partner for life

this week i didn't work with the talker. i worked with 'bitter old dude' instead.

he's not really that old, but he is the oldest among us. he's not a manager, he's not a lead - he's your run of the mill barista. hence the bitterness.

'bod' spends his time complaining about bux, about taking orders from people almost half his age, and of course he hates customers. the only people he seems to like are effeminate man-boys. only for them does he deign to crack a smile.

he's been at this bux since it opened it's doors and will probably stay here until he reaches retirement age. because of this he believes he should get special treatment from everybody. that means newbies must bow down to him, managers should never write him up and starbucks should pay him more for his plentiful years of "service".

but the most annoying thing about 'bod' is how his he smack talks like a thirteen year-old girl.
the first day i worked with him he gave me the run down of all the people he had "issues" with in our bux. let's just say i spent my whole shift listening to this guy bitch. and let me tell you - no transgression is too minute for him.

"yeah, our first manager was ok but one day i told her i had trouble getting to sleep the night before and she put me on register anyway. i know she did it just to annoy me. i totally looked at her different after that."
"you know that customer that was just here? one day she shorted me a nickel and promised to bring it the next day. she NEVER did. you just can't trust people."
"have you met jenny who works in the morning? i totally thought she was pregnant, but turns out she's just getting really fat. serves her right for drinking frappuccinos all day long."

when 'bod' was leaving for the day he said, "i'm really glad you came to this store. you seem really laid back. i like that."
which i'm sure will be translated to "that new girl has the personality of a dinner roll" when he bitches to the next partner he works with.

barista rant: please don't use "fancy" barista terms if you don't know what they mean. you thought it "a double tall wet cappuccino" sounded really cool when you heard it on tv, so you decided that would be your new signature drink. when i made your double tall wet cappuccino you picked up the cup and told me there wasn't enough foam. "a cappuccino is supposed to be half foam and half steamed milk!" you whined. "yes, but you ordered it 'wet', which meant you wanted more milk and less foam." you really didn't have much to say except, "well, just put more foam in it!" and after your first sip you complained that it was too strong. "um, that's because you asked for a 'double'" i informed you. "well i didn't think it would be this strong." you muttered as i remade your drink. please, lay of the barista talk, ok?


The Girl with Moxie said...

I love James Bond flicks, and at one point I thought maybe I should try drinking martinis. After I bought everything and fixed one for myself, I realized there was nothing besides liquor in a traditional martini. Then there was the time I ordered a 7 & 7 and complained it tasted like whiskey. I bet the waiter is still laughing over that one. Since then, I'd like to believe I know better than to play armchair barista/bartender.

The Wandering Author said...

If bitter old dude tells anyone you have the personality of a dinner roll, he will simply be showing off what an idiot he is. I am amazed at the skill with which you keep your readers interested while writing about a simple subject. Anyone who can do that has more personality than a convention full of bitter old dudes can summon up.

It takes real genius and talent to take an ordinary subject and make it consistently interesting. During the past few days when you didn't post, I found myself missing your accounts of the goings on in your bux. I can't make up my mind; part of me wants you to go on working at bux for years, while the rest of me hopes you will soon find a career as a writer so I can see what else you're capable of.

Wide Lawns Subservient Worker said...

BOD sounds like a complete jackass. I could easily picture what he looks like too.

Hey now youve got me a bit insecure. Im scared to order at Bux because I never know the order to say things in. This is what I get:

grande iced solo nonfat mocha with no whipped cream.

Is that the right way to say it? I hope the baristas dont make fun of me when I leave.

Anonymous said...

I never go there because I don't know anything about the menu. I'd be like "Um, do you have coffee?"

slskenyon said...

"Bod" sounds like a wonder to work with. I am sure he says something negative about everyone and then attempts to gain everyone's confidences by talking about everyone but "you" behind their backs, then doing the same with the next guy who is on. Amazing people sometimes--real petty.

Nice with the commentary on the drink names there--you gotta love when no one knows what they are talking about, which happens, say, all the time.

Beth said...

Ugh. We've all worked with BOD. I worked with one who was let go years ago, and yet still wants to bitch about the perceived slights, the different personalities. I guess some folks really don't have lives.

barista brat said...

girl with moxie - haha, i love the 7 & 7 story.

wandering author - thank you so much for your kind words. i'm sure you'll never know how much they mean to me, but truly i thank you.

wide lawns - there is nothing rant worthy about how you order your drink. if you want to sound like a pro just change the order a little bit:
"iced solo grande nonfat no foam mocha" is barista speak, but there's nothing wrong with how you order it.

jpdc - so long as you don't ask for a pack of camel lights, you're ok.

slskenyon - i'm positive you're right about "bod". thankfully i don't work with him much this week. maybe he'll decided to transfer store if i'm really lucky.

beth - please don't tell me there's more "bod"s in my future! i want to pretend that the "real world" doesn't take kindly to them. ps - how was your vacation?