best of the worst

some of my favorite exchanges from this weekend:

barista brat: venti nonfat latte on the bar!
customer: is this the soy latte?
barista brat: the decaf grande soy no foam latte?
customer: yeah, is this it?
barista brat: no, this is still a venti nonfat latte.

barista buddy: can i help the next person in line?
clueless customer: are you talking to me?
barista buddy: sure, if you're ready to order.
clueless customer: wait, are you talking to me?
barista buddy: yes. i. am. talking. to. you.
clueless customer: am i the next person in line?
barista buddy: no, the invisible man is. i'll help you as soon as i'm done with him.

teenager: if i give you a big tip will you give me a drink for free?
barista brat: how about you don't tip me at all and pay the regular price.
teenager: but i don't have enough money.
barista brat: so how were you supposed to tip?
teenager: ok, i wasn't really going to tip you. i just wanted a discount. is there a discount for being honest?

high-strung lady: you breathed in my cup!
newbie: excuse me?
high-strung lady: you breathed in my cup!
newbie: all i did was put syrup in it.
high-strung lady: i know! and as you did it you breathed right into it. i heard you! you made a noise like this - 'shhhuhhhshhuhh'.
newbie: did it sound like this?
*newbie adds two more pumps of syrup to the cup*
high-strung lady: yes, it sounded exactly like that, except you made the noise with your mouth.

barista rant: don't ask me, the barista at bar, if you have all your drinks. YOU are the person who ordered them. YOU should remember how many drinks you paid for. what makes you think that i will know what you ordered when i was not the person who rang you up? do you just randomly order beverages? is it some sort of espresso lottery? if it is too hard to keep track then maybe you should keep a list, or at least order them all under the same name instead of having us write a different name on each cup.


Andrew said...

shhhuhhhushhhuh!!! Shhhuhhhushshhuh!

King Billy's concubine said...

Clueless tourist at airport: where is the exit?
Me: see that sign, it says exit, that's where the exit is

I blame it on jetlag.

ADW said...


You expect the customer to remember their own order??? Not likely.

Lisa said...

Hehe... too funny!

georg said...

Evil is Fast Food lottery.

My ex-boyfriend used to hit the drive through when it was busy, skip the ordering part, and pay for anything they handed him, then be all surprised about what they got. He of course never complained about what he got, and just kept driving.

Then the next person in line is surprised, and unpleasantly so.

He stopped doing it after he preceded a bus for a soccer team.

inspectorguy said...

I am dying to hear your opinion of this new Starbucks hot breakfast sandwich crap that is starting.

Steve said...

I've had this problem at the liquor store, and I was wondering if you've had the same thing happen at Starbucks. Customer buys something, pays, you space out and shortchange him, and he accuses you of trying to cheat him, despite your insistence that it was a simple mistake. I figure customers take that mistake pretty well at most stores, but get more uptight about it at liquor stores for whatever reason. Maybe they're itching to get their drink on as soon as possible.

Liquor Store Stories

cheer34 said...

At least the teenager was sort of honest.

What is inspectorguy referring too?

Gamestore Girl said...

Great entry brat - I got a giggle out of the stupidity of the customers. I'm really glad I don't have to deal with a lot of rampant stupidity where I work. I just get the guys who don't think I know anything about games!

Sling said...

sshusshuu!..sorry...I just breathed on this comment..

espresso freak said...

My philosophy is to not judge anyone for the stupid things they say or do before drinking coffee - most of the population is so sleep deprived that they're totally useless before the morning caffeine fix.

Beth said...

I hate it when invisible man is in front of me!

Grumpy Housewife said...

Espresso Freak, I wouldn't judge people before they have coffee, but you know, sometimes, they just BEG for it.

There are some people that all the Kona in Hawaii wouldn't help. And for some strange reason, I always end up behind them in line when I'm in a hurry. Idiots.

Allan said...

"is there a discount for being honest?"

I tried a variation of this question in court. Not recommended.

