'tis the season to order disgusting drinks.
apparently this was the weekend to go wild when ordering drinks. one or two additions was not enough. getting soymilk instead of regular milk was just too mundane. our customers wouldn't rest until EVERY box on the cup had a modifier. here are some of the more "memorable" customized holiday drinks (for the extra disgusting elements i've used capital letters).
a half-caff venti, two pump maple, half eggnog half WHIPPING CREAM, caramel drizzle latte - now many baristas think eggnog is perfectly disgusting as-is. i just hate the banshee-like scream that emits from the pitcher when we steam it. when someone orders pure eggnog (that hasn't been cut by milk) the whole store suffers from temporary deafness. this customer wanted us to cut the eggnog with WHIPPING CREAM instead of milk. it felt like making a latte out of butter, it was so thick.
an iced solo grande, FIVE PUMP CINNAMON, percent, with whip, peppermint mocha - in addition to the 8 pumps of syrup that are ALREADY included in grande peppermint mochas - this customer wanted 5 EXTRA pumps. not only did this customer want 13 pumps of syrup total, they wanted us to use one LESS shot of espresso because "it's not sweet enough with two shots of espresso!".
a grande gingerbread frappuccino light with 4 SPLENDA - this customer thought this drink would somehow be healthier if she added extra splenda. even though we explained to her that frappuccino lights are not completely sugar-free, and that the gingerbread syrup is load with sugar, she still insisted that extra splenda made for a lower calorie drink.
putting breve foam on my misto is about as crazy as i get with my drink - and i only do it if i'm working. i'd never walk into a bux and expect them to steam breve foam for my coffee. anyone care to discuss their craziest drink in the comment box?
barista rant: i know it's natural. i know sometimes it can't be helped. but waiting until you're ordering your coffee to let one rip is a special kind of crazy. the satisfied look on your face after you'd farted loud enough to shake the windows was not only creepy, it was cringe-inducing. asking us "want to hear it again? i'm sure i can squeeze another one out" permanently put you on the customer shame list. please refrain from using chemical warfare on the baristas. we'd much rather you bitch at us than pitch at us.
47 comments:
I'd have to say the craziest drink I ever had was about a year ago while I was covering a shift at another store. I was working the bar and one of the baristas that worked at the store came up and tried to explain a drink that a regular customer wanted. It was complicated..... She finally gave up and asked, in a very polite way: "Could I just make it? He's really picky." I let her do it and it went something like this:
A grande 1/4 pack equal, 1/2 pack splenda, 1/2 pack sweet n low, 1 1/4 pump vanilla, 2/3 of the caramel sauce, caramel macchiato. He wanted the milk fresh steamed and just for him, no sleeve, and a tall cup stuck on the bottom of the grande cup.
Let's break it down.....
Now, I'm used the the division of sweetners and, honestly, can they really tell? I'm also used to people mixing the sweetners... I think people are just trying to be cute and they are kidding themselves thiking that it tastes more like sugar that way. But all of those fractions? How does someone come up with something like that??
And the milk. It didn't matter that I had just stemed a two liter pitcher of milk fifteen seconds before he ordered. That wasn't fresh enough. He had to have the milk just for him. I was expecting him to say he wanted it from a brand new milk jug that hadn't been opened before he got there.
But, even with all of that, I could have let it go. What really got me was the tall cup stuck on the bottom of the grande cup. I mean, what the freaking hell??
AND, he stood at the hand off counter the entire time, leaning over as far as he could and watched Molly the entire time she was making the drink saying stuff like: "Fresh milk, now!" and "That's 1/2 a pack of splenda, now. Good girl."
I wanted to grab a milk thermometer and stab his eyes out with it.
Love,
Schlatko
the bravest I get is a Venti Black and White Peppermint Mocha with Alternate Handoff. I love my Venti White Mochas :-)
Schlatko,
I have absolutely no professional (or personal) experience to back this up but if I had to guess I would say that your customer either had a touch of OCD or some rather serious anal retention issues.... That is one specific drink order!
If I recall, the average flavor shot caloric content is 80 calories per shot. 80x13=1040calories from shots alone...
um, wondering if you could help me. In our local stores there is a mug holder display. It's shaped in a x-mas tree. It's silver.
My mom want's one. I've been to 4 stores in my area and they all tell me to to the requests last year that Starbucks was going to sell them but they don't know when they will get more and to check the website.
