you can't call me anytime

besides making drinks, prepping and cleaning up the store, we baristas also have to deal with the idiot customers who call several times throughout the day. often the calls are just to ask what our hours are, or if we accept credit cards (duh! name one bux that doesn't!) but mostly the calls are just a waste of time and annoying as all hell.

barista brat: "thank you for calling starbucks. this is brat, how can i help you?"
idiot customer: "um, what's the phone number for the bux up the street?"
in my head i respond "411" but instead i actually give the proper phone number.

bb: "thank you for calling starbucks. this is brat, how can i help you?"
ic: "yeah, how many calories are in your frappuccinos. i need to know because i'm sending one of my workers down there and i want to make sure they pick up the right thing."
in my head i tell them "if you have to ask, you shouldn't consume" but instead i actually look up the amount of calories and relay them to idiot customer.

bb: "thank you for calling starbucks. this is brat, how can i help you?"
ic: "hey - i'm at the corner of bf and egypt. how do i get to your store?"
in my head i say "my name it not mapquest" but instead i spend the next five minutes giving directions.

bb: "thank you for calling starbucks. this is brat, how can i help you?"
ic: "uh, who's this?"
bb: "this is brat."
ic: "brat? uh, i don't think i know a brat."
bb: "is there something i can help you with?"
ic: "well, maybe....."
bb: "sir, you do realize you called starbucks, don't you?"
ic: "i don't know any star, either."
bb: "i'm hanging up now."
ic: "wait, i'm supposed to order a lahteee or something. is that a lady's drink? a lahteee?"

barista rant: don't bitch and yell at me because your mother-in-law gave you a gift certificate to the mall and i won't let you cash it in at bux. "well, why not?" you screamed at me. "because we are not IN the mall." i responded flatly. "well, you're close enough to it!" was your genius reply. "yeah, we're pretty close to the gas station, too and we don't accept aarco cards, either."
i said without humor. "well, how am i supposed to pay for my drink?" you asked. "most people use cash or a credit card." you didn't like my answer, but you still shelled out the big bucks for super sugary drink.


Beth said...


Freaky Filly said...

i hated those exact types of calls during my 3 year tenure developing film at a local walgreens. they ask the most ridiculous questions and of course anytime you deal with the public there's gonna be some weirdos. my favorite was the time a lady called up to give her shopping list so we could have it ready when she arrived. lol. or maybe the time the guy called to ask if we sold paddle brushes cause he was going to spank his wife. freaks! and not good freaks! there are good and bad ya know?

guerrilla blogger said...

holy crap....i need to call starbucks....

Natalie said...

you should answer in a monotone voice and pretend it's one of those automated menus.
"Thank you for calling bux. For hours and directions press 1. For stupid questions press 2." =)

Ale8one said...

hey brat is there a Mr. Coholic there? First name Al?

yuk! yuk!

Marieta said...

well done for being so patient with them!!!!! I think Natalie have a great idea :-)

Benny said...

Dude, I don't even answer the phone anymore. I make the newbies do it. My voice seems to have lost that hospitable chipperness. You know.

We have people that do call-ahead drinks. Like, 10 cappucinos. "Make them extra hot, though. I'll be there between 11 and 11:30."


So basically, what you want is to be able to saunter into the store, cut in front of the rest of the rush waiting im/patiently to order their ridiculously tailored drinks, pay for 10 cappucinos on 10 separate tickets so you can give everyone in the office their exact change, and make us put everything on hold just to reassure you that your drinks are "extra" hot (as if such a thing existed at our store!)?

If yer gonna leave a half an hour window for drinks, sweetcheeks, then yer gonna get on-the-scene service. And yer gonna like it: we don't want to listen to you bitch your way into free drinks or re-makes.

Sling said...

customer:"As much money as I spend in this bar,I should get a free drink!"

Sling:"As much money as I spend at Safeway,I should get a free gallon of milk"...

barista brat said...

beth - too true

freaky filly - haha, walgreens sounds worse than bux!

guerilla blogger - i can only imagine the calls you would make...

natalie - we actually did that one night! but we couldn't keep from laughing.

ale8one - for one month solid there was a guy who would call at 9pm sharp and ask "how is your atmosphere?"
never did figure what that was about.

marieta - they say patience is a virtue, but it's a well-honed talent as well.

b - plus they all want separate receipts, stickers on the tops of each lid, different names on each cup and someone to help them carry their beverages to their car.
yeah, i know the type well...

sling - they use the same arguement for coffee! it's as if their addiction entitles them to freebies!

Not Perfect said...

The geniuses at my restaraunt decided that the best place to put the phone was right next to the noisy blenders. Taking phone orders was a nightmare.