12.14.2006

many happy returns

'tis the season to turn new tricks!

i'm lucky to be in a small store where our retail shelves are directly across from the registers. that means it's harder for people to steal mugs, cups and french presses they will try and return for cash at other stores. that doesn't mean they don't make an attempt, though.

last night i noticed a guy pacing back and forth in front of my bux. he kept peeking his head through the door but never actually decided to come inside. it wasn't until we had a rush that i noticed him at the back of the line. when he made it to the register he handed me two travel mugs.

"i got these yesterday but now i don't want them." he informed me. "i left my receipt at home but i paid cash."

now usually at this point i have to go through the motions of telling the customer what our return policy is, yadda, yadda, yadda - but since i'd seen him checking out our store for twenty minutes (minus the two travel mugs, mind you) i knew he'd waited until there were people in the store so he wouldn't be so conspicuous when he grabbed the mugs. since i knew what the game was, and since there was still a long line behind him, all i did was point to our security camera. apparently that was enough because he walked right out of the store, leaving the two travel mugs on the counter.

then there was the lady who really wanted a cup off coffee, but REALLY didn't want to pay for it. she started off by trying to chat me up - telling me about her troubles (her mother is terminally ill), about her business (she sells houses), about her kid (he hates math) and about her boyfriend (he shut off her cell service because they had an argument). when i wasn't completely won over by her charming repartee she switched tactics and gave me the full run-down of her last horrible experience at bux (the barista was rude, the coffee was cold and she was overcharged).

"dollar fifty-five, please" was my response after listening to her drone on and on.
"oh!" she seemed almost surprised that i'd asked her for money. "well, i know i have a gift card here somewhere." she said as she started digging through her gigantic bag.

first she pulled out her planner to show me how busy she is. then she pulled out her business card holder to show me how many contacts she has. next came a ziploc baggie containing costume jewelry, which she then modeled and offered to sell to me. finally she located her wallet and pulled out the gift card, but then she started talking about the jewelry and put the gift card BACK into her wallet which she put BACK into her bag!

"i could give you a really good deal on these rings," she smiled at me.
i smiled right back and repeated, "dollar fifty-five".
"it's somewhere in my bag," she began digging again.
"it's in your wallet behind your discover card," i said flatly, ready to pull it out for her.

she finally handed over the card, but of course there less than a dollar balance. when i asked her if she had any cash she gave me a repeat performance of "the amazing endless bag search".

my perky assistant manager ended up giving me a mug award for my tireless patience.

barista rant: do not pick up the toys in the donated gift basket, hand them to me and ask if i have any more left in the back. bux is not a toy store. we have never sold super-soakers or leggos. when i explained that the basket in front of you is for DONATIONS, you pursed your lips and bitched that there should be some sort of sign. so of course i pointed to the sign, to which your only response was "give me the directions to the nearest toy shop".
lump of coal for you, woman!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now it's normally really annoying when people don't have their payment ready but WOW, this woman took the cake for it!

You definitely deserved that Mug Award Brat, keep it up!

Anonymous said...

It never fails to amaze me what people do to get a free drink. She's lucky she ain't got me behind her in the queue! I might have just given her that dollar fifty-five and asked her to shove it. LOL. Another great post - love ya for that.

Natalie said...

Oh drat, and I was just going to go to my nearest bux to shop for toys for my kids. I guess I'll have to change plans.

Plain(s)feminist said...

That reminds me of a student I once had. His friend found an error in an exam I had graded and got a higher grade after pointing it out to me. So this student came to my office for half an hour, telling me that he thought I'd made a mistake. He wanted partial credit for everything, and he mistakenly thought that he could argue his way to a higher grade. We went through nearly every one of the countless wrong answers he'd given until he got tired of sitting there and actually learning and finally gave up and left.

I've often thought that I should have given him partial credit just for persistence alone.

And you, Brat, should definitely get partial credit for yours! Good on ya!

Anonymous said...

You know, the lady who can't pay, and the guy with the mugs...they don't surprise me. HOWEVER, the donated toy bin? That disgusts me....absolutely disgusts me.

Anonymous said...

You are great, and deserve a prize for all this crap. I only hope that those two "attempted" freeloaders get the help that they need, because they sound nuts, as well as Ms. Toys-R-Us...how do people like her actually do things like, oh, pay bills, get to work on time, do the laundry....life skills are seriously lacking.

Thy said...

wow.

she held up the whole line
told you your life story

so she wouldnt have to pay for a dollar something drink.

amazing.

Thy said...

wow.

she held up the whole line
told you your life story

so she wouldnt have to pay for a dollar something drink.

amazing.