Well, unless I just don't see it, I can't find where you can view or buy any of the gift type items.
Do you know anything about them?
Thanks
My only "crazy" drink was my iced lattes. I am apparently an anomoly. I actually do not like the taste of real coffee. I make an awesome cup, and great specialty drinks, but I don't like them. When I really needed the caffeine, I would (and still do at home) use enough coffee/espresso to get me the caffeine I need, and then literally kill the coffee flavor by overpowering it with sugar and vanilla syrup.
Other than that, I used to mess around a lot with Italian Sodas. I learned how to make a lot of "Virgin" versions of alcoholic drinks with them lol. My favorite was the Amaretto Sour Italian Soda.
We had one woman who insisted on a half-caf latte made with half soy milk and half organic. Not a ridiculous drink when you say it, but to steam two seperate kinds of milk, that aren't usually already steamed, and mixing the soy and whole milk kills me. Starbucks soy isn't healthy for you, and that organic is whole milk.
She was also anal enough to return drinks if she felt they weren't made exact. Not a nice lady.
Sounds like some of your customers want to put on all their holiday weight this week! The eggnog latte has always sounded gross to me; is it worth a taste?
I've written before about the strawberry blended black tea that I get in the summer - a Bux manager turned me on to it. These crazy concoctions make me retch. Yet another way people want to be validated, I guess. "Look at me! I'm special! My drink order takes 5 minutes!" Bah!
And now for the Moxie rant: Was there something in the espresso at Bux the last 5 days? I went into 3 different stores and each one seemed to be having a barista meltdown. Lots of people working and still taking ages to make drinks (some of the time lag was due to heavy socializing), looking at customers like they had 3 heads, not getting drinks right. I love you guys, I want to give you lots of business and big tips. But for the love of Steve, please wake up and be of service!
(wandering off, grumbling)
yeah, i can't fathom how so many people have gotten to a point where they have such specific instructions. i've always been one of those people to whom, if it's not on the menu, the restaurant doesn't make it.
i don't go into wendy's and order a steak. i don't go into starbuck's and order some ridiculous concoction i've made in my head. and how do they get to the point where they *know* that that's their drink? it's ridiculous.
i usually get something very basic... the most exotic i've ordered was probably the green tea latte or green tea lemonade.
Okay, I admit I'm a pain at my local coffee place (in England where they don't expect and no bux closer then a half hours drive)
Anyway I order a Medium Hazelnut Latte, Made with Fairtrade Coffee, Skim Milk, and an extra shot of Espresso.
I do apologize about this though and tip well.
Oh, and I'll add, I don't choose skim milk to make it magically healthy, simply because I perfer the taste.
I'm not that crazy. *grin*
First - the eggnog latte is TO DIE FOR. Seriously. I am totally addicted.
And I normally don't care for eggnog.
Second - I'm with paper monkey - these weird drink people have severe OCD. I can barely remember all the parts of my drink order long enough to say it - "tall decaf eggnog latte." If I had to remember half a packet of this, an extra shot of that, a pump of this, whipped cream, something else - I would never make it through the line.
I'm just really grateful if they ask if I'd like whipped cream because I'd never remember to ask for it.
Third - an eggnog latte with half whipped cream would be my death of choice.
I'm really enjoying reading this blog...love the wacky behaviour...but I just have to say, I like coffee.
Black. No sugar. No milk, cream, whipping cream, nor syrup.
I often drink tea...but at home. I have a cupboard devoted to tea (at least 30 kinds...black, green, herbal, what-have-you)
I may have a Chai Latte once in a blue moon, if I'm feeling decadent.
And the wackiest I'll take my coffee is with flavoured beans...Irish Cream or Hazelnut or some such -- but never the syrup, too sweet. (But obviously not at a Starbucks...)
Keep the stories coming! :-)
there is a guy who comes into my starbucks everyday and orders a decaf, double short, sugar-free vanilla, soy, 150 degree with whip cream latte. wtf is that? I hate when people order soy...but still want whip cream! It's like...look at me, I drink soy! And I also hate when people order sugar free vanilla non-fat lattes...but still want whip cream on top. And when people order venti LIGHT frappuccinos...it's like what's the point???
I worked the opening shift at a coffee shop (not bux) for almost two years. My morning wake-up beverage: an 8-shot latte, whole milk, jigger of sugar-free raspberry syrup, half-pump of Hershey's syrup, lots and lots of foam on top.
