bux soap box

today one of our regular customers was standing in front of the register ordering her usual drink - a grande nonfat six-equal latte.

"ugh, are you REALLY going to put that into your body?" the customer behind her asked.
our regular customer gave him a sheepish smile and nodded, "i like my lattes sweet, but without the extra calories."
keeping the horrified look on his face, the customer behind her said, "you're willing to cut your life short just so you can enjoy your lattes?"
"excuse me?" regular customer was taken aback.
"seriously, do you know what that stuff does to your body? you might as well inject formaldehyde into your bloodstream!" he was getting preachy. "because that's what happens when you ingest that stuff. your body temperature causes a chemical reaction and that stuff basically embalms you from the inside."
regular customer grabbed her latte and left, not wanting the guy to totally ruin her caffeine experience.
"don't tell me you put that stuff in your coffee," he had now turned his attention to me.
"i don't drink coffee," i lied, hoping he'd order and leave.
"do you drink diet soda?"
"no," i lied again so that i wouldn't have to hear about the evils of aspertame and saccherine.
"well, you're smart because that stuff will kill you. if you want i can give you a list of websites that explain exactly how toxic those chemicals really are. you should tell everyone you know about it." he suggested and then ordered his organic milk chai.

i really wished my regular customer had stuck around to watch this guy stand outside my bux and chain smoke while he drank his chai latte. i wonder how he would have felt if an anti-smoker had given him a lecture while he tried to enjoy his cigarettes.

partner rant: the excuses are getting old. is there a reason, other than the fact you're being lazy and inconsiderate, that you haven't completed the mid-day duties before your closers come? i know last monday you said you were short people. and on wednesday you said there was a problem with the registers and you had to spend a good part of your shift on the phone with the computer people. yesterday you claimed the backroom was a higher priority and today you had a large cambro order. it's funny because when the rest of us work the mids we always manage to complete the tasks as well as deal with whatever is thrown our way. the fact that your part of the management team means you should know better than to turn over horrible shifts. suck it up and do your work.

i feel your pain

today's post deals with bux indirectly (since bux owns seattle's best coffee) but i still felt the need to vent:

this morning i was at a borders book store looking for a birthday gift for a friend. as some of you may know borders has converted many of their cafes to seattle's best cafes. the ones that haven't yet been remodeled still serve seattle's best brand coffee. so, before i went searching for a birthday gift i decided to get an iced coffee.

barista brat: "hi."
borders barista: *blank stare*
barista brat: "uh, hi. may i have a medium iced coffee with one pump of white mocha and one pump of mocha?"
borders barista: "that's an extra charge."
barista brat: "ok."

the borders barista rung me up for an iced coffee and charged me an extra fifty cents for syrup - twice. now, it's not that i'm super cheap and can't afford the extra fifty cents, i've just never been charged twice for getting less syrup than the recipe calls for. the borders barista verified that she charged me twice because i wanted one pump of two different syrups.

barista brat: "ok, i understand. instead of the white mocha may i have two pumps of regular mocha instead?"
borders barista: "i'm still gonna charge you extra for it."
barista brat: "yeah, i know i have to pay fifty cents for it."
borders barista: "no, you have to pay a dollar for it."
barista brat: "but i'm only getting one syrup now."
borders barista: "but you want two pumps and if you bothered to look at the menu, you'd see it's fifty cents per shot of syrup."
barista brat (breathing deep as to not go off on her): "yeah, i'm only getting HALF a shot of syrup since medium drinks normally get four pumps."
borders barista: "you're getting TWO shots!"
my nice customer voice was gone by now.
barista brat: "so if i order a medium latte and asked for a shot of white mocha, how many pumps would you put in it?"
borders barista: "lattes get four pumps."
barista brat: "would you charge me two dollars extra for that?"
borders barista: "no, because four pumps equal a shot in a medium latte."
barista brat: "shouldn't medium iced coffees get four pumps as well?"
borders barista: "no, because you're ordering a drink that's not on the menu so you have to pay more."
barista brat: "is this your own rule? i'm asking because there's no other coffee shop that charges like this."
borders barista" "well this isn't a real coffee shop. this is a book store and they make up their own rules."
barista brat: "i know you get paid by borders but you're serving seattle's best drinks. the recipes are supposed to be the same."
borders barista: "do you want your coffee or not?"

now if the borders barista had 1.) been nice, 2.) had said "i know it sucks but that's how they told me to ring it up", or 3.) been polite instead of bitchy, i would have paid the extra money and been on my way. but she was obstinate, rude and clueless so i decided to look for a manager.

when i located him i didn't complain about the bitch barista. i just asked him to verify their procedure and of course the barista had charged me incorrectly. he fixed the problem and rang me up correctly and explained that she was a new barista and didn't know all the recipes yet - meanwhile bitch barista gave me the stinkeye the whole time.

now i want to point out that at NO time did i pipe up and say "i work for starbucks and you're doing it wrong!" or "i'm a barista and that's not how it's done!". i don't go out in public wearing my green apron nor do i put up with novice baristas who think a piss poor attitude is essential when working the bar.

customer rant: DON'T MAKE UP YOUR OWN DAMN RULES BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE RIGHT AND THE CUSTOMER HAS TO BE WRONG. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ONLY 100% IN THE RIGHT BUT HAS BEEN POLITE THE ENTIRE TIME. DON'T GIVE THE STINKEYE BECAUSE YOUR MANAGER HAS BEEN CALLED OVER TO FIX YOUR MISTAKES. GO SHELVE SOME BOOKS IF YOU'RE NOT READY TO MAKE DRINKS!

the buX-files

working at bux you'll come across all sorts of customers: the regulars you like, the regulars that annoy, the lonely customers who want someone to talk to and the mean customers who want someone to bitch about. and of course we'll get a customer who will leave us baristas scratching our bux caps in confusion. they behave in such a crazy manner it's as if they're visiting us from another planet.

alien #1 -
a woman walked into my bux and went straight into the bathroom. she was there so long our other customers asked us to knock on the door encourage her to finish her business. when she finally emerged her hair was soaking wet and water was splashed all over the floor. she then came up to the counter and ordered a chamomile tea. she spotted the coffee cherry pin on my apron and mistook it for christmas holly.

"holly!" she pointed to my pin. "that's my clown name!"
"oh, uh, really?" i was being polite.
"yes, well first my clown name was 'flower' but i met another clown with that name so i changed it."
"here's your tea," i handed over the cup and began to help the person behind her.
"can i put milk in my tea?" she asked before i could finish taking the other customer's order.
"well, people don't normally put milk in herbal tea." i informed her. "but you can do whatever you'd like."

she walked over to the condiment bar and then came back just a couple minutes later.

"um, excuse me." she got my attention and showed me the curdled milk floating in her tea. "my husband is from england and he says you're not supposed to put milk in herbal tea."
"i'll get you a new tea." i told her.
"my husband grew up in england and he says you should never put milk in herbal tea." she continued. "are you listening? my husband is english and he wants to make sure you know that you're not supposed to put milk in herbal tea."
"no milk in herbal tea - got it." i gave her the new cup of tea and was thankful to see her walk out the door.

alien #2 -
one day i was changing the milk containers at the condiment bar. a customer came up to me and thanked me for putting new containers out.
"i'm so glad you're taking this other container away because it's contaminated." he told me.
"contaminated!" i was worried someone had licked the lip of the container - again.
"yes, i saw them go inside." he whispered.
"what went inside?"
"the microbes." he continued to whisper. "i saw them float inside. if someone drinks that milk the microbes will be inside them. it will be months before they even notice and by that time they will have infected their families and the people they work with."
"uh, well, no worries because i'm going to put this container in the sanitizer." i smiled and started to walk away.
"i knew you'd understand." he smiled at me before whispering again. "but be careful because the microbes are everywhere!"

barista rant: what makes you so special? why do you feel we need to drop everything we're doing just to get you some water? especially when there's a line of people who are actually going to pay for their beverage. don't get pissy with the register partner because he's in the middle of a transaction and can't get you your requested water. don't get mean with the barista because she hasn't expedited your free beverage and instead is making drinks for people who stood in line and PAID. if you're so desperate for water in a timely manner you should stay at home.

a message to you, RUDE-y

dear irate customer,

first i'd like to tell you the combination foot stomp and fist shake was brilliant. sure, i've seen people stamp their feet before - and just last week i had an old guy raise his fist in the air because he now has to pay an extra nickel for his coffee - but never before have i seen both moves so gracefully executed at the same time. truly, it was like poetry in motion.

even though this was not the first time i've seen your performance (i must say the morning of september 12th you were truly on form)i was still appreciative of the intensity and passion you display each and every time we "retards" ruin your day. i must admit i was slightly disappointed last time you decided to forego your usual tirade when we neglected to put ice in your water, settling for a singular grunt instead, but today you more than made up for it.

truth be told, i thought you were losing your touch when you called me an idiot because our store no longer carries your beloved anniversary blend. it seemed as if you'd peaked weeks earlier, but you dug deep and found that fire burning within. "idiot" was followed "useless", "lazy" and "degenerate". then came the fist shake and the foot stomp (the bulging neck vein was a nice touch) before you stormed out of the store.

believe me, your set did not dissapoint - to our sheer delight, and almost as if you could hear the resounding cries of "encore!" you walked back into bux and gave us a final earful:

"i'm sick of you idiots! you have no idea how to run a business! i'm NEVER coming back - you hear me? never!"

at first i was saddened by your promise to stay away, but then realized it was just your way of making sure your fans are left wanting more, much like cher and her million farewell tours. really, a talent such as you can't ever be retired.

