two for tuesday

at my bux we see all sorts of people coming in to get their coffee. many of them are repeat customers, and of those there are a couple that truly stand out.

we have this one woman who loves to touch everything. i mean EVERYTHING!
she walks into the store caressing whatever crosses her path: tables, chairs, people. whatever it might be, it gets touched. then before ordering her coffee she spends about fifteen minutes at our display, making sure all the mugs are perfectly spaced with our logo facing forward. chocolate bars must be right side up, tea boxes have to line up perfectly, and all mints must stand proudly. after perfecting the look of our merchandise, she finally decides to order her coffee.
her drink is always something easy, like a vanilla latte or a mocha, but she spends a ton of time talking to us - and touching us! she always wants to shake our hands and when she does she hangs onto it with a firm grip while her other hand caresses the forearm. so weird! after she let's go, she picks up her drink and then walks over to anyone sitting alone and tries to touch them as well. for awhile we thought she was some ocd prostitute because was always siding up to men who were sitting alone. after a visibly awkward conversation she would then offer to give the guy her phone number.
she's always very nice to us and i guess i shouldn't complain since she always retouches our displays.

we also have a guy that comes in every weekend. he's in his thirties, but is socially retarded (seriously! i'm not just being mean). for whatever reason i'm his favorite barista and he always shouts his hellos to me.
literally.
he'll walk into bux and shout "HI BRAT!" from across the store. if i happen to be in the backroom i'll hear him bellow "WHERE'S BRAT!" over and over until i make an appearance. if i managed a day off he'll shout "BRAT, YOU WEREN'T HERE YESTERDAY!"
one day he came in and noticed i had a new shorter hairdo.
"BRAT! YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!"
"yes, jeff. thanks for noticing."
"BOY YOU SURE MADE A MISTAKE!"
"you think so?"
"YEAH! YOU WERE A LOT PRETTIER WHEN YOU HAD LONGER HAIR!"
another time he was complaining about a drink some other barista made him.
"BRAT, THAT DRINK TASTED LIKE SHIT!"
"i'm sorry. i'll make you another one right now."
"REALLY! IT TASTED JUST LIKE SHIT. I HATE SHIT."
"well, hopefully this one tastes better."
"YEAH, BECAUSE I HATE SHIT!"

partner rant: why do you lie? when i sent you to do a lobby run you told me you emptied the trash, but you didn't! you said you changed the milk containers, but you didn't! you said you windexed the door, but you didn't! what, do you think i'm too stupid to notice fingerprints and overflowing trashcans? if you hate doing lobby runs, then quit!