three of a(n) UN-kind

some days at bux everything flows smoothly.
and then there are days like today when it seems the world has swallowed a pitch-a-fit pill.

my very first customer of the day ordered a mocha frappuccino light - not a problem. but because the beverage was made correctly (meaning there wasn't extra frappuccino guts left in the blender) the customer decided to raise hell because she felt she was being shorted.
"this isn't really full." she slid the frappuccino back to me. "can you top it off?"
seriously, there was really no room to 'top off' the drink, but that isn't really what the lady wanted. what she wanted was for me to remake the drink and give her two for the price of one. so i blended about an inch more of the mocha frappuccino light and 'topped off' her drink.
"why don't you use a dome lid and pour the rest in?" she said in an amazingly patronizing tone of voice when she saw i was going to dump the last bit of frappuccino down the sink.
"oh, did you want to pay the difference for a larger size?" i smiled, knowing full well it rubbed her the wrong way.
"forget it!" she grabbed her drink and straw. "next time learn how to make the drink right on the first try!"

the second customer was a woman who ordered a double tall nonfat cappuccino. i know that's what she ordered because i heard her order it. i also repeated the order to her before i started foaming the nonfat milk. but when i handed her a double tall nonfat cappuccino she huffed and whined about me getting her drink wrong.
"i ordered a LATTE, not a CAPPUCCINO!" she rolled her eyes.
"i'm sorry," i said none too sincerely. "i thought i heard you say cappuccino, and i know when i verified the order i said cappuccino and not latte."
"ask the guy on register!" the lady shot back defensively. "hey! tell her what drink i ordered!" she called out to barista buddy.
"double tall nonfat cappuccino." barista buddy replied without skipping a beat.
"well, the both of you are deaf," she muttered under her breath.
"guess i must be improving because i had no trouble hearing that." i told her directly before remaking her drink.

the third jerk customer of the day was a guy who decided his time was more valuable than the three people in front of him in line.
"gimme a double espresso, water, tall hot cup." he ordered and tossed two bucks at me and began reading the paper.
of course i wasn't going to rush his order through and instead finished the drinks i had on the bar - including the drinks of the three customers he skipped ahead of.
"sorry sir, did you want two shots with water in a tall hot cup?" i asked to clarify.
"double. espresso. water. tall. hot. cup." the guy responded without even making eye contact with me.
so i made him a lukewarm americano, which is what i understood his order to be.
"what is this?" he wrinkled his brow and looked at me like i'd just placed a cup filled with urine in front of him.
"double espresso and water in a tall cup." this time it was my turn to respond flippantly.
"i wanted a DOUBLE ESPRESSO and a cup of water in a hot cup! separate! not together!" the guy raised his voice at me. "and i ordered it, like, ten minutes ago!"
well, since i was already in a mood because of the mocha frappuccino light lady and the cappuccino lady, i was extra bratty when i responded to the jerk customer.
"oh, you wanted a double espresso separated into two cups? so you want two solo shots of espresso? which one gets water?" i smiled at him. "did you want the water hot? or just a tall hot cup? or did you want -"
"just give me two damn shots of espresso!" he interrupted me.
"gladly!" i said, keeping the fake smile on my face.
and yes, i did give him decaf.

partner rant: if you're going to have someone from another store cover your shift, please make sure they've been with bux for longer than two weeks. getting a brand newbie to cover during a morning rush doesn't do anybody any good. so please, make sure that whoever covers your shift at least knows how to ring and do lobbies.


Gamestore Girl said...

Monday night is a full moon - they must be starting early.

Isabelle said...

I have a rant for you: I popped into my local bux this morning to grab a pick-me-up before work. I was cut off in the parking lot by a guy who then proceeded to park SIDEWAYS across the only two handicapped spots in the lot. I parked legally and when I got into the store, the man from the illegal car was apparently a barista from another store picking up frappucino base. I understand borrowing product as I work in the industry also, but taking up both handicapped spots just so you can shave 4.7 seconds off your time is asinine. Really. I'm glad he's not one of my regular local baristas.

ray said...

This comment has been removed because it linked to malicious content. Learn more.

Monica said...

Why do people think they deserve amazing customer service when they are shitty customers? I wonder how you keep from punching people? Nah, it's actually more fun to fuck with people's heads than it is to punch them.

Tom said...

Beloved Brat, your cool and collected approach to the blog fodder out there slipping, and I am cheering. A while you ago you would not have responded to the under-the-breath comment, and certainly not with such a coolly cutting edge. And nailing the espresso and water guy on his inability to use the English language to his own advantage? A roar of applause from the gallery.

Becca said...

I work at an information center at a college and we don't like to take other people's mail because we don't like to be responsible if there is a check or whatever in their mail and it gets stolen. I tired it tell a lady at once and she walked away saying "no wonder no one likes you guys" I just can't believe how rude some people can be to your face

georg said...

