look at me!

short morning shift today (hooray!) but filled with very odd characters.

oddball #1 - a man ordered two completely different drinks: a frappuccino and a sugar-free hazelnut nonfat latte.
"i'm sorry but we're out of sugar-free hazelnut. would you like to try sugar-free vanilla instead?" i asked him.
"oh no!" he exclaimed, showing me just how upset he was over it. "my husband won't let me drink anything else!"
honestly, i thought the guy was kidding, but he wasn't.
"he's going to spank me when he finds out it's not sugar-free hazelnut," he informed me, and i giggled thinking he was making a joke.
"no," he leaned over the register and looked me straight in the eye. "he's REALLY going to spank me," he whispered in a haley joel osment 'sixth sense' kind of voice.
my mind is still reeling from that one.

oddball #2 - i was on bar making drinks and for some reason a woman waiting for her drink decided i was her new best friend.
"honey, i'm going to the gym right after this," she told me.
"uh, yeah?" i responded, not quite sure why she was giving me a rundown of her day.
"yeah, i've gotta lose about twenty pounds."
"oh, really?" i mean, what was i supposed to say? i couldn't be honest and reply, "looks more like thirty to me" could i?
"you should have seen me ten years ago!" she continues. "i could eat whatever i wanted and not gain a pound!"
"wow," was all i could muster.
"look at me!" she nearly shouted and lifted her shirt to expose a few rolls of fat. "look at me!" she shouted again, her shirt still up in the air.
"ugh, er...um" was my only response.
"and my legs! i used to have legs to die for, but look at me!" she turns around and hikes up her shorts to reveal her dimply flesh. "look at them!"
i expedited her drink just so she could leave, but no - she stood there sipping on her raspberry hazelnut mocha between flashing spells - what a kook.

oddball #3 & #4 - a woman came in with her daughter (who was only about seven or eight).
"um, what do i want?" she asked, as if i would know the answer. "honey," she addressed her daughter, "what is it that mommy always gets?"
"a car-a-mel mac-chi-a-tto!" she replied in her cute sing-song little kid voice.
"ok," the woman told me. "i want that."
"what size?" i asked and pointed to the different sized cups.
"honey," she addressed her daughter again, "what size does mommy get?"
"you get a gran-de." the little girl replied.
"that size." the woman told me.
"uh, anything else?" i asked the woman, realizing i should have just asked the daughter to save time.
"honey," the woman asked the little girl, "does mommy get anything else?"
"why you al-ways as-king me?" the daughter responded. "i don't like it when you drink coff-ee!"
"oh!" the woman replied to her daughter, then turned back to me. "i guess i'm going to cancel that order today. sorry!"
and off the two of them went.

customer rant: i know your store is busy and i know your partners are stressed out, but that doesn't mean you can yell at them and call them names. you don't even care that you called your register partner a "dumbass" in front of customers! what makes you think this is ok behaviour? what makes you think you can treat your partners any damn way you feel like? and what makes you think your customers won't be complaining about it? my advice? start looking for another job pronto.


Natalie said...

Ok 3&4 had me laughing...what weirdness! Do these people breathe the same air we breathe?

Beth said...

#1: You should have taunted him by telling him the company is discontinuing the sugar-free hazelnut and he should expect a spanking every day.

#2: I have suffered that shift in body chemistry ... but ain't no way I'm gonna show you my rolls and dimples. So weird.

#3/4: Mommy should lose her mommy card. Today.

Anonymous said...

you have any "hotboxers" yet, brat?

barista brat said...

natalie - 'fraid so! i think they use caffeine as a medicant.

beth - haha, i think you should work part time at bux!

anonymous - uh, yeah. hotboxing of various degrees. luckily today was odor free.

Treegan said...

Came across your blog randomly.
Good stuff! I used to be a Barista/Manager of a cafe in Rhinebeck, NY. I thought my customers were freaks!
I can appreciate what you go thru.
Keep up the awesome writing!