And no, I never asked anyone else to make that drink for me. ;)
I'm starting to realize that Bux is solely responsible for coffee crazy nit picking ordering behavior across the planet. Bux encourages this behavior with all their special options. I think it's time to start blaming the company, not the customer. ;)
Eggnog is good. I'm glad to know it offends so many baristas to make drinks out of it though, even though it is on your menu. I'll be sure not to order it. Oh wait, I don't go to Bux. It's a rip off and the coffee stinks! StarBurnt!
I had a woman today that came through the drive-thru who wanted a tall, six pump, one splenda and one equal peppermint mocha. Because, damn it, that blend of equal and splenda is a MUST HAVE!
triple grande, 1/3 decaf("you know that's two shots of regular and one decaf") 7 pump, 2%, no foam, stirred-well("well there's no point to stir when there's only six pumps, is there?") extra whip, mocha. You know, if she didn't talk to all of us like we were the window licking children riding the Starbucks short-bus, there wouldn't be a problem...but, well, you know. - Another bratty barista
Now I know why it takes me 37 minutes to get through the drive- thru for a latte and a one pump mocha. Yes, the drive through - because when I have to put up with these tards in line I start to get bitchy.
And no I don't have a sense of humor about it... you were not put on earth to make my errands take 8 1/2 times longer. Yet they do. Doesn't anyone have anything to do these days that requires being in a hurry?
Love your blog though...
I hope mr. farty pants goes away and stays away! Didn't his parents teach him any manners?
Listen, got to admit, not a huge fan of bux, but being at the hospital, usually not a choice. Love your style and stories. After reading this post, I am reminded of what I always think when I am behind these morons..."Where the hell to they come up with this shit?" I mean, who walks into a coffee shop and thinks "you know, I have never had one before, but I would like it made this way" I mean, coffee, esspresso, capuccino etc i Understand. Hell I even understand ordering off the specialty menu, bux pays people to sit around all day and dream this stuff up. Why however, do a large number of people feel seemingly gyped if they dont change something about the drink. Just order it the way it is on the damn menu. Have you ever been stuck behind these assholes in line? Perhaps I am old school...coffee, black, little room for milk, thank you buh bye.
oh by the way, I have some news for all those decaf drinkers, after 10 years in the restaurant business, and I can only speak for my restaurants, We had one box of decaf that never got opened. It was all regular (this was a restaurant, not a bux, so the fanciest we got was someone asking for a heated cup...which we set upside down on a burner and delighted as grandpa burnt his lips) I am not kidding, we went so far as to pour the coffee into different urns to make it look like they got a different coffee. There was no such thing as decaf, and you know, we never had one person die on us...amazing.
the wildest i ever get with my coffee is mixing the different types of cappucino at the local wawa (it's a convenience store mainly in NJ and PA, perhaps the best ever - for those not familiar). i don't even go to bux, mostly because the coffee is wayyyy overpriced and always seems to give me terrible heartburn. the only thing i've found i do like off the menu is the pomegranate frappucino. mostly i'm just a tea girl, though. tea is so nice and simple...give me a cup of hot water and a tea bag (with some room left for cream and sugar) over some complicated coffee mess any day. plus, it's virtually zero work for the barista.
LMAO at the rant still! That is a special kind of crazy fer sure!
I don't have a weird custom drink, but I can't get over the Peppermint Mocha with the extra cinamon UG. This person is just asking to become diabetic! The 4 splenda person is pretty funny too. It's like people who will buy and eat a box of slimfast bars, cause they think they will make them skinny by eating them. Craaaazzeee!
Anon 8:52 -
There is a difference between demanding labor-intensive customized drinks and asking for decaf. What is it about people who ask for decaf that you hate so much? And why is it so important to you that we drink regular coffee?
I haven't died, but I *have* gotten massive caffeine rebound headaches - thanks a lot for those, by the way; they were way fun. I've also lain awake for much of the night after drinking "decaf" with dinner at a restaurant.
Don't think that because you find it funny to lie to people about what they're eating and drinking, they don't later suffer the consequences.
