customer concoctions

this week has been crazy as far as personalized drinks.
here are some of my favorites (and when i say "favorites" i mean "drinks i hated making").

the "half mocha/half coffee frappuccino"
- a mocha frappuccino is a coffee frappuccino that has chocolate syrup added to it. so when the customer asked for a "half mocha/half coffee frappuccino" we figured she wanted half the amount of chocolate added to the mixture...but we were wrong. we were very wrong. what the customer wanted was for us to fill the bottom half of her cup with mocha frappuccino and the top half with coffee frappuccino. she was insistent the mocha frappuccino was on the bottom, which meant we had to make two separate frappuccinos for one drink. if she'd wanted coffee on the bottom we would have been able to add chocolate to the rest of the frappuccino and placed the mocha on top but of course this was unacceptable for her.

the "shaving cream foam espresso macchiato"
- we have a customer who is very particular about his foam. he doesn't want it just thick, he wants it "shaving cream" thick. he will insist a partner make his espresso macchiato over and over until he deems it worthy to grace his esophagus. of course the whole time we're making his drink he repeats "shaving cream thick! shaving cream thick!" like it's his personal mantra.

the "seven second frappuccino"
- our frappuccino blenders have two settings. we press "1" for a single drink and "2" if we are blending two drinks. we have a customer who wants us to blend his frappuccino for only seven seconds. he will stand on the other side of the counter and count out loud up to seven. if he feels we lagged on stopping the blender he will insist we make the drink again from scratch, then demand we count out loud with him.

the "iced two shots regular, one shot decaf, each shot pulled separately, venti two pump cinnamon, two pump pumpkin, one pump white mocha, splash of chai, nonfat milk, caramel sauce around the cup, stirred, easy ice with whipped cream and nutmeg latte".
- if this customer's drink "tastes funny" she asks for a free drink coupon. hello! of course her drink "tastes funny"! i can't believe her taste buds still work after drinking one of these a day.

barista rant: i know you're a partner at another store. i know you feel like you're the bomb diggity, but please don't try and "impress" us by ordering your personalized drink so fast we have no idea what you're saying. and when we ask you to repeat it, don't ask how long we've been with bux as if we're newbies who are too slow to understand your idiot order. especially since you are ordering it INCORRECTLY! here's a suggestion: crack open your training guide and learn the lingo before you try and "school" the rest of us.


Marcus said...

we also have that caution on the cups here... i think they're standard. i think there are people here who can be just as dumb.

customer rant: when i ask you how many calories the new hot chocolate drink is, don't tell me they use full cream milk in the premix. huh? i no understand how that answered my question. actually, perhaps you don't even know. bah!

Writeprocrastinator said...

There is a radio show I listen to sometimes on my way in to work. One of the DJ's custom drink concepts, was the idea adding something like three packets of Swiss Miss cocoa, into a venti-sized cup.

SkippyMom said...

This post reminds me of that one a few weeks back when I ask you if that 18 word order was actually a drink [yes it is] and I told you I was going to order it just to see how our barista responded.

Y'know Brat - I just couldn't do it. I really like the Baristas at our local [in grocery store] bux - they are very nice when they make the kids fruit drinks - so I haven't attempted it - and honestly after reading this y'all take enough abuse for me to even attempt it for a laugh....

Perhaps after I get to know them better I will just do it to tease them.... ;)

And the smug barista from the other store? - I would've handed him the cup and the pen and say "Here, could you mark it yourself - you speak too fast for poor lil' ol me." What a putz.

Have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

"The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole."

Anonymous said...

I had no idea people were allowed to do this, order these crazy half and half frappucinos and such. I never even think of doing this sort of thing...Bux should just refuse.

suz said...

Oh. I feel really good about ordering my plain coffee now :)
I hope you guys are paid well!

Serdic said...

Call me weird, but on the rare occasions I do go to Starbucks, I just a order gingerbread latte. I can't get too worked up over coffee.

Ben Heller said...

If you did a time trial for serving these idiotic customers I'm sure you'd probably find that by the time you've took into consideration.
a) Wasted ingredients
b) Hourly rate of employee
There'd be no profit in serving them.

Benny said...

Brat. Dude. Starbucks Corporate popped over to my site from your site. I know you love your job, so hopefully those suits realize that. Either way, baby, DON'T GET DOOCED!

Lordloveya, Sitemeter. ;-)

Alan said...

I'm the guy that always seems to be behind these idiots when they're ordering. God bless you for dealing with them.

Sling said...

Holy crap!..These people sound way too indulged.Makes me wonder how many nannys it took to wipe their butts.

mellowlee said...

lmao! I thought I was being a pain in the ass whenever I ordered my fraps double blended (a few times at my fav bux I got a frap that had ice chunks big enough to clog up the straw repeatedly, which really ruined the experience). But 7 second blending, now THAT is being a pain in the ass HAH. That makes me feel much better :)

I got ill just reading that last drink. How disgusting! *turns a lovely shade of bux green*

The Pensive Penguin said...

I have a vaguely related question, Brat. How common is it for people to order a red eye? I know it is popular in LA, but having lived in other cities for a while, I find that very few baristas know what it is, and a small handful know the drink as a hammerhead. (i.e. Me: "it's a coffee with an add shot" Barista: "Oh you mean a hammerhead") What's the deal?

For those who don't know-- Red eye= coffee+add shot, black eye=coffee+two shots, hammerhead (i'm told)= coffee+two shots.

pseudostoops said...

There is a sitcom in here somewhere. Or at the very least a top notch SNL sketch. Or a great episode of punked. Also, thank you- by sharing these insane orders I feel much much better about my one-pump gingerbread lattes. At least you don't have to make my drink twice for that.

Anonymous said...

There is a Mad TV skit like this...with the "Korean lady". Pretty funny and also painful!

Anonymous said...

Unbelievable. No seriously, I can't get my head around these people and you not tossing them. They're taking advantage of what they perceive as their superior position. Would they act so entitled if there weren't a counter between you?
Here's a guy I found who doesn't take it:

Lacey said...

Yesterday, I felt terrible for ordering a triple venti mocha with raspberry syrup, extra hot. I felt like a little raspberry with my mocha! I love the baristas at the Starbucks I go to, but I really hate to divert from the menu, because it makes me feel like an ass.

Dayngr said...

WOW this makes me sound like a dream customer. I never mix anything or make anything special in anyway. I just pick something from the menu and go for it. Should I be experimenting more? Hmmm...

Anonymous said...

dood...I love you!

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