going, going, gone

top signs newbie partner will not work out.

1. newbie admits reason for wanting to work at bux is "free frappuccinos all day long!"
2. newbie won't learn bar because newbie hates the sound of steaming milk.
3. newbie thinks "sense of urgency" means looking out for terrorists.
4. newbie won't clean toilet because "that's, like, work for maids and janitors!"
5. newbie spends first day on register trying to collect as many phone numbers from "hotties" as possible.
6. newbie is caught giving away free drinks to said "hotties".
7. newbie's 10 minute breaks last over 20 minutes.
8. newbie comes in on days off expecting free drinks.
9. newbie spends entire workday talking about her "myspace" site.
10. newbie cries when told she has to remove nail polish because of health code reasons.

i guess from the other side of the counter it looks like all baristas do is make coffee and ring up customers. some newly hired partners are shocked to find there is more to wearing green aprons than calling out drinks and collecting tips. usually these newbies weed themselves out when they find bux isn't the dream job they imagined. too bad we have to put up with them in the meantime.

barista rant: how stupid did you look when you tried the whole "starbucks challenge" on me and i passed with flying colors? i saw the sparkle in your droopy lidded eyes when you asked me for a cup of fair trade coffee. you were sure this barista brat would fail and you would spend the rest of the afternoon gleefully posting about another starbucks debacle. but when i asked you if you were willing to wait four minutes for a french press, and when i charged you for only the cup of coffee and not for the whole press, your eyes lost their light and sorrowfully you pulled two dollars from your hemp sack to pay me. gee, i wonder if that cup of fair trade would have tasted better if you actually had something to complain about.


Ale8one said...

it's amazing how many people you find that want to be paid for not working.

Robb said...

Ok, what is fair trade coffee?
Also, my bux had these generic grocery store brand cups today instead of the normal white with the logo. I want my status symbol damnit!

barista brat said...

robb - straight from the starbucks website:
"starbucks and the fair trade movement share a common goal: to help ensure that farmers receive an equitable price for their coffee and strengthen their farms for the future."

bux sells fair trade coffee, but we don't usually have it brewing each day, although we can always make a french press of fair trade for customers who ask for it.
there are websites that promote "the starbucks challenge", asking people to go into their local bux and order fair trade coffee. then they post whether or not the baristas knew what fair trade was, whether they were willing to make a french press and whether they charged by the cup or by the press.

box office betty said...

I know it's a little late, but I just discovered this blog and I, well, I heart it---I heart it with all my...heart. It's awesomeness in a box. Or is that in a bux? Heh. Anyway, I don't know if you read these anymore but if you do, I give you your props. Every blog finds me practically peeing my pants with laughter and sympathy pains. I work at a movie theater, so I deal with customers on a daily basis as well. Suckage. But I deal.

I'm being totally serious when I say that you should have this "barista brat" blog string published. It'd be hilarious! You should look into it. Or as a movie. Like Clerks, but hipper.

Anyway, good job with all these blogs. They're witty and hilarious. Rock on. Good writing.

: )