10.30.2006

a message to you, RUDE-y

dear irate customer,

first i'd like to tell you the combination foot stomp and fist shake was brilliant. sure, i've seen people stamp their feet before - and just last week i had an old guy raise his fist in the air because he now has to pay an extra nickel for his coffee - but never before have i seen both moves so gracefully executed at the same time. truly, it was like poetry in motion.

even though this was not the first time i've seen your performance (i must say the morning of september 12th you were truly on form)i was still appreciative of the intensity and passion you display each and every time we "retards" ruin your day. i must admit i was slightly disappointed last time you decided to forego your usual tirade when we neglected to put ice in your water, settling for a singular grunt instead, but today you more than made up for it.

truth be told, i thought you were losing your touch when you called me an idiot because our store no longer carries your beloved anniversary blend. it seemed as if you'd peaked weeks earlier, but you dug deep and found that fire burning within. "idiot" was followed "useless", "lazy" and "degenerate". then came the fist shake and the foot stomp (the bulging neck vein was a nice touch) before you stormed out of the store.

believe me, your set did not dissapoint - to our sheer delight, and almost as if you could hear the resounding cries of "encore!" you walked back into bux and gave us a final earful:

"i'm sick of you idiots! you have no idea how to run a business! i'm NEVER coming back - you hear me? never!"

at first i was saddened by your promise to stay away, but then realized it was just your way of making sure your fans are left wanting more, much like cher and her million farewell tours. really, a talent such as you can't ever be retired.

sincerely,

barista brat


partner rant: you know i don't place the orders, so why did you pull me off the floor to grill be about grande hot cups? i'm sure you were upset when we received twice as many boxes as we needed. maybe you just needed to blow off steam, but getting pissy with me was the wrong thing to do. especially when i pointed out the order was placed on a day i didn't even work. too bad we don't serve humble pie at bux.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry people treat you that way, and I have no idea how you do not lose your temper!

Ms. K said...

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ohhh, God, I love the retail rants done by flaming idiots. Especially the part where they howl, "I'm NEVER coming back here AGAIN! NEVER!"

The last time someone yelled that at me, I smiled sweetly, and calmly said, "Lovely! I'll be sure to alert the media. I'm SURE they'll want to know that oh-so-speshul YOU won't be shopping here EVER AGAIN. Oh, and let me spell my name out for you for that phone call you'll invariably make to corporate, whining about how incompetent, and what a big ol' bitch I am."

Boy, people hate it when you can do that spur of the moment, and you're not tripping over yourself to make sure they come back and make your life miserable yet again!

SkippyMom said...

<----roundly applauding his performance and your telling of said debacle.

PLEASE let us know when he comes back in, b/c you know Brat, he will...don't you?.....

And Pie? No Pie....dang Brat, I can fix that straight away.

I make a mean humble pie and I can spoon feed with the best of them.

Just let me know! :)

Skavoovee said...

Holy crap, awesome title!!! Do you really listen to ska? If you do that makes reading this blog that much better!!!!!

Thank you for another excellent post, with an even more amazing title, when I saw that I burst out laughing!!!

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable, the way some people act. I applaud you for being able to put up with his s**t and still be able to treat the incident with such humor in your blog.

You're a better man than me!

Hoodlum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Dude, you like The Specials? That's awesome! You rock!

Kiz said...

Fist-shaking? Oh man, I wish I had a real occasion that called for fist-shaking. I just can't think of one outside of a wildly comedic context. K

Paper Monkey said...

Oh no he didn't..... he did _NOT_ use the "R" word.... When are people going to understand that it is inappropriate to use the "R" word....

Bless me brat for I have sinned...
This is my first confession.
I went to my local bux today (it is a treat I only allow myself every so often) and I ordered a frappuccino. A Caramel Frappuccion at that..
And I'm not afraid to say that I loved every minute of it. My sin was ordering the 'full fat' version instead of the 'lite' version knowing full well that I was going to get the whip-cream on top. Now who are the poor Baristas going to laugh at? I guess it's a good thing that I was polite and tipped them (It only seemed fair since they were exceedingly pleasant and ever so helpful)

Writeprocrastinator said...

Stop your fooin' around
(ahhh,ahh)
Better think of your future


Gee thanks, Brat, now that song is stuck in my head.

The rants by the psycho were genuine, but the rest, with the fist and stomping? That was just a poor attempt at a mating dance.

I take it you weren't swayed.

Beth said...

too bad we don't serve humble pie at bux.

Your best line all week, Brat.

Marcus said...

love the letter... can't believe how people can be so rude sometimes... or perhaps there's just a loose screw...

i just read another barista blog which i won't name that is nowhere near as well written as yours... just to boost your ego a little more!

Tom said...

If all the world--governments, next door neighbors, members of warring street gangs--reacted as you do to displays of pissy indignation and childish bristling (that is, by sharing a good laugh at it with your friends) all war, strife and unhappiness would come to an abrupt end.

Citymouse said...

Dont you wish there was a way to tape them and play it back to them at their family holiday party / or to their boss?

barista brat said...

anonymous - there are many times we baristas have to go into the backroom to vent.

ms. k - it's true, when the customer realizes you don't care they quit being so dramatic.

skippymom - i can't imagine you making humble pie. i can imagine you SERVING it but not making it, haha!

skavoovee - i'm so happy people got the specials reference! i have to admit - although i love the specials i'm more of a madness girl.

anonymous - haha. thanks for the compliment.

hoodlum - did you make him cry?

anonymous - love them!

kiz - haha, i think one has to be over 60 years of age to do the fist shake in a serious context.

paper monkey - haha. ordering a frappuccino isn't a huge offence so long as you didn't ask for caramel all the way around the cup, layered with whipped cream, blended three times but not too runny, a shot poured on top and cinnamon sprinkles!

writeprocrastinator - haha. i didn't realize the guy was just trying to get a date!

beth - thanks!

marcus - love the ego boost! can never have too many of those.

tom - haha, if it were that simple!

citymouse - i'd LOVE it if i could do that.

bostonbabe3 said...

BB,

All I can say is you ROCK! I hate when customers are soo rude to you no matter what!

This guy comes in every Tuesday on my shift, from a Gay AA group (attitude galore), that's cool, however; he's poison to deal with. Never, not once, is he nice to me at all! We, particularly me, always do something wong. UGH

I even tried to give him a freebie one night when he came in looking like the world beat his ass, he was sporting handsome matching shiners, and he looked at me like I was a disease! He was offended at my generousity!!! Go freaking figure...

whatever, some people, know what i mean??? some people...

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