I get venti passion tea with sugar free vanilla syrup. I then proceed to add (myself, of course i wouldnt waste the baristas time) 5 packages of splenda and 2 equal. sometimes ill omit the syrup if i dont feel like that much sugar :)
yes i like things artificially sweet, but if im not wasting your time or being rude to other customers or baristas who cares what people want in their coffee. so what if you want a venti light frap? saves at least a hundred cals on a regular venti frap.
people need to relax
My head is pounding just listening to these descriptions...do the baristas have to take stenography to write down these orders, or take a class to beef up their memories?
How the heck can people even taste the coffee through all of that dreck that is put in those drinks?
I'm another one of those people who takes coffee black, with a packet of artificial sweetener added. Done!
thanks everyone for your comments!
very cool to know you think those drinks are as ridiculous as we baristas do.
Here's a little tip anon. (coming from someone who will drink cappuccino with one sugar) anyone who puts that much stuff in their coffee doesn't like coffe... they like playing grown up and think that by drinking coffee they are an adult... Case in point - there was a temp workin in my office quite some time ago and we offered to get her a coffee one morning as she was stuck at the front desk. Her order was simple... a medium coffee with one cream and six (that's right...6!!) sugars. The only thing more ridiculous than her order was seeing the face of the woman behind the counter at Timmy's (yup... I'm a good old fashion Canadian boy who visits Tim Hortons quite regularly).
STOP DRINKING COFFEE IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE TASTE!!!!!!!!!!!
::phew:: sorry about that. I feel much better now though.
I'm fairly low maintenance - all I ever ask for "oof-menu" is a Toffee Nut Latte - Grande, skim, sugarfree syrup please... always with a "please"
Seriously, I agree. If they don't like the taste of coffee, they shouldn't drink it, especially not in a franken-drink. And shouldn't bitch about how you guys make them. If they want to be anal about it, they should make coffee at home.
And the only wild I get at a bux is a venti nonfat hot chocolate with one pump of either raspberry or hazelnut then I add some splenda and cinnamon to it myself.
*rolls eyes slightly* I like all kinds of Coffee, Lattes, with syrup when I go to cafes, just with milk and 2 sugars when I'm at work (I like it a little sweet), just with milk if there isn't any sugar, or just with sugar if there isn't any milk, or more often I have tea, I have a stupid amount of teas, herbal non-caffinated, caffinated, loose and bagged.
But a lot of orders don't take the baristas that much more time if you're not doing weird things with measurement (1/4 splenda, 3/4's skimmed milk, 1/4 regular...etc, etc) my local cafe quickly got used to my order and they make it just about as fast as anyone elses, yes it's a little long to say but it's still just milk and coffee and syrup....that and I don't rush them, I always thank them, and when they have a newbie on the til I say my order slower the the breakneck speed i do for those who know me and I am never fussed when asked to repeat a part.
It's about attitude.
Which is more annoying a person with a slightly complicated order who says please and thank you or a person who just wants and Americano but who is rude about it? (ie "What's and 'Americano' can't you just say COFFEE, I just want PLAIN BLACK COFFEE, are you capable of that or do I have to say 'Americano?" really heard a person say this to a barista once)
I typically make coffee at my office in the mornings for a wake up (Thank GOD for Gevalia and the pod designs!!!). However, if I want a little fancy or I'm out shopping, I'll either get a grande caramel machiatto skinny (because 2% just isn't worth the extra calories and that's how I justify the extra sugar) or during Christmas a tall skinny peppermint mocha (extra syrup = thinner milk), both at 140 degrees.
I've gotten a raised eyebrow a time or two for the 140, but I LOVE it! It allows me to start drinking the coffee right away instead of waiting 10 minutes. :) Yay for not-burned tongues.
one thing that's always plagued me, because i'm not a regular bux customer...does it piss the baristas off if patrons don't use "bux speak" (ie "grande" instead of medium, "americano" vs coffee, etc) when they order their drinks? cos i know everytime i go there (which is maybe 3-4x a YEAR) i know and plan to say the bux term for the size drink i want, yet it's always "i'll have a small/med/large whatever, please." that actually comes out of my mouth.
i guess my mind just refuses to assimilate.
in response to she riff, americano isnt the same as coffee.
an americano is hot water with espresso shots in it. (small has 1 shot, medium 2 and large 3)
ive never had one but from what i hear from customers its similar to regular coffee but not quite the same.
