bait and snitch

ah, another week and another mrs. moocher sighting.

i was lucky enough to be on my break when she wheeled her (even) older sister into the store.
"hello!" she greeted my fellow barista with a toothy smile. "i want a refill, but i left my cup at home."

the barista, who really hates conflict of any sort, asked mrs. moocher to "hang on a sec" and then came to the backroom and informed me that the old bird was up to her old tricks again.
"she knows our policy." i told her. "just explain it to her again and she will either pay or go away."
"brat, can you do it please? i hate dealing with her." the barista asked.

meanwhile, at the counter, mrs. moocher was throwing a fit.

"where is she going? what is she going to say?" mrs. moocher demanded of the other barista on the floor. "is she going to snitch? is that how you do things here? are you all snitches?!?"
she didn't give the other barista a chance to say a word, instead continuing her tirade.
"do you get a raise if you're a snitch? is that how starbucks trains its workers now? do they tell you to run to the back and snitch on customers?"

when i returned to the floor with non-conflict barista, mrs. moocher aimed her ire at me.

"brat - your girl there really jumped the gun!" she shook her finger at me.
"i'm sorry?" i asked - totally confused.
"she jumped the gun, that one did! she goes running off to you, and i didn't even do anything! she is a snitch!"
i opened my mouth to respond, but she just kept squawking.
"i said to her - as soon as i came in - i said, 'hello, i would like a refill of ICE WATER, but i left my ICE WATER cup at home' and then she jumps the gun and goes running to you, as if i am trying to steal from you!"
"oh, really?" i asked disinterestedly, although in my head i was thinking "i'm so friggen' sure!".
"that is no way to treat a customer! you need to settle that one down so she doesn't jump the gun." she took her ice water from the other barista, "i just wanted a refill of water, that is all, and that other girl tried to imply that i am stealing. you need to get her in line, brat."

but the most jaw-dropping part of the exchange came moments later when mrs. moocher noticed her sister slouching in her wheelchair.
"are you falling?" mrs. moocher asked her sister, and with one hand grabbed the collar of her sister's shirt and pulled her upright, as if she were a marionette.

"man, i can't believe what she just did to her sister." non-confrontational barista said once they had left.
"hey - don't jump the gun!" i teased her.
"yeah, you snitch." the other barista laughed.

customer rant: what is your deal!?! you stood in front of the door jabbering with your friend. when i tried to step around you to enter the store, you blocked me so that you could enter first. then, when your friend stopped at a table to say hello to someone, you ran ahead of me so that you would be first in line - and you know what? i really wouldn't have cared if you knew what the hell you wanted to order! but no - you had to squint your eyes and take your time reading the menu, then you asked the barista to list the ingredients of all the muffins, and THEN you held up the (ever-growing) line so that you could wait for your friend to finish her conversation and order her drink and pastry. and even though you paid, you weren't nearly done. you stood directly in front of the serving counter so no one else could collect their drinks AND you had to touch each beverage and ask 'is this one mine?". when your drink was finally ready, you proceeded to the condiment bar and CONTINUED to be a very large thorn in my side by blocking all access to the milk and sugar. i even had to go all matrix to squeeze past you just to exit the damn store!


Anna said...

Oh, come on now. Everyone has an ice water cup for their on-the-go ice waters nowadays!

And hey, maybe her sister was a marionette. You never know! Some people have hard lives! Don't jump the gun! Etc.

jp said...

I generally go to Starbucks for all my water needs. It's a bit of a drive, but so worth it.

Eric said...

Snitch...there is a harry Potter joke in there somewhere but I cant find it.

Go all Matrix....hee hee

maybe her sister's name was Marion
thanks for stopping by I replied to your query

Anonymous said...

reading your stories makes my life worth living! thank you.

i can't believe moochie had the nerve to cause a scene while you were taking your break. breaks are sacred time, so i would've been pissed.


Anonymous said...

I HATE to defend Mrs M, but using clothes IS an acceptable way to help straighten people in their wheelchair. I learned this from hospital staff while helping with my dad who has parkinsons. We help him get up out of his chair by grabbing his belt. Grabbing an arm or even under the arms is often really painful to the recipient, so using the clothes is less stressful on the elderly or otherwise infirm person.

that said, she was totally out of line with you.

vrai said...

RE: ranted customer... I seem to meet that same person everyday! What a todger.

Calitri said...

Damn yuppies and their traveling water cups. I'll never be that cool.

Nana said...


check it out...LOL funny

Anonymous said...

Mrs. Moocher is such a TRIP. I cannot BELIEVE this lady!!! How do you hold yourself back from laughing in her face?

Auld Hat said...

This is precisely why I keep my Starbucks Ice-Water holder in my bag at all time. One never knows when one will be confronted by a snitchy gun jumper. heh heh, I really wanted to use that in a sentence. Thank you.

slskenyon said...

Customers are amazing. This one only acted out because she got seriously caught. And as for your rant, I've seen a lot of those, and at least, in your hatred of them, you are sharing at least one sentiment with the rest of the customers.

Anonymous said...

I seriously don't understand why your manager doesn't ban Mrs. Moocher from your store. She's threatened you, and continues to try to pull her scams every time she comes in...why does any store need customers like that? I've seen signs that say "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason" posted elsewhere. You guys need one somehwere that's very visible, and need to actually invoke it once in awhile.

James UK said...

"hey - don't jump the gun!" i teased her.

That is a very good technique for dealing with annoying customers... use the same dialogue back to them, so when she starts saying "where are you going?" etc., just say "Don't jump the gun please madam" etc.

How about suggesting that you have surveillance cameras installed now, and you can go and "check" what was said if she wants?

Do you or anyone else there have the authority to refuse service / ban someone?

Beth said...

I'd be too embarrassed to come back if I were Mrs. Moocher. I guess that's why I'm not a mooch and she is.

mellowlee said...

Oh man! I can just picture Mrs Moocher yanking her elderly sister up by the collar. Holy moly!!!!

Manuel said...

"i even had to go all matrix to squeeze past you just to exit the damn store!"

HAHAHAHAHA That's brilliant...

Pop Culture Diva said...

I don't know how you put up with that. I would have to snap on someone's ass.

The Simple Scholar said...

You should have a pulled a "What are you talking about, she was just telling me my good friend ms. moocher was here!"