sincerely,

barista brat


partner rant: you know i don't place the orders, so why did you pull me off the floor to grill be about grande hot cups? i'm sure you were upset when we received twice as many boxes as we needed. maybe you just needed to blow off steam, but getting pissy with me was the wrong thing to do. especially when i pointed out the order was placed on a day i didn't even work. too bad we don't serve humble pie at bux.

see you on the other side

a barista spend most their time behind the counter. whether we're on register, on bar, turning over the pastry case or prepping frappuccinos, there's normally a barrier between us baristas and the customers. when we do venture out from behind the counter it's usually to restock the condiment bar and clean the lobby.

it's at these times customers believe we baristas are "fair game". as long as you're in the lobby, you belong to them. it doesn't matter if you're mopping up a spill or if you have a toilet brush in your hand. customers will want your help and will stay glued to your side until they are satisfied.

and it starts so innocently:
you'll be filling the sugar containers and a customer will ask you for help finding a particular roast.
no problem.
you walk them over to the bean display and hand them the desired pound of coffee. you think you can go back to the sugar containers but the customer has you in her clutches and she's not letting go. she wants you to design a gift package for her niece/co-worker/hairdresser. it doesn't matter that there's a line out the door and only two partners on the floor. it doesn't matter that bux does not employ personal shoppers. it only matters that she wants a particular mug with a matching gift card and tough luck if your bux doesn't carry that mug - she'll demand you call every store in your district looking for one.

you can be on a ladder changing light bulbs and a customer will ask you to climb down so he can spend ten minutes complaining about the service he got at a different bux five years prior and how he'd had sworn off bux until one day he woke up with a craving for an orange mocha chip frappuccino only to find bux no longer makes them. then he'll want to know why bux no longer makes them, if there's a way to make a poor man's version and if he can have the direct line to Orin Smith so that he can petition for the return of the orange mocha chip frappuccino.

or you might be wheeling the trash out and a lonely (or even loony) customer will want to bend your ear because no one else will listen to them.

i'll be honest - there is safety behind the counter.

barista rant: please don't use our bathroom as a hook-up spot. people poop in there! our toilet is not a "romance room" no matter what your hormones are telling you. the people banging on the door were not cheering you on - they were desperate to relieve their bladders. please have sex somewhere else, ok?

a barista in need...

newbies can be annoying in the beginning, and some partners are just plain mad at the world, but for the most part bux baristas are a pretty tight group. we may not all be best mates, but we do look out and care for each other. so when something bad happens to one of our own, we rally around to help.

sometimes it's as simple as giving a fellow barista rides to and from work when their car is in the shop. sometimes tragedy befalls someone and you'll find yourself volunteering to cover shifts for a partner who has suffered a miscarriage. no matter how big or small one's issue might be, we baristas do our best to help.

at my old bux we had a partner who had one foot out of the cafe but after a serious sit down talk with the manager he did a full 180. he'd turned into a near model barista but after a full month of dress code compliance, no cash overages/shortages and a couple MUG awards this partner pulled a no-show.
concerned, we called his cell phone numerous times. three hours after he was supposed to clock in he finally called us. turns out his house had burned to the ground just before dawn and he'd spent the morning talking to the fire chief, settling his family into a hotel and calling the insurance company (his parents spoke only broken english). my bux felt terrible and immediately pulled together to help him. some of us donated our tips or bought gift cards. others donated work clothes and groceries. we baristas cheerfully helped him out in any way possible.

this partner lasted only about another two months at bux. although very appreciative of our help he soon returned to his old ways of showing up late, messing up his till and forgetting to bring his hat and apron. he ended up being a no call/no show for a full week - sealing his status as a "terminated partner".
we later learned there was no fire. his family wasn't racking up hotel bills, nor were they clothesless or possessionless. he made the whole thing up because he'd overslept and he didn't want to get a third strike.

did it suck to find out he'd been lying?
it sure did.
did it change our attitudes about helping our fellow baristas when they are in need?
not a chance.

barista rant: you ordered ONE venti frappuccino. you asked me to split it into FOUR tall cups. so why did you complain that all four cups weren't filled to the top? why did you accuse me of "shorting" you? even after i did the math for you and explained that ONE twenty-four ounce drink is not equal to FOUR twelve ounce drinks, you still insisted i give you what you "paid for". guess what? your bullying won't get you free frappuccinos. know why? because i insist you get what you pay for.

adopt-a-partner

one of the best things about working at bux is getting to know our regular customers. it's really great knowing they come into my store, not just for the caffeine but for the service. i've been invited to birthday parties, graduations and house warmings. i've been given christmas presents, books and freshly baked cookies. it makes my day to know i've made someone else's day.

sometimes though, we baristas get unwanted attention from customers. two of my fellow baristas were stalked by enamored coffee drinkers and a barista buddy had to talk to the cops because he was being harassed. most of the time, however, it's just a matter of baristas being adopted by lonely customers.

today was such a day for me. a woman came in asking for a regular coffee. she was unstable on her feet and slurred heavily. i figured she was either drunk or disabled. as if she'd read my mind she blurted out "i'm not a drinker!".
"ok," i answered back.
"everbody thinksh i'm drunk becaush i shlur. but i talk like thish when i'm tired." she informed me.
"ok," i said again, not really sure of what else i should say.
"yesh, thatsh why i wear thish." she pointed to an AA pin on her lapel. "but people shtill think i'm drunk."
"oh wow." i still had no idea what to say.
"jusht the other day two women called me a drunken shlob!" she continued, "but i jusht ignored them, 'caush you know what?"
"what?" i asked out of politeness.
"becaush they were..." she leaned over the counter and whispered, "becaush they were foreignersh."

at this point i started to slowly back away. i really didn't want to get into a conversation about "foreignersh" or "immigrantsh".

still leaning over the counter she continued, "you know how theshe foreignersh can be, right? they act ash if they own thish country!"

"oh," i said and continued to walk away from her. it was obvious she was going to talk my ear off until i was out of sight.
"whatsh your name?" she asked me while still practically climbing over the counter.
"brat." i responded and took another step towards the backroom.
"your really nishe, brat. where are you from? do you work every day? you're sho eashy to talk to!"
"oh...thanks. have a great day!" i was hoping she's say "shee ya later" but she still wanted to talk to me.
"what makesh your coffee sho good? it tashtes better than sheven-eleven."

luckily my barista buddy helped me out.
"hey brat, they need you in the backroom." he lied so that i could escape.
"it looksh like your busy, brat. i'll shee you nexsht time! we can talk shome more." she called out before leaving my bux.
"brat has a new best friend!" barista buddy teased me. "and she doesn't take too kindly to foreigners!"

customer rant: i know how much it sucks when someone spills a drink and you're busy on bar. but throwing them some towels and telling them to clean it up themselves is unacceptable. and when they'd finished mopping up the mess you gave them attitude and called out "hello! are you just going to leave the towels there?". guess what? cleaning up messes and spills is YOUR job. EVERY barista has had to clean up a customer's mess, so suck it up and start mopping.

invisible jerks

when i started my shift yesterday the assistant manager warned me that "everybody is a jerk today!". apparently something was in the air and his morning was filled with grumpy customers and their demon offspring. my first ten minutes on the floor were spent listening to him complain about every customer that rubbed him raw. their offences ranged from not saying "thank you" to suggesting he find a "more experienced" barista to help him on bar.

i guess that's the reason why he couldn't find time to prep or clean for the closers. i guess that's why he decided to spend the last hour of his shift in the backroom and i guess that's why he couldn't be bothered to say good-bye to us when he left for the day.

so, although i had twice as much to prep and twice as much to clean, amazingly i had ZERO customers with attitude. not a one! there were no complaints of "i didn't order it like that!", "this tastes burnt" or "you're taking too long".
i guess i could have deduced that all the idiot customers ordered their coffee earlier in the day and i just hit the cool customer jackpot, but i'm pretty sure the reason my assistant manager had so many complaints was because he is very complaint worthy. he's only been at my bux for a couple weeks and already he is becoming a legend - or should i say "infamous".

partner rant: i understand you're having an off day. i did everything in my power to let you go home three hours early, even though it meant i was running a person short. in exchange for letting you go home and deal with your drama, i asked you to stock the bathroom and condiment bar before you left. it was a task that would have taken you ten minutes tops. so why did you lie to me and tell me that everything was stocked? not ten minutes after you went home a customer informed me that there were no paper towels or toilet paper in the bathroom. mind you, i was in the middle of stocking the condiment bar. you know - the one you supposedly had taken care of.

customer concoctions

this week has been crazy as far as personalized drinks.
here are some of my favorites (and when i say "favorites" i mean "drinks i hated making").

the "half mocha/half coffee frappuccino"
- a mocha frappuccino is a coffee frappuccino that has chocolate syrup added to it. so when the customer asked for a "half mocha/half coffee frappuccino" we figured she wanted half the amount of chocolate added to the mixture...but we were wrong. we were very wrong. what the customer wanted was for us to fill the bottom half of her cup with mocha frappuccino and the top half with coffee frappuccino. she was insistent the mocha frappuccino was on the bottom, which meant we had to make two separate frappuccinos for one drink. if she'd wanted coffee on the bottom we would have been able to add chocolate to the rest of the frappuccino and placed the mocha on top but of course this was unacceptable for her.

the "shaving cream foam espresso macchiato"
- we have a customer who is very particular about his foam. he doesn't want it just thick, he wants it "shaving cream" thick. he will insist a partner make his espresso macchiato over and over until he deems it worthy to grace his esophagus. of course the whole time we're making his drink he repeats "shaving cream thick! shaving cream thick!" like it's his personal mantra.

the "seven second frappuccino"
- our frappuccino blenders have two settings. we press "1" for a single drink and "2" if we are blending two drinks. we have a customer who wants us to blend his frappuccino for only seven seconds. he will stand on the other side of the counter and count out loud up to seven. if he feels we lagged on stopping the blender he will insist we make the drink again from scratch, then demand we count out loud with him.