Anonymous said...

I like the way you said "nothing" but just pointed to the security camera. BRILLIANT!!!

And I don't know where you got the patience to deal with the woman who didn't want to pony up the dollar and a half for her cup of coffee. If I were you, I'd have poured that hot coffee on the woman's head, pulled off my apron, and quit!

Melanie

Writeprocrastinator said...

First...

Coffee Mug Perp: Who are you?!
BB: I am Bat Brat!

Second...

Tell the "Real Estate Agent" to live within in her means, then she could afford a cup of coffee. I was just telling a coworker about having to work in different Safeway stores to get my hours, as back then, the contract stated that your store only had to guarantee you a minimum of sixteen hours a week.

There used to be a "bad check" list before they installed the Cashex system, which indentified people who wrote bad checks using their driver's license number. The list for the one suburb where houses cost $50,000 more than the neighboring suburbs, was four times as long as the others.

Third...

I've got this figured out. You need a trapdoor and a holding cage under the store.

People touch the tip jar? whoosh

People try to rip the store off? whoosh

People try to raid the toy bin? That's right...

Anonymous said...

I can't believe she would filch from the toy basket! Lump of coal indeed...

Libbe said...

I think I want to get a job at a bux simply for the entertainment potential! People are so funny!

Anonymous said...

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/99005/the_starbuckizing_of_america_the_benefits.html

"My friend, the addict, can walk into any Starbucks anywhere and ask for his venti, yabba dabba do, ipso facto, dingo, flatso, zipidee doo dah, flangie whopper with extra soy sauce or whatever the hell he gets and it will come out the exact same way every time. To some people this is a bad thing, to me, this is a comforting thing."

To each their own, I guess..

Anonymous said...

Brat

Thank you so much for the entertainment. I love how often you post. You are a little blip of wonderment in my day. The things you have to put up with. Geesh.


Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Ah, the creativity and sheer audacity of mischevious and/or criminal minds never cease to amaze me! My first job was in a movie theater. You should see the machinations teenagers will go through to get you to believe they're 17 and "legal" to see an R-rated movie. Or they'll just sneak in.... Thanks for the amusement.

Eric said...

Hey Brat,
I have yet to read your post and just wanted to drop a line to say no worries not hijacking my posts. any comments from my 3 readers bring me joy.
We live in Seattle and have been without power since Friday morning due to the storm. I am at work posting since the house is still dark and cold. My wife had a great Idea. Linemen and splicers come from all over the region to help out in a crisis like this. Thank god for the Local Bux in Columbia City where they had power and thank god for the big boxes of coffee that are available. It helps it really does. But here was Lorraines idea, if they can send linemen from out of state, they should be able to get volunteer Baristas from out of state to help in the crisis. I mean the lines were horrific. :)
OK I must go and use the company shower before my morning meetings. Then Ill come back and enjoy your post.

Peter said...

So did the lady finally pay? All that B.S. over a dollar fifty five. God, that's pathological.

Brat, you tell a great story and always bring a sharp perspective. But when I read these stories I get so mad. I'm fantasizing an ending to this one which i find calming: "She looked through her bag once more as I reached for the Starbucks Brand shotgun under the counter. I took aim at her forehead and said calmly, "Don't bother Mam, this one's on the house."

barista brat said...

skavoovee - yeah, i EARNED that mug award!

yvonne - if there was a line behind her, i wouldn't have been that nice.

natalie - haha, sorry to disappoint you!

plain(s)feminist - YOU deserve a mug award!

tracy - yeah, the toy bin lady really took the cake.

anonymous - i ask myself that all the time as well.

thy - luckily there wasn't a line.

melanie - that IS a fantasy of mine.

writeprocrastinator - haha, i need to hire you to write the script of my life!

jenny - and the fact she was pissed at ME about it!

not enough drama - haha, it does keep me entertained, except for the times it makes me want to go postal.

anonymous - haha, too true.

anonymous - thank you for reading!

ate-to-the-bar - i can only IMAGINE the kind of scams that go down at the movie theatres.

eric - glad to hear you and the family are ok. and i think lorraine's idea is BRILLIANT! not only that, they should set up a table in the lobby just for drip coffee so those who want a quick fix wouldn't have to wait in the normal line.

peter - my fellow baristas and i always dream about our last day at bux. we fantasize about all the things we'd do/say to annoying customers.

James said...

ever-vigilant brat, if i ever decide to open up a coffee shop, you're the first person i'm going to call. also, i heard a rumor the other day that bux is getting rid of the gingerbread latte -- say it ain't so!