heard it through the bux line

vanishing barista has been found. ten points for those of you who knew he'd get back together with his abusive girlfriend. of course there was one relationship that was destroyed forever, and that was his employment with bux. but believe it or not my manager was willing to give vanishing barista a second chance - who has no interest in working for the company anymore. BUT - in case some of you were curious as to what he would now do for work - he did turn in an application to our main competitors in town. we know this because they called my manager for references!

and now on to our regularly scheduled post:
the best baristas always have their ears open. if you're on register you should have one ear listening to the customer and the other ear listening to your floater. if you are on bar you should have one ear open towards the people waiting for their drinks and one open towards the register partners when they yell out "soy!", "extra-hot nonfat!" or "grande cappuccino!". many a time i've been on bar and caught mis-marked cups because both my ears were open and i heard the customer request no foam, extra shots, or decaf when my register partner was oblivious.

sometimes, because both ears are open, we hear parts of conversations that we really wish we hadn't heard.

"oh my god, it was so painful!" a customer said in a low voice to her girlfriend. "since it was a woman gynecologist i totally expected her to be gentle, but she was rougher than the guy that took my virginity!"

"mommy!" a little boy howled in pain. "sara just punched me in the peanuts! HARD!"

"who cares if it fell on the floor?" a woman said into her cell phone. "just rinse it off and serve it anyway. that's what i always do."

"i can't believe i just paid two bucks for this crappy coffee." a businessman told his associate. "my secretary back at the office makes it a hundred times better than this. maybe i should give her a raise."

"that guy on register would totally be cute if he didn't have such a gut." a high schooler gossiped to her friend.

"so then i told her there IS a right and wrong way to do things!" an elder woman told her equally aged friend. "and if she can't learn to do it right, then maybe i should give her part of the inheritance to the mormon temple!"

but the funniest/most shocking thing i've heard all week came out of doobie newbie's mouth.
customer: "just a tall drip and the paper."
doobie newbie: "james, how are you?"
customer: *blank stare*
doobie newbie: "you don't remember me? i'm edward's friend.
customer: *blank stare continues*
doobie newbie: "i met you last semester on campus. you had just bought a new bike but it had a flat tire, so you asked edward if you could use his cell phone to call your girlfriend."
customer: "uh, yeah. i vaguely remember that."
doobie newbie: "it was right after your math class, remember? because you'd just taken a calculus final."
customer: "wow - that's a trip that you can remember all that."
doobie newbie: "oh, i have an amazing memory. in fact, it's kind of what i'm known for!"

partner rant: ok, so i understand you're stressed because the district manager is going to be visiting, but that doesn't mean you can go off on all the baristas! i know that as an assistant manager you have more responsibilities than the rest of us, but for grounds' sake keep your cool! reminding us five times a minute that 'the store has to be perfect! don't you realize the district manager is coming?!?' will not push us to work harder or faster. in fact, all the energy you spend freaking out can be spent scrubbing the grout.


Moxie said...

Snicker snort over Doobie Boy and his wonderful memory. Next thing he'll say is that he's a Rhodes scholar on sabbatical.

gw said...

I am surprised Bux doesn't have order screens at the bar. It makes it so much easier, quieter and less confusing with the specifics right in front of you. I like how it frees both the front people and those at the bar to engage the guests.

I know what you mean about the harping before a store visit just making people freak and feeling less like doing the work.

Allan said...

...known for HIS amazing memory? Uh, OK...that's kinda true...on blog he's known for his amazing ability to forget.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, actually, that kind of makes sense for Doobie Newbie. I've come to find the potheads don't work as hard as they could so things don't become expected of them, but they are usually wicked smart.

Johnny Yen said...

"oh, i have an amazing memory. in fact, it's kind of what i'm known for!"

I'm ROFL! Amazing in what way? Amazingly bad?

Most of my high school students show up baked, and it definitely does not help their academic performance.

Anonymous said...

This post made me crack up!

Beth said...

Doobie Newbie has a memory? Damn. A bit frightening, in that stalking way ...

Eric said...

Hey Brat, Saw this in the Onion today and thought of you.

Manuel said...

There is an energy that is created when the bosses are due to visit. If the managers handle it badly or create even more tension than is needed then the visit is doomed, doomed I tell ye! They have to trust that as we are adults we can do our jobs right...

Ohiobux said...

Wait, wait, wait. he can remember someone he met last semester but he can't remember how many pumps of syrup goes into a drink?? (is he still doing that?) my god doobie newbie is infuriating.

Becca said...

Love stuff you overhear, you could probably submit a couple to www.overheardeverywhere.com

Seth said...

So things that earn him a living, can't remember anything. Random dude who has no bearing on his life, remembers his life story. Got it.

Hey did you hear about the guy who purchased something from all 171 Starbucks in Manhattan? He made a little movie about it. Pretty interesting.

Please excuse my lack of html skillz.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Wow. I would have left the Amazon girlfriend ages ago.

he must love her a lot.

barista brat said...

moxie - i know. i'm waiting for him to tell me he was accepted to an ivy league school.

gw - order screens for the customer or barista? since i'm not in a drive-thru store, we don't bother to use the modifiers on the screen. it's easier to just write on the cups.

allan - too funny! and true!

anonymous - you may be very correct in that assesment.

johnny yen - haha, yeah - i'm sure you get to see the real effects on a daily basis!

anonymous - thanks!

beth - seriously! if i were that customer i would stay clear of my bux from now on.

eric - thanks for the link! pretty funny stuff.

manuel - i agree. i hate people that freak out over a management visit. by the way - so glad to hear you had such a great experience at the bux in spain!

ohiobux - well, he now knows how many pumps go into a drink. now we are working on how many shots of espresso are needed.

becca - thanks!

seth - i heard about that, and will check out that link. thanks!

nancy - thanks for the info. i thought i had an email link on my page - sorry! i will send you an email shortly.

the other tivo - that, or he is super co-dependent.