the "iced two shots regular, one shot decaf, each shot pulled separately, venti two pump cinnamon, two pump pumpkin, one pump white mocha, splash of chai, nonfat milk, caramel sauce around the cup, stirred, easy ice with whipped cream and nutmeg latte".
- if this customer's drink "tastes funny" she asks for a free drink coupon. hello! of course her drink "tastes funny"! i can't believe her taste buds still work after drinking one of these a day.

barista rant: i know you're a partner at another store. i know you feel like you're the bomb diggity, but please don't try and "impress" us by ordering your personalized drink so fast we have no idea what you're saying. and when we ask you to repeat it, don't ask how long we've been with bux as if we're newbies who are too slow to understand your idiot order. especially since you are ordering it INCORRECTLY! here's a suggestion: crack open your training guide and learn the lingo before you try and "school" the rest of us.

share and share alike

i don't even know how to preface this one, so i'll just jump right in -

customer: "hey, does starbucks sell stock?"
barista brat: "yeah, we're a publicly traded company."
customer: "so i can buy stock?"
barista brat: "yes, of course."
customer: "ok, what is the stock valued at right now?"
bb: "um, last time i checked it was around 37 or 38 dollars a share."
customer: "oh, do you know if there's a minimum of what you can buy?"
bb: "i think that depends on who you trade with. as far as i know you can buy as many or few shares as you want."
customer: "ok, can i use my credit card? i think i have enough credit left for about a hundred shares."
bb: "uh, excuse me?"
customer : "i want to use my credit card to buy stock. give me a hundred shares."
bb: "sir, we don't sell shares here."
customer: "you just told me that starbucks sells stock!"
bb: "uh...are you serious?"
customer: "look, i want to buy some stock."
bb: "we don't sell shares here. you need to go to a stockbroker."
customer: "so where do i find one?"
bb: "try google."
customer: "oh, do they sell starbucks stock?"

i half expected the guy to say "you've just been punked!" but he didn't. instead he asked the customer behind him where he could find a stockbroker.
crazy.

barista rant: you emphatically told me you can't have sugar. you asked what the sugar-free options were. i answered all your questions and i even suggested a way to make your drink lower in calories. so what did you do? you went ahead and ordered a sugar-free frappuccino. hello! i already explained that it would be impossible to make a sugar-free frappuccino, but still you insisted on ordering one. when i (again) tell you that ALL frappuccinos have sugar in them, even the ones lighter in calories, you just shrugged your shoulders and responded with a "whatever". why waste everyone's time asking what your sugar-free options are if you're just going to order something with sugar anyway? and why be so emphatic about not having sugar if you are ORDERING A SUGAR-FILLED DRINK?!?

easy as pi

with our recent newbie outbreak there's been A LOT of confusion at bar. wrong recipes, re-steamed milk and old shots are par for the course when training someone new, but i've been shocked at the amount of "seasoned baristas" who have their own special way of making drinks. admittedly bux has some recipes that can make your head spin (seriously - equal pumps of peppermint AND chocolate in a drink! can you say "diabetes in a cup"?) and of course when a newbie thinks they've finally mastered the 3,4,5 syrup recipe, along comes a rush of customers who order the exceptions to the rule.

most newbies will master the bar in a few weeks (but you should see their terrified faces the first time they have to fly solo) and it will become their responsibility to help the more recent newbies learn recipes and food handling procedures. each barista has their own preferred method of remembering how to make drinks. the method taught to me, and which i now pass down to others, was the "latte base" method. basically, most bar drinks are based off of a latte (espresso, steamed milk, topped with foam) so if you know how to make a latte, you can pretty much figure out how to make the rest of the drinks.

example: a cappuccino is a latte with equal parts steamed milk and foam. a vanilla latte is a latte with vanilla. a cafe mocha is a latte with chocolate syrup and whipped cream instead of foam. an eggnog latte is a latte with steamed eggnog instead of steamed milk with nutmeg on top of the foam.

see? simple.
of course there are some drinks that have their own set of rules and these are the drinks many baristas THINK they're making properly, but of course they aren't.

example: a caramel macchiato is a latte with vanilla and caramel on top - except it gets one pump less of vanilla than a regular vanilla latte and the espresso gets poured over the foam (afer the vanilla, milk and foam have been put in the cup).

far too many baristas aren't aware that they are adding too much vanilla, or that they are making the drink "upside down". and the baristas that DO know how to make them correctly usually make the iced venti version incorrectly. just today my new assistant manager tried to ridicule me in front of a newbie because i put only four pumps of vanilla into an iced venti caramel macchiato.

"that's not how you do it!" he rolled his eyes at me. "i was told you were a superstar on bar. why are you teaching her to do it the wrong way?"
"what's wrong about it?" i asked, although i knew full well he was going to make the same mistake most baristas make when it comes to this drink.
"iced venti drinks get an extra pump of syrup!" he exclaimed.
"the iced venti caramel macchiatos don't," i replied.
"yes they do," he put his hand on his hip for emphasis.
"why don't you look it up," i suggested and continued to help the newbie at bar.
"you look it up!" he shot back like he was on the schoolyard.
"fine," it was my turn to roll my eyes.

of course my new assistant manager played the "oh, they must have changed the recipe" card when the recipe in the book proved me right. and of course he's wrong - again.

customer rant: i'm sorry you hate your job and i'm sorry you hate your manager - really i am. i know how much it sucks to be scheduled against your availability and i know it's equally rotten when you're understaffed, but please don't make your customer's experience suck as well. i ordered my drink politely. i tossed money in the tip jar. so why, instead of calling out my drink, did you merely place it on the bar so you could continue your tirade about how much you hate your store. when i thanked you for my drink you responded with a "yeah, whatever". i promise you, the customer will remember to never tip again if you keep this attitude up.

many happy returns

yesterday a customer came in wanting a refund for a mug she'd "recently purchased".
when she pulled the mug out of her bag and set it on the counter i instantly knew i was going to get a blog post out of it.

"ma'am," i said politely when i saw she was returning a christmas mug - from LAST year, "i'm sorry but i can't give you a refund for that."
"but i have the receipt right here!" she informed me and pulled out piece of paper.

it was one of those moments where you don't know whether to laugh or be insulted. the piece of paper she handed me had the words "ONE MUG - 5 DOLLARS" sloppily scrawled on it.

"ma'am, i'm sorry but this isn't one of our receipts." i told her as i handed back the homemade receipt.
"but i don't want the mug anymore." she pushed the paper back towards me.
"i can't refund your money, i'm sorry." i was still being polite, but i could tell she was getting ready to fight me. "i can't give you store credit, either."
"but it's one of your mugs!" her voice getting higher in pitch. "look - it even has the mermaid on it!" she pointed to the bux logo on the mug.
"yes, it is a mug we sold LAST christmas, and even if you did have a reciept from one of OUR stores, i still wouldn't be able to take it as a return."
"but why not?" she was back to being clueless again. "i don't want it anymore."
"ma'am," i said slowly hoping she'd actually listen to me this time. "we only give refunds if you have a VALID receipt and you bring it back within thirty days - "
"so give me store credit!" she interrupted me.

it's at this time i pull the 'ole "blame it on the computer" excuse.

"i'd love to give you credit, but you see the COMPUTER won't let me. it doesn't recognize the sku number on the mug since
this is from last year. there's NOTHING i can do about it."

she wasn't happy, but she quit arguing with me. of course, for "her troubles" she wanted a free pound of coffee.
uh, no.

barista rant: i'm speechless. you ordered your white mocha at 180 degrees. you even reminded me twice to make sure your drink was "beyond hot". so when i handed you your extra hot white mocha, you took a sip and made a face. then you complained that i made your drink "too hot". i'm sorry? if you don't want a 180 degree drink, then don't ask for one!

afternoon sweets

today i witnessed one of the sweetest things ever in a bux.

a boy, about eleven or twelve years of age, came into my bux in his sunday best (even though today is saturday). he looked a little nervous as he came up to the counter. in fact, he kind of stumbled over his words as he shifted uncomfortably in his patent leather shoes.

boy: "um, hi. uh, excuse me?"
barista brat: "hi, is there a drink i can get started for you?"
boy: "uh, yeah - wait, um, not right now, but uh, i have a question."
barista brat: "sure, what's your question?"

he took a deep breath and asked me his question, rapid fire.
boy: "yes-uh-hi-um-my-grandma-is-going-back-to-england-and-she-gave-me-a-starbucks-card-and-uh-i-wanted-to-pay-for-an-afternoon-tea-but-i-don't-know-where-to-do-that-so-i-came-here-is-that-ok?"
barista brat: "you want to treat your grandma to afternoon tea?"
boy: "yeah, can you do that?"

after checking how much he had on his starbucks card (thirty bucks!) the boy picked out different pastries he wanted to serve his grandma. he informed me that he wanted to bring her to bux in the early afternoon and if it was possible to have the pastries on plates and the tea served in ceramic mugs (alas, bux does not have real tea cups). he paid for the tea and pastries in advance and then went home to have his grandmother walk with him back to bux.

unfortunately my shift was over before they came back but i can't wait to hear how his mini-americanized-afternoon tea was with his grandma.

partner rant: i'm on my break. i have my nose buried in a book. i have my earbuds in - so why do you feel the need to keep interrupting my break to tell me idiotic things i have no interest in?!? there is nothing about my manner that cries out "COME BUG ME ON MY HALF HOUR BREAK! IGNORE THE EARBUDS AND THE BOOK - PLEASE TALK MY EAR OFF ABOUT THINGS THAT HAVE NO VALUE OR INTEREST TO ME!" so why do you insist on tapping me on the shoulder to tell me that when you drink soy milk you get a tummy ache? even when i inform you (as politely as possible) that i'm trying to read, you still want to chat! pick up on the body and verbal language - leave me alone!

