there are a few kinds of crazy when it comes to customers.
there's the certifiably insane: people who really do have mental problems but have enough social skills to order a cup of coffee.
there's the manic crazies: people that are happy, but are clearly existing on their own planet.
and of course there's the wtf?!? crazies (unfortunately the most common crazy affliction we see at bux).
wtf crazies are the most dangerous sort. they are ticking time bombs and anything can set them off. so far this week there's been an epidemic of wtf craziness and of course we baristas have been on the receiving end of undeserved insults.
wtf crazy person #1
- while i was at bar some middle-aged lady walked up to the serving counter and spat out "SOME of us have real jobs we have to get to!".
"i'm sorry, were you waiting for another drink?" i asked when i noticed she was already holding a starbucks cup in her hand.
"HELLO! i've been waiting for over ten minutes!" she lied.
"well, i don't have any drinks left to be made. what did you order?"
"i ordered a caramel!" she practically shrieked. "and i've been waiting fifteen minutes for it!" yet another lie.
"a caramel what?" i asked. "a caramel frappuccino or a caramel macchiato?"
"a caramel drink!" she shrieked again.
"we have more than one caramel drink." i pointed to the menu.
before she could could yell out "caramel" again, the register partner walked over to the bar and said "ma'am, you ordered a tall drip with caramel syrup."
"yes, i know!" she was fuming. "so where the hell is it?"
"uh, it's in your hand."
that's right, this lady was holding her drink the whole damn time. so did she apologize for being such a bitch? of course not! instead she growled, "i'm NEVER coming her ever again! this is the worst starbucks i've ever been to!" as she stomped out of the store.
wtf crazy person #2
- a woman came into bux with her baby strapped to her chest (i have no idea what those sari looking baby thingies are called) and ordered a passion iced tea. after picking up the tea she went into the bathroom, only to emerge five minutes later with a bright pink stain down the front of her baby strap.
"you guys are lucky this wasn't hot tea." she shook her finger at us. "i would sue all your asses off if this was hot tea!"
we offered to give her towels to help clean herself, as well as give her another tea.
"i don't want another tea! i want you to pay my cleaning bill." she pushed the clean towels back at us. "this is 100% silk!" she pointed to the baby strap thingie. "this was going to be a family heirloom but you've ruined it!"
and then she started crying.
and after she cried she blamed our uptight society for not allowing her to breastfeed in public (which i guess is why she ended up spilling her tea all over herself in the bathroom?) and then she started complaining that her back hurt from the baby strap thingie.
my fellow barista brat figured the lady must be suffering from postpartum depression, but i think she just had a case of the wtf's.
wtf crazy person #3
- high school student asks me "can you make a frappuccino that doesn't taste like a frappuccino?"
"i don't understand, do you not want it to taste like coffee because we have non-coffee frappuccinos."
"i just don't want it to taste like a frappuccino."
"what do you want it to taste like?"
"you know - good, just not frappuccino tasting." she informed me with a straight face.
when i then told her that it was impossible to make a frappuccino NOT taste like a frappuccino, she then asked for a hot chocolate that didn't taste like a hot chocolate. and when i told her that was impossible as well she whined and demanded to know why i was "making her life a living hell".
barista rant: it is never, NEVER ok to help yourself to our tip jar. not even if you spotted the only state quarter missing from your collection - it will never be permissible to take the tip jar to your table to sift through it. and if you try it again i can't guarantee you'll make it out of the store unscathed.