labor pains

although this morning was slower than most monday mornings (because of the holiday) we still had our share of jerk customers.

pain #1
- apparently i resemble a six foot 200 pound guy because a customer started yelling at me when i called out his americano.
"does this have the extra shot?" he asked, but it sounded much more like an accusation.
"yes, i put the extra shot in your americano," i informed him and continued making drinks.
"there's not enough room in it!" he yelled after taking the lid off the cup. "i distinctly told you to leave enough room!"
"uh sir, i didn't take your order. i just make the drinks as they're written." i explained and tried to keep an even tone.
"well, you better redo it because i distinctly told you to leave room!" he repeated.
"sir, i didn't take your order," i was getting pissy. "the GUY on register took your order - not me." i reminded him.
"whatever, just quit wasting time and remake my drink." he snapped.
it's been a long time since i've lost my cool at bux and today this guy pushed all the right buttons.
"i'm soooo sorry," i feigned sincerity. "you're right, i've just been wasting time making drinks for people who have the ability to order correctly. how thoughtless of me to keep you waiting!"
after i remade his drink i said, "here's your americano. i made sure to leave enough room because you DISTINCTLY told me to do so. thank you so much for your patience!"
i'm sure acting manager will get a phone call complaining about my attitude tomorrow but i really don't care.

pain #2
- i had three frappuccinos in a row: one caramel frappuccino, one coffee frappuccino and one mocha frappuccino all with no whipped cream. as i placed the caramel frappuccino on the bar a woman sighed and said, "you guys always mess my drink up!"
"excuse me?" i asked not understanding why she was complaining.
"forget it. it's nothing. i don't mind drinking it like this." she unwrapped the straw and stuck it in the caramel frappuccino.
"did you order the caramel frappuccino? i have two others over here as well." i informed her.
"this is mine. it's just made wrong as usual - but whatever. i'm used to it." she said as she walked away with the drink.
after a few minutes i noticed a girl waiting for her drink and a coffee frappuccino left untouched on the bar.
"did you order the coffee frappuccino?" i asked her pointing to the lonely drink waiting for its owner.
"no, i ordered a caramel one." she informed me.
lovely. the bitching customer took the wrong drink. she's probably taken the wrong drink every time she's been in our bux.

pain #3
- an older woman insisted we give her a grande espresso. the problem? there's no such thing! no matter how we tried to explain it to her, she could not get it through her head that espresso is sold in shots - not in sizes. she said she understood what espresso shots were and she wanted a grande one. finally we gave up and made her a grande americano instead. i'm sure we'll go through the very same thing next time she comes in.

partner rant: why are you so opposed to keeping a clean bar? why do you feel a dirty steam wand is superior to a clean one? and why do you find it offensive if i rinse out the milk pitchers? you may like your lattes made with resteamed milk and old shots but i guarantee our customers don't! quit being lazy and start making drinks to standard - including keeping your bar clean!


Benny said...

Brat! Link love! No wonder Site Meter is off the hook right now. Hehe.



Benny said...

PS- Oh my sweet lawd about the 200 pounder. I applaud the classy way you lose your cool. Too bad you don't have a mute button. :-)

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh, i am a fellow barista. all i can say is that i totally identify. thank you for putting into words what i think in my head daily! CUSTOMERS LIKE THIS SHOULD BE NOTIFIED THEY ARE TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL!

Jason said...

Regarding your number 2, as a customer at your types of establishment, or any kind of place with an order pick up area, it infuriates me to no end the lack of mental capacity of someone who can order something, step 8 feet to the side, then forget what they order. Then pick up the wrong order and complain you made it wrong. And then when I, the customer, step in and go, hey, you just grabbed my order, it apparently upsets them that I just announced to everyone within earshot "this person is an effin retard".

This is why I believe everyplace needs to have a woodshed out behind your establishment. Some people seriously need to be taken out behind the woodshed and beaten for growing up without the ability to function in society.

The Girl with Moxie said...

I love what Jason says about the woodshed! My friend T. always says there are some people that just need an ass-whuppin. She and Jason can take turns managing the woodshed.

Beth said...

You should have just looked Jerk #1 in the face and poured out the top of his drink. But I'm proud of you! Our little Brat is learning how to be a smart ass.

Film Aficionado said...

Again, I can't really relate to your rants because most of the customers that I served were well-mannered. However, I did come across a racist old hag once.