the bitter half

most the baristas in my bux are good about leaving their personal drama at the front door. sure, you'll hear the occasional whining and complaining about someone's' parents/school/boyfriend/homies but usually my fellow baristas are pretty good about not obsessing over their issues while they're supposed to be making lattes.

however we now have a recently transferred barista who finds it impossible to not bring his drama with him when he comes to work.
literally.
his drama comes in the form of his amazon-sized girlfriend. she's a solid foot taller than he is and has amazon-sized attitude to boot. she's never once come in without her trademark frown and if she's not inside bux bitching her boyfriend out, she's calling him on the phone to give him an earful.

this morning bitched out barista called to say he was going to be a few minutes late. when he arrived he looked like he'd just come back from a sleep deprivation study with his bloodshot eyes and zombie-like stare. not two steps behind him was his girlfriend who was shaking her finger at him while complaining that he had no respect for her. i expected her to leave once bitched out barista clocked on but she hung around, using every chance he wasn't directly occupied to gripe at him some more. i really felt sorry for him. he looked so defeated while he just stood there and took whatever garbage his girlfriend was dishing out.
she left after awhile, but called him about an hour later. he spent another ten minutes in the backroom while she chewed him out. then when it was time for his lunch break she was back at bux to rip him a new one during his thirty minute break.

the really sad thing is every one of his shifts are like this. and if his girlfriend has no problem berating him in public, i hate to think of what she's like behind closed doors.
perky assistant manager has already talked with bitched out barista about his "distraction" while at work. i wonder if he realizes that his girlfriend is bitching him right out of a job.

barista rant: i'm sorry you have a cold, but please refrain from sneezing into your hand before handing me your cash. please don't lick your fingers to separate the dollar bills you're about to give me. and please don't cough in my face when ordering your drink

attitude change

even rude customers can have an off day!

we have a customer who comes in daily to my bux. she's older and immaculately put together. from the top of her highlighted head down to her open-toed fendis she reeks of old money and a rotten attitude. she never once has cracked a smile (although i tend to believe that has more to do with the botox and less to do with her disposition) and never has she been polite when ordering her drink. not only is she a mega grump each day, but she's also too lazy (or just too superior) to throw her straw wrappers away.

so imagine my surprise yesterday when she initiated a short pleasant conversation with me! she still didn't smile but she asked how my day was going and thanked me after her drink was made (something entirely unheard of for her). my fellow baristas and i were in shock when she threw her own straw wrapper away as well as toss some change into our tip jar.

in addition to this customer mr. "distinctly told you!" came in after taking some happy pills. he thank me profusely for leaving enough room in his drink as well as calling me "sweetheart" and "dear". who knows if his new lease on ordering coffee will stick, but it was nice to see he was more than capable of being polite.

of course i'm not holding my breath that these two won't quickly revert to their former grumpy selves.

partner rant: don't give me attitude because you need help finding shift coverage. you're not even from my bux! i know you hate calling around to other stores looking for coverage, but when i ask you to call back because we are experiencing a rush and are too busy to give you phone numbers, don't snarl at me with a "thanks for NOTHING!" before hanging up on me. this is not the way to make friends and influence, ok?

family affair

today's post comes courtesy of a barista brat at my old bux:

"I was working with Brittany (a recently re-hired partner) and although I'd heard from other people that she had an attitude she'd always been cool with me. So, during a rush her two sisters show up to give her a ride home. One of Brittany's sisters ordered a tall cappuccino and when I handed it off to her she pulled a face and said "OMG can you just slap that boy at register!"
I responded by saying "I'm sorry, is there something wrong with the order?" and she said "Yea, it's supposed to be a mocha light cappuccino!"
So I was trying to figure out just what she ordered when I asked "Oh, did you mean the mocha light FRAPuccino?"
That's when she got all crazy and starts speaking really slow, as if i'm an idiot. "I...want...a...mocha...light...C-A-P-P-U-C-C-I-N-O."
"So you want mocha in the cappuccino?" I asked her and she nodded her head. "So what do you mean by 'light'?" I asked because there is no such thing as a mocha light cappuccino.
"A mocha light cappuccino is what I mean!" She said again.
Obviously we were having a communication problem so I attempted AGAIN to figure out what exactly she wanted. "Do you mean 'light' as in weight or 'light' as in non-fat milk?"
"OMG what is wrong with you people!" She practically shrieked and then walked away from the hand off counter.
Next thing I know, Brittany walks over to bar and pretty much pushes me out of the way (mind you, she was off the clock and out of uniform). "Brittany, I can make the drink, I just need to know what your sister means by 'light'." I said as nicely as I could, even though I was pretty ticked off.
"She means non-fat." Brittany told me.
"I asked her that and she said no." I said to Brittany. "I'll finish the drink now that I know what she meant by 'light'." When the drink was made I called "tall mocha NON-FAT cappuccino on the bar" and her sister grabbed it and left.
I wish that was the end of the story but there is more! Ten minutes later my manager called me into the backroom to ask me what happened. I told her the whole story and when I'd finished my manager informed me that Brittany's sister had just called the store to complain about me - but instead of saying she was Brittany's sister she acted as if she was a normal customer. She lied and said that not only did I have a bad attitude but I only put an ounce of coffee in her drink, blah, blah, blah and thank goodness there was a helpful co-worker on the floor (Brittany) who actually knew how to make the drink and if it wasn't for "the co-worker" she would never come back to starbucks ever again!
It's bad enough when you have a bitchy customer, but when that bitchy customer is a relative of a fellow partner AND when they call your manager to lie and complain about you, then it's beyond ridiculous.

barista rant: guess what? we don't make our own pastries. we don't hide them and we don't sell them to the highest bidder. please try and remember this when we run out of your favorite muffin, ok? don't tell me to go back and make you another one, don't say that i'm hoarding them for myself and don't accuse me of "black market" selling them to customers who are willing to toss big money into the tip jar.

crash course

it's equally frustrating for baristas and customers when we run out of product.
believe me, we baristas feel bad when someone orders and pays for their drink, only to find out that after five minutes of us searching high and low we do not have the soy/chai/vanilla/whipped cream/caramel sauce or lemonade to make their beverage.
too many times i've had to apologize to someone because someone dropped the ball when it came to stocking the store.

and yes, it sucks to be chewed out by a customer for having no product (especially since we baristas have no control over what's ordered - that's a management issue) and then the mad district dash to pick up product from other stores sucks as well. it's not uncommon to be called in early specifically for the task of searching out product. it's also not uncommon to be a person short on the floor because a manager has asked a barista to burn their gas driving around town on a scavenger hunt.

i'll be honest, driving around for product should never happen - but it does ALL the time.

that's why, although unfortunate, it was not surprising to hear that a partner was involved in a car accident when she was out picking up product. luckily she wasn't injured. the same, however, could not be said of her car.
now she's requested to talk with the district manager since she believes the accident is in part bux's fault and i can understand why she feels this way. if the store was stocked she would have been making drinks, not making lane changes. i have no idea what the district manager will say or what recourse - if any - the barista might have. let's just say it's going to be a gossip filled weekend!

barista rant: there's no such thing as breve soy! there's no such thing as half&half made with soy at bux! i even explained - in detail - what made soy soy and what made breve breve. so why, after i'd explained it to you, did you look at me blankly and say "i don't care about anything so long as you use breve soy". is it because you're stubborn? is it because you believe if you ask for it enough somehow i will magically be able to create breve soy just for you? please, if you are going to insist on a certain kind of milk, make sure it actually exists.

shiny newbies who tarnish fast

last week i wrote about newbies who seem so clueless it's a wonder why they were ever hired. it's true, however, that sometimes these newbies become solid partners who more than earn their paychecks. conversely there are newbies that start off spectacularly then steadily turn into unproductive whiners.

a few weeks ago a newbie from another bux was covering at my store (that's how desperate we were for coverage). although she'd been with the company for less than a month she was solid at register, frappuccinos, and competent at bar. she had a great attitude, mixed well with our customers and was fun to work with. so when i found out she was covering another shift at my store i was actually excited since she had been so great the first time around.

when she called to let us know she'd be fifteen minutes late i didn't think too much of it. but when she breezed in half an hour late out of uniform and tossed out a "what's up, brat?" i was slightly miffed. it then took her another ten minutes to change into her work clothes before she was ready to join us on the floor.

i wish i could say that she was golden for the rest of her shift, but she wasn't. in fact she was like a different person. she whined when asked to stock the bathroom, she was less than welcoming with customers, and she seemed to have regressed when it came to bar, forgetting recipes and messing up on drinks. i could hardly believe this was the same girl that wowed us the last time she covered a shift at our store.

when her shift was over she asked me "was i as good as last time?" and i gave her an honest answer: "not even close."

why do stellar newbies go bad?
i have no idea, and really there's no excuse. hopefully she'll learn but usually once they "go bad" there's no turning back. and some wonder why turnover is so high at bux.

customer rant: i'm glad you like the new bux cd - really i am, but could you refrain from playing it so loud that your customers have to practically yell when placing their orders? and when a customer asks you to turn it down, do so! especially since you have it cranked up past the bux approved level. i know it's your passive aggressive way to drive customers out of the store when it comes close to closing time, and it's truly unacceptable. crank the music up as high as you like when the doors are locked and you're cleaning, just remember that bux is supposed to be "the third place" - not YOUR place.

ask the barista!

