chemical warfare

this morning i was assaulted!
well, my nose was at least.

my sense of smell is keen, but by no means is it overly sensitive. yes, i can tell if someone is wearing perfume (or if they should be wearing it) and sometimes i can even tell what brand it is, but i am not one of those folks who gets a headache just from walking by the candle shop in the mall.

so, this morning when a lady came to bux wearing enough perfume to counter the bog of eternal stench, i had a sneezing fit. quite annoying since i was on register. this woman was wearing so much eau de TOILET that i started sneezing before she even made it to the front of the line, and when she ordered she asked me with a sneer "are you sick? you shouldn't be working if you're sick!"
i was tempted to tell her that i'm allergic to fertilizer but instead just rang her up as fast as i could, all the while breathing through my mouth (which was equally bad because you could taste that horrid smell!).
it wasn't even a nice scent. no guerlain, no chanel - not even that horrible spritz sold by j.lo! it was what i call "old lady perfume". kind of a mix between turpentine, the kmart garden center and fabreeze.

as she walked through the store you could see customers covering their mouths and noses, some resorting to breathing the steam coming from their lattes. after her drink was made and she had gone, that smell lingered for an hour. i swear, my apron still smells like her and i'm worried no amount of detergent will wash it off.

barista rant: were you sent here for the sole purpose of annoying me? first off - you asked me if we still made eggnog lattes. eggnog! in april? then you wanted an espresso macchiatto, but wanted a mix of nonfat foam and soy foam. are you kidding me? and then, when we started to mix both milks to steam them, you freaked and said you wanted nonfat foam on top of the espresso, soy foam on top of that, then another dollop of nonfat foam to top the whole thing off. and after we humored you and made your high maintenance macchiatto, you told us that it didn't taste "right" and wanted us to do the whole thing all over. you suck!


Sling said...

turpentine,the k-mart garden center,and fabreeze...I'm LMFAO!!....Hey,..wait a minute...That's my after shave.

Sling said...

Oh yeah...You've been "tagged"...Read my post to get the "rules"..

[sic] said...

Hiya Brat!

Doing some Saturday morning catching up and decided that I want to work at one of my friendly neighborhood 'Bux. I need some excitement in my life. I want to talk shit about and point out the flaws of someone else for a change. I want to feel like I'm part of the "In" crowd... hell any crowd for that matter.

Keep up the good work. I love it, I love it, I love it.

barista brat said...

sling - your aftershave comment cracked me up. thanks for the tag!

[sic] - how was your saturday morning?

Benny said...

It wasn't White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor, was it? That one makes me want to hurl and punch people.

barista brat said...

b - it was more like rancid zirconia than white diamonds.