When in Japan I saw a drink with everything: a strawberry caffelatte float. It appears to be an iced coffee, topped with latte, topped with whipped cream, topped with strawberries. It was so bizarre, I took a picture:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35409174@N00/308229134/
I always want to try an Americano but cant justify adding water to a coffee drink...
Seriously though grow up and drink your coffee black, you dont add things to your beer why would you your coffee.
After reading these drinks I am relived that I am NOT as high maintenance as I thought. I had weight loss surgery, so I have a Venti SF FF vanilla latte. Great source of calcium, and tasty! But I always thought that I was putting the baristas through hell. Glad to know that my drink is relatively tame!
I work at a Seattle's Best (a small subsidiary of Starbucks) which is located inside a Borders bookstore. I have the worst of both worlds. There's the people who have no lives and are literally forming a line outside the store at 8AM! They leave books everywhere as well as their coffee cups and such. Such slobs. They are all "intellectual" Frasier wanna-bee's. "Can I help you?" I say, nicely. "Non-fat half-caf sugar-free vanilla latte with extra whip". I reply, "What about it?" People are so rude. A "Can I please have.." is the proper way to order things. Why do they want non-fat and then ask for EXTRA WHIP? There's so much more fat and sugar in that WHIP than there would be in the drink. And stop saying whip, it sounds so stupid. It's whipped cream. If you have so many dietary needs that you have to order such an asinine drink, go home. Get an espresso machine of your own. Clean up after yourselves. The worst is teapot service. The only point of it is to look pretentious. Same thing with mugs. GO HOME AND LIVE YOUR WORTHLESS LIVES AWAY FROM US WORKING CITIZENS!!!!!!!!!
Ew. Eggnog is the nastiest stuff ever- I nearly gagged whenever I had to steam it at work.
And one of the nastiest drinks I've ever gotten was an Eggnog latte drizzled with chocolate syrup. It may just be that I can't stand the smell, but this gave me a faint spell.
And I wish I could shoot people with nonfat mochas who are like, "Did you put whip on this?" with this cringy, kicked-puppy expression. And then I do it and they go, "This is non-fat, right?".
OH, and people who want soy with whip...wtf?
Let's see if I can remember this drink (it's been awhile seeing as how I no longer work for the bux) Half Caf Venti six pump vanilla non-fat one hundred fourty degrees no foam extra whip latte. Yeah that's one of my favorites of one of our customers Oh and she usually got a cup on the side of extra whipped cream cause it's her "favourite Part". Seriously why the hell would you get a non-fat if you are going to get extra whip??? not just extra but double extra. Seriously!!!! I also hate the people who think they are being funny when they say "non-fat with whip that whip has no calories in it right??? tee-hee". Ummmm sure if that is what you need to think to make it OK then it totally has not calories. Idgets!
to go extra shot venti coffee of the day... sounds simple until he adds "and please add "chilled soy foam on top please"
chilled soy foam??whaaa...
starbucks malaysia
I've been a barista for about 15 months now, we have three regulars that are a bit of a handful.
-Venti Cafe Vanilla Frappuccino with a double add shot, two scoops of Vanilla, a heaping tall scoop of ice (which ends up being a grande basically), double blended, no whip and "I want the left over in a tall cup since you're gonna throw it away"
-Venti Cafe Misto, with one pump white mocha two pumps sugar free vanilla, two added shots of espresso, four/fifths of that should be the coffee, shots, and syrup, and only one fifth will be the non fat no foam milk. and by the way stir that for me. really well.
-Triple grande, extra hot, seven pump sugar free vanilla, breve latte. (this isn't usually a problem, but the guy is a jerk about it, and always comes during a rush, when we DON'T have any other breve drinks)
The weirdest I ever had was a security guard who was a regular customer who would come in and order a grande peppermint mocha with 17 pumps of peppermint. It actually burns your eyes it's so strong. I asked him why he liked so much in there and I guess he just has a peppermint fixation. He buys peppermint extract and puts tons of that into his coffee at home too.
I worked in a tiny local coffee place, so the worst drink i made was a cherry cappuccino. It looked and smelled horrid. When the fair came to town the coffee guy actually created a drink for me, so amazing. I also drink quads at minimum, which people think is nuts since i am only 15.
We used to have a lady who would come in EVERY day and order a 4 shots of espresso blended with a little frappuccino base along with 15 splendas and 15 sweet and low's. DISGUSTING! I finally took a little sip of it one day and I almost pucked. It tasted like cancer!
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