would be funny if it weren't true

some of the genius things i heard this weekend from customers at the bux:

"can i get a free drink if my friend works at the coffee bean up the street?"
"is there a way you can make your nonfat milk with less fat?"
"i'm a christian and we believe in charity, so i think you should let me have a free iced tea."
"is there a discount for high school students?"
"how much does a franchise cost?"
"why don't you wear name tags?"
"i swear there's something weird starbucks puts in their green tea frappuccino because every time i drink it i get the runs."
"do you love jesus?" <--ok, so that one i didn't hear first hand. my fellow barista brat got asked that question.
"why don't you sell the starbucks liquor?"
"do you have a microwave?"
"do you card for caffeine?"
"a couple weeks ago my friend ordered the wrong drink for me. can you give me a coupon for a free one?"

i've heard it said there's no such thing as a dumb question. whoever the author of that quote must be a real idiot.

partner rant: why are you soooooo slow? i ranted about you weeks ago, and still you're stuck on the same (lack of) speed setting. how is it humanly possible that you haven't improved in the slightest? how can the phrase "you need to pick up the pace" never permeate through your incredibly thick skull? aren't you embarassed that the newbies run circles around you after two short weeks? or do you just not care? guess who won't be caring when you have no hours on the next schedule?


Robb said...

You are a prolific blogger and you make me feel bad for not blogging more often myself.
I bow to your productivity.
And the "how much is a franchise?" question is FANTASTIC. Did you say "Bout a million dollars."? You guys should have a card where you give me my own franchise after I order enough expresso drinks. Speaking of which, my friend bought me 8 billion tall hazelnut lattes last week and you guys forgot to stamp my card.
Where is my free franchise?
This is BS.
I'm never coming back (til tomorrow).

Alex said...


I can't believe someone felt the need to tell you (and all those behind him/her) about their bowel issues even if they did think it had a link to Starbucks.

I have only encountered one of those questions (although it is encountered at least twice a week) and that is 'do you have a microwave?'

[sic] said...

Thanks for your input Brat. It certainly isn't taken lightly. I think what I need to do is find some way of balancing my Bipolar day gig and my moonlighting night gig, all the while utilizing to the Nth degree my creative potential without sacrificing my personal worth.

That sounds (((SOOOOO))) much easier when I say it to someone else.

Benny said...

I got the microwave question, too, and, unfortunately, I had to answer in the affirmative.

I like the Christian-charity thing, though. I've gotten, "Do you guys do tax-exempt for Christians?" Not charities, not organizations, not a specific church or fund-raising group, but Christians. Um, yah. Do you have your Official Christian Club Photo ID?

Jesus is just alright with me, indeed! ;-)

barista brat said...

robb - they key to blogging productivity is making lattes for stupid people. really, it's that simple.

[sic] - glad to hear your feeling better about your path.

alex - i tell you, people in my part of time have NO shame.

b - tax-exempt christians. who knew!

jehara said...

"is there a way you can make your nonfat milk with less fat?"
"i'm a christian and we believe in charity, so i think you should let me have a free iced tea."

these two are my favorite.