DJ asked -

When I go to my favourite local bux, the baristas are always really sweet to me and I want to leave them a tip. I usually toss something in the jar, but what is the appropriate tip amount when one orders a drink there? Thanks!

honestly, baristas love to see dollars in the tip jar, but if you were to only toss in a dime or so we won't complain (at least we shouldn't!). whenever i go to bux (and i go quite often as a customer) i always toss the change from my order into the tip jar. the only time baristas feel someone should tip is when they've ordered 20+ drinks and expect us to box them up. so, in my opinion, the "appropriate" amount is what you feel comfortable tipping. but if your barista is rude, unwelcoming and your drink tastes like drain water - then don't tip anything!

simply lauren asked -

BB---
So, i'm wondering when the christmas cups are coming out. AND----also, is pumpkin spice latte a year round drink or seasonal? me and my friend have a bet. :) Thanks! Keep up the great blog!

good question about the christmas cups! i don't have an exact roll out date (i will find out!) but they usually come out around the end of october/beginning of november. and the pumpkin spice latte is only seasonal. some buxs have them long into the new year because they still have product in their stores. that happened at my old bux and eventually the product expired and we had to toss what we had left.

partner rant: i know you want to leave early. i know you tried calling people in so that you could leave an hour earlier. i know it's frustrating when you have somewhere you want to be but are stuck at work. but guess what? the schedule has been posted for two weeks! so don't spend your ENTIRE shift complaining that people never do you favors, ok? don't bitch and moan because YOU failed to take care of your shift weeks ago. and don't think that all the partners working with you today won't remember your all day tirade.

pay-per-brew

this morning a woman phoned in an order for three coffee travelers (coffee in box to take with you). she said she was having a 10am meeting and she wanted to take coffee with her to the office. so at 9:35 we began brewing coffee for her designated 9:45 pick-up. when she didn't show up promptly at 9:45 we weren't too concerned because people show up a few minutes late all the time for travelers. but when the travelers had been sitting there for half an hour and there was no sign of her, we figured she'd decided against coffee at the meeting and didn't have the decency to call and cancel her order.

it sucked to have wasted our time and coffee like that, but we quickly got over it. at noon the woman called again, apologizing profusely and explaining that the meeting had been bumped to 1pm. she asked for three more travelers but this time perky assistant manager informed the customer that she'd have to pay for the travelers in advance since she never showed up for her first order. the woman complied and sent someone from the office to pay in advance for the coffee.

end of story, right?

not quite.

at 12:45 we had the pre-paid travelers ready for her, but still she didn't show. she didn't show at 1pm and she didn't show at 1:30. perky assistant manager called the number the customer had given her, but there was no answer.
it wasn't until 2:45 (a half hour after perky assistant manager went home) did the customer call us back.

"i'm so sorry about the coffee! we just got swamped here and i couldn't send anyone to get it." she explained.
"it's still here waiting for you so you can pick it up at anytime." i told her, knowing full well she was going to either ask us to redo the travelers or ask for a refund.
"well, the meeting is already over and the coffee is probably cold already so it's not going to do me any good." she was waiting for me to offer a refund but i wasn't going to do it. "i mean, the whole reason i ordered it was for a meeting and that meeting's already taken place, you know?" she continued but i still didn't say anything. "so..."
"so you can pick up the travelers any time," i repeated.
"the meeting is OVER," she was giving big-time attitude. "i don't NEED the coffee anymore so i'd like my money back."
"ma'am, the whole reason you had to pay in advance was because you didn't show up for the first order you placed. i'm sorry but i can't refund your money." i told her.

that's when she started yelling in my ear. that's when she threatened to call my manager and district manager and that's when she again demanded her money back.

guess what?
even with her threats and insults i still didn't give her the refund.

partner rant: do you have an ailment? are you suffering from restless leg syndrome? is that why you always walk away from your designated position? just because you prefer to work on bar doesn't mean you can shirk your register duties. in case you didn't know bux does not allow you to pick and choose your duties. either suck it up or turn in your two weeks notice.

another newbie

last night i worked with a newbie who has been with us for nearly a month. i was assured by perky assistant manager that newbie was "shaky at bar but solid on everything else". after working four hours with him i now know perky assistant manager likes to streeeeeeetch the truth.

let's just say that newbie from last night made cell-phone newbie look like partner of the month.

when i asked him to empty the trash he complied. he just neglected to replace the can liners.
when a customer asked for iced coffee, he grabbed a hot cup and poured the iced coffee inside instead of using an iced cup.
he filled the decaf hopper with regular espresso beans and asked "is there a difference between the two?" when it was brought to his attention.
he continually mis-marked cups all through the night, never remembering that "M" stands for "mocha" and not "misto".
and he told a customer that we sell ice cream when we clearly do not.

the sad thing is he's a really nice guy. it seems that he wants to do the work, he just has absolutely no ability to remember how to do it. i'm not sure if it's a question of confidence or if he really is unable to retain any of the information he's been given over the last month but either way i don't see how he's going to last.

barista rant: please do not throw a tantrum in my store because we ran out of soy. i know it sucks that you drove all the way over here to get your half-caff triple venti sugar-free vanilla soy three splenda extra hot foamy latte only to find we ran out our supply of soy milk but that does not give you license to pitch a fit. especially when the people working the night shift are NOT the ones who messed up the ordering.

customer knows best?

one of the hardest types of customer to deal with is the "know it all" customer. the type that has a fixed idea in their head about bux products and refuses to change this idea, even if a barista, manager, or nutritional information pamphlet tells them different.

my fellow barista brat at a different bux told me the story of one such know-it-all customer while she was making a double chocolate chip frappuccino:

know-it-all customer: "stop! don't put any chocolate on top! my daughter's allergic to chocolate!"
fellow barista brat: "oh, this must not be your drink because this is a double chocolate chip frappuccino."
k-i-a customer: "no, that's mine! just don't put any chocolate on top because my daughter is allergic and i don't want to spend the night in the emergency room."
fbb: "uh, you do know that there is chocolate all throughout this drink, don't you?"
k-i-a customer: "the chocolate inside the drink is fine because it's soy-based. she just can't have the stuff on top."
fbb: "ma'am, there's no such thing as soy-based chocolate here. in fact, there's no soy in this drink at all!"
k-i-a customer: "yes there is! i looked it up online! the soy-based chocolate is fine, ok? just don't use the real chocolate on top."
fbb: "i'm trying to tell you that the stuff on top is the exact same stuff we put INSIDE the drink. if you're daughter is allergic to chocolate then she shouldn't be drinking this. period."
k-i-a customer: "it's fine, i'm telling you! i looked it up online and soy-based mocha will not affect my daughter. just put whipped cream on top and leave the real chocolate off!"
fbb: "fine. whatever you want."

i hope know-it-all customer goes back online and finds this post! imagine putting your kid's health at risk because you think you have all the answers.

partner rant: it's bad enough that you leave the backroom littered with your half-finished drinks, but knocking three of them off the desk and neglecting to mop up the mess is extremely rude. even if you were in a hurry to leave the least you could've done was inform us about the spill. sometimes partners can be just as bad as customers!

bux bliss

there must have been something in the air today because i had the most harmonious shift in weeks!
every customer was polite, there were no drink mess-ups and even bitter old dude had a smile on his face.

keeping with the good mood i chatted merrily with my customers and noticed the tip jar was filling quickly with bills. bitter old dude and i bantered good-naturedly and one of our regular customers bought us lunch. it was truly a great day. not even the tour bus that pulled up outside of bux could set me off.

i was, however, a little nervous when the group of thirty came pouring into the store. there was only bitter old dude and myself and i was nervous that he would loose his cool, or that the group would have insanely annoying drinks. much to my surprise the group was well organized and very low maintenance. the group even paid for the drinks of two customers that came in after them so that they wouldn't have to wait for all thirty drinks to be made before they could order. it was the most painless rush i've ever had and i was impressed by bitter old dude - he never got pissy and he never fell behind when making the drinks.

when the tour leader paid for all the drinks he asked if there was a way to put a tip on his credit card.
"no there isn't, but thank you for thinking of us!" i told him.
"well, can you give me change for this?" he handed me a twenty dollar bill.
i handed him back a ten, a five and five ones, fully expecting him to toss in about three bucks. instead i was pleasantly surprised to see him toss in the ten dollar bill instead.
"thanks so much, guys. most baristas totally lose it and give us attitude when we come in but the two of you have been great!" he smiled.
"thank YOU!" i smiled back, happy that he had a positive experience in my bux.

the rest of my shift was just as smooth and i even gave bitter old dude a MUG (Moves of Uncommon Greatness) award for how great he handled bar. here's hoping the rest of my week is just as pleasant.

partner rant: it sucks when you understaff us. truly - it does. sure, today we handled it but really you're playing a dangerous game. i know the district manager is cracking the labor whip, but don't overwork your partners just to look good, ok?

head hunters

it's not unusual for customers to ask us baristas if we are happy with our employment. it's a fair question - especially when you come across baristas who seem to hate wearing a green apron more than they hate paying full price for a venti caramel macchiato. sometimes customers are just being chatty when they ask "how do you like your job?". other times they are genuinely interested. and occasionally they are trying to sell you something.

last night a group of four came into my bux and each ordered lattes. they were all dressed professionally and carried with them their obligatory briefcases - all except the solitary female who had a prada knock off hanging over her shoulder. among this group of four there was an "alpha suit". it was obvious because his briefcase was made of metal and not of leather. oh, and the fact that his "associates" paid for his drink and followed him around like devoted puppies.

"so, how do you like working for starbucks?" alpha suit asked me while i made his drink.
"i like it a lot." i honestly replied.
"do they force you to say that?" he chuckled, but it was only for show - his group of minions laughed obligatorily.

i didn't respond. i was already bored by him and i could too easily tell what direction he wanted the conversation to take.

