12.08.2006

call me, crazy

for the past four days my bux has been bombarded with prank phone calls. for whatever reason, some person is getting their jollies by calling my bux and asking ridiculous questions.

"what color is your atmosphere?" a heavily accented voice asked when my perky assistant manager answered the phone.
"excuse me?" perky assistant manager wasn't sure if she heard him correctly.
"what color is your atmosphere?" he asked again
"i'm sorry but i think you have the wrong number."
"WHAT. COLOR. IS. YOUR. ATMOSPHERE." he screamed at her.
"i'm hanging up now," perky assistant manager said before ending the call.

an hour later the phone rang again and this time i answered.
"how old is the glass?" asked the accented voice that i assumed had called earlier.
"four hundred thirty-two." i informed him and hung up.
apparently my method worked because he didn't call back for the rest of the night.
the next night, however, he was back to his old tricks. he called so many times that perky assistant manager told me she had to leave the phone off the hook.

last night when he called my barista buddy was the lucky person to pick up the phone.
"how cold is the toilet?" mr. prank asked.
"how old is the toilet?" barista buddy asked, deciding to play along with mr. prank.
"how cold is the toilet?" mr. prank repeated.
"how bold is the toilet?"
"HOW. COLD. IS. THE. TOILET."
"how gold is the toilet?" barista buddy was laughing now.
"you stupid bitch man! i get knife and i will cut!" mr. prank threatened, but barista buddy just hung up on him and turned the ringer off.

so tonight when i answered the phone and heard "what airplane is inside?" i responded with an "operator, this is the call we want traced. how soon will the police be there?".
amazingly mr. prank was the one to hang up and didn't call back for the rest of the night. we'll see if he wants to ask us more questions tomorrow.

barista rant: i fully expected the "i want a soy eggnog latte" requests, but i was not anticipating the "gimme an eggnog latte, but don't make it sweet" demand. when i informed you that eggnog is made with sugar, and there is no way to make it "not sweet" you huffed and said "i get it unsweetened all the time!". stupidly i tried to explain, yet again, that there was no way i could make your drink unsweetened. you rolled your eyes and asked for the manager. when he told you the very same thing you responded with a smile and said "oh! i didn't realize they were already sweetened. thanks for letting me know!".
may that eggnog go straight to your butt.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

How warm is your frappucino? HOW.WARM.IS.YOUR.FRAPPUCINO?

Lol, the caller is psycho, and yeah, I hope the eggnog goes to the customer's butt too!

Love your blog btw :)

Regards
Zu

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of when I worked at Victoria's secret. We had a guy we called Thigh High Man who would call around to each store in the district trying to find a gullible CSR to talk about if she wore them or not. How well they fit, if they were easy to wear, how they felt...... It was my favorite call of the each week!
HOW.HIGH.ARE.YOUR.THIGH.HIGHS?

Crazy people are great.

Anonymous said...

Hm, I've been getting a few prank calls last week myself. The only -real- irritating one was when some jackass called at 4AM.

They seemed to have stopped now. There seems to be a different thing that convinces each jackass to quit. What worked for me was being incredibly rude, but not angry. Your operator trick sounds like it was quite effective--although your buddy's response was still great {^^}. K

Eric said...

And the fact of the matter is that almost all Phone systems include incoming and outgoing calls in the bill. extrapolate the yahoos phone number from that and then return the favor.
HOW. TINY. IS. YOUR. Pe.. well you get the idea.
And the threat could be construed as assault and allow you to involve the polizi.
Have a lovely Weekend

PomHeart said...

what a weird dude.

i have a question. why do you always mention the request for soy milk as if it's a huge hardship?

Anonymous said...

brilliant response.

SkippyMom said...

Brilliant! I hope he nevers call back - that last threat was hinky...lonely nutcases! See, they don't have to come IN to Bux to be obnoxious!

Don't you love people who change their tune when they find out who the manager is? "Why yes, you idiot I AM the manager...and your complaint was?"

Bwahahaha

I always liked when people at Swimming Pool Hell would ask to talk to my manager and I got to say "Certainly....I will put my husband on the phone right away!"

Invariably I got "Oh, nevermind."

Y'think?

Unknown said...

WendyKat, I don't think that it's that Soy is a hardship....more that they ask for things that you cannot make with soy.

Unknown said...

I'm still waiting for an answer, Crazy (you told me to call you that!). How cold IS the toilet??? I'd love to know. When he calls back (if ever lol) tell him the toilet is vastly above the appropriate temperature, and thanks so much for bringing that to our attention...to thank you, we'd like you to come in and get some free drink coupons ;) Slap him with a "cease and desist" letter when he gets there lol.

Anonymous said...

Since I don't work with the public, I don't have these constant amusements that you have.

Poor me!

:)

slobber said...

Moe: Moe's.

Bart: Is there a Ms. Hugginkiss there?
First name, Amanda.

Moe: (announcing to bar patrons) Is there a Amanda Hugginkiss here?

SkippyMom said...

"Be our Guest" is my all time favorite song...lame I know.

It never fails to remind me of you.

Hugs Brat. Thanks for all you did for me.

Skip.

Swipe said...

Hi, I just stumbled onto your blog while blog hopping. I found this funny. Lucky me that I don't have to deal with crazies as much as you do.

Anonymous said...

I love the title for today's post.

You're inspired....... and hilariously funny!

Melanie

Anonymous said...

good blog

Anonymous said...

"Kenneth, what is the frequency?"

pseudostoops said...

genius!

James said...

well played, brat.

misha said...

brilliant way of handling the caller

mellowlee said...

Haha! I bet the prank caller almost swallowed his tongue when you said that.

Natalie said...

I love barista buddie's sense of humor.

barista brat said...

thanks everyone for your comments!

ps. ale8one - good to see you againe!

Cup said...

But they aren't even funny. If you're gonna make prank calls, at least be funny.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh my ass off at this story. I'm STILL laughing. I feel silly cos it's dead quiet in my house and here I am giggling over your blog.