head hunters

it's not unusual for customers to ask us baristas if we are happy with our employment. it's a fair question - especially when you come across baristas who seem to hate wearing a green apron more than they hate paying full price for a venti caramel macchiato. sometimes customers are just being chatty when they ask "how do you like your job?". other times they are genuinely interested. and occasionally they are trying to sell you something.

last night a group of four came into my bux and each ordered lattes. they were all dressed professionally and carried with them their obligatory briefcases - all except the solitary female who had a prada knock off hanging over her shoulder. among this group of four there was an "alpha suit". it was obvious because his briefcase was made of metal and not of leather. oh, and the fact that his "associates" paid for his drink and followed him around like devoted puppies.

"so, how do you like working for starbucks?" alpha suit asked me while i made his drink.
"i like it a lot." i honestly replied.
"do they force you to say that?" he chuckled, but it was only for show - his group of minions laughed obligatorily.

i didn't respond. i was already bored by him and i could too easily tell what direction he wanted the conversation to take.

"what about you?" he asked my fellow barista brat. "do you spout the party line too?"
"well, yeah i like it here but it's not my dream to become a manager or anything." she didn't realize she'd just painted a target on her chest.
in swooped the female suit with a fake smile plastered on her face.
"you should give me your phone number - i can offer you a career opportunity that you will love!"
"well, what kind of job is it?" fellow barista brat asked, taken aback because the female suit asked for her phone number.
"oh, i can't tell you now! you need to be excited for it!" female suit responded.
alpha suit stepped in when he saw my fellow barista was not game.
"really, we offer better hours, better pay and a chance at unlimited gains!" he smiled at her. "you would be a perfect fit for us. why don't you give us a number we can reach you at and then we can go over details?"

fellow barista brat fell for the trick and handed over her mobile number. the beta suits smiled in wonderment at the mastery skill of alpha suit.
"that's how it's done, folks!" he informed them as they made their way out the store.

i bet a weeks worth of tips that fellow barista brat will be getting a phone call from primerica inviting her to attend a "training session".

barista rant: really, i don't care if you bring in fries from the hamburger place two doors down from us to eat while you drink your iced tea. what i DO mind is when you spill ketchup on the floor and smear it around with your shoes. and when you put your feet up on the chair across from you and smear ketchup all over that as well. and when you leave your trash on and around the table when you leave. and when you come back and have the nerve to accuse us of stealing your sunglasses that you claim you left in our store. perhaps if you weren't so damn messy you could keep track of your things!