the weekend makes people dumber

gems from this weekend:

- "hey which gum flavor is best? i'm gonna take some ecstasy tonight and i want something that will go well with it."
- "i need to return this espresso brownie because you didn't tell me there was coffee in it! yeah, i know it's called an espresso brownie, but how was i supposed to know it was made with coffee!"
- "you don't sell scoops of ice cream? why not? the store next door does!"
- "i heard coffee's a diuretic so i want a frappuccino without caffeine. i'm going to the movies and i don't want to have diarrhea during the film."
- "do any of your syrups act like aphrodisiacs?"
- "i spent all my money at the bagel place, but i really want a latte. can i pay you later? oh, and i want to get one for my wife and my brother. can you spot me until tomorrow?"
- "my dad owns starbucks stock. do i get a discount?"
- "i bought a pound of beans to make coffee at home, but i didn't like the way it tasted. i threw it out, but i still have the receipt. can i get my money back?"
- "what do you mean you don't have anymore gingerbread syrup? i don't care that it's summertime! you should carry it all year round!"
- "how many calories does your sugar-free vanilla have?"

partner rant: dude, you're supposed to be an assistant manager. so why do i have to fix everything you do - even the most simple of tasks. how can you be earning the big bucks and still mess up everything you touch? because of your mistake we brewed caffeinated coffee, but told our customers it was decaf. because of your stupidity two people got free drinks. because of your inability to manage time you turned over the worst shift i've ever seen. and because you're such a coward you allowed a customer to verbally abuse one of my fellow baristas. you need to be demoted. and your pay needs to be cut.


Anonymous said...

brat, your Bux sounds like Hell,but your stories are very entertaining! Bunch o'foolios for customers..and your asst mgr seems 3 threads shy of a full apron..

Alex said...

Those are some very shiny gems of stupidity! I'm especially loving the gum, espresso brownie and diuretic customer comments.

Maybe you should have some sort of award for dumbest customer of the month. You could hang their dumb comment/question up for all to see.

Ale8one said...

have you had any 'hotboxers' lately?

guerrilla blogger said...

just cause you make it to assistant manager and get promoted and all that does not mean you deserve it or warrant that position...position and rank do not equate to ability....

Benny said...

Personally, I'm beginning to suspect that we have some kind of rehabilitation deal worked out with the Deadbeats Recreational Center here in Tampa. Give us your perverts, your junkies, and your wet-behind-the-ears: we will make fine, upstanding assistants of them!

Natalie said...

Ha ha ha!!! At least other people's stupidity is good for some laughs!

Sling said...

LMAO..Those are funny as hell...and a little scary.Those people are allowed to vote,and drive cars.

barista brat said...

anon - bunch o'foolios is right!

alex - dumb customer of the month is a great idea, i just think it would be waaaay to hard to pick a winner out of the lot. they are all SO dumb.

ale8one - after so many hotboxing incidents - i refuse to check the restroom right after a customer has been in it.

guerilla blogger - so true, and yet bux keeps hiring these "geniuses".

b - trust me - it's not just a florida thing!

natalie - always some sort of silver lining, right?

sling - and multiply. don't forget many of them are reproducing.

Freaky Filly said...

hey bb, your assistant manager...probably assistant manager because nice people like you do fix the things they botch up.

Calamity H. Jane said...

Your Barista rant : HELL YES!
Can you please come to my work and open up a can of verbal whoop ass on my supervisor? He could use a severe beating some days, seriously.

And note, I am not in the coffee business, however there are jackasses in charge in every company.