Yesterday, I went to the Bux, and an older gentleman was waiting by the cash register. I assumed he'd been waited on. The cashier bux was doing the weirdest thing I've ever seen. She had a fist full of money and was walking up and down the counter, looking on the stuff under the counter, and muttering. She did this the *entire* time I was in the store. Finally one of the regular baristas (or at least folks I see there often) came over and took my order. Then the gentleman spoke up and said he hadn't paid for his drink. At this point, the barista actually working the machines delivered his drink and started making mine. The guy now standing behind the second register let the gentleman have his drink for free and took my money. He then went on to wait on the now considerable line behind me. Meanwhile, the weird barista continued to walk back and forth, muttering. It was just weird.

Lori said...

(Un)fortunately, you'll never have a shortage of great material!

One of my deepest desires, and biggest fears, is that one day everyone wakes up polite, self-aware, and articulate and you (and other service blogs like you) will have to write about other things.


Melissa said...

Geez, what jerks.

Christine said...

Wow. I laughed so hard at your response to all the jerks you dealt with. Sounds like National As*hole Day! We get about three times a week where we work because we have a lot of regulars who think they're all that and a bag of chips (meaning they deserve it all!). Wicked job Brat! You keep me smiling! :)

Anonymous said...

If only you could have a voice recorder with you. Then you can record what they say and if they try and say something different from what they ordered, you could be like, "Wait what? I thought you said this. *Plays back voice recorder* This is what you just said, right?" And play it loud too, so everyone can hear how much of a jerk he/she is.

Beth said...

The audacity of assholes.

But I felt ever so proud when I read this: "guess i must be improving because i had no trouble hearing that." You're my hero!

Tina said...

You are AWESOME. I always cower from the jerk customers, but now I'm inspired.

Christine Fletcher said...

For the way you handled these jerk-o-ramas, and especially for your writing flair and humor -- I bow reverently in your direction! Posts like this are why I'm a brat fan...

rachel cantebury said...

bahaha, i always stratgetically pour the frapp so that it looks like there's more. stupid cheapies!i'm a university student i need all the money i can get!

Sling said...

Man,I'm like totally out of the loop.
The couple of times I've been to Bux I ordered coffee,black...

Grumpy Housewife said...

See, shit like this is why I left retail.

By now? I totally would have killed someone. And you know, after working retail as long as I did, I had enough homicidal moments.

People are just completely fucking stupid. And I would have said the same things you did, but with more nasty language thrown in, lol!

Andrew said...

Dealing with such jerks sucks, but it often can be funny in hindsight. I think the stories are almost worth the initial hassle. ^_^;;

Citymouse said...

why are people such jerks?

Lisa in OK said...

Ok, I don't get it. You had to deal with a bunch of idiots in your store. And yet, when you post it on your blog, only intelligent people leave comments. Intelligent people, UNITE!!! Grab the next stupid person you find and detain them until we can determine a suitable place to send them all. If they cuss at you or otherwise attempt to traumatize you, let them have it with your scathing wit. Throw coffee on them (not too hot, or it will burn them), hose them down (I found some great quick connectors at walmart for an astonishingly low price), and, ok, that's it for me. The meeting of intelligent, courteous, and friendly service industry patrons will reconvene next week. Don't forget to bring all of your stupid detainees in casae we have figured out where to put them.

Meeting Coordinator

barista brat said...

gamestore girl - i think they started when they were born!

isabelle - wow, the nerve on that guy. if he was just a customer i'd think he was a jerk, but being a barista he REALLY should have known better. i'm glad for your sake he doesn't work in that store.

ray - it's funny, i didn't even realize it was april 1st. too bad i don't think the customers were playing jokes.

monica - yeah, sometimes making their day as miserable as they made mine is better than physical violence :)

tom - haha, yeah. i'm losing my patience again, aren't i?

becca - that's what i call the "shit and run".

georg - that is really freaky. almost like a crazy person wandered into their store and put an apron on!

lori - i don't think there's a chance that will ever happen, haha!

melissa - i concur.

anonymous - i know, but even then they might accuse us of messing with the tape, or claiming we were playing back someone else's order!

beth - i'm just lucky my manager wasn't around to hear my response!

tina - i usually am not so snarky. i think i just had raw nerves.

christine fletcher - thanks! coming from you that's a huge compliment!

rachel cantebury - usually that works, right? i hate it when they hit the cup on the counter several times so the fappuccino all gets packed to the bottom of the cup, and then they say we shorted them.

sling - i don't think we serve that anymore ;)

grumpy housewife - i always think to the day i win the lotto and can go off on all the jerk customers in a more "colorful" manner.

andrew - i'm glad they amuse you!

citymouse - i think it must be a disease.

lisa - haha, love it!

mellowlee said...

Yeesh! What a bunch of jerks! I'm glad I read the good customers stories above first :O)