super massive black holes of emotional need

i've been stuck on this blog post, editing and re-editing it for two days. i'm trying to find a balance between professional coffee house owner and the down to earth brat you've always known. i'm trying to be diplomatic when it comes to the things i need to vent about, and i'm also trying to keep my identity veiled as i am now really, REALLY concerned about people reading what i write and realizing they're the ones i'm ranting about!

oi. i need to quit telling my customers about "this little blog i used to do", and i definitely need to quit accepting facebook friend requests from them! i'm at the point where i'm worried i will have no space of my own to unload, be stupid or make comments without one of my regulars coming in the next day to ask about a song lyric i posted, or which one of my attractive friends is single.
as i'm typing i realize i've brought this upon myself. but like i said, now it's a matter of finding that balance.
yes, i want to gripe about a customer whose negativity was so heavy last week, it put me into a funk that lasted a couple days, but i also want to keep this person as a regular customer because most of the time i enjoy our conversations.

this is an issue i honestly did not anticipate. being a small independent coffee house means your customers have more access to you. in a way, you are the coffee house. they come to see you specifically, in addition to buying your beverages. i always knew baristas were part time therapists and counselors, but with a select few of my customers it feels like a full time job. maybe some of them weren't hugged enough as children. maybe some of them are genuinely angry every waking moment. maybe my coffee house is the one place they feel comfortable enough to unload without fear of repercussion.
if the latter is true, then i definitely don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. i like being someone's bright spot. i enjoy feeling like i've made a positive difference in someone's life. but i am not loving the darkspace i go to after a lengthy visit from a volatile and emotionally needy patron. it seriously felt like all the light and positivity had been sucked out of me, and i needed a refill.

and unfortunately, i ended up doing what was done to me to another one of my regulars (yeah, this sentence is convoluted and awkward but i haven't the energy to clean it up).
complaining customer was still in the store, spewing negativity, when upbeat customer came to order an espresso. i verbally latched onto upbeat customer, wanting to keep engaged with him as long as possible because i knew once he was gone, the lightness would leave my coffee house and i'd be stuck with complaining customer again.
i'm sure my desperation was obvious and repelling, but i couldn't help myself. i needed to hold onto a lifesaver to drag me out of the putrid pond i was sinking in. poor upbeat customer had no clue what he was in for, and it was painful for me to watch him try and gently ease himself out of my store. and although i knew i was chasing him away with my desperation, i couldn't help myself.

in a weird way this experience has helped me identify with my complaining customer and empathise with him/her. perhaps this might help keep me from being affected so deeply his/her negativity.
maybe.
one can hope, right?

the more things stay the same, the more they change

well, i've been back to the barista grind for 6 months now, and i have to say i really, really love what i do.
i'm still the hard working barista who actually cares about making a quality beverage while making a customer connection.
every month my business grows and every week i have new regulars who can't get enough of our coffee. i can't tell you how gratifying it is to hear on a daily basis how much better our beverages are than those of coffee bean and starbucks. in fact, i've only ever had one complaint, and it was a really odd one, in my opinion.

one of our regular customers has a wife who is very picky about her espresso drinks. she ordered a small mocha from me, and returned the next morning to complain about it.

"do you make your mochas with coffee or espresso?" she asked.
"uh, we use espresso for our bar drinks," i informed her, puzzled by her question.
"oh, because it tastes like you used coffee." she replied.

knowing most customers will be accustomed to corporate chain drinks, i explained that my beans are not over-roasted, nor are they acidic or bitter, which might explain why she felt her beverage wasn't "strong" enough in flavor. i offered to make it again and double pull the espresso shot for her (yes, i have a traditional manual bar like every coffee house should) so it would have a fuller espresso flavor, that way she wouldn't have to pay for an extra shot of espresso.

she was willing to try a double pulled shot but made sure to tell me, "yeah, it's better but it still tastes like coffee and not espresso."

all i could do is shrug.
really.
my espresso will NEVER taste like bux espresso, and my regulars are thankful for that. i have worked VERY closely with my roaster to create a unique blend especially for my coffee house. i will never brew coffee that tastes burnt or bitter. even when i worked for bux, i was all about quality made beverages and now i have the pleasure to ensure even my beans are of the highest quality (and organic, mind you).

but it's not JUST the coffee that keeps my regulars coming back. it's the all around experience of my place. when you love what you do, and you love interacting with customers, they love supporting you. it's as simple as that.

so, this blog is clearly going to have a change in tone. i don't have to deal with idiot bigwigs in seattle. i don't (not yet, at least) have to put up with entitled and prissy customers. and i don't have to deal with lazy baristas since we are a total mom and pop shop at the moment, which means no more rants!

i understand if having less things to bitch about means a decrease in readership, and honestly i'm ok with that. i hope those of you still following this blog will be ok with the more upbeat attitude :)

too busy to blog!!!!

let me tell you - working for yourself is very rewarding and extremely fatiguing. i have meant for months and months to do updates and let you know how things have been going with my new venture, but honestly i just haven't had the energy.

the quick recap is my coffee house is starting to make a name for itself! we've had amazing reviews on yelp.com, and a slew of regulars who remind me several times a day why i love being a barista.
so far there's been no horror stories, but again i'm not seeing nearly the amount of people i did while working at bux.

to tide you over until i have time to give you a proper update, here is the first episode of barista buddy's web series about working for a corporate coffee chain:




there are more episodes at Moby's Coffee Shop

i hope all of you have been well!

she's baaaaaaaaack!

wow.

just wow.

my last post in february was meant to be my final post on this blog.
i mean, i'd already been posting sporadically when i still was a bux barista. then i went on maternity leave, had a baby, quit bux and figured it was the end of the line for me as far as barista brat goes.

but here we are seven months later and i'm back posting.

"oh brat! did you find the real world so harsh and cruel you had to run back to the safety of the green apron?" some of you might be asking.
others might scoff "ha! you were always so high and mighty and now look at you: back as a soulless drone, once again property of the mighty corporation!"
most likely the bulk of you are thinking "who cares? i forgot i even had you on my blog feed."

so yes, even though i am once again a barista i am NOT working for bux.
nor am i working for coffee bean, peet's or seattle's best.
nope - i am working for......ME!

that's right.
i am my own boss. i am my very own howard schultz!

now, i did not at any time intend to open my own coffee house. in fact, i had opened an unrelated business, but my neighborhood and heart was screaming for coffee. and sometimes you have to go with your heart and with your gut.
so my espresso bar should be up and running within a couple weeks. i am still in the process of acquiring all my equipment, and finishing the decorative touches on my cafe.
also, i have found the BEST coffee roasters to supply my beans, and let me tell you - after visiting the roasting plant and sampling the different blends i now understand why so many people say bux coffee tastes burnt!

so i have to admit i'm happy to again be in the coffee business, and quite excited to be able to do things my way, instead of what a bunch of suits up in seattle deem cost effective.
i can't promise i'll blog with regularity, but i will try my best.
so, for those of you still reading, i'd be thrilled if you continue on this journey with me.
i hope you will all wish me luck!

and now the end is near...

and so i face the final curtain.

i've been absent for so long, and it pleases me to no end that readers still happen upon this blog and send me comments and emails. but now it's time to bring this blog to a close. i have officially hung up my apron and am no longer a barista.

