11.07.2006

bux soap box

today one of our regular customers was standing in front of the register ordering her usual drink - a grande nonfat six-equal latte.

"ugh, are you REALLY going to put that into your body?" the customer behind her asked.
our regular customer gave him a sheepish smile and nodded, "i like my lattes sweet, but without the extra calories."
keeping the horrified look on his face, the customer behind her said, "you're willing to cut your life short just so you can enjoy your lattes?"
"excuse me?" regular customer was taken aback.
"seriously, do you know what that stuff does to your body? you might as well inject formaldehyde into your bloodstream!" he was getting preachy. "because that's what happens when you ingest that stuff. your body temperature causes a chemical reaction and that stuff basically embalms you from the inside."
regular customer grabbed her latte and left, not wanting the guy to totally ruin her caffeine experience.
"don't tell me you put that stuff in your coffee," he had now turned his attention to me.
"i don't drink coffee," i lied, hoping he'd order and leave.
"do you drink diet soda?"
"no," i lied again so that i wouldn't have to hear about the evils of aspertame and saccherine.
"well, you're smart because that stuff will kill you. if you want i can give you a list of websites that explain exactly how toxic those chemicals really are. you should tell everyone you know about it." he suggested and then ordered his organic milk chai.

i really wished my regular customer had stuck around to watch this guy stand outside my bux and chain smoke while he drank his chai latte. i wonder how he would have felt if an anti-smoker had given him a lecture while he tried to enjoy his cigarettes.

partner rant: the excuses are getting old. is there a reason, other than the fact you're being lazy and inconsiderate, that you haven't completed the mid-day duties before your closers come? i know last monday you said you were short people. and on wednesday you said there was a problem with the registers and you had to spend a good part of your shift on the phone with the computer people. yesterday you claimed the backroom was a higher priority and today you had a large cambro order. it's funny because when the rest of us work the mids we always manage to complete the tasks as well as deal with whatever is thrown our way. the fact that your part of the management team means you should know better than to turn over horrible shifts. suck it up and do your work.

16 comments:

Lee said...

AHHAHAHAHA...I KNEW IT!

Good one Brat.

Kiz said...

Chain smoking?
Oh man! That's hilarious!

So, he'll avoid putting stuff into his body that -may- have the -potential- to kill him -very- slowly if he ingests it in -huge- amounts. But he has no problem inhaling crap that will, for a fact, kill him.

You sure he wasn't the guy from 'Thank You for Smoking'? K

inspectorguy said...

Jesus, I hate people like that. I wish she had just slapped him upside the head like he deserved. When the hell are people going to start minding their own business?

shakennotstirred said...

Just started reading your blog a couple weeks ago and it's *hysterical*! Maybe the guy should *start* putting the chemicals in his body to embalm it NOW before the cigarettes totally kill him.

The Platypus said...

Oaky, let me see if I understand this. Douchebag stood outside your door and forced everybody coming or going to smell his smoke. Is that correct? I hate that.

mellowlee said...

Ug, first of all, preachy people suck. They are annoying as hell. Second what a bloody hypocrite! Freakin weirdo *shakes head* You really should write a book some day out of all of your posts :) I would buy it!

Beth said...

It must be sweetener harrassment day. Folks at my bux were talking about someone who just left -- some who takes eight sugars in his latte every day.

I don't use sweeteners. I like my latte black. But I always pick sugar over sweeteners ... just in case anyone's keeping score at home.

Ms. K said...

You know, if that guy had asked me if I was going to put *that* in my body, blah blah blah, I would have just looked at him, with that impassive look on my face, and said, "Yeah, what's it to ya?"

When he started getting preachy, I would have told him to STFU and mind his own goddamned business. I hate people who think they need to "educate" me on what I eat and drink. I don't need to be educated, TYVM, if I'm having a McDonald's cheeseburger, it's because I want a greasy cheeseburger. If I'm having KFC, I want fried chicken, dammit. If I'm at Starbucks, and I order a high sugar, high fat frappuccino, or get a venti latte and add a couple of packets of Sugar In The Raw, I want sweet coffee for a change.

If the health preachy assholes don't like it, they can fuck off. I don't have time or patience to deal with them.

And everyone wonders why I got the hell out of retail...

Writeprocrastinator said...

"seriously, do you know what that stuff does to your body? you might as well inject formaldehyde into your bloodstream!"

..."because that's what happens when you ingest that stuff. your body temperature causes a chemical reaction and that stuff basically embalms you from the inside."

Um, didn't one of those anti-smoking ads say that there was formaldeyhyde in cigarettes???

This reminds me of that scene in "Airplane!" when someone offers a hit off of a joint to the old lady and she scoffs. The camera pulls back a little and she does lines of coke off of a mirror.

Citymouse said...

figures

benny said...

In all fairness, Equal tastes like chemical encrusted dog doo. I used to get so mad at my grandmother for putting that crap in the big pitchers of iced tea ("ass-taaaay") because it ruined it for evvvvveryone.

Having said that, I know quite a few chain-smoking vegans. I'm pretty sure it's an image thing.

Lee said...

um, now I want a quarter pounder with cheese...THANKS Ms.K!!! Way to inject cravings into a preggo woman!!

Ms. K said...

lee, I used to crave Schezuan chicken. Yeah, REAL good for a pregnant woman with continual heartburn!

I feel your pain...now, go get a quarter pounder with cheese, don't you KNOW the BABY wants one?

;-)

Yeah, I know...I'm bad...

barista brat said...

lee - haha, glad you liked it!

kiz - exactly! if he wants to smoke - then fine, but he shouldn't preach to others about intaking things that will kill them.

inspectorguy - it's true, he was very intrusive.

shakennotstireed - thanks for stopping by!

the platypus - yeah, there's a rule about not smoking right infront of doorways and entrances, but no one abides by it.

mellowlee - haha, thanks for the compliment!

beth - haha, your baristas must like you if they let you overhear them making fun of a customer's drink! we usually wait until people are out of earshot before we poke fun.

ms k. - haha, i'd love to see you go off on some sap!

writeprocrastinator - maybe i should keep a list of anti-smoking websites on hand to give him the next time he gets preachy.

citymouse - it does, doesn't it? haha.

benny - haha, of course you like the pure stuff!

James said...

what was that guy's name? rush limbaugh?

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