the (f)atkins diet

i've seen a resurgence of atkins diet fans in my bux. there was a year where it was all about atkins, but then it cooled down. well, it's back and the results are definitely not pretty.

i'm sure everyone on the planet knows how the atkins diet promotes weight loss through carb cutting. protein is good, fat is good, but carbs are evil. so what is an atkins dieter supposed to order when at bux?

believe it or not there is one dairy product we have in our store at all times that is totally carb-free. that product is heavy whipping cream. you know – the stuff you use to make whipped cream. that really thick, heavy liquid that will clog arteries faster than rapunzel clogs a drain when washing her hair.

so, these atkins dieters rejoice when hearing we can indeed make a carb-free latte for them. they salivate at the prospect of a caffeinated drink fitting into their diet craze lifestyle. what they don't know (or at least don't appear to know) is just how unhealthy their drink of choice is.

here are the fa(c)ts:
a venti atkins latte has a total of 1800 calories from fat and a whopping 216 grams of fat, but hey, no carbs.

why on earth would someone follow a diet that tells them drinking 1800 fat calories is ok, but eating a banana is taboo? not only that, it's a bitch to steam heavy whipping cream. it literally screams at you, letting everyone know you're using it for purposes it was never meant for.

please quit ordering a triple venti bypass, your heart will thank you.

customer rant: don't look at me like i'm the freak when you write my drink down wrong and then try to overcharge me! i've been fluent in starbonics for years, so you need to seriously catch up if you think a grande one pump classic iced coffee is anywhere equal to an iced grande three pump vanilla latte. when i reiterate my drink you just look at me blankly and state, "that's what i wrote". so not true! for a third time i tell you my order, but you do nothing. when i ask why you're charging me for a vanilla latte when i clearly (three times!) asked for iced coffe you exclaim, "oh! iced COFFEE. you told me iced latte." oh, how i hate you.


Dr.John said...

Dieters have to have something to believe in rather than exercise and control of calories so they jump on every crazy diet that promises a quick fix. I love your title of fatkins.

Robb said...

I laughed out loud (at work, no less) when I read "triple venti bypass". I'd love to see the barista with the stones to actually call that drink out to the person who ordered it.

Benny said...

I wanna see it, too. I haven't seen the retro-Atkins thing, but I have had desperate housewives ask to read for themselves the nutrition information on my 2 percent, skim, and half-n-half cartons. I say, "Let me introduce you to my little friend, Ol' 3-Carb-Americano."

Ale8one said...

the simply amazing contradictions of dieters.

Anonymous said...

One drink with almost TWO THOUSAND CALORIES? That's well over half of the calories most people should get in a whole day!

My usual drink is black coffee (hey, no calories!), but I'll get the occasional mocha or iced mocha as a treat.

Anonymous said...

That drink sounds SO disgusting. Honestly, the carbs in a nonfat, grande latte aren't going to trainwreck your diet, but the fatkins latte sure will. Blech.

jehara said...

i hate atkins. it's the stupidest diet i have ever heard of. and didn't the guy die from his own diet?

and you're right. hwc is horrid to steam. it's so loud and screechy.