Sharpie said...

"You breathed in my cup"

Hahahahahaha. The mental picture = priceless.

mellowlee said...

LMAO Ohmygawd! The "you breathed in my cup" was so funny! People are weeeeeird.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like some of your customers should consider decaf!

My Side of The Bed said...

When I was in high school I was a clueless customer. Aloof. Over talking. Big questioner of on duty barista. But no longer. Those people piss me off. I only show grace to the kids in high school who fumble about the coffee shop. But people college-aged or older should know better. You're hilarious!


Anonymous said...

I have a friend who just started working at a Bux.

I have given him this URL. It should be required reading for baristas and customers.

Anonymous said...


i'm just a starbucks customer. the baristas at my local *bux are really cool, though. i want to bring them something sometime, and i've seen the posts here that indicate that pizzas are apparently always appreciated.

when would be the best time, brat? can i bring food by at a busy time, or should i wait 'til a slow time? do i need to try to time it for their lunch breaks?

OhioBux said...

I don't understand those people who think that you "breathed" in their cup like you have some kind of disease or something that they are going to catch. And the people who hear you call a drink put it on the bar and because they are the next in line they assume it's theirs just to find out they just took someone elses drink. "Grande non-fat no whip Mocha" 5 minutes later. Customer: "ummmmmm I ordered a grande non-fat no whip mocha did it come up?"
"yeah I called that 5 minutes ago (inner thoughts SHIT) Someone else must have taken it won't they be dissapointed when the realize that they have your drink and their Frappuccinno is still sitting here?"

Seriously Hot drink. Cold drink. how difficult is that. Holy crap I can't believe every barista in the world doesn't have a blog like yours we would all have so many rants it would be insane.

barista brat said...

andrew - too funny a comment!

king billy's concubine - ok, that is hilarious.

adw - i know, what's wrong with me, haha.

lisa - funny AND annoying!

georg - omg! how much was the soccer bus' order?

inspectorguy - my opinion is that we should stick with coffee and basic pastries. it sucks how time consuming the ovens are - plus it's an extra thing to clean each night.

steve - usually customers are pretty good about that sort of thing, believe it or not.

cheer34 - true, haha. and the warming ovens are not in all districts yet. i think the east coast has had them for awhile, as well as seattle. basically we now have breakfast sandwiches that have to be heated up in new ovens, and we also are supposed to warm up pastries when customers request them heated. it's a pain in the butt.

gamestore girl - does that happen alot? where guys just assume you don't know about the games because your a girl. that must get really annoying.

sling - ha!

espresso freak - sometimes that is true. but mostly there's no excuse for their stupidity.

beth - and he takes forever to order, huh? haha!

grumpy housewife - yeah, i KNOW it's as much of a pain for the people behind them in line.

allan - haha, too funny.

sharpie - yeah, that was insane.

mellowlee - seriously.

anonymous - you said it!

blake - they SHOULD know better! i agree!

jp - i wish him luck!

anonymous - how awesome of you! really, anytime is a great time. usually when it's slower there are less baristas on duty. when it's busier there are more, and people always get breaks so even if they are working when you bring it in, they will get a chance to have some.

ohiobux - yeah, the hot drink/cold drink thing kills me too.

Manuel said...

I love customers, I swear the stranger, the freakier, the more psychotic they become the more I realise how well balanced and normal I am!

Gardenwife said...

I work for your competition, but aside from your foreign-sounding cup sizes, this could be my day sometimes. LOL What about people who come to the drive-thru, order a caramel latte, then complain when handed it, "I wanted it iced".

This is after you and two co-workers, also wearing headsets to ensure accuracy and help back each other up, all know the customer never breathed the words "cold" or "iced".

Thom said...

Used to work at a bagel shop in NH, and we had our share of Clueless Customers...it's not co-incidental these people showed up around 10am on a Saturday, with last night's booze still on their breath, and couldn't remember what they ordered from one end of the counter to the other...

Luv the blog