share and share alike

i don't even know how to preface this one, so i'll just jump right in -

customer: "hey, does starbucks sell stock?"
barista brat: "yeah, we're a publicly traded company."
customer: "so i can buy stock?"
barista brat: "yes, of course."
customer: "ok, what is the stock valued at right now?"
bb: "um, last time i checked it was around 37 or 38 dollars a share."
customer: "oh, do you know if there's a minimum of what you can buy?"
bb: "i think that depends on who you trade with. as far as i know you can buy as many or few shares as you want."
customer: "ok, can i use my credit card? i think i have enough credit left for about a hundred shares."
bb: "uh, excuse me?"
customer : "i want to use my credit card to buy stock. give me a hundred shares."
bb: "sir, we don't sell shares here."
customer: "you just told me that starbucks sells stock!"
bb: "uh...are you serious?"
customer: "look, i want to buy some stock."
bb: "we don't sell shares here. you need to go to a stockbroker."
customer: "so where do i find one?"
bb: "try google."
customer: "oh, do they sell starbucks stock?"

i half expected the guy to say "you've just been punked!" but he didn't. instead he asked the customer behind him where he could find a stockbroker.

barista rant: you emphatically told me you can't have sugar. you asked what the sugar-free options were. i answered all your questions and i even suggested a way to make your drink lower in calories. so what did you do? you went ahead and ordered a sugar-free frappuccino. hello! i already explained that it would be impossible to make a sugar-free frappuccino, but still you insisted on ordering one. when i (again) tell you that ALL frappuccinos have sugar in them, even the ones lighter in calories, you just shrugged your shoulders and responded with a "whatever". why waste everyone's time asking what your sugar-free options are if you're just going to order something with sugar anyway? and why be so emphatic about not having sugar if you are ORDERING A SUGAR-FILLED DRINK?!?


Anonymous said...

... What an idiot. :/

andy_ming said...

bb: "try google."
customer: "oh, do they sell starbucks stock?"

A classic in its own class.

Marcus said...

funny stuff... there'll need to be signs outside starbucks saying "we do not sell stock, just coffee" to clear things up for the crazy, crazy people.

but don't they make the world a more interesting place to live in?

actually, i think that sort of thing rarely happens outside the US... :p

mellowlee said...

I would wonder about the punked thing too. Or think he was doing it on a dare. What a weeeeirdo!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Following an E.F. Hutton commercial that you are probably to young to remember..."When Barista Brat talks, everyone listens."

He might be on to something. The Bux corporation could have a little computer kiosk where Bux customers could load up on stock with their grandes. Then the thing could crash or the screen could freeze right in the middle of the busiest time of day, sending our beloved Brat over the edge.

One witness described, "it was horrible...she just snapped and randomly grabbed customers. She steamed each of them like they were skim milk."

Kiz said...

...something tells me that this guy shouldn't own a credit card--much less be engaging in stock trades. Although I'm rather impressed that you recalled the (relatively) current value off the top of your head; I think a lot of baristas would've been lost at the fourth line of that conversation.

Re: "She steamed each of them like they were skim milk"
That line got me cracking up {^^}. K

Ben Heller said...

Reference your rant Barista,

Why do people ask so many questions ? It's coffee, not designing a kitchen or buying a car.

That's not meant to decry the service you offer because it's important, but why do they make it such a big deal ?

The Girl with Moxie said...

It was all I could do to not laugh out loud at my desk while reading this. If he truly was this daft, I bet he'll end up richer than Oprah - it's the ones that don't overthink things that usually end up the most successful, in my experience/opinion.

IMO, people ask a lot of questions because interrogation is a classic power play. Doesn't matter whether they are at Bux ordering coffee or at Home Depot picking out paint. If someone feels insecure and powerless, they may compensate for this perceived lack of power by asking too many questions.

Sling said...

I'm wary of buying stock from retail outlets...Ever since that unfortunate "Edsel" incident..

Coffeypot said...

You missed your chance. Get a hundred sheets of paper, print Starbucks Stock at the top and sell them to him, but tell him that they will not really mature for 10 years. His bulb is so dim it might work and you have made a few grand for yourself. And he will be happy, too.

barista brat said...

anonymous - too true.

andy ming - glad it amused you!

marcus - yes, in america we have to spell EVERYTHING out for the dumb people. our cups even say "caution. the beverage you're about to enjoy is hot."

mellowlee - if he hadn't had asked the customer behind him i would have bet that he was doing it as a joke.

writeprocrastinator - haha, i'd love to see a seen like that in one of your scripts.

kiz - thanks to my stock widget i'm pretty up to date about bux prices.

ben heller - i think they either weren't hugged enough as children, or their sex lives stink ;)

girl with moxie - true! sometimes the ones too stupid to realize they're stupid end up being super successful.

sling - not trying to be a dingbat here, but are you talking about a car?

coffeypot - haha, i guess i'm not that evil. at least not at the moment!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"writeprocrastinator - haha, i'd love to see a seen like that in one of your scripts."

Hey, I'd like to see you put all these situations to a book or screenplay! You have enough material for a book and you might have enough to "Clerks" a screenplay, though it's better to have the lead character work towards something.

Beth said...

Yeah, he's gonna make a killing in the stock market ...

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