Almost everyone that I worked with spoke Spanish, as most of them were from Latin America and English is their second language. So this racist lady comes up and asks me, "Doesn't it bother you that all of those people speak Mexican?" Then relates a story of intolerance to me. I wasn't really sure how to respond. I do remember correcting her by telling her that they spoke Spanish, not Mexican, though.

Film Aficionado said...

I was also lucky when I worked at Trader Joe's (do they have those in your area?). I can't remember a single customer that gave me shit in the two, boring months that I worked there. By the way, "Two Buck Chuck" is by far the most popular item they sell. People would by them by the crate-load.

Ben Heller said...

I bet it must cross your mind sometimes to go and remake that assholes drink and spit in it just to mark your disapproval.

It would cross my mind, but then again you're a professional, and I'm not.

Atyllah said...

How on earth do you put up with people like that?! Still, at least it provides you with plenty to write about - and goodness knows, if you look at it from where I'm sitting, it's damned funny!

Zeus said...

I don't know how you manage to keep your cool when people act like that. I completely would have bared some teeth and claws to PITA #1. For as horrible as he was treating you, he deserved your response!

pseudostoops said...

That's why as jarring as I still find it to have someone take your name when you order a coffee, it makes a lot of sense- so doofus who takes the first frappucino on the bar can be set straight that she's taking SOMEONE ELSE'S DRINK. Sheesh.

The Wandering Author said...

Of course, there's always the possibility the first idiot is incapable of recognising sarcasm. Maybe he thought you were really apologising to him. Haha!

And I suppose if you make a habit of picking up the first drink you can, you would get used to drinking something other than what you wanted. You'd think she'd figure it out sooner or later.

The sad thing is, next to the first two, the last pain almost begins to seem normal. I don't know how you stand it... You deserve three cheers for bravely enduring all that for the sake of your loyal readers!

Pearl said...

Wow, that must be infuriating. You make me so glad I don't drink coffee, I couldn't stand having to witness that, nevermind deal with it.

In the last story though, what's the difference between a "grande americano" and a "grande americano"? I assume you typed the same thing twice by mistake.

barista brat said...

b - my mute button would actually be called a "rip vocal chords out" button. that's why i'm not allowed to have one.

anonymous - i'm sure you have more than your fair share of stories!

jason - it's completely lost on them: the fact that bux wasn't put on this earth just to serve them. they get pissed and say "i've been waiting two minutes for my drink! why did those people get their drinks before me?" and when you answer, "because they ordered before you. they were the two people standing IN FRONT of you while you waited to place your order" they still get pissy.

moxie - i would expect no less of a 'chick-lit' heroine's best friend!

beth - i made a good show of dumping his entire drink out in the sink so he did get a visual with my snippy words.

bbakon - i've served racists, ageists, sexists - basically if it has an 'ist' on the end then i've served them! thankfully my good customers out number the bad.

ben heller - i've fantasized about such things, but of course i would never do that. there's only been one time that my fellow barista brats and i added something 'extra' to a customers drink, but that's another story for another time (and no, it wasn't a bodily fluid).

atyllah - believe me, i laugh too once enough time has passed. i still get angry when i think of pain #1

zeus - i think more cats should work at bux, haha!

pseudostoops - believe me, even when we write names on cups there are still those that will assume we just messed up and wrote an entirely different name down.

the wandering author - well, my acting manager didn't receive a bitching phone call, so maybe he really did think i was being sincere!

pearl - you were right! i did make a mistake when i wrote 'grande americano' twice. i meant to say she wanted a 'grande espresso'.

Thy said...

each time i read an entry

i become a little nicer to those in the barista service.

so i did all the baristas a favor by reading all your entries, in one sitting.

so now i'm a WHOLE lot nicer. : D

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your blog. There are no bux where I live (small town, midwest) but we do have copycat coffee houses. I don't go in often (not a coffee drinker) and thankfully I've never seen this kind of behavior. Hello! Are we adults here? You must have job to afford all that fancy coffee... do you act this way where YOU work? Sad thing is, they probably do!

What totally fascinates me reading your blog: sounds like you can order about a million different things in a bux! How does anyone ever make up their mind?

Kukka-Maria said...

OMG! I feel like I'm hopped up on caffeine just reading this!

Can I puh-lease have a grande espresso? And please leave room, as I asked. ;)

Benny said...

Oi! Music! Today! In Mailbox! Must listen! ;-)

Pearl said...

Ah! Now it makes much more sense to me.

Who in their right mind would want that much espresso at once?

jehara said...

it boggles the mind how writing names down on cups doesn't even help sometimes. reminds me of your post with the many jens.