"what about you?" he asked my fellow barista brat. "do you spout the party line too?"
"well, yeah i like it here but it's not my dream to become a manager or anything." she didn't realize she'd just painted a target on her chest.
in swooped the female suit with a fake smile plastered on her face.
"you should give me your phone number - i can offer you a career opportunity that you will love!"
"well, what kind of job is it?" fellow barista brat asked, taken aback because the female suit asked for her phone number.
"oh, i can't tell you now! you need to be excited for it!" female suit responded.
alpha suit stepped in when he saw my fellow barista was not game.
"really, we offer better hours, better pay and a chance at unlimited gains!" he smiled at her. "you would be a perfect fit for us. why don't you give us a number we can reach you at and then we can go over details?"

fellow barista brat fell for the trick and handed over her mobile number. the beta suits smiled in wonderment at the mastery skill of alpha suit.
"that's how it's done, folks!" he informed them as they made their way out the store.

i bet a weeks worth of tips that fellow barista brat will be getting a phone call from primerica inviting her to attend a "training session".

barista rant: really, i don't care if you bring in fries from the hamburger place two doors down from us to eat while you drink your iced tea. what i DO mind is when you spill ketchup on the floor and smear it around with your shoes. and when you put your feet up on the chair across from you and smear ketchup all over that as well. and when you leave your trash on and around the table when you leave. and when you come back and have the nerve to accuse us of stealing your sunglasses that you claim you left in our store. perhaps if you weren't so damn messy you could keep track of your things!

one bean

last night my fellow barista buddy told me a gem of a story.

apparently earlier this week he was working with the talker, so he was more aggravated than usual. a group of four women came in - apparently it was 'girls' night out' because they were louder and giddier than sophomores hanging at the mall. the first three women bantered and flirted with barista buddy as they placed their orders. the last woman, however, got right down to business and told him EXACTLY what she wanted.

"give me a latte with nonfat milk and one bean."
"one bean?" barista buddy asked.
"yeah, nonfat milk and one bean."
"so...you want steamed nonfat milk..."
"yes! i want steamed nonfat milk and ONE BEAN!" she was getting pissy.
"one bean!" her friends chimed in behind her and started laughing.
"all right," barista buddy took their money and began making their lattes.

the first three women took their drinks with no complaints. the fourth woman took a sip and frowned.

"this tastes like milk!" she spat. "i wanted a latte with one bean!"
"that's what i made you," barista buddy responded with an evil grin. "i steamed nonfat milk and put one bean it."

sure enough, barista buddy dropped a solitary espresso bean into her milk when making her drink.

"no! you're supposed to crush up one bean instead of a bunch of them! that's how all the other starbucks do it!" she bitched.
"ma'am i made your drink EXACTLY how your ordered it." he shot back.

the woman bitched some more while her friends laughed uncontrollably. hopefully she learned her lesson but most likely she'll continue to order a "one bean latte".

barista rant: i understand you were looking to purchase a gift for a friend, but did you really need to take all the product off our shelves and put them on your table while you decided between the different mugs? not only did you spend ten minutes hogging the merchandise, but once you made your decision you left the remaining products on the table without putting them back on display. in what world is this behaviour ok?!?

friday night spites

tonight was very busy. the private school down the street was having a function, so not only did we get the after school frappuccino rush - we had both parents and students steadily walking through our doors right up until closing.
that's the worst kind of busy there is. we baristas actually prefer an insane rush of an hour or so as long as it's followed by a decent period of down time so that we can prep and clean. when we have people ordering drinks non-stop, even if its only two or three customers at a time, it's really difficult to make sure the lobby is clean, the drip coffee is always fresh and the pastry case stocked.

tonight was one of those shifts were the list of things that needed to be done kept getting longer and longer. being stuck behind bar for nearly five hours without a break (i'm not exaggerating here) is bad enough without customers whining and complaining:
"you're out of half & half!"
"i wanted nonfat milk in that!"
"this was supposed to 180 degrees but it tastes more like 175!"

the only thing worse is the customers who ask their barista for random things once their drinks are made:
"can i have a venti cup filled with whipped cream?"
"i need an extra straw and two forks."
"give me a cup of water and an extra cup of ice."
"can you tell me the name of the song that's playing right now?"
"how many calories are in a venti soy toffee nut latte if i skip the whipped cream but get three extra pumps of toffee nut?"

and guess what? i get to do it all again tomorrow!

partner rant: what do you do all day long? i'm asking because i very much aware of what you DON'T do. you don't grind coffee, you don't prep frappuccino, you don't take out the trash, you don't fill milk carafes, you don't sanitize dishes and you don't stock cups and lids. you know how i know? i know because i was the one who did them as soon as i started my shift. listen - there's no reason why the first two hours of my shift should be spent doing things you had eight hours to take care of!

short term newbie

we have a rash of newbies in our store. normally one or two newbies at a time is manageable but we have four and that means unhappy customers and stressed out partners.
two of the newbies are typically overwhelmed, one of them is surprisingly adept (especially considering she is still in high school) and the other is on his way out.
seriously.
this guy has been in our store for only two weeks and already has rubbed almost all of us the wrong way.

the very first day i worked with him it was clear he was not a keeper. when he was supposed to be in the backroom finishing up the register training module, he was instead talking on his cell phone.
"are you on a break or something?" i asked.
"uh, no - just doing this boring register training thing." he answered without hanging up his phone.
"really? how far have you gotten?" i asked, still eyeing the phone against his head.
"i don't know, i can't really tell."
"hang up the phone," i told him, dumbfounded that he wasn't picking up on my not so subtle hints before. "you're not being paid to chat with your friends, ok?"
"well, no one was back here with me so i figured it was all right." was his sad attempt at an explanation.

not two days later he was caught text messaging when he should have been prepping coffee grounds and yesterday he was caught giving free drinks away to his friends. not only that he was a no show to one of his shifts last week and he still has no idea how to make a latte.

i'm sure he'll be fired soon if he doesn't quit on his own. i won't be sad to see him go, but it sucks that he's wasted our time.

barista rant: is it really necessary to spill sugar and milk all over the condiment bar when you customize your coffee? and if so, is it really so difficult to clean your mess afterwards? was the condiment bar filthy when you got there? no! so why do you feel entitled to "leave your mark" for the rest of the customers? don't be a piggie!

two for one

one of my assistant managers has two faces.
the first face is that of ned flanders from the simpsons - or maybe that of an ultra perky elementary school teacher. this face comes complete with a grand canyon smile, bright wide eyes and a vocabulary filled with words like "whoopsie-patoopsie!", "perky power!" and "oh my gosh, billy bosh!". this is the face she uses when she's working register, making drinks or tidying up the lobby.
her other face is that of a trash talking, wine-cooler swilling malcontent university dropout. every sentence ends with a "whatever!" or a "bite me!". assistant manager wears this face when she's not in her green apron, or when she needs to vent in the backroom because life at bux got a little too "raw".

customers love her. partners...well, partners often times want to slip her a sedative. i've never had any major problems with her but lately she's been slacking in her daily duties. too often she'll "forget" or "run out of time" to prep, stock and make sure breaks are given. "we been slammed all morning!" is another one of her excuses - er, reasons for turning over crappy shifts.
so, after a weekend of her spending most her shifts in the backroom to do "manager stuff" and leaving the rest of us shorthanded and under-prepped, assistant manager had the nerve today to get on my case for not leaving her a note that we were running low on iced venti cups.

"oh, did you run out this morning?" i asked her - surprised because i was sure there were enough cups to last at least a day.
"no, we didn't run out but it would've been nice for you have left a note. okie-dokie artichokie?"
"ok," i gave her a fake smile. "no problem. by the way, are we out of frappuccino base?"
"no, we have three cases." she informed me with a puzzled look on her face.
"what about cbb? are we out of that?"
"no, we have plenty." she was still confused.
"oh, i figured we must have run out of both since you didn't prep any for the closing crew."

after that exchange i found out assistant manager has another face - and it comes with egg all over it.

partner rant: could you wash your apron please? maybe just once this MONTH? i'm not asking you to dry clean and press your apron, i'm just asking that it still looks green - not brown and black with random patches of dried milk and sugar. not only does it look terrible - it stinks to high heaven. so please, do us all a favor and stick your apron in the wash.

barista brat meets barista bitch

every bux has a different personality. that's why loyal customers don't mind driving past three or four other buxs on their way to their favorite one. i personally like the fact that each store attracts a different type of loyal clientele but that doesn't mean a barista can skimp on their everyday duties.

this morning i stopped by a bux that i used to frequent often. there are only a handful of baristas that i know there now (turnover is very high at this bux) but even though i didn't recognize the faces i still expected a certain level of service. when i walked up to the register i wasn't greeted with a "how are you today?" or a "what can i get started for you?" or even a simple "hi there". instead the register partner adjusted her ponytail and said "your drink".

it wasn't even a question. her tone of voice was monotonous and flat and it was evident that her hair took precedence over my drink order.

