pot belly

in a previous post i mentioned my latest headache: doobie newbie. i wish i could say that since that post he's improved immensely, but that would be so very far from the truth.

now, doobie newbie is a very nice guy. he comes in to each of his shifts with a smile on his face and a sincere 'how are you?' to each of his fellow partners. unfortunately his good mood has to be attributed to the fact that he is either lit, or will be getting lit shortly after work. it is painfully obvious to us baristas that doobie newbie is not a good fit for bux, that he's only working a job so that he can fund his habit, and that he has no interest in doing his apron proud. unfortunately management is either really clueless, or purposely turning a blind eye to all this.

for my past three shifts i have been stuck 're-training' doobie newbie. sure, he's already had two learning coaches, and yes he's been given ample time to learn drink recipes, but as you probably already well guessed - the boy is greener than al gore.
my patience is being tried like it's never been tried before. several other baristas have already 'washed their hands' of doobie newbie, saying it's easier to work around him than work with him.

"brat, did you hear what he did this time?" is the first thing i now hear when i start my workday.
"he just stands there like an idiot! he doesn't know his ass from his brain!" bitter old man will huff.
"seriously, i don't think this is the right line of work for him." awesomely amazing barista generously concedes.

sometimes it seems as if doobie newbie wants nothing more than to fail.
"how many pumps of vanilla are in a tall vanilla latte?" i quizzed him for the millionth time this morning.
"uh, one." he answered while jangling the change in his pocket.
"remember what the general rule for syrups is?" i smiled encouragingly, hoping he'd dust off his neural pathways.
"uh, no." he smiled back at me.
"ok, generally the rule is 3-4-5 for hot drinks. that means three pumps for a tall, four pumps for a grande and five pumps for a venti. so, how many pumps go into a tall vanilla latte?"
"vanilla?" he answered my question with another question.
"yeah, how many pumps of vanilla go into a tall vanilla latte?"
"vanilla goes into a vanilla latte, right?"
"yes." i took a deep breath so that i could remain calm. "the general syrup rule for hot drinks is 3-4-5, so how many pumps of vanilla syrup would you put in a tall vanilla latte?"
"uh, five." he smiled again.
"remember - three pumps for a tall, four pumps for a grande and five pumps for a venti. so, how many pumps go into a tall?"
"i don't remember."
"three." i told him through gritted teeth. "three pumps of vanilla are in a tall vanilla latte. again - how many pumps are in a tall vanilla latte?"
"it gets vanilla!" he beamed, so proud of himself.

i swear, this guy makes sean penn in 'i am sam' look like a friggen' rhodes scholar.

barista rant: don't bitch at me because there's no soy milk at the condiment bar. don't complain about how 'eco-unfriendly' bux is because we don't have a designated pitcher of soy milk at your disposal. first - how the hell does having a pitcher of soy milk at the condiment bar make one 'eco-friendly'. second - it would be MORE wasteful for us to constantly supply soy milk at the condiment bar since we have to DUMP any left over milk after thirty minutes time! and third - you nitwit! all you had to do was ask for some soy milk and we would have given it to you. the time you wasted bitching at me could have been spent enjoying your damn coffee!