he loves me, he loves me not

this is the reason i'm frustrated with howard schultz tonight:

customer walks in and asks for a cold green tea.
"an iced green tea, a green tea lemonade, a green tea frappuccino, a blackberry green tea frappuccino, or an iced green tea latte?" i asked her.
"ok, did you want the green tea blended like a milkshake or with ice cubes?"
"not blended. i want it iced."
"iced - ok, did you want an iced green tea latte that's made with milk or did you want it without milk?"
"um, no milk."
"all right, did you want a plain iced green tea or a green tea lemonade?"
"uh, i guess regular green tea."
"did you want that sweetened?"
"oh my god! why is this so fucking hard? i just want a cold green tea!"

remember the days when you could walk into a bux, order your drink, have it made and then leave in under three minutes? well, those days are over. now ordering your drink is harder than putting up your profile on eharmony.com! you answer all the barista's questions, but that doesn't mean you and your drink are "compatible".

this is the reason i like howard schultz tonight:

my awesome assistant manager told me tonight that since bux did so well this past fiscal year, all employees will be getting a bonus on our next paycheck. that means an extra $125 for me and my fellow barista brats. yeehaw! espresso shots are on me!

barista rant: yes, our bux is small. yes, there aren't enough tables for everyone. but that doesn't give you the right to drag a chair to the middle of the store, plant your butt in it and block access to the registers and the serving counter. nor can you put a chair in front of the bathroom door, then give attitude to everyone who asks you to move so they can relieve their bladders. and you may not put the chair directly in front of the condiment bar and use it as a makeshift table. don't throw a hissy if there isn't an empty table. you'll get no sympathy from us.


Benny said...

On the rant- just call it a fire hazzard.

On the edrinkharmony- this is what comes of a society that "has it your way" all the time. Espresso bars are the worst places for the indecisive. Most simply can't cope. They're like the toddlers therapists warn overanxious mothers about allowing too many daily choices. "What clothes do you want to wear today?" "Do you want spaghetti squash or butternut squash for dinner?" The kid has a nervous breakdown and starts wetting the bed at night and shit.

The suckiest part of the barista job, once you've gotten past feeling foolish for asking so many freaking questions of a painfully simple-minded patron, is that the four year-old is a forty year-old who will inevitably march herself right back up to your counter to tell you she wanted SWEETENED green tea. You dummy, you. ;-)

PS- congrats on the bonus! You should all chip in, rent the place out, and then for one afternoon only let in people you like.

Ale8one said...

who's Howard Schultz? the president of bux? congrats on the bonus!

guerrilla blogger said...

nothing says fun like extra change jingling in your pocket...rock on...

barista brat said...

b - back in the day when my bux was slow and we closed at 9pm, we used to have a saying. "this isn't burger king, and no - you CAN'T have it your way!" but sadly those days are long gone and we can no longer ignore the "just say yes" policy.

ale8one - thanks! oh, and howard schultz is the CEO of bux.

guerilla blogger - oooooh yyyeaaaaahhh!