BUT i cannot leave without one final post about the bux. about the company that i used to love and used to be so happy working for.
first, though, i must tell you a story about the best manager ever.

she wasn't my first manager at bux, nor was she my last, but she was undoubtedly the best.
she was the kind of manager who recognized the hard workers and let them know they were appreciated. the kind of manager who listened to her partners complaints and concerns and who was a champion and voice for the baristas when dealing with upper management. she developed several baristas to leads, leads to managers. she was the go-to gal for her district and peers, always lending a hand, covering a store or answering questions. she had been recognized by her district and regional managers several times for the amazing job she did.
it might sound silly, but it was close to magical working for her. our store was at it's best under her guidance. there was no drama, no needless bitching - just a close knit store filled with partners who loved coming to work each day. i have learned so much from her, more than she ever could realize, and i'm honored to now call her a friend.

now, i've been quite critical of the direction bux has taken over the past few years. initially i was hopefully when howard came back, but quickly learned that all he was giving was lip service. i have no idea why seattle doesn't listen to its partners, because the ones at store level ALWAYS know better. we are the ones who talk to the customers each day, the ones who see how bad corporate decisions affect the business, the ones who actually still care about the culture and not just profit/loss statements.
i have made peace with the fact that bux will never again be the company i started with. that entity is gone and buried - and believe it or not, i can understand. when a company gets so huge it's impossible to hang on to the culture - especially when you're opening a new store just about every damn day. so, i reminisce about the days of yore, but i know it's not something that can be recaptured, even if you do bring back a former ceo. but just because you can't go back in time doesn't mean you can't move towards being something great. yes, it will be different, but it can still be GOOD. it's still possible to make decisions based on what's right, and not just what's profitable.

you know, i always used to joke about getting fired. not for doing anything wrong or illicit, but for being the highest paid hourly worker in my store. when bux laid off all those district managers (yes, mostly ones who'd been in their position for years and making a good chunk of change) i said i was probably next. but my best manager ever reminded me that although it looked better on paper to get rid of me and hire in a newbie, i did the job of at least two people, so in fact bux was getting a bargain!
well, i managed to quit before they got rid of me, but the best manager ever wasn't so lucky.

i have no more love for bux. i can't. not after they get rid of an incredible manager for made up reasons. and unfortunately her story isn't unique. it's happening all over. even my last manager (who is also very wonderful) admitted to me he also is in fear of losing his position on a daily basis. district managers are literally splitting hairs to come up with reasons to put managers on final action plans.
it's so sad, but managers who have put in years, YEARS of incredible service are being forced out. and everyone knows why.

money.

why pay someone 60k a year to manage a store when you can find someone to do it almost half the cost?
i can tell you why - because that 60k gives you smoothly run stores, fully developed partners and happy customers.
what you get is a manager who cares and knows how to run a business.
what you get is loyalty which apparently bux is quite short of.

i don't know what will happen to bux if they stay on this road. and honestly, i don't care.
it seems they've given up caring quite a while ago.

so, although i won't be posting on this blog anymore, at least not as an actual barista, i have started a more personal blog documenting my journey to become a published author.

i want to thank every person who's ever read this blog.
i've had over 980,000 hits and you can't imagine how incredible that is for me.
so, again, from the bottom of my heart -
thank you

all right, mr. de mille. i'm ready for my close-up!

a lengthy tale about a vainglorious barista:

when this barista was first hired, he seemed like a great fit. he was affable, punctual and a quick learner. in fact, we all had high hopes for him because not only did he appear to like his job, he also liked dealing with customers.
he was the guy who would give you a hug before he started his shift, always be available to work for you if you needed the day off, and gave gifts to all his fellow baristas every holiday (which, quite honestly, seemed very odd to me). he was chatty with the customers and with the partners alike.
but he was also painfully slow on bar. and was always late coming back from his breaks. and would spend ten minutes talking to one customer while the rest of the partners had to work harder to make up for the slack. AND he thought he was the greatest thing bux had ever seen since the advent of frappuccinos.
but when he REALLY became unbearable was when he decided bux was sherwood forest and he was robin hood. he started giving away beverages to his friends, family, regulars, people he'd just met, customers who thought adam lambert should've won american idol, and the guy who reminded him of his mechanic.

"so why didn't you put him straight, brat?" you might be asking.
well, i tried.
and failed.

i admit, i was manipulated into being too nice to him.
i have never worked with such a suck-up before. it was always, "oh honey, i love working at this store!", "my love, thank you for being the best learning coach!", "sweetie, i appreciate your help so much!".
baristas were complaining about his laziness and freebies left and right, but were all too afraid of hurting his feelings - so he continued to "hand out donations" to his friends and customers while the rest of us had work even harder just to stay afloat.

baristas, leads, even my own MANAGER would tell me of how hard their shifts were because he'd taken too long a lunch, or was too slow on bar, or had gossiped with a customer for ten minutes while he was supposed to be doing a lobby. whenever they would try and gently let him know that they needed him to work as hard as they did, he would softly purr his apologies and then be so hard on himself that they soon found they were comforting HIM!
he'd even figured out how to cut the leads off at the pass and would promise to work harder before they'd a chance to have a coaching conversation with him.

finally, i'd had enough.
i didn't care how "nice" he was anymore.
i had no use for the empty compliments.
all i wanted was for him to DO HIS JOB.

so, with the blessing of my manager, i decided to have a sit down talk with this barista to let him know that:
a) he was very well liked
b) he needed to pull his weight while at work, not just spend all his time talking with customers
c) all his fellow partners really, honestly did like him
d) his job was in danger because he gave away so many free drinks and pastries
e) it wasn't personal - everyone LIKED him

as i said - i was stupid and easily manipulated by him.
i should have kept it to only point b and point d, but i didn't want him to feel picked on.
after our talk was over i was hopeful that he'd adjust his behaviour while at work. and you know what?
his behaviour DID change!
but not in the way that i'd hoped for.

instead i became locked in his crosshairs.
he still continued to give away freebies, and still didn't do his job, but now he spent his time telling baristas and customers alike that i had it in for him because i was -
wait for it...

jealous.

yes, it's true.
he told anyone willing to listen that i was jealous of him because he was so popular, which in turn made my popularity wane.
his exact words were, "she used to be the one in the spotlight, and then i came and took it from her. now she can't handle not being in the spotlight anymore and she's trying to get me fired."

i admit, i laughed - no, not laughed - guffawed when i heard this.
and then i was kind of sad.

i was sad because it suddenly became crystal clear why this barista gave away drinks and bestowed gifts upon his fellow partners. he so desperately wanted everyone to like him that he'd resorted to "buying" his friends. he didn't genuinely want to help people out - he wanted their affection.
and when i told him that his job was in danger unless he buckled down, well, he saw that as a threat to his standing.
and his standing was more important to him than his job because not two days after our discussion, barista buddy had his own conversation with him regarding the SAME things.
and less than a week after that he was "separated from the company" for -
wait for it...

giving away beverages.


barista rant: i know you love the way i make your drink. i know that whenever you see me on bar you call out, "yay brat's gonna make my drink!" but even though you get "the best" drinks from me, it does not mean if i'm in your eyesight that i have to drop what i'm doing to make your high-maintenance beverage. this especially holds true when i'm on my knees under the blenders cleaning the drain. i don't care if it will ruin your day if someone else makes your drink - deal with it. i'm busy doing yet another one of my duties.

comical corporate, combative customers and crappy co-workers

hi there!
remember me?
i've been away so long i barely remembered my blogger password.
clearly i've been too busy to post, and i'm hoping a super long entry will help tide you over until the next time i am able to blog again.

there have been SOOOOOOOO many things i've wanted to post about, and just haven't had the time, so i will do my best to get you back up to speed.

