heard it through the bux line

*update*
vanishing barista has been found. ten points for those of you who knew he'd get back together with his abusive girlfriend. of course there was one relationship that was destroyed forever, and that was his employment with bux. but believe it or not my manager was willing to give vanishing barista a second chance - who has no interest in working for the company anymore. BUT - in case some of you were curious as to what he would now do for work - he did turn in an application to our main competitors in town. we know this because they called my manager for references!

and now on to our regularly scheduled post:
the best baristas always have their ears open. if you're on register you should have one ear listening to the customer and the other ear listening to your floater. if you are on bar you should have one ear open towards the people waiting for their drinks and one open towards the register partners when they yell out "soy!", "extra-hot nonfat!" or "grande cappuccino!". many a time i've been on bar and caught mis-marked cups because both my ears were open and i heard the customer request no foam, extra shots, or decaf when my register partner was oblivious.

sometimes, because both ears are open, we hear parts of conversations that we really wish we hadn't heard.

"oh my god, it was so painful!" a customer said in a low voice to her girlfriend. "since it was a woman gynecologist i totally expected her to be gentle, but she was rougher than the guy that took my virginity!"

"mommy!" a little boy howled in pain. "sara just punched me in the peanuts! HARD!"

"who cares if it fell on the floor?" a woman said into her cell phone. "just rinse it off and serve it anyway. that's what i always do."

"i can't believe i just paid two bucks for this crappy coffee." a businessman told his associate. "my secretary back at the office makes it a hundred times better than this. maybe i should give her a raise."

"that guy on register would totally be cute if he didn't have such a gut." a high schooler gossiped to her friend.

"so then i told her there IS a right and wrong way to do things!" an elder woman told her equally aged friend. "and if she can't learn to do it right, then maybe i should give her part of the inheritance to the mormon temple!"

but the funniest/most shocking thing i've heard all week came out of doobie newbie's mouth.
customer: "just a tall drip and the paper."
doobie newbie: "james, how are you?"
customer: *blank stare*
doobie newbie: "you don't remember me? i'm edward's friend.
customer: *blank stare continues*
doobie newbie: "i met you last semester on campus. you had just bought a new bike but it had a flat tire, so you asked edward if you could use his cell phone to call your girlfriend."
customer: "uh, yeah. i vaguely remember that."
doobie newbie: "it was right after your math class, remember? because you'd just taken a calculus final."
customer: "wow - that's a trip that you can remember all that."
doobie newbie: "oh, i have an amazing memory. in fact, it's kind of what i'm known for!"

partner rant: ok, so i understand you're stressed because the district manager is going to be visiting, but that doesn't mean you can go off on all the baristas! i know that as an assistant manager you have more responsibilities than the rest of us, but for grounds' sake keep your cool! reminding us five times a minute that 'the store has to be perfect! don't you realize the district manager is coming?!?' will not push us to work harder or faster. in fact, all the energy you spend freaking out can be spent scrubbing the grout.