"hi," i smiled hoping she would become more welcoming when she saw how polite i was. "may i have an iced grande americano?"
"anything else?" she asked as she grabbed a hot cup and started to mark it.
"i'm sorry, i wanted that iced," i informed her as she put the hot cup on the bar to be made.
"yeah - i heard you," she spat before growling, "anything else?"
before i could answer the barista making drinks asked the register partner, "tony's here? i didn't see him walk in."
"i saw him parking so i marked his cup already." she said to the barista before giving me the total.
"may i also have a grande drip with room?" i asked when i had her attention again.
"ugh!" she exhaled loudly, as if i had totally ruined her day by asking for a simple cup of coffee.
before i could give her my partner numbers for my discount, tony walked in and she immediately started chatting with him as she thrusted her hand in my direction so i could place my money in her palm.
by this point i was really ticked off. "i have partner numbers," i interrupted their conversation so i could get my discount.
"hang on, tony." she smiled sweetly at him before frowning at me and demanding, "your numbers".
i gave her my numbers and she was so quick to give me my change that she missed my hand completely and dropped the bills and coins on the counter.
did i get an "i'm sorry" or "oops!"? of course not. she just continued her conversation with tony while i gathered my money.

after waiting five minutes for my americano that never materialized i asked the barista about my drink.
"i never got a cup for that," he said before walking away from the bar and into the backroom.
the register partner was still talking with tony and i didn't feel the slightest bit guilty for being bitchy when i interrupted with a "you never marked my cup, did you?"
"excuse me?" she was giving me attitude.
"iced. grande. americano." i said slowly and clearly.
seeing the barista had left his post she had no choice but to end her conversation with tony so she could make my drink. after carelessly putting the lid on top she pushed my drink to the edge of the counter with so much force that the americano fell over and spilled - liquid running off the countertop and onto the floor.
"you know what?" i was so pissed. "just give me my money back. i don't want the americano and i'm returning the drip."
she gave me a look that could kill before calling out the barista to clean up the mess.
after she gave me my money back i asked her, "does gina still come in at six on mondays?"
the register partner's face went white when she realized i knew her manager. that look alone was worth the price of admission.

customer rant: your pastry case is disgusting. i know it gets busy and there isn't always time to wipe the crumbs clear but three empty trays, smeared icing on the glass and fingerprints all over is not an appetizing way to start the morning. please - take two minutes to tidy up. your customers will thank you.

things that can go...will go...

reasons being a barista sucked today:

1. seasoned partner decided to pull a no-show during busiest time of our morning rush.
2. assistant manager ordered almost three times the product we needed, making it impossible to move around the back room.
3. one blender motor decided to go to blender heaven leaving us with only one working blender during our frappuccino rushes.
4. a customer did their business on the SIDE of the toilet - not IN it and left it for us to clean up.
5. we ran out of espresso (the ONE thing the assistant manager forgot to order).
6. mid-day newbie decided camping was more important than coming to work so we were actually two baristas short.
7. a milk cap fell into the floor drain causing it to overflow.
8. working two hours of overtime because it was more "cost effective" for me to stay rather than the assistant manager.
9. did i mention the messy toilet yet?
10. newbie spilling freshly steamed milk down the side of my leg.

if this weekend doesn't get better i might even contemplate pulling a no-show.
ok, not really but it's nice to dream.

barista rant: do you think you're doing me a favor when you toss your straw wrapper at me while i'm making drinks? there is a trash can right underneath your nose and yet you still insist on pushing your trash towards me so that i may have the honor of getting rid of it for you. just stick the wrapper in the trash! it's not that hard! if you are capable of ordering a decaf quad iced three pump sugar free vanilla half nonfat half soy easy caramel macchiato then you are capable disposing of your own waste!

partner blunders

i've written so many times about the dumb things customers do and say, but to be fair we baristas have been known to really stick our feet in it as well.

dumb partner move #1
- i was working with an old school partner when one of our loyal customers came in. it took me a second to recognize him because i was only used to seeing him in his police uniform instead of the casual clothes he was sporting.
"day off?" i asked him as i took his order.
he smiled and lifted the bottom of his shirt revealing his badge hooked onto his belt.
"nope," he said and i easily understood that he was working undercover that day.
we chit chatted a little more while he waited for the seasoned partner to finish making his drink.
"hey! aren't you a cop!" seasoned partner exclaimed as he handed the drink over. loyal customer gave a slight nod, trying not to be obvious, hoping the seasoned partner would catch on and shut his mouth. "what, are you undercover today? i was making your drink thinking, 'hey, that guy looks exactly like that cop that comes in all the time' and it IS you!"
when seasoned partner realized his faux pas he attempted to smooth it over but only made it worse. "oh man! was i not supposed to say anything? did i totally blow your cover? damn, i'm all 'hey you're a cop!' and now you probably want to arrest me!"
loyal customer NEVER came in out of uniform after that.

dumb partner move #2
- there had been rumors that some bux bigwigs were touring our district. every store was in a state of high alert making sure the backrooms were neat, the partners inviting, and the lobbies sparkling clean. when each manager got word that the bigwigs had split up so they could visit more stores, it sent a wave a panic throughout the town as each store hoped to be visited by the "cool" bigwig and not the "anal" one.
after the bux down the street was visited by mr. "anal", my manager received a phone call warning him that our bux was next on the list. he told one of the shift leads to check the lobby once again because if there was even a solitary crumb on the floor mr. "anal" would notice it immediately.
"hey, don't forget he's bald and wears round glasses!" my manager reminded her so she could greet the bigwig with a smile when he walked through our doors.
"hey, i think he's coming!" she called out after wiping down the tables on our patio.
we all braced ourselves for mr. "anal" but when a bald guy with round glasses walked through our doors in shorts and sandals instead of a suit, the shift lead called out to us, "relax guys! it's not mr. "anal", it's just a regular customer!"
the look of horror on my manager's face revealed that the regular customer was indeed mr. "anal".
he never let the shift lead live that day down, either.

barista rant: i really don't have a problem being called "ma'am" because i know most people are trying to be respectful when they use that term. what i DO have a problem with is being called "ma'am" by you twenty times before you leave my store! "i'd like a venti drip, ma'am. please leave room for cream, ma'am. how much do i owe you ma'am? may i have an extra cup, ma'am? i forgot to order a pastry, ma'am. can i have a knife, ma'am? i'm sure i have exact change, ma'am. thank you, ma'am. have a nice day, ma'am. see you tomorrow, ma'am." the fact that you're older than me, and yet you insist on calling me "ma'am" a billion times, only heightens my annoyance.

partner purgatory

yesterday i was lucky enough to work with both the talker and bitter old dude.
how surprised do you think i was to find they both HATE each other.
not only did they banter back and forth, they each would try and pull me aside to tell me just how annoying the other one was.

it started off with bitter old dude complaining (yet again) about how little he gets paid and how bux could easily afford to give everyone a two dollar raise. then the talker felt the need to chime in and with his thoughts - which were pretty much the same as bitter old dude's.

the talker: "you know, i do my job well and all my customers love me. you'd think starbucks would appreciate the fact that we baristas are the ones that keep the customers coming back."
bitter old dude: "customers don't come back because of you - they come back because of their addictions! the fact that we have to deal with them all day long should be reason enough to give us more money."
tt: "i agree - "
bod: "no you don't! you just said people come to starbucks because of you. I was the one that pointed out the fact we're just caffeine peddlers - not YOU!"
tt: "it's not just for the caffeine. if they wanted caffeine they could go anywhere. the reason they keep coming back to our store is because of the great service i give them."
bod: "you are so naive."
tt: "you are! starbucks isn't going to give us any more money so you should stop complaining."
bod: "i should stop complaining? what about you? you're the one who feels under appreciated, although i have no idea why."
tt: "that's because you don't care about customer service. ever since i was sixteen i've worked in food service and i deserve a pay raise for the expertise i bring with me."

i wish i could tell you the conversation stopped there, but no. it went on and on and on and on. when bitter old dude went on his lunch break, the talker felt the need to plead his case to me. when the talker went on his break, bitter old dude decided to list everything he hated about the talker.
i can't even imagine what the two of them said about me when i took my lunch.

barista rant: why do you ask me twenty questions about our frappuccino lights only to decide that you will instead order the full fat, extra whipped cream version? obviously the calorie count isn't that important to you, so why waste my time (and the time of the people behind you in line) if you're just going to order what you order every single day anyway?

9/11

today is not a day to complain about my customers or co-workers. instead i invite you to read the beautiful tributes written by my fellow bloggers.

cup of coffee - dinah webster

it's a pug's life - leah e. oliver

the wandering author - firefighter francis esposito

the record room - katie mcgarry noack

the girl with moxie - benjamin suarez

kill da wabbit

i've had customers get mad at me for a variety of reasons. whether it's because we are out of product, because we take too long making drinks or because we pronounce words differently, customers have NO problem giving us an earfull when they are displeased. my many hours at bux have well conditioned me for the barrage of insults and offences hurled my way. tonight, however, i was not prepared to have my intelligence, compassion and humanity questioned by disgruntled customers.

"what did barista brat do to upset these customers so?" you might ask yourselves.
"did she finally snap and tell someone where they could put their stirrer stick?" you might wonder.

if a fellow partner of mine was called "uncultured, unkind and cruel-hearted" by a customer, i too would be curious as to what they might have done to merit such harsh words. believe it or not, i was called all those things because i have never *gasp!* read 'the velveteen rabbit'.

in case you haven't been in for a frappuccino lately, bux is now selling the audiobook of 'the velveteen rabbit'. i'm guessing this book is a classic of sorts because many middle-aged women immediately regress decades when they see the compact version of their childhood favorite.
"this was the best book when i was little!" they squeal in sentimental voices.
"my grammie would read this to me every night!" they recall with misty eyes.
then (and possibly because they feel a little silly reminiscing while ordering their latte) they'll ask me if i've already bought a copy of the audiobook for myself. when i inform them that a) i haven't b) i won't and c) i've never read the book, their dreamy eyes harden into cold stares.

"where did you spend your childhood?" a customer barked at me. "in a barnyard with the farm animals?"
"i can't believe you're not embarrassed to admit you've never read it!" another customer cried out.
when finding out i had no plans to read (or listen to) the book, a woman in glasses and a headscarf glared at me and asked, "have you no soul? what are you - a cold blooded reptile?"

i think i will start lying and just nodding my head "yes" when i'm asked if i've read the book. goodness knows telling the truth didn't help my tips at all tonight.

partner rant: why is it i have to grind decaf coffee on every closing shift? why can't you openers do your duty and grind enough coffee to get me through the night? don't you realize i have enough to do on my shift? not only am i making drinks, i have to break down and clean the entire store for your shift the next day. i have to make sure you have enough prep to carry you through the afternoon. so why the hell can't you grind enough coffee for me? quit being lazy and complete your morning tasks!

mr. paranoid

at my old bux we had several regulars who would work on their laptops for hours on end. we didn't mind that they took up our tables because they were always polite, always quiet and always tipped each time they'd order another drink. one of these regular laptop customers was a screenwriter - at least he aspired to become a screenwriter.

larry was very nice but VERY paranoid. he didn't have just one laptop - he had TWO!
when curiosity got the best of me and i asked him about it he informed me that one was his internet laptop and the other was for his scripts.

"are you afraid of getting a virus?" i asked, curious as to why he was so emphatic about traversing the web with only one of them.
"viruses aren't the problem," he told me in a hushed tone. "thievery is the problem!"
"thievery?" i was confused.
"i never go on the internet with my script laptop. that's just inviting someone to steal my film ideas!"
"um, can't you use a firewall or something?" i asked him.
he responded by laughing in my face.
"firewalls are useless! once you log on you're totally exposed! it doesn't matter if you hide your files or encrypt them - the thieves will find them! no one is safe. that's why i won't even show someone my script unless they sign a two page contract!"

larry didn't talk much with me after that. i think he was afraid i would steal his precious script ideas. apparently i wasn't the only person he was suspicious of because he quit going to my old bux shortly after that episode. last week i ran into him at a bux in my area. i said hello when i saw him but he pretended like he didn't see me. instead he quickly shut his two laptops down and exited the cafe. i have a feeling he won't be returning there any time soon, either.

barista rant: why do you call my bux asking for the phone number of a bux in a totally different district? when i tell you that i have no idea of the phone number since it's in a different city, you get huffy with me and suggest i go on the internet to look up the number for you. hey - i have a number for you: FOUR-ONE-ONE! that's right, dial 411 and they will be happy to give you all the phone numbers you need. so quit being cheap, pay the damn 411 fee and quit bugging me while i'm trying to make drinks!

freshly brewed attitude

we have a customer who comes in every morning and orders a venti drip and a venti decaf drip. he is very particular - always insisting we brew a fresh batch of coffee just for him.

"how long has it been sitting?" he'll ask as soon as he walks up to the register. "half an hour!" he'll exclaim even though he knows bux policy is to rebrew every hour. "that's too old. it always tastes funny once it's been sitting longer than twenty minutes."

we go through this EVERY morning. i guess the guy is retired because he has no problem sitting around for however long it takes for a fresh batch of coffee.
the other day he was upset because the regular coffee was fresh but the decaf coffee was forty minutes old.

"can't you just rebrew it now?" he asked. "you're going to have to brew it again in twenty minutes anyway!" he whined. "it tastes awful once it's been sitting there too long," he said as if he'd never told us that priceless bit of information before.
"can you really tell the difference between coffee that has been there for twenty minutes verses coffee that has been there for forty minutes?" i asked him, not believing for a second that his taste buds were that discerning.
"of course!" he threw his hands up. "coffee tastes sour and burnt after it's been sitting around. i don't want funny tasting decaf!"

my assistant manager decided she'd brew fresh decaf just for him. seeing that he'd already nearly finished the regular coffee we'd poured for him, she asked who the decaf was for.
"oh, it's for me," he answered her.
"wow, you drink the decaf right after you drink the regular coffee?" she was shocked someone would consume forty ounces of coffee in one sitting.
"no!" he rolled his eyes as if she'd asked the stupidest question in the world. "i don't drink it NOW! i save it for the evening. after dinner the last think i want to do is leave the house so i buy my decaf in the morning."

uh, are you kidding me? this is the guy that complains about coffee sitting around for twenty minutes and he doesn't even consume it until twelve hours later! how in the world does he wrap his head around that logic? i swear - next time i'm tempted to give him REALLY old coffee just to prove the point that he can't tell the difference, especially since it will be stone cold by the time he drinks it (ew, just realized he probably nukes it in the microwave every night).

customer rant: please stock your bathroom. it's obvious you haven't checked it in hours so please don't blame desperate customers when they use paper towels to wipe their backsides because there was no toilet paper. keeping on top of the bathroom will help reduce the amount of clogged toilets - i promise.

labor pains

although this morning was slower than most monday mornings (because of the holiday) we still had our share of jerk customers.

pain #1
- apparently i resemble a six foot 200 pound guy because a customer started yelling at me when i called out his americano.
"does this have the extra shot?" he asked, but it sounded much more like an accusation.
"yes, i put the extra shot in your americano," i informed him and continued making drinks.
"there's not enough room in it!" he yelled after taking the lid off the cup. "i distinctly told you to leave enough room!"
"uh sir, i didn't take your order. i just make the drinks as they're written." i explained and tried to keep an even tone.
"well, you better redo it because i distinctly told you to leave room!" he repeated.
"sir, i didn't take your order," i was getting pissy. "the GUY on register took your order - not me." i reminded him.
"whatever, just quit wasting time and remake my drink." he snapped.
it's been a long time since i've lost my cool at bux and today this guy pushed all the right buttons.
"i'm soooo sorry," i feigned sincerity. "you're right, i've just been wasting time making drinks for people who have the ability to order correctly. how thoughtless of me to keep you waiting!"
after i remade his drink i said, "here's your americano. i made sure to leave enough room because you DISTINCTLY told me to do so. thank you so much for your patience!"
i'm sure acting manager will get a phone call complaining about my attitude tomorrow but i really don't care.

pain #2
- i had three frappuccinos in a row: one caramel frappuccino, one coffee frappuccino and one mocha frappuccino all with no whipped cream. as i placed the caramel frappuccino on the bar a woman sighed and said, "you guys always mess my drink up!"
"excuse me?" i asked not understanding why she was complaining.
"forget it. it's nothing. i don't mind drinking it like this." she unwrapped the straw and stuck it in the caramel frappuccino.
"did you order the caramel frappuccino? i have two others over here as well." i informed her.
"this is mine. it's just made wrong as usual - but whatever. i'm used to it." she said as she walked away with the drink.
after a few minutes i noticed a girl waiting for her drink and a coffee frappuccino left untouched on the bar.
"did you order the coffee frappuccino?" i asked her pointing to the lonely drink waiting for its owner.
"no, i ordered a caramel one." she informed me.
lovely. the bitching customer took the wrong drink. she's probably taken the wrong drink every time she's been in our bux.

pain #3
- an older woman insisted we give her a grande espresso. the problem? there's no such thing! no matter how we tried to explain it to her, she could not get it through her head that espresso is sold in shots - not in sizes. she said she understood what espresso shots were and she wanted a grande one. finally we gave up and made her a grande americano instead. i'm sure we'll go through the very same thing next time she comes in.

partner rant: why are you so opposed to keeping a clean bar? why do you feel a dirty steam wand is superior to a clean one? and why do you find it offensive if i rinse out the milk pitchers? you may like your lattes made with resteamed milk and old shots but i guarantee our customers don't! quit being lazy and start making drinks to standard - including keeping your bar clean!

daily grinds

yesterday was pretty dull at my new bux - most people have either left town for the holiday weekend, or they're staying at home hoping everyone will think they had enough money to take a mini-break. the few customers we did have were mostly laid-back regulars. there were, however, a couple of real "smarties" that stopped by as well.

smartie #1
an older woman came in and asked for a pound of french roast to be ground. my fellow barista brat ground the beans while i finished ringing the customer up. when my fellow barista brat gave her the pound of ground coffee the woman stared at her and said, "i think you forgot something."
"what did i forget?" fellow barista brat asked.
"think about it...you forgot something!" the woman repeated.
"did you need a bag?" fellow barista brat took a wild guess.
the woman sighed and shifted her weight.
"thank you? have a nice day?" fellow barista brat was still guessing at what she'd missed.
"you know, i'm not going to remind you. if you can't do your job properly then maybe i'll just quite coming here!" the lady huffed and left the store (also leaving her ground coffee on the counter).
my fellow barista brat was about to run after the woman and give her the ground coffee but i stopped her.
"when she comes back for it we'll just say 'i think you forgot something'!" i suggested.
too bad for us the woman never came back in for our amusement.

smartie #2
a man came in and ordered a grande drip. when i rang him up he exclaimed, "oh jesus! you want how much for a cup of coffee?"
now smartie #2 is a semi-regular at this bux and he's ordered a grande drip many times before.
"you know, when i was your age coffee wasn't so overpriced!" he informed me (but he still hadn't handed any money over yet).
"yeah, i hear that all the time." i responded and waited for the cash.
"think about it - it's just hot water that was run over crushed beans! you know, i have a coffee maker at home and i never use it. i should probably make my own coffee so i don't waste my money here." he said and started to walk away.
"sir, you still owe me for the coffee." i stopped him.
"didn't i pay you already?"
"no, you didn't."
"i could have sworn i did. we had a great conversation and everything!" he said but still wasn't making the move to pull his money out of his pocket.
"dollar seventy," i held out my hand even though he offered no money.
after a pause he finally reached into his pocket and gave me two crumpled singles.
"and give me back my change!" he barked. "i'm not tipping you for pouring a cup of coffee. especially when you were so rude about it!" he called out over his shoulder - oblivious to the fact i hadn't handed him his change yet.

partner rant: it's your first day on the job and already you're slacking? i know there's a lot to learn and i know it takes time to learn it, but can't you at least fake your interest? if only for one day? when i show you how to properly mark cups don't yawn and say, "ugh, this is SO boring!". when i ask you to check the lobby don't exhale heavily and say "again? i just did it half an hour ago." and when my fellow barista brat informs you that you can't drink while at register don't respond with a "well, that's stupid!". you want to know what's stupid? stupid is thinking you're behaviour is acceptable.