first off - comical corporate

now i'm sure many of you remember what a big deal it was when howard schultz came back as ceo. how he was supposed to turn our company around and bring us back to our 'roots'. there was a HUGE emphasis on customer service: dvds were watched, memos read, and managers held meetings to make sure their partners remembered that the customer experience was our first concern - NOT the bottom line.
not only did howard want the customer to get the perfect beverage every time, he wanted them to be blasted with the scent of freshly ground coffee. so we baristas no longer had the luxury of pre-ground packs of coffee, but instead had to grind pounds upon pounds of beans so that a permanent cloud of coffee dust hung in the air.
but howard didn't want the experience to end there! he wanted the customers to SEE how fresh their coffee was! so not only did we had to portion out pounds of pike place each morning, but we had to label them with the date and our names so that the customer could see how dedicated bux was to having fresh coffee in the store. AND if we needed to grind or pour more pike place blend, we had to walk out from behind the counter and grab a conspicuously positioned five-pound bag of beans to again give the customer that "unique" experience of a coffee house.

so, you might have asked yourself if this tactic did indeed work.
well, in a word: no.
in fact, it was so ineffective that within weeks we no longer kept the five-pound bag of beans out in the lobby. and just a few short months later, without any reason given to us baristas, pre-packed pounds of pike place showed up in our deliveries.
so much for that "unique" experience, eh?
add to that "brew on demand" decaf coffee in the afternoon and you get a lot comments from customers that they might as well save their money and make their own coffee.
BUT i do have to say there is one saving grace to this whole economic mess bux is in, and that is the return of the refill policy.
that's right!
because bux stock is so very low, we have now been given STRICT orders to enforce our refill policy.
this fills me with pure joy, it really does.
i LOVE telling customers it doesn't matter if they have held on to their cup for the last millennium just so they could get away with paying 50 cents for their coffee or iced teas. it brings me to a level of bliss i didn't know existed to be able to say "actually this has always been our policy, we've only just recently been told we must enforce it" to the angry faces of our cheapie customers.

ah, how i love the slow and painful death of "just say yes".

combative customers
before i start ranting about some of the horrid folks that come into my bux, i first have to acknowledge how truly great most our customers are. our regulars are the main reason why i love my job. truly.

so, i get that people are freaked out by the economy. i, myself, am concerned about whether or not i will still have a job (and no, we have not yet heard if my bux will be one of the unlucky ones that will shut down during the second wave of store closures), but somehow i manage to go about my day without being a total bitch, you know? the fact that you're stressing does not give you the right to yell and scream at me. just because you are having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that you've spent almost 1000 dollars in my store since the start of the year does not mean you have license to threaten us baristas whenever you need to 'get it all out'.
even though we baristas work for a large corporation, you do not have the right to call us jerks because we won't give you a discount on your venti espresso caramel frappuccino with energy, protein and chocolate chips. it is not our responsibility if you are "addicted" to your bux fix and HAVE to partake of it every morning just to feel human. if you really feel the need to bitch someone out and call them names because you spend way to much money in our store, then i suggest you take a long hard look in the mirror.

crappy co-workers
for the most part, my store is doing well when it comes to our baristas. we have a strong manager/lead team, several seasoned baristas, and more than a handful of hard-working, principled partners. but even though we've been on an employee upswing, we still have our share of dead weight that NEEDS to get cut.
for instance, just because you spent ten minutes talking to a customer does not mean you are the bees knees when it comes to customer service. really, what it means is your customer service skills SUCK because you ignored the thirty OTHER customers that came into our store. besides the fact that you made the rest of us baristas have to work harder and faster because you were busy chatting it up with a customer.
while we're at it, i should mention a few other things that you've obviously mistaken for good customer service:
- giving away free drinks because a customer said you make the best lattes is NOT good customer service. especially when those same customers act like outright jerks to the rest of us baristas because we won't give them their beverages on the house.
- offering to donate a free coffee traveller to the neighborhood watch meeting is NOT good customer service. especially considering you don't have that authority, and the fact that you totally put our manager on the spot when the neighborhood watch lady waltzed in to our bux singing "hooray for free coffee!".
and finally - making samples of a chai cream frappuccino for the homeless woman who has never spent a red cent in our bux is NOT good customer service. especially when our very loyal paying customers hear you say to the homeless woman "oh don't worry about asking for free samples - it's not like starbucks doesn't make enough money as it is!"

besides all the freebies, you are as slow as molasses when it comes to working behind the bar. you do a crappy job of deep cleaning, and you spend more time running your mouth than actually working. i am so pleased to hear that you have been given a final warning. the rest of us working baristas can't wait for you to be gone.

so, dear readers (if any of you still occasionally check this blog), i will do my best to keep you better up to date as the weeks progress.

re-wrap recap

i'm trusting everyone's holidays have been fantastic.

besides the expected christmas cards in my mailbox, i also received a letter from starbucks about how although they used to match 401(k)s, it is now up to their discretion whether they will match, and if they match how much they will match.

"does this greatly affect the brat?" some of you may wonder.
well, not really.
in fact, i'm not sure how many people at bux it does affect. the only buxters i know who have enrolled in the 401(k) option are salaried managers, and not even all of them have done it.
but i thought you all might like to know that it's not only labor being cut by seattle - benefits are being cut (oh, excuse me: "modified") as well.

i can tell you, however, that this was the slowest holiday i've experienced at bux. though because of the shortage of hours alloted it seemed pretty hectic. i made sure to keep track of some of the best and worst of the season my store was fortunate enough to experience.

BEST:
- the customer who bought every barista in our store a present (even though she only knows half of us).
- barista buddy who kept everyone smiling and laughing, even when we had a line to the door and one of our machines had broken down.
- our loyal and patient regulars who didn't complain at all when the last minute shoppers held up the line so they could purchase 20 gift cards.
- not-so-newbie barista who baked us all christmas goodies.
- my manager who gave me the holiday schedule i wanted
- the customer who felt so bad at holding up the line while she had us wrapping mugs that she bought drinks for the next three customers in line.

WORST:
- the woman who brought in a gift card for 50 dollars, demanded cash, and when we couldn't comply made us turn that one 50 dollar gift card into ten 5 dollar gift cards, and THEN made us give her the cash for each gift card one transaction at a time.
- seattle for sending out a memo to all the stores saying we MUST ring up customers properly and follow the refill policy, yet STILL tells us to 'just say yes'.
- the nut who made us put her latte in a ceramic mug because 'i can't stand these goddam red cups year after year!"
- the family that decided on a whim during a morning rush to order a coffee traveller, then complained loudly about how long it was taking for it to be ready, even after we explained that we would have to brew a batch especially for their traveller. and when it was finally ready, they decided to order a second decaf traveller, but demanded it be free since they would have to wait another ten minutes (of course we did not comply).
- they guy that yelled at me for not caring about dying africans when i informed him that we are not equipped to take donations for the (red) campaign.

partner rant:
holiday used to be my favorite time to work at bux. i loved the decorations, the music, even the eggnog, but this year was such a downer. sure, you can blame the economy, but i put most the blame on you, seattle. this is NOT the same company it was when i was a newbie. this is NOT the company i hired on to. this is not even the same company from two years ago. i know you have stock holders to keep happy (hello - i'm one of them), and i know you need to be profitable as a corporation, but the decisions you've made over this past year have all stunk. i'm talking every single one of them. and none of them have turned this company around like you said they would. so please, start listening to your managers and baristas (you know, the people that actually work IN the stores) if you really want to see changes that will make this company what it used to be.

p.s. - HAPPY NEW YEAR!

you can always get what you want

ok - this story is too good to leave off the blog.
i don't care that it didn't happen in my store, or even my district. trust me - this is great:

every few years each bux gets a major remodel. usually that means a fresh coat of paint, new artwork, new furniture, and updated pastry cases and shelves.
it just so happens that in this particular bux, there is a regular who really, REALLY loved the comfy chairs. he would come in every morning, ask for a venti iced water (that's right - he never bought drinks), claim a comfy chair and camp out on it for several hours. apparently he was a budding sitcom writer.
no, he didn't ACTUALLY write for sitcoms. nor did he ever make money for any of his scripts. nonetheless, bux had become his workplace and everyday he came in for his venti water and his comfy chair.

now, you might have rightly guessed that he was very upset when this bux was closed for remodeling.
"how am i going to get any writing done!?!" he demanded of the baristas. "you are seriously messing with my flow!"
so, he eagerly awaited the re-opening of this bux so that he could settle into his comfy chair with a free water. imagine his devastation when he found his comfy chairs had been replaced with some not-so-comfy seats. he apparently raised the biggest stink because he could not write his sitcoms while sitting in the less-comfy chairs because it strained his back. he called the manager, the district manager, the regional manager and the starbucks customer complaint line. he brought in his own special padding to use and demanded the baristas keep the padding in their backroom because he couldn't be bothered to lug it back and forth everyday (you know - because of his bad back).
still, he continued to complain to everybody and anybody about his missing comfy chair. he told corporate that he was going to sue.
SUE!
he felt a lawsuit was necessary because (please stay with me here):
he couldn't write in the new chairs because they made his back hurt
which meant he couldn't make any money
which meant he couldn't afford to take his girlfriend out
which meant she didn't want to date him anymore
which meant he became depressed when she dumped him
which meant he had to pay for therapy
which meant he would also have to pay for anti-depressants
which meant he would no longer be an effective sitcom writer since he was going to be taking medication
which meant he couldn't realize his dream as a sitcom writer

want to know what bux did?
they CAVED!

that's right - they searched high and low, far and wide to find him his precious comfy chair. and NO ONE ELSE was allowed to use his chair, which meant the poor baristas had to bring out the chair for him when he arrived, and carry it back to their backroom when he left.

so, to recap, a non-paying regular who would spend hours camped out at bux (occupying a chair that should have been for paying customers) managed to get what he wanted from corporate by threatening to sue.

i have to laugh, or else i'll cry.

barista rant: no, i will not sell you one of our red aprons. it doesn't matter how funny your girlfriend will think your gag gift is, we will not sell it to you. don't wave your twenty dollar bill at us and expect us to chance losing our jobs so that you and your girlfriend can have a giggle on christmas morning. don't act like we're stupid for not being tempted by your money, and don't insult us by saying we don't know the value of a dollar. WE are not the ones spending twenty bucks on a laugh.

centers of the unibux

i've blogged often about customers with entitlement issues.
you know, the ones who think they are allowed to bypass the register partner and order their drink directly from the barista at bar.
the ones who expect you to stop pulling shots, pouring frappuccinos and steaming milk so you can get their venti cup of ice water.
the ones who want you to call every store in your district to find a mug that is on clearance, no matter the fact there is a line out the door.
the ones who think we baristas are slacking at our jobs because we didn't save the last blueberry muffin for them and we should have known to since they didn't come in and get it at 7am.
the ones who want you to remake their drink three times because "oh, i don't know, it just doesn't taste right".
the ones who expect free drinks every time they come in because one time in the distant past a barista was rude to them.

today we had some royal gems as far as entitlement goes:
- since howard now expects every store to run a negative 3% variance to ideal, we are noticeably short handed during the morning rush. in fact, many customers commented on how well we were doing and how they appreciated us obviously working our apron strings off. there was one customer, however, who felt that even though we were busting our butts just to stay afloat, SHE still wanted us to go above and beyond.
"i want a bagel with butter - TOASTED!" she barked as she threw down a hundred dollar bill.
"ma'am, i'm sorry but i don't have enough change in my drawer for that bill. do you have anything smaller?" register partner politely asked.
"no, i don't." said big baller, jutting her chin out. "that means you gotta give me my bagel for FREE."
"uh," register partner surveyed the line and decided it was worth it to give away the bagel. "i guess we can do that for you today."
"and i want it toasted!" big baller stuffed her benjamin in her bra (in her friggen' bra!), "and i want it buttered BEFORE you toast it - with TWO pats of butter on each slice!"
"ok", register partner sighed.
"AND after it's toasted i want you to let it cool down before you put it in the bag so it doesn't get soggy, understand?"
"i understand she's a bitch," register partner whispered to me as she prepped big baller's breakfast.

- a man set up camp in one of our leather chairs. he ordered a frappuccino, a bottle of water, a sandwich and two pastries. he then pulled out his laptop and began surfing the web.
about ten minutes after he'd settled into the chair, a customer came up to mr. split assistant manager and myself.
"excuse me, but i thought you'd like to know that the man over there in the corner is watching porn on his computer and the volume is up high enough so that i could hear it." he told us.
i didn't know whether to gag or laugh. i mean, who does that? who goes to bux to watch porn?
"i'll take care of it. thanks for letting me know." mr. split said before heading into the lobby to talk to mr. happy.
"i'm sorry sir, but we've had a complaint about the nature of what you're watching on your laptop." he awkwardly started. "we don't mind you staying here, but you have to watch things that are appropriate."
"who the hell are you to tell me what to watch?" mr. happy grunted.
"well, we just can't have you viewing explicit content on our grounds."
"i just bought twenty dollars worth of stuff - i can watch whatever the hell i want to!" mr. happy was now getting angry.
"this isn't coming from me -" mr. split assistant manager was getting intimidated. "it was brought to my attention and it's my job to come over here and talk to you. it's not coming from me."
"you gonna refund me my twenty bucks?" mr. no-longer-happy growled. "if you make me stop watching what i'm watching, then you have to give me my money back. i paid for this seat and to use your damn internet!"
"it's not coming from me." mr. split almost whimpered.
apparently this was enough to ruin the mood for mr. happy because he left - without his twenty dollars but with a free drink coupon.

- and there was the woman who expected us to kick out the person occupying the bathroom so that she could use the mirror to re-apply her make-up.
when we informed her that there was no way we would tell someone they had to leave the bathroom before their business was done just because she wanted us to, she then pulled the "well, you HAVE to. i come here every morning for my REFILL and you're supposed to just say yes to your customers!"
"well, i already told they guy in the bathroom 'YES', so you'll have to wait your turn." i responded.
she then took my manager's business card to report me.
gee, i'm so scared.

partner rant: i appreciate your initiative, i really do, but for the love of espresso PLEASE finish a task before you start a new one. yes, i know the trash needed to be changed, and yes the coffee needed to be rebrewed, and yes the pastry case was empty, but what good does it do if you pull out the trash without putting in new bags, empty the urns without starting the rebrew, and opening boxes of coffee cakes without putting them in the case? it does NO good. in fact, it makes the store messier. so please, please, PLEASE finish up a task before heading into the next.

less means more (work)

latest word from the bean tree is that howard has decided to be proactive about our profit losses. so he has figured out a way to help save money, and therefore save our company.
"is he finally getting rid of those sandwiches brat hates so much?" you might be asking.
"i bet he's realized that brewing coffee every half hour means a lot of wasted dollars down the drain." some of you might have deduced.
unfortunately for all of us, the corner mr. schultz has decided to cut is labor.

that's right.
you see - apparently he's learned (over his decades in the business) that when your customers are already unhappy with your products and your service, the best thing to do is cut labor. that nothing will get those profit margins up like having less workers on the floor to serve drinks and deep clean. that you customers won't mind a bit having to wait longer in dirtier stores for your beverages that have been made by baristas who are overworked and micromanaged.

i guess it's a good thing howard didn't ask my opinion about how to get our stock value back up, because if he had i never would have suggested running the store with less labor. you see - i would have made the sorry and misguided decision to cut costs by not keeping a fully stocked pastry case all day long, which leads to hundreds of dollars a week in expired pastries that have to be thrown away.
i would NOT have spent the money to re-tool all the espresso machines - especially since those very machines that were re-tooled are being replaced by brand new espresso machines (that i'm sure cost a pretty penny).
and yes, i would have gotten rid of those damn ovens!

i guess i just don't see the long term cost benefits of having less employees on the floor to do the same (if not more, in some cases) amount of work.
i don't see how it would appeal to a customer to spend their hard earned money at an establishment that doesn't seem to care anymore about quality or service.
it seems that all the things that made bux so great (for the barista AND the customer) are being phased and/or forced out - only to be replaced by mediocrity at best.
i'm sorry, but i don't know any regular customers that come to bux because the coffee is "so great". they come, day after day, because of the connection they have with their baristas.
well - if this connection is no longer possible, then what reason do they have to keep coming back?

barista rant: please do not play 'whack-a-mole' with your beverage at my bar. i know it seems like it will be lots of fun to jam your straw into your iced beverage one-handed, but when you miss and end up spilling the entire contents of your drink all over my bar - well, fun is the last word to describe it. please use both hands to poke your straw through the lid, that way you won't have to wait for me to remake your beverage, and i won't have to wish a pox upon your house.

'tis the season

we baristas are now officially in the swing of holiday, which of course means our customers have started to behave rather poorly under the guise of 'the season'.
already we've seen an increase in rudeness, selfishness, and rage - and we know it's only going to get worse.

the first wench of christmas was an older women, smartly dressed, and with her phone glued to her ear. when she made it to the front of the line she decided her call was far too important to put on hold and ordered her drink in between a shower of "i don't believe it!", "then what did you say?" and "uh-huhs".
when the register partner tried to verify the order, the wench just waved her off and rolled her eyes, clearly upset that her conversation was being interrupted. so register partner marked the cup to the best of her understanding and handed phone wench her receipt.

well, wouldn't you know - not two seconds after i handed phone wench her drink, did she erupt with "this is NOT what i ordered!".
mind you, she was still on the phone, so when i informed her that i could remake her drink, so long as she told me what it was she wanted, she didn't hear a thing. instead she huffed and started yelling into the phone about how incompetent bux baristas are.
then she looked at her receipt and growled that she'd been charged for the wrong size.
"i can give you the difference - it's no problem," the register partner offered, but of course this fell on the deaf ear that didn't have a phone attached to it.
"this is ridiculous!" phone wench bitched into the receiver and huffed her way out of the store.
"that's what happens when you order WHILE talking on the phone!" i called out to her.
of course, she didn't hear a word.

we also saw an increase in energy with the school kids that filter in for their frappuccinos and raspberry waters. they are so excited about their upcoming two week vacation that they are bouncing off the walls, even without the aid of caffeine. not only are they boisterous and loud, but they are extremely clumsy. we've had to rebuild our holiday display twice since last friday, and we've had to mark out four ceramic mugs that were broken to bits because these kids are kinetic nightmares.
well, at least they've been more polite than the older patrons.

partner rant: are you deaf? how can you not hear that annoying 'beep-beep-beep' coming from the coffee timer? i was on my break in the back room and i STILL heard it. you are standing less than two feet away from the damn thing! it's not enough that you've apparently learned to tune it out. the whole reason it's beeping is to tell you to rebrew fresh coffee! so why the hell were you serving expired drips when i came back from break? oh, i know. because you just DON'T care.

lies, lies, lies - yeah

i know i've blogged before about lying customers who think baristas are the most gullible form of mankind on the planet, and how their untruths are as transparent as clingwrap, but since i've been back behind the bar it seems as if there has been an outbreak of dishonesty.
now really, do these people really think they're the first ones to come to the register with an empty cup and claim their beverage was made wrong?
that one of our baristas promised them three free drinks?
that they bought four pounds of coffee and accidentally left them in the lobby the day before?
that the manager 'from the other bux' said our bux would give them an espresso machine at a 50% discount?
that one of our baristas was so rude that our manager was going to give the customer ten free beverage coupons?
that they bought a sandwich the night before and it had a bug in it, just like the last four sandwiches they'd 'purchased'?
that the coupon they made using photoshop was approved for use by mr. schultz himself?

just last night i had this happen:
"uh, where's my drink?" skater dude asked the barista on bar.
now this was during my closing shift. i was the register partner, one barista was on break and the other barista was on bar. after ringing up all the customers in the store, i went to the backroom so i could fill milk carafes.
"what?" my fellow barista asked skater dude, finding it improbable that i would forget to mark a cup.
"my drink - i ordered a drink and you never made it." skater dude responded with much attitude.
"hang on just a sec," bar barista said to skater dude, then poking his head in the backroom asked, "hey brat - did this guy order a drink?"
i walked out of the backroom to find skater dude impatiently tapping his cell phone against the hand off bar.
"dude - you didn't order a thing." i practically spat, pissed that he was trying to run a game on us.
"yeah i did," he countered. "i ordered a venti -"
"no, you didn't." i interrupted him.
seeing he'd been caught, and we weren't stupid enough to believe him, he sheepishly walked out of the store muttering, "oh, i thought my friends bought me something."

and today this happened:
customer: "so, like, i called your corporate office because last week you guys overcharged my credit card by a hundred bucks. they told me that all i had to do was come back here and you'd give me a cash refund."
barista brat: *knowing full well this guy was a scammer* "i'm sorry, but i can't do anything on this end for you. if you're already talking with corporate about it, they should be able to help you out."
customer: "oh yes you can do something for me because your head offices said you have to."
barista brat: "sorry, no."
customer: "you do. i was on the phone with helen this morning and she said you had to give me the hundred back in cash."
barista brat: "if you like you can come back tomorrow when my manager is here -"
customer: "no! i don't have time to be running back here everyday! you guys OWE me. helen TOLD me that you HAVE to give me the money."
barista brat: "i'm sorry, but i don't have any authority to give you cash."
customer: "yes you do! HELEN gave you that authority!"
barista brat: "sorry, but my manager would be the best person to help you."
customer: "you ARE sorry."
barista brat: "yeah, have a great day."

barista rant: telling me how much fun it is to work with me, and how great you think i am will NOT blind me to the fact that you are the laziest of the lazies. smiling a lot and trying to be my buddy will not keep me from getting on your case every time i see you slacking. and offering to bake me a cake to welcome me back to the store (even though you were hired while i was away) is not enough of a bribe to make up for your bad work ethic. guess what? getting me to like you is the easiest thing in the world. all you have to do is your JOB.

my new bff

i'm back at bux and it's pretty much the same - except harder since my store lost some core people who were replaced by some pretty weak newbies. oi. and right before holiday as well.

my first shift back seemed like it would be pretty uneventful. my manager was nice and gave me a short shift to ease me back into the whole coffee slinging thing. in fact, the day would have been pretty much golden if it weren't for the borrowed partner who was scheduled to work with me.

now borrowed partners can either be really great, or really horrid.
sometimes they want to make such a great impression that they work very efficiently, or they have such great personalities and work ethics that they seamlessly blend in with our regular partners and customers.
but sometimes they are pissed they have to cover a shift at a store that's not their own, so they have bad attitudes, are lazy, or spend the entire day commenting on how much better their store is.

the borrowed partner i worked with is in a class all her own.
right from the beginning i knew she wasn't going to be stellar, but i was hopeful she would at least be decent. she's been with the company for a couple years so presumably she knew how to make drinks and ring up customers. she's also in her late forties, so i was hoping maturity wouldn't be an issue.
in between rushes, when baristas should be cleaning and restocking, she slid next to me and said in a hushed tone "i think i might be pregnant".
now, let me just say that although i consider myself a friendly person, and i welcome conversation, telling me that you might be pregnant when i don't even know you is waaaaaaay too much information for this brat. really, all i want you to do is work, capiche?

"my husband has been out of the country for three years," she continued in subdued tones, "and i know he has been cheating on me. i have been faithful for over twenty years, but i can only take so much, so i started going out to clubs - "
"can you refill the milk fridge?" i interrupted her, not knowing a better way to get her to quit her story.
seriously, i was in shock that she was pouring all this out to me.
me! a person, who ten minutes previous, was a complete stranger!
"and i met a man," she continued after re-stocking the fridge. "and it is nothing serious but i think i am pregnant. my son is going to kill me if i'm pregnant! but what else can it be? i am ten days late and i am nauseous."

now, i really didn't want to deal with this my first day back. all i wanted was her to do her job. maybe some light conversation about movies or music, but that's all. no shoe dropping. no maury povich moments. just two baristas making coffee and keeping a clean store.

"my husband doesn't even send me money, and now i might have someone else's baby. what do you think i should do?" she asked in a whisper.

are you serious?!?
what the hell?!?
not only does she confide in someone she doesn't know, but she asks what SHE should DO?
WHO does this?!?

"uh, i have NO idea." i answered - incredulous that i was even having this conversation. "why don't you go take a break." i suggested just to have her out of my hair.

when she came back from her break she again slid next to me to pour out her woes. i, as nicely as i could, informed her that we really didn't have time to talk since there was so much work that needed to be done. she seemed to understand, but not two minutes later she had cornered barista buddy and again was whispering to a stranger that she thought she was pregnant. and when barista buddy made it clear this was not a conversation he wanted to be a part of, she started telling customers about her problems - still in that same hushed tone that made it seem like she wanted it kept a secret.
lady! it's no secret if you tell it to the whole world, no matter how low you keep your voice!

to maintain my sanity i put her on dish duty in the backroom and kept her there until her shift was over. i wasn't trying to be mean, but really, this lady had no clue as to what was appropriate. and being well into her forties you'd think she'd figure out that bux is certainly not the place to field advice about out of wedlock babies. at least it shouldn't be.
"welcome back, brat!" barista buddy laughed after she'd left. "by the way," he whispered, "i think i'm PREGNANT!"

barista rant: we don't mind that, although you're homeless, you come in and use our bathroom - especially since you are usually respectful and are relatively clean. but you may not panhandle in our store. it is NOT ok to ask customers if they will buy you a cup of coffee or a sandwich. and if someone is nice enough to buy you a meal, don't come back twenty minutes later and expect us to give you a cash refund because you didn't like the sandwich!

district manage-errors

next week i will again be a barista, so this post will be yet another customer rant:

i know how much it sucks when the district and regional manager come to visit (re: scrutinize) a store. not only are all the baristas and managers on edge, but the higher ups always seem to forget that we actually have a store to run. they will continually pull a barista off task to wipe down the lobby chairs, dust the light fixtures, or clean a coffee spill near the outside dumpster. they turn a blind eye to the line of customers waiting for service. they ignore the fact that there is one barista on bar and fifteen drinks on deck. and they blame the store manager for everything - even things beyond their power.

i understand these higher ups have a job to do, and that they want their stores to look perfect, but they must remember that customers don't come in to bux to admire the bean displays. they come in for their beverages and they don't want to wait an inordinate amount of time to partake of them.

it should be apparent to the higher ups that we baristas HATE these visits because it is literally like throwing a wrench into the cogs of an already strained machine. it ruins our mood to be nitpicked, it breaks our flow, and it annoys the customers.

and today it really annoyed THIS customer.

not only did it take an eon to place my order - it took three times as long to get my drink. and it wasn't because the baristas were being slow and lazy. in fact the two baristas on the floor were busting their asses to stay afloat.
the reason?
barista #3 was scraping gum from underneath the hand off bar.
barista #4 was cleaning the grout in the backroom.
and the store manager had been pulled off the floor so the district manager could relay to him everything that was wrong with the rtd case.
such as the vitamin waters had some of their labels facing off center, one of the organic chocolate milks was missing a straw, and one of the protein trays was on the wrong shelf.

now, i understand that these things need to be taken care of - but NOT when you have a line to the door and only two baristas actually working the floor. unfortunately district and regional managers are rarely aware of what working as a barista is really like, and even if they once knew they have blocked out the memories.

i felt really bad for the manager and his employees at this bux. visits like this always suck - for them AND for the customers.

not-so-secret shopper

i've taken a much needed break from bux.
for the past few months i've been a customer only, and not a barista. soon i will have to return to my place behind the bar, but i must say that i have truly enjoyed my time away from my store. and although i've always believed myself to be very in tune with the feelings of my customers, i have now a more complete perspective of their experiences.
yes - i have walked a mile in their caffeine-deprived shoes, which is why this post will be a huge customer rant.

rant #1 -
there is really no reason - NO REASON - why i should have to wait six minutes for my second beverage. especially when both beverages are americanos and only require espresso and water. i can't fathom what possible justification you might have for making my first americano, then ignoring my second to make three frappuccinos that were ordered AFTER mine. did you need a break from pulling espresso shots, or are you just really daft?

rant #2 -
i am fully aware that some customers can be rude jerks, but i am not one of them. in fact, i smiled when i walked up to your register and politely ordered my beverage like so: "hi, i'd like a tall, roomy americano, please."
what is so offensive about that?
seriously, i'd like to know because the stinkeye you gave me really seemed out of line. as did the "you want WHAT in your americano?". and the fact that you did not hand me back my change, but dropped it on the counter while bellowing out "NEXT!" to the customer behind me. i do not expect you to kiss my butt, but a modicum of tact would be much appreciated.

rant #3 -
your. bathroom. is. disgusting.

rant #4 -
i appreciate the fact that you are cleaning the condiment bar, i really do. and i REALLY appreciate the fact that you are changing out the milk containers. what i don't appreciate is watching my coffee turn cold while i wait for you to bring out the new milk containers. instead you decided it was a perfect time to go outside and chat with one of your friends and take pictures on your cell phone.
and when i asked the barista for some half and half, he just pointed at you and said "she's bringing it" when clearly you were on an unofficial break.
please finish your tasks before slacking off, yeah?

rant #5 -
i understand that training in necessary, but if you're going to put a newbie on bar, please let there be a more experienced barista there to double bar, especially when the line waiting for beverages is three times as long as the line waiting to order. it is NOT time effective when the newbie has to ask the person on register "how do i make this?" every time she picks up a cup. i saw three drinks that went out wrong, and you know what? those three customers didn't bother to let the newbie know because they didn't have the time to wait for a remake - not that the second drink would have been made correctly anyway.

rant #6 -
i know it's fun to work with your friends. in fact that's one of the reasons i love working at my store. however - please be polite and professional enough to take a break from your conversation to take my order. just because you are avoiding making eye contact with me while i wait at the register does not mean you can finish your chatfest uninterrupted. you are, remember, getting paid to work. you are not getting paid to gossip - that is just a perk.

rant #7 -
please do not clean the wax out of your ears while on register. ever.

i've really enjoyed my life as a "civilian" but very soon i will be back behind the bar with more rants.

shock and uh

one of the best things about working for bux is interacting with our regular customers. most of them are awesome (not just because they tip well and give us gifts during the holidays) and it really means a lot to know that we baristas have a hand in making their days just a little bit better.
because these regulars are so comfortable with us, they talk quite freely with us about pretty much anything that crosses their minds. often times our conversations are mostly innocuous. but on occasion, our customers will say things that leave us baristas with our mouths agape, wondering if we really heard what we thought we heard.

for instance:

one of our regulars had been absent from our bux for several weeks.
brat: hey matt! where've you been? we haven't seen you for awhile.
matt: hey brat, i just got back from israel.
brat: cool, was it for vacation?
matt: yeah, it was great. you ever been to israel?
brat: no. i have friends who tell me i should, but to be honest i'm kind of nervous.
matt: oh, all that bombing stuff is exaggerated. just make sure you fly el-al when you do go.
brat: yeah, i heard el-al is one of the safest airlines.
matt: it is - because we really know how to smoke out those arab terrorists!
brat: ...........

we also have an elderly man who comes in every afternoon on his rascal scooter. he's really a character, talking to anyone who'll listen. he also uses his scooter as an assault vehicle on anyone who gets in his way. the other day i was on register when he ordered his coffee.
mr. rascal: heya, give me a cup of coffee for here and one of those marble cakes. make sure there's plenty of chocolate on the marble cake, alright?
brat: no problem.
i held up a couple slices for him to inspect before placing the one he wanted into a pastry bag.
brat: here you go.
mr. rascal: i just got back from visiting my brother and sister-in-law.
brat: did you have fun?
mr. rascal: oh yeah, they made sure i got plenty of chocolate while i was there.
brat: that's nice.
mr. rascal: you know - it's true what they say about chocolate.
brat: what, that it's a natural anti-depressant?
mr. rascal: no! what, are you dumb? chocolate makes you horny!
brat: (laughing) uh, o.k.

one of my fellow baristas was at the condiment bar when a regular walked over to put sugar in her coffee.
customer: i love this store, you guys always work so hard and it's so much cleaner than the store down the street.
barista: thanks, we try!
customer: plus, i like the patrons here better.
barista: yeah, we have a pretty good batch of customers.
customer: the other day i was late for work so i just ran into that other starbucks. what a mistake!
barista: really? what happened?
customer: well, you know how that store is crawling with armenians?
barista: uh......
customer: well, there were these two guys in line in front of me that seriously just stepped off the boat.
barista: uh......
customer: they kept asking for 'latte coffees' and the poor barista kept trying to explain the difference between a latte and a coffee, but they just kept ordering 'latte coffees'. so she rang them up for two lattes. i guess that's not what they wanted because when they picked up their drinks, they took a sip, started yelling in armenian and threw their lattes on the floor! i felt so sorry for the baristas working that had to deal with those f.o.b.s!
barista: uh.......

and my personal favorite -
customer: how many shots of espresso can you put into a venti drip?
barista buddy: we can pretty much add as many shots as you'd like.
customer: is five shots too many?
barista buddy: not if you like it very strong.
customer: it's not the flavor i care about. i just need to jumpstart this guy. (he starts pointing to his crotch)
barista buddy: *tries very hard to complete the transaction without looking at the customer's crotch*

barista rant: don't come and complain to me about another customer sitting in "your seat". if you haven't already noticed - there is no assigned seating in our cafe. there are no rsvp signs, and no hierarchy that guarantees you get your favorite chair by the window every time you come to drink your mocha. don't bitch and moan to me, telling me i should have "seen you coming" and let the customer know that they'd have to find another seat. that's not my job, and if having your own personal spot to place your butt is so damn important to you - then go home!

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

as per every six months, my manager sat down with me recently to go over my review. now, i never sweat these things because i'm very good at what i do, and my managers know it. in fact, my reviews are always very short and sweet because there's never any need for clarification or discussion.
this review, however, was by far the most entertaining one i've ever had.
of course i scored very high, and of course my raise was deserved, but there was one comment my manager made that had me in stitches.
under "areas of opportunity" my manager wrote:
'brat needs to be more welcoming of new policies and needs to embrace change within the company.'

i tell you, i let out a roar of laughter when i read that.
you see, i don't deny that i've been resistant to the 'new and improved' changes bux has been making. in fact, i've been quite vocal within my store concerning the ridiculous (in my opinion) decisions howard has made since his re-coronation as ceo.
not only do these new decisions add more work (with no additional labor allotted) for baristas, but they also are money-wasters.
seriously.
does anyone remember that failure called 'chantico'?
now the latest thing is our vivannos, which have not been the smashing success we baristas were supposed to make them.
and remember when howard said he was getting rid of the the breakfast sandwiches? well, he's not. they are here to stay, and will be joined by oatmeal.
that's right.
we will soon be selling oatmeal as part of our breakfast menu.
'but what about the coffee, howard?!?' you might have heard me scream.
well, his answer is this: protein lattes.

i. kid. you. not.

oh yeah - coming soon bux will be offering protein lattes for those customers who feel the milk in their beverage is just not enough protein in their cups.
now maybe it's me. maybe i'm the one that's totally off base. perhaps there are a million people out there who sigh each time they take a sip of their bux beverage and think "oh, if only this latte had five more grams of protein - THEN my life would be perfect!"
or maybe this will be yet another promotion that will be pushed, then forgotten.
and, to top it all off, those horrendous chanticos have gone through a metamorphosis and will return as 'signature hot chocolates'. which again means more work for the baristas with no added labor to the schedule.

seriously, howard needs to work an hour in my store - or any store - so he can see the reality of what is going on in bux. sending us memos and dvds with 'inspirational' tripe which supposedly reiterate his passion for coffee is NOT cutting it with us baristas. we don't believe it anymore. his actions do not match his words.
but maybe it's just me. maybe i just need to find bux redemption in the bottom of an oatmeal cup.

barista rant: are you blind, or just passive aggressive? first you literally PUSHED me out of your way while i was cleaning up the condiment bar. excuse me for assuming you'd like to prepare your coffee at a clean spot. then you rolled your eyes because i was restocking the napkins. seriously - it took me all of 5 seconds to fill the napkin dispenser, so why the attitude? and then, after i'd cleaned and stocked, you decided that spilling nonfat milk all over the counter was apparently justified. not only that, you grabbed a napkin to wrap around your cup, yet left that nasty spill in plain sight. it took all my control to keep from calling you a cow to your face.

the steve urkel of starbucks

blogger hates me....it really does. it ate yesterday's post so i'll have to start anew.

for the past few months my schedule has been very consistent at bux. this means i normally see the same customers each week and work with the same baristas. occasionally, however, i'll work with a barista that i barely know.
for months i've been hearing complaints about the latest transfer to our store. she was hired (i believe) because she wouldn't need to be trained like a newbie, but on day one it was apparent to everyone that she knew next to nothing about making drinks. she also is compulsively late to her shifts, with each "reason" being more fantastic than the previous one.

"my power went out!" was the excuse she gave for her first bout of tardiness.
"the police blocked off my street and i couldn't leave until they searched my car!" was what we were told the next week.
then the stories got more elaborate:
"my dog was throwing up all night and i had to take him to the emergency hospital. in fact, he might die, i'm not sure, but i'm supposed to make sure he gets his medication every three hours, so can i leave early?"
"oh my god! i accidentally switched phones with my sister and when i set the alarm i didn't realize it was on pm and not on am. that's also why i didn't answer when you called me!"
"my car broke down and the taxi service says they won't come pick me up because i only have a credit card and their only available taxis are cash only. and the bus that comes near my house just changed the schedule so i won't be able to get there for at least another couple hours!"

but her tardiness is not the only reason for complaints. she's loud, annoying, just stands in front of the register, gets in the way of those actually working, and tries to become your new bff within the first five minutes of meeting you. if you correct her, or ask her to do something she squeals "my bad! i'll do better next time!" only to continue in her usual habit of laziness.

so, when i found out i'd be working several hours with her this past weekend, i wasn't that enthused. however, i'm used to dealing with lazy baristas, so i figured it really wouldn't be THAT much more work to deal with her.
how. wrong. was. i.

if it were just the fact that i had to tell her what to do every five minutes, it wouldn't have been that bad - but having to listen to her run her mouth non-stop was really draining. whether she was chatting with the customers, or trying to talk to us baristas, it was physically exhausting to just be around her while she had the mouth runs. and it wasn't that she was just talking to hear herself talk - she definitely wanted an audience who would give her feedback and input.
i'm sorry, but i'm just not that patient and/or compassionate to deal with the issues of someone i hardly know, and really don't like.

"good god, is this what you have to deal with everyday?" i asked superlead after our new annoying partner had left for the day.
"actually, she was tolerable today. usually it's much, much worse."
"maybe it's just because she's young that she's so immature." i tried to reason.
"uh, she's not that young." superlead gave me a look. "she's in her thirties."
"you're friggen' kidding me." i couldn't believe superlead was telling the truth.
"seriously, she's way old enough to know that her behaviour is NOT how you influence people and gain friends."

which brought me to a strange sort of quandary. on the one hand i feel bad for her. socially she is totally inept. it's clear she wants to be liked, and not feel like an outsider, but she is going about it in a way that only alienates her more. which leads to the other hand - she has been on this planet long enough to know that her method of social interaction clearly does NOT work. that forcing herself onto other people is NOT the way you make new friends. and that being lazy and making up dumb excuses certainly isn't going to make her any more popular.

so, i guess i'm just counting myself lucky that i don't have to work with her all that often, and when i do i guess i'll just try to deal. like always.

barista rant: i'm sick of you scammers trying to get things for free, and then threatening my job because i won't comply! so what, you spent thirty dollars on a gift card last week. so what, you claim my manager gave you a free drink because you threw thirty bucks down for that gift card. firstly, i don't believe he gave you a free drink. secondly, no matter how much you bitch, you're not getting a free drink for buying another card. thirdly, i don't care if you call my manager to complain about me and try to get me fired. we don't give away free drinks when you buy a gift card! if you really got a free drink last time, consider yourself lucky and don't threaten to get me in trouble because i'm doing my job!!!

customer comeuppance

for the most part my bux has some really great customers. of course, we get our share of caffeine addicts that believe our only mission in life to serve them in a manner suited for ramses the great. no matter how accommodating we baristas try to be, these customers are dead set on being annoyed by everything we do (and do correctly, i might add).
i've been in my green apron long enough to know that these people are just outright jerks and nothing i do will make them happy. the poor newbies, however, who are blindsided by these vicious customers are usually rendered useless for a few minutes and have to compose themselves in the backroom until they are 'strong' enough to continue making drinks and ringing customers. it really is trial by fire, and unfortunately we can't always tell which customers will be the pains and which will be the angels.

in the past week we've had a couple gems to deal with. and yes, the poor newbies did take the brunt of the abuse, but at least there was some sweet justice that followed:

- on a busy friday morning one of our newbies was having a very difficult time with a picky customer. this customer wanted a "perfect pastry" from the case and made the newbie offer each pastry up for inspection.
"that one is too small!" she'd complain. "that one isn't square enough!", "that one doesn't look flavorful enough!". i swear, i thought she was auditioning for the role of friggen' goldilocks. finally when she 'settled' for a less than perfect pastry, she repeated an equally annoying process when ordering her drink. not only did she give newbie very specific instructions to write on the cup, but she micromanaged every single letter he wrote and demanded to inspect the cup after he'd marked it.
"what the hell is this?!?" she asked, upset that newbie wrote "3=" in the custom box instead of "3 equals" and made him rewrite the whole damn order on a new cup.
while waiting for her drink, she accused newbie of giving her the wrong pastry, and demanded deafeningly he change it for a better one. by the time her drink was ready, newbie was on the verge of a breakdown. after arguing with another person at the condiment bar, picky customer finally left our bux. upon exiting the store, she tripped over her own feet and dropped her perfectly marked drink as she tried to catch the pastry she'd flung through the air. the pastry landed in a puddle of water, and her drink spilled all over the sidewalk.
"FUCK IT!" she screamed and got in her car and drove away.

- my bux parking lot is very cramped and busy. now, i'm not a road rage sort of person, but i do expect other people to obey traffic rules. even though i had the right of way, a bitch in a white bmw decided the red octagon with the white letters that spelled out "STOP" was not intended for her. she gunned her motor and pulled directly in front of me, cutting me off and gesticulating wildly the whole time. i could only laugh because of how ridiculously she was behaving.
as she waited to pull into a spot directly in front of my store i managed to squeeze my car past hers, park in a vacant spot only ten feet away, and enter my store before she'd had a chance to complete her parking job.
because of her actions in the parking lot i was not surprised to see her stomp into my bux, huff about the loooong line (seriously, there were only two people ahead of her), and then demand her drink be made quickly because she was in such a hurry. now, i could have been a horrid barista and made her a disgusting drink, but i decided it would be much more poetic if i had a newbie make her drink instead - since i was sure it would take newbie twice as long. of course, the bitch with the bmw was quite vocal about having to wait, and i just smiled sweetly and explained that we had a new partner training on the bar. then bitch with the bmw got a call on her cell phone and went outside for ten minutes, while her drink sat on the hand-off counter.
when she came back into the store, she complained that the drink was too cool and wanted it made again because she comes in "all the time!" (and no - none of us baristas had ever seen her before). so of course i let newbie make her drink for the second time. surprise, surprise, bitch in the bmw wasn't happy with drink #2 either. so it was made a third time (still not by me, of course) and she still wasn't happy with it, but since we'd "wasted so much of her time" she took it anyway and angrily drove off.
awww, sweet schadenfreude!

partner rant: ok. i understand that part of my job requires me to 'talk up' new beverages and products we sell. and i know another part of my job requires me to participate in store meetings where we learn and discuss these new products. but when we baristas (rightfully) voice our concerns and doubts about our new fruit blended drinks, we should not be berated, nor blamed for the past failures of the bigwigs in seattle. telling us the reason breakfast sandwiches and chantico drinks went bust was because we baristas were not "solidly behind the product" is a bunch of bull. no matter how much we may try to convince our customers to try something new (or even lie to them and tell them how much we love it) will NOT ensure that customers will go ga-ga over a mcmuffin ripoff or a small cup of melted chocolate. in fact, give us baristas credit for the fact we all successfully predicted how terribly those new products would be received instead of using us as the scapegoat for how poorly our company is doing at present.