lies, lies, lies - yeah

i know i've blogged before about lying customers who think baristas are the most gullible form of mankind on the planet, and how their untruths are as transparent as clingwrap, but since i've been back behind the bar it seems as if there has been an outbreak of dishonesty.
now really, do these people really think they're the first ones to come to the register with an empty cup and claim their beverage was made wrong?
that one of our baristas promised them three free drinks?
that they bought four pounds of coffee and accidentally left them in the lobby the day before?
that the manager 'from the other bux' said our bux would give them an espresso machine at a 50% discount?
that one of our baristas was so rude that our manager was going to give the customer ten free beverage coupons?
that they bought a sandwich the night before and it had a bug in it, just like the last four sandwiches they'd 'purchased'?
that the coupon they made using photoshop was approved for use by mr. schultz himself?

just last night i had this happen:
"uh, where's my drink?" skater dude asked the barista on bar.
now this was during my closing shift. i was the register partner, one barista was on break and the other barista was on bar. after ringing up all the customers in the store, i went to the backroom so i could fill milk carafes.
"what?" my fellow barista asked skater dude, finding it improbable that i would forget to mark a cup.
"my drink - i ordered a drink and you never made it." skater dude responded with much attitude.
"hang on just a sec," bar barista said to skater dude, then poking his head in the backroom asked, "hey brat - did this guy order a drink?"
i walked out of the backroom to find skater dude impatiently tapping his cell phone against the hand off bar.
"dude - you didn't order a thing." i practically spat, pissed that he was trying to run a game on us.
"yeah i did," he countered. "i ordered a venti -"
"no, you didn't." i interrupted him.
seeing he'd been caught, and we weren't stupid enough to believe him, he sheepishly walked out of the store muttering, "oh, i thought my friends bought me something."

and today this happened:
customer: "so, like, i called your corporate office because last week you guys overcharged my credit card by a hundred bucks. they told me that all i had to do was come back here and you'd give me a cash refund."
barista brat: *knowing full well this guy was a scammer* "i'm sorry, but i can't do anything on this end for you. if you're already talking with corporate about it, they should be able to help you out."
customer: "oh yes you can do something for me because your head offices said you have to."
barista brat: "sorry, no."
customer: "you do. i was on the phone with helen this morning and she said you had to give me the hundred back in cash."
barista brat: "if you like you can come back tomorrow when my manager is here -"
customer: "no! i don't have time to be running back here everyday! you guys OWE me. helen TOLD me that you HAVE to give me the money."
barista brat: "i'm sorry, but i don't have any authority to give you cash."
customer: "yes you do! HELEN gave you that authority!"
barista brat: "sorry, but my manager would be the best person to help you."
customer: "you ARE sorry."
barista brat: "yeah, have a great day."

barista rant: telling me how much fun it is to work with me, and how great you think i am will NOT blind me to the fact that you are the laziest of the lazies. smiling a lot and trying to be my buddy will not keep me from getting on your case every time i see you slacking. and offering to bake me a cake to welcome me back to the store (even though you were hired while i was away) is not enough of a bribe to make up for your bad work ethic. guess what? getting me to like you is the easiest thing in the world. all you have to do is your JOB.


6th Floor blog said...

Wow. Just wow. I guess the economy even has the scammers desperate?

Most of these are hairbrained, but I feel like a good actor with just a little bit of knowledge can get away with a lot.

Helen told me so.

James UK said...

"as transparent as clingwrap" - I like that analogy.

People can be so stupid... Does anyone ever fall for those sort of scams, I wonder?

SkippyMom said...

Skater dude was almost funny in an absurd way, but the second guy was plain stupid. I feel for you brat, I do.

Maybe the cake will make you feel a lil' better... ;D [j/k] whip the newbie into shape.

Fatinah said...

I'm so glad you're back - I have SO missed your stories....as painful as they must be for you to live, just keep in mind that you are making lots of us smile.....

Anonymous said...

I've just started reading your blog, and I find it hilarious.
Do you get people that you clearly hear order a grande, and when you hand off the drink they say they ordered a venti? Or that ordered a regular latte, and as you hand off the drink they say "Oops, I wanted vanilla in that. Can you just add it in?" Or the people that order two shots of espresso over ice in a grande cup and then run over to the condiment bar and use the milk to make themselves a latte?

Funny, funny people.

Julie said...

You should have said "hold on a second I'm going to call corporate and see what "Helen" has to say about this. They are obviously just desperate and there is also obviously no helen. Wow people are dense to think that partners would fall for that.

Aimee said...

Helen and I are wondering how you manage to put up with all of this. I'd be slapping people right and left.

Meghan said...

It sucks because I'm sure those scams work at least some of the time, and if it works just once, the scammer wins and has incentive to continue. All retail stores and restaurants should make "scammer awareness" part of their training routine and describe all the common scams to new employees. Then they'll know what to look out for before they're targeted. Maybe some companies do, but not the ones I've worked for.

Monica said...

I work at a Subway and I've seen all the scams too. I supervise at nights and Sundays so I havta deal with all the crazies.
I had a lady come up to the cash once and tell me she was "here to pick up the donation" and mumbled something about sick children and my manager saying we'd make a $300 donation and to just take the money of out the cash and give it to her. She said she'd write a "receipt" for me and then asked for a paper and pen!
And kept saying "the manager" and "she" No names. And I know the owners of the store, one of them even works in the store during the week and "HE" would be the one handing out donations.

I had a bit of fun playing the dumb young blonde for awhile and stringing her along.. as soon as I told her "well sure, I'll just call my manager and get this settled for you!" she bolted.

SkippyMom said...

Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Hugs always, Skippy and the gang :D

Johnny Yen said...

Jeez, if they're going to be scam artists, they could at least be GOOD at it...

biggearhead said...

"guess what? getting me to like you is the easiest thing in the world. all you have to do is your JOB."

Amen. Amen, amen, amen, amen...AMEN DAMMIT!

I have worked with some people who were genuinely nice and pleasant people, but for some reason or other just didn't seem to grasp the concept of actually DOING the job! Then they want to go out of their way to make up for people being unhappy with them. The secret to making others happy? Do. Your. Job.