credit.
so, looking at the receipt i noticed it was dated 7/05/06.
that's right. he purchased the mugs earlier in the day.
well, not exactly 'purchased'. upon closer inspection, i saw he had brought back a more expensive mug and exchanged it for the two mugs he was trying to return in my bux.
"ok," i tell newbie. "you push 'return', enter the sku for the two mugs and then total it out. now you hit the button for store credit - "
"no!" the man interrupted me. "i paid cash for them! i want cash back, not store credit! store credit is useless to me!"
"oh, i'm sorry sir, but i can only give you store credit - "
"no!" he interrupts me again. "i paid cash!"
"i'm sorry, but the receipt doesn't reflect that you paid cash. it only shows that you returned a mug and exchanged them for these two."
"well, what happened was my wife wanted a mug, so i bought one of those big ones, and then she said she wanted one with a handle, so i got her these two but i guess these are the wrong kind and she wants me to return them."
"i understand, and i would give you cash back if i could," i totally lied, but since i knew he was lying to me i didn't feel the slightest bit guilty. "but the computer system won't allow me to do that since the receipt doesn't show a cash transaction."
"well, they took my original receipt that showed i paid cash!"
"oh, well you should go back to that store. they probably still have the receipt and you can get cash back from them." i told him, knowing full well no such receipt existed.
scammer man left unhappy, and without cash in his pocket.
i then explained to newbie that a common scam is to steal a mug, take it to a bux and and exchange it for something different - then go to ANOTHER bux and try to either fool or intimidate the register partner into giving back cash.
the very sad thing is it works more often than it should, which is why the scam will continue.
customer rant: your condiment bar is right across from the registers. that means every time you ring someone up, you are facing the condiment bar. i know you're not visually impaired, so i can only assume you are failing to do your duty. why the hell is your condiment bar such a mess?!? how can you stand directly across from it and not be bothered by the trash overflowing, the granules of sugar spilled across the top, and the containers with dried milk on the side? please, do your job or quit.
7.04.2006
deserved day off!
i'm so lucky i managed 4th of july off!
what a great way to reset after a holiday weekend that felt tortuous.
we started friday off with only 1 working blender. now, my bux is a high volume frappuccino bux, so with the addtion of the new juice blended drinks, as well as the hundred of other blended drinks we offer, it was hell doing it all on one blender since the other blender died on us. i can't even describe the anxiety that builds when you see a line of twenty frappuccinos - all totally different - and realizing you have to make then one at a time because some manager dropped the ball and forgot to back stock blenders for weekends just like this.
by saturday we realized the manager (who decided to take the entire weekend off because of the leadership conference, which only actually lasted thursday and friday) had neglected to schedule us properly. this meant many, many phone calls to get borrowed partners to fill the missing shifts. unfortunately, the people willing to take the shifts were far from stellar and our store looked like a hurricane hit by the end of the night.
sunday seemed to start of smoothly, but it soon became evident that we were going to run out of key product before noon, so the morning was spent calling other stores and then driving to them for product.
i wish i could say that was the worst of the worst for sunday - but no.
looking at the schedule for the closing shifts, it became evident that we would need to find a closing lead. why? because the closing lead (borrowed from another bux) that was scheduled had been fired three days earlier.
that's right. my manager scheduled someone she knew wouldn't be able to work the shift since his manager informed my manager that he was on his way out.
i guess karma isn't to be messed with because guess who had to drag their ass into bux and close the store?
that's right - my manager.
and i didn't feel the slightest bit bad for her, either.
so, today i am watching world cup and tour de france - then it's fireworks time.
i am going to enjoy a frappuccino-free day, that's for sure.
barista rant: don't give me attitude because i didn't say hi to you at our local market the other day! guess what? i'm PAID to be nice and welcoming at bux. on my days off i don't wear a green apron. if you saw me at ralphs, and if i failed to notice you standing in the cereal aisle, well - get over it! don't get pissed because i didn't recognize you and ask how your day was. if you tipped more often, it would probably be easier to remember you.
what a great way to reset after a holiday weekend that felt tortuous.
we started friday off with only 1 working blender. now, my bux is a high volume frappuccino bux, so with the addtion of the new juice blended drinks, as well as the hundred of other blended drinks we offer, it was hell doing it all on one blender since the other blender died on us. i can't even describe the anxiety that builds when you see a line of twenty frappuccinos - all totally different - and realizing you have to make then one at a time because some manager dropped the ball and forgot to back stock blenders for weekends just like this.
by saturday we realized the manager (who decided to take the entire weekend off because of the leadership conference, which only actually lasted thursday and friday) had neglected to schedule us properly. this meant many, many phone calls to get borrowed partners to fill the missing shifts. unfortunately, the people willing to take the shifts were far from stellar and our store looked like a hurricane hit by the end of the night.
sunday seemed to start of smoothly, but it soon became evident that we were going to run out of key product before noon, so the morning was spent calling other stores and then driving to them for product.
i wish i could say that was the worst of the worst for sunday - but no.
looking at the schedule for the closing shifts, it became evident that we would need to find a closing lead. why? because the closing lead (borrowed from another bux) that was scheduled had been fired three days earlier.
that's right. my manager scheduled someone she knew wouldn't be able to work the shift since his manager informed my manager that he was on his way out.
i guess karma isn't to be messed with because guess who had to drag their ass into bux and close the store?
that's right - my manager.
and i didn't feel the slightest bit bad for her, either.
so, today i am watching world cup and tour de france - then it's fireworks time.
i am going to enjoy a frappuccino-free day, that's for sure.
barista rant: don't give me attitude because i didn't say hi to you at our local market the other day! guess what? i'm PAID to be nice and welcoming at bux. on my days off i don't wear a green apron. if you saw me at ralphs, and if i failed to notice you standing in the cereal aisle, well - get over it! don't get pissed because i didn't recognize you and ask how your day was. if you tipped more often, it